1 Year Old Birthday Party on Texas Ranch: “My First Rodeo” Theme

Getting ready for the party was fun! Katy had picked the theme out while on maternity leave. Way back then. She collected items since then. I made the little white and red streamers! George blew up the balloons with a machine that Katy had bought. Katy made a photo booth.

We realized we didn’t have anything for the vases. So Shelby (one of Katy’s best friends) and I went to the field and cut off weeds, lol! It worked.

Here was our rental car. A Dodge Charger. Which is hilarious. We moved it for the party though. As a lot of the folks stood around and talked in Cody’s “man cave” garage there. What a cool thing. They turned part of the carport into a garage and their garage is being converted to master bedroom ensuite. Just had to show you our car.

The party was the most precious thing. Even the pre-party pizza impromptu event with all the grandparents the night before, because everyone was there on the ranch – so we ate all together. River got to open a few pre-presents. This was on his actual birthday. River was the life of the party. We sat and watched him open his guitar from his Mom and Dad and he entertained us all and “worked the crowd”. He was so cute. And we all had such a good time.

So I’ve tried to capture the highlights. I just have some random pics left – things like sunsets and our trip back to share. This trip added to our stack of wonderful memories. I couldn’t help but reflect back to the Gender Reveal party in Aug of 2020. And again at his birth in Jan of 2021. It all made me smile. But I cried off and on the day we left. It was so hard to leave. Life is never fair, but have more trips planned. It’s just not the same as actually being there often. Two to three times a year is so hard.

Real Time Update

Payroll is done. I’m trying to stay over a bit each day and also get there early if I can without pinching into my morning “me time” too much. It’s really the only time I have anymore it seems – that one hour. But payroll is closed for the week. Anything and everything is reaching out for time and attention.

So Monday George took Mom to get her vehicle inspected and license tag transferred over to Wilson County, and then she had a string of things for him to do while he was there. He hauled off some things for Good Will to get rid of some boxes and then also brought in some more boxes for her to unpack.

A few days ago Mom had told me she was stocked up good for groceries but when I called her to say Hi and check up on her, she asked when I was going to the grocery. “Last night” I said. I had gone to get a few things to have for the work week. So she said “if you don’t mind, soon I’m going to need a few things – bread, biscuits, bacon, dog treats”. She said it was supposed to snow this weekend and she would like to have them before then. So George and I are going to the store after I get off work. I’m working late these days. I had told her we’d bring dinner but going to have to tell her never mind on that b/c it’ll be later than she will want to eat. I have to go from Antioch to Mount Juliet to get George and then to Lebanon and then back home.

Tomorrow night and Friday night I’m reserving for house cleaning as Kevin and Susan come and I need to “flip the sheets” and get their room and bathroom ready and do a quick dust and vacuum.

Saturday morning we brunch with neighbors and then we may end up with a couple of free hours in the afternoon until Kevin and Susan arrive. It’s also supposed to snow, but I have no idea how much or if it’s just a threat. I’m taking my computer home in case it’s a big event with leftover ice on Monday. I can’t afford to lose any more work time. I’m already having to reserve Sunday of the following week and then the last weekend of the month, Saturday and Sunday – so I have time to try to get quarter end finished. So I told George “NO MORE PLANS”. I know Mom needs things but it’s either going to have to be late at night or weekend. I can’t afford to lose my job and I am already being pulled away for prime work time for taxes next week as Mom has doc appts Thurs and Friday afternoons. Those are the days I normally have time built in for working on returns. Now I’m having to be away Wednesday too for a legal event for my company (which I am not even involved in and know nothing – a big huge time suck and waste of time for everyone, but they will soon know that and figure it out the hard way, after everyone’s time has been sucked, lol).

The cards are all stacked against me here from every direction. I’m just flat being set up to fail from all around me and in doing anything to a completion. I can only do so much with one lifetime, lol. I have pleaded with God to help me with this juggle of what has become my life.

Still I’ve made lists of things that I want and need to do and it will sit and wait on the list until God or somebody gives me a plate of free time. I keep hoping.

But we are looking behind at a very busy last year and we knew January would be like this. And there is really very little that I can control, short of adding a bed to my office. Don’t think I haven’t thought about it.

Anyway, in the next day or so, I’ll share my new year goals (my new year starts in February as January seems to not have included me in it), and I’ll share my long list that is developing that I am chomping on the bit to work on.

So over and out. I’ll be back tomorrow I suppose for a bit. I’m not working on the videos right now because I have to tape a segment about Roger and I can’t do that on a whim. I have to set up lighting and prefer to be by myself when I do it. And there is no period of time in the near future. I can’t move forward until the Roger video is done. Then I have to work on changing the intro. So a couple of bottlenecks there too right now.

Ahhh I will quite typing before I get myself all worked up and forget that I need to EMBRACE what is, and forge forward. Meaning I can’t change a lot of things but just go with it and find a way to do what it is I need and want to do. It is just a horribly busy month. I have to find a way not to worry and fret and try to smile and be content. I’m afraid if I don’t worry though, I’ll be too relaxed and fail everyone.

Til tomorrow…..

Birthday Surprises of Every Kind

I wasn’t planning on writing today but decided it would be better to go in later and work later because of the high potential of black ice. So I’m taking time to blog to kill some time.

Birthday Girl

Of course we got the snow for my birthday, ha! Roads were mainly fine. Mom and I had plans to go to lunch and so she called to say Happy Birthday and find out what time we were going. I had already told her we could also go look for her curtains after we ate at Red Lobster. I had told her Friday when I set our plans that I would be there after I got my nails done.

She was worried that we wouldn’t have time to get curtains and get them hung today (yesterday). I guess she was wanting George to go with us and then him be there to hang them when we got home. The sun puts a glare on the TV and she can’t see it unless she sits in a different part of the room but her favorite chair won’t work there in any different spot in the room. But George was not going with us, nor would he be hanging curtains this weekend, nor the next (in Texas), nor the weekend after that (family coming in town). He had his day planned yesterday (b/c I had made plans thinking he was working and he wasn’t). I felt bad when I realized he was off b/c normally he and I go on special excursions for our birthdays – fun days doing things we each want to do for our birthday all day. When I thought he was working, I booked a day with Mom to go do stuff MOM wanted to do, knowing we’d be gone to Texas and also have a full weekend planned the weekend after, to try and keep her satisfied.

When I told Mom about having company on the 15th, she told me it was a mistake to have moved up here because she can’t set anything up herself (which I took it to mean mean we are moving too slow for her contentment and timeline.) I knew this would be a problem as she likes to have things right now and not having to wait. This is sad for me to watch the struggle and to be part of it, or I guess in her mind, the cause of it. She says she doesn’t blame us but blames herself. However, it’s our timeline that is making the difference so I can’t help but feel defeated and insufficient for her needs.

We got off the phone and I cried. Big loud sobs as I laid my head down to my desk. George came in and patted me on the head and back and had to talk me through. I. Just. Can’t. Anymore. I am not efficient enough to care for my Mother in her terms. I’m not convinced anyone is. She realizes she can’t do things to suit herself and none of the rest of us can either. Am I supposed to just be there 24/7? Handy people on a given whim? NO. Quit my job? Hell no.

I agree though that she made a bad decision now. She is not as healthy as I thought. She really needed to have chosen assisted living. For her. For all of us. But she was too independent, strong willed, and refused to even think of it but if she were at her other home she would have even less help as we would not be nearby and it would be a round trip of 3 hours just to get there. Still she told me she wished she had stayed there.

I asked her yesterday what she had expected? Did she think we’d be there every day or every day we had off? I reminded her of how far we had come in a short period of time. She says she is “simply existing”. I’m not sure what she wants it to be. “Living Lavishly?” I’m sorry we can’t get there fast enough. But I know she wants all of it done like yesterday. We can’t give up our lives completely for another 1/2 year to be there every weekend like we were last year. I told her we gave her 2/3 of our year last year of our free time. I think she wants it all. But that is not going to happen. And I think she thought we’d be over there all the time.

So my day started off horribly and was not the pleasant day I would have preferred. I have a few expectations of my own!!!!! George let me open my gifts to cheer me. Clinique perfume and a Clinique facial system. How nice. He knows I love it but I chosen to not spend our money and go for less expensive cosmetics.

Then I got my nails done. However they were really busy and very slow. When it was time for me to go get mom for lunch I was still in the chair and they had my hands. My phone was blowing up with birthday messages which is a good thing, but I’m sure everyone at the shop was like WTH, lol, and then I got Mom’s call which sounds like the Queen has arrived in ring tone. I asked to be excused so I could tell her I was running late and apologized.

We went to Red Lobster and had lunch. I wasn’t sure what to say after our morning conversation. I was very upset. And even very angry, if I will admit. But not a word was said about the conversation from either of us. And we went to find her curtains. We got them but she said “but that doesn’t help my TV situation as I still don’t have the curtains for the sliding door. So we ordered those on Amazon. They didn’t have the right size. George brought her car over and told her he thought he could hang curtains on the 21st.

After Mom’s things were ordered she had some things she wanted to find, but we couldn’t find them (blankets) in a bag. She wasn’t able to describe what they looked like and George found some but she said those weren’t the ones. I don’t think we have any thing like that left in the basement. George looked in her garage, but there is so much stuff. So it is likely in the garage amongst things that are packed. He told her we could try to pull more things out on the 21st and do a work day there then. She wanted the U Haul blankets hauled off or she was going to sell them, so we took them back home to give to the person that gave them to us to use.

Then he and I went to a coffee shop. The coffee I ordered was very weak and tasted like warm water. It wasn’t even hot. So that was a disappointment. I just wanted to transition over coffee and into our birthday evening but I guess that is why no one else was there huh? OH well. I’m surprised they are still in business. Their food is good I guess. I won’t give their name though.

Then we went to an Asian restaurant. I had wanted the kind they cook at your table, but it was still hibachi and we got the hibachi for two.

It was a lot of food! I took almost the entire plate home, because he had ordered sushi and egg rolls and it was way too much.

So it ended up being a good birthday, even after feeling like an insufficient daughter. I feel like Mom should have had a different, more talented, more of a daughter that would be able to dote to her more and be able to serve her more at her beck and call. I just fail at being able to make or keep her satisfied. I hate it for her. I really do. But I realize I will never be what she thinks she needs. Never. Not now. Not ever. I won’t be able to give up my life completely to see to her every need. Not sure what to do. It’s just the way it is. I am not sufficient for what she wants. All I can do is keep trying and give it to God, b/c this mess is bigger than I am.

Lord help us, I thought about me waiting 16 years to get rid of my blue linoleum. lol Anyway, sometimes we just have to try to see good in all things, embrace what we have and forge forward, and tried to be content in our every situation. It may not meet our vision, but it is what it is. I get it. I like for things to go my way and for my visions to be met to. Trust me, my visions have completely been thrown in the trash many times over. It’s been a difficult year. We agreed to do it. We did it. It’s almost there. But dammit the curtains aren’t hung yet!!!!!!!

Now off to work later than expected but the sun is coming up and that is safer. So I may work later but that is what it is also, b/c I needed to leave when I could see the road! Ok off to get about half my week done in one day. lol. I laugh saying it. It’s so absurd. But here we go.

Relaxing over New Year Weekend, Birthday Plans, and Updating my Planner

The last two days have been very relaxing, although we have worked in the house some. We both still sound VERY nasally, although neither of us have fever or feel bad. So we’ve stayed in all weekend.

Silly me, I thought George worked today, on my birthday. I remember now our discussing it but somehow my mind confused today with the Christmas holidays. Sadly, I woke him up this morning thinking he had overslept. It is sad we get so conditioned by our robotic schedules that when the holidays arrive we remain in a state of confusion. But he’s off today and now I remember him telling me he was off and I remember saying “wow, how nice it is to get both NYE and NY holidays”. So…..because I was confused I planned my day today without him. Ooops!

Now that I figured out this morning he was off – I told him he was welcome to be included in my day. But he was looking forward to another day at home. We are going out tonight to celebrate my birthday nearby at an Asian restaurant where they cook at the table. But this morning, I’m getting my nails done and then Mom and I are going to have lunch at Red Lobster and I will take her to a store to look at curtains or whatever she needs for the house. Then coming by and George will follow us over to Mom’s in her car. She wants her car to go to the mail box.

Surprise Snow

Well, it wasn’t supposed to snow as much. It was supposed to be a slight dusting, but somehow there was enough moisture that we got a couple of inches. Luckily it did not stick too badly on the roads. Some of the roads are bad though b/c some areas got more and so we were warned to be careful before heading out. Temps hover around freezing but the sun is out and I’m already hearing a bit of melting drip even at 29 degrees. The meteorologists are apologizing this morning and saying things like “I’m surprised too” and “wow this system blew apart my forecast”. Oh well. I am happy that it looks like we’ll be ok to get out. Now with the snow and Omicron on the rise – there may not be any servers, lol. And my Mom might even bail on me. But we’ll see.

I was able to get more of the Christmas stuff packed up yesterday, made us an awesome breakfast, and packed for Texas!

I was going to film a Roger segment this morning, thinking George would be leaving for work at 6:15 and I would get ready film and then head off for the day. But, he will be at home. I really need some self time to do this segment. So I think the next video may take a while as it will be a while before I can get some alone time to do it. Next week we are in TX all weekend. The next weekend we have company. But I film some one morning, quickly before heading in to work – after George leaves and then just heading in a bit later than I normally do. I’ll have to figure it out being that when we get back everyone will be biting at us for our time and attention – work, year end, quarter end, Mom, the house, and our lists will be calling.

And this is why I have no goals yet to list for the New Year. I’d not have time to do them if I even listed them. So I keep saying my New Year doesn’t start til February. My psyche wants to have goals, make lists, be better than ever, go for it, chase it, be it, plan it. But to do so right now would only exasperate me instead of making me look forward to it. So my goals and to do’s will be saved for another day when I can see some opening spaces in my schedule. For now we take each day as it comes, be content in it. My one goal so far is not have any —yet. And maybe a next one would be to not complain about not having time. But I know that I will always complain about that. Because my psyche always wants to do more than any time allows for. I’m also slower than most people because I get so detailed in all that I do. My sensory overload slows me down. You can see that I totally got confused on our schedule and that is totally as I’ve had so much on my mind and then with these two off days I complete shut it down and everything flew out the window. lol But I’ve needed these blessed days to relax and wind down. I think God made me sick this past week so that I WOULD not plan anything for the weekend.

We also need to plan brunch with our neighbors, a foodie fun day with the Irelands, and so much more. I’m looking forward to the New Year. Then there is the virus on the rampage and the thoughts of flights possibly being cancelled. Trying not to worry anymore, no negative thoughts, just take life as it comes. If we have to drive straight through instead of fly we shall do it and create some memories doing so. But prayers please that our flights are ok and saved so that our trip will be much easier. We also are worried about Little Bit while we are gone and the freezing temps. Not sure if anyone will be able to let him in the basement for us and get him back out while we are gone. He shies away from everyone else. So we are working on making him a really warm spot next to the house on the back porch just in case. Hopefully can put some down materials out there. We will do what we can and hope he survives. He is an outside cat but we try to let him in when the temps get so bad. We are not boarding him and don’t have time to get his shots updated and be able to handle that. He also would not handle that well. So also pray for him while we are gone. This is not an easy situation.

Not Planning Much Yet but the Planner is READY!

The year is going to be planned out, goals or no goals. So it may seem like an irony for someone who isn’t ready to list goals and plan, but I worked on the planner itself yesterday. I bought stickers and had George put them in my stocking, lol. I bought some “boss babe” stickers to remind me to still be me and do some things I want to do amidst the daily grind, but also some spiritual stickers to be reminded of The One who made me, saves me, and keeps me, and The One who sets my path. Here’s this week. See I’ve been so relaxed I’ve not even looked at the planner. If I had I would have seen that George was “off” today, lol. I also need to order my nieces birthday gift, I see. I have to remind myself to do everything. lol

Also, Tuesday (tomorrow) is my busiest craziest day of the week this week so I put the “like a boss, slay” lol. I have to do both Monday and Tuesday and parts of Wednesday. (Rolling eyes here on that. But it is what it is. Then next week I will double up on everything else. Then the two weeks after that I’ll have to work early, skip lunch, stay late to try and “slay” YE, QE. Then in February, maybe I can get my life back.

Here’s a little video of what I did to the planner. It made it quite a thick planner though, but it’s fine. It’ll be fun to turn the page and work with the sayings. I have been trying to use my phone though as my planner, but I keep coming back to this one as I often write my thoughts down, things to do in the evenings, grocery items, things I need for work (food, snacks, napkins, etc.).

I think the best thing is for me to try to use both. My to do list (ongoing) is on the iPhone’s “Reminders” but it’s not always easy to grab the phone and type things into it while at work. So I’ll lean over and write it on my calendar and then incorporate it into my phone list as I can. Here’s a little video of what I did during my relax time yesterday while working on my “planner”.

Ok I need to start getting ready for this Birthday Day of mine. Mom is on the phone now. So hang on.

Oh joy! Mom is not having a good day. Happy Birthday to me.