Exhausted, Trying to De-Stress, and Self-Care

Little Bit, hanging out with me this weekend.

I am typing almost with a blank mind. The coffee is going down and not doing it’s job yet. As I sit and type I am thinking of thoughts like how I just need to be locked in the house for a week to find rest, escape, and peace from the world and it’s busy, crazy, “gotta be done now” mentality. Life is spinning about me so fast and I. Just. Need. Rest. I am truly exhausted, mentally, physically, and about to be emotionally. So much yells out for my time and attention constantly. So if I write in bullet points this morning, just know I’m doing the best I can.

*Christmas – I have not really had time to work on it anymore. George threw a few ornaments up out of desperation I think on the fly. lol.

*I was so stressed out yesterday after the work day I had that after ironing and doing a few things on my to do list, I decided to claim my “hour of the day” for something fun (since I don’t get the my me time anymore on Tuesday mornings) and worked on the video some before dinner. I think you will like the upcoming one when I grab a few more minutes to finish it.

* The dishwasher install is next Tuesday – payroll day which limits me. I suppose I could change my early day to another day ::sigh:: but one of us needs to go get Mom that morning and bring her over. Nothing is ever easy. If George gets her it’ll be really early. If I get her it’ll still be early but I won’t get to have my early start to closing payroll – if I’m at work by 7:30 or 8 it’ll be ok though. She’s offered to spend the night but for Mom to do that we have to change so much and she has to bring so much – meds, dog food, clothes. And bed’s have already been rearranged. I don’t want to have to redo sheets and all that. It’s just easier and more efficient to go get her before work.

*My TMJ is still going on and it’s a little sore on that side. Yesterday I had shooting pains up in my temple but I think that was from how I slept as it was coming from my neck. I got up and that hit yesterday and I’m like “no way we are not dealing with that today, took a Tylenol and it took the edge off”.

*I think George is tired too. He’s been snappish or frustrated or patronizing with me over nearly everything lately. We are on different planes for sure.

*I have learned I can’t win nor please anyone ever these days so I just have to ignore it and go on. I mean if someone needs something from me ask for it. Or wants me not to do something, ask me not to do it. I might comply or do what you need if I know what it is and it’s a decent request and not selfishly motivated. If one can’t communicate, I surely can’t fix whatever is wrong. I don’t have time to play games or analyze. At this point if it is not face value from someone that has an issue with me then it won’t be faced. Period. Tribe spoke. Yes it did. While I have never been able to read minds, I used to try to guess. Ain’t nobody got time for ‘dat these days. My days of trying to read into things are mostly done, I’d say. It’s either real or forget it. Any passive aggressive manipulation style of behaviors from anyone in my life is quite simply just going to be shoved under the rug along with itself as I tread on about my business. This goes for all relationships – personal or professional. Either spit it out or get over it.

*I keep thinking about what Dad used to say – a person can “get glad the same way they got mad” and “I don’t mind taking my bat and ball and heading home”. As if to say -not my problem, or I can just not play this game, lol. I don’t have time to take on other’s feelings. I can only deal with my own, if that makes sense. There’s no more room at the inn. I’m not easily maneuvered or manipulated any more. And had to stop and do some “learning” on manipulation tactics and gaslighting- not long ago – and narcissist behavior information and all that. It was quite eye opening as to some of the things that I’d allowed to be used on me at various times in my life by various people. I knew kinda what they were doing but wasn’t really sure how to handle it. I think those courses are toughening me up. Because I do matter too! My feelings are just as important as the next guys. They are real and they are worthy. I am worthy. Even if only God thinks so. So letting everything go. I think sometimes people don’t even know they do these things, they have just learned to do them. I probably have too as a way to protect my own self and get what I want. So we each have to be protective of our selves and our feelings so we are not run over by others and allowed to be the people we want to be and thrive in it. I’m not saying be selfish or not do for others, but just not be sucked in to living the life others want you to live, never giving your own life consideration.

*We will be on our trip soon. I will try to blog when I can. We are trying to find someone to feed the cat. Our regular said no as she doesn’t have time. So the little guy is an outside cat and he can hunt but he’s used to us giving him some dry food twice a day and treats. So hopefully we can try to get another neighbor. He won’t starve. We won’t be gone long but yes, one more thing to try to work out. Everything in life is so difficult. Of course anything else I’m asked to do in life right now would be difficult. I’m already filled to overload in life’s plate.

While we eat dinner, we’ve been watching this show. It’s very interesting. Catchy from the very beginning and I like the characters for the most part. I’m missing my Svalbard show though. I will have to catch it on the fly I guess somehow.

Saw this on Instagram and did a screen shot from the Power of Positivity folks. Thank you for that. Love that. I think that describes me often. When you don’t get to be you, and do the things that make you different, and you just are on robotic terms with the world in your functioning, you lose yourself. And that makes one sad and tired. Our uniqueness fades. And so do we and our light and fire burns out. Mine needs rekindling.

Ok I’ll be gone with all the deep stuff today. Gotta go pick Mom up in Lebanon, go to Mount Juliet and do the mammograms, take Mom back to Lebanon, and then me go to work in Nashville.

Only two more days til trip time. Will something spoil it? I’m so afraid to even think about having fun. It seems like we have not deserved to have fun as it’s certainly been kept from us for two years now. I will believe it when I see it. We will see the mountains and even get to eat at a French Restaurant for the first time.

Slow down, my life. Slow down. Let me have an enjoyable day where I’m not having to think of all the things I’ve not yet done or is half done or is waiting for me to do it. ::sigh::

I’ll be ok eventually. I will. Maybe not today. I’m just exhausted. And often the body feels the stresses of situations when it is at the end or almost the end of being over. So I’m going for more coffee and about to hit the road.

See ya, whenever I can get back here.

Busy Holiday Season in the Making and Setting up My New iPhone 13 Pro Max

Good morning! God provides just what I need when I need it. He plugs a little glimpse of nature here and there into my day.

It has been a quick and busy week. Not sure I mentioned the dishwasher is on the blink. The guy comes to fix it Monday. Til then we have all been taking turns doing dishes.

They came to fix Mom’s screen door on her patio yesterday and she put some pots and pans up. George took her to the mattress store as he picked her up from her house on the way from work and they stopped and she ordered the new adjustable mattress and the extender frame (or whatever she needs for the other room). The new mattress is supposed to deliver on Tuesday. We’ll see. She is still not moved in yet. And won’t be til mattress comes in and is set up.

Our neighbor has agreed to help George move her final few pieces of furniture Saturday. Then perhaps we can make more progress and get her set up to live there. Her kitchen and pantry and closet are about the only thing that is “ready to go”. I expect that she may be able to stay there as early as next week if the mattress arrives and all is set up.

Today we have an eye injection appointment. And since the office is closing down early (everyone – but me – gets to go see the new offices and will be provided lunch). I’m so disappointed but trying not to think of it. Yesterday I started packing up my office to bring things home. I just decided I have short weeks until the move. Not going to be there much. Next week is Thanksgiving, a 3 day week and the one after we are going to the mountains at the end of the week, so – there is only time to rush through work and no luxury of time to work on packing. So yesterday I began packing personal things and bringing them home. I’m not sure what the area will look like so I don’t know if my current decor will work. I’ll bring everything home and start over. I may even use some of the plants I had bought from my office, for home use. I will need to snag some boxes from the basement to bring more home today. I boxed up all of our 2020 records and moved those around the office and labeled them and now my back, shoulders, and alignment is acting up again like they did with last week’s move of Mom’s clothes. The TMJ seems to be back and forth. It loosens up with coffee. But never went back to the severity of the first day. My right knee and right arm/rotater cuff is worse from lifting all the weight lately with all the moves. As one of my dear friends says “honey, we are not spring chickens any more and we can’t do things like we used to”. So as of now, it my last official time to move these boxes. Someone else will have to move them around. I can pack ’em but someone else going to have to move them around. I’m resigning from lifting as of this writing. 😉 My friend is right. I’m not a spring chicken any more. I will likely take Tylenol to get through the day.

My iPhone 13 Pro Max came in Wednesday. The phone instructions at sign on, made it easy to switch the phone with a few exceptions. I was pleased all my apps, photos, contacts and everything switched over exactly as it was on the iPhone 8s. I only stayed up an hour past bed time to make sure all was well so I would be ready to go in the morning and not have any issues.

Well, duh. I went to hit my audible app to listen to my current audio book and it wouldn’t let me. First of all I had to sign in, then it told me there was no network available. What? I’m on 5G? Well, what I had done was set my phone apps up – which I guess was like a computer. And at home on my WiFi it all worked fine. Didn’t think to text or call anyone. So my cellular service was still attached to the other phone, lol lol lol! Oh me. So I got to work and after my garnishment check run, I looked on line to see if it was something I could do immediately to make it work w/o having to switch SIM cards etc. Is that what you call it? My old phone, and my new box and instructions were all at home. So I found the AT&T activation link on their website. Luckily since I ordered from AT&T it came loaded with the card and I was able to immediately activate this phone to use my cell number. It took them about 5 to 10 minutes to make it active. I was worried having Mom now to be responsible for, that she would not be able to reach me. So I resolved that. And I had an audio book on the way home. All that said I think I’ll like the new phone. I will try to do an entry soon with the differences that I like and what I’m having to get used to. There’s no home button anymore and that wigged me out at first. Screen shots are different and powering on and off is different. I’ve had to google a lot to get going with it. But I like the changes so far. Can’t wait to try to photography and the charging is supposed to be faster with the new charging cord/plug. I have more memory. But it’s heavier. And I need a new phone holder for the car. It’s going to be too heavy for my magnet based holder.

The commute has been less than desirable lately – time wise. It’s taken 45 min to an hour some days to take the back way due to traffic and stop lights and school zones. So I may have to take the interstate some, but maybe it will calm down with the schools out. I don’t know it may be worse and everyone will be OFF and OUT getting ready for Thanksgiving. Who knows. I’m just sick of the long lines of traffic and it’s about to get longer. I guess we’ll have to see how this new work place goes. I wish they would allow for remote work. But no I don’t think they trust us to get our jobs done at home as they mentioned they did not have the technology to manage that. I guess that is what they meant. I’m only guessing. And mostly they don’t have the equipment. But that would sure be a nice option to have. A lot of companies are allowing remote work. I’d also be willing to do 4 ten hour days and have an extra day off. But I don’t know that anyone would be willing to work with us on things like that. That would be ideal and save a trip in and back and save gas. It will be what it will be and we will have to see how it goes. I just do not like being on the interstate anymore with all the crazie racers and gun waving uglies. The police can’t control them now it seems. The interstate is a free for all racetrack and crime ladened spree zone.

I have had to change the font size and line height on every dang paragraph that I have typed here. It has been the most annoying blogging experience that I have had for a while. I’m not willing to do this every time I blog. But it if I don’t it tries to make the font really big and the spacing far apart. I’m not sure what is happening. Geez. I guess WordPress made some changes. But something has to give. I may have to change themes or something. I’ve been wanting to make some changes but it takes time and nothing is ever simple. I’m leaving the next paragraph as is for a test and we’ll see what it does when published. On my end it’s big font and too much line space in b/w:

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

We are looking forward to Thanksgiving. I am anyway. We each have what we need for cooking. And I will also do my Christmas cards that day. The day after Thanksgiving and over the weekend I’ll be doing our tree and decorating. And if Mom has moved I’ll also move into the bigger room because I’m becoming squeezed out of my office with all the gifts we have bought. It’s getting tight in there and hard to move around. I’m also looking forward to getting the rest of my clothes back out and in use as well as more of the fall ones. I think we are ALL ready for this phase of Mom’s move to be done so we can get back to somewhat of our normal routines and spaces and way of doing things.

Good news, the new video is finished. I plan to schedule it for live at 7:00 a.m. CST tomorrow (Saturday). I will put a posting as I have time. Tomorrow morning is very busy! It’s Fancy trim, I have to provide breakfast for the crew, and also have to drop keys off at the old storage place, and then get Mom to her house to show them where the furniture goes, then get back and pick up Fancy at the spa. So big day. May not get to post that video is up until late in the day, but tonight I’m going to do a quick run through of it in private mode and make sure all ok before making it go live. It’s always been ok, but should something go wrong it won’t go live.

Meanwhile in TX. Guess who is pulling up and standing and also taking minor steps while holding on to things. He’s saying Momma, playing hide and seek that he starts with his parents, and becoming more interactive. He’s waving and learning a word here and there. He’s learning vocabulary even if he can’t say it yet. He knows names, people, dogs, his cartoon TV characters, lol. And he can give a kiss but with a full mouth open ha. He’s fun to face time with.

And I need to go. I will be back on Sunday. We have plans with my SIL and BIL after the move tomorrow so I don’t think I can hop on here until probably Sunday but I will try to at least post the video if I can!

It’s getting into the real crunch of the season here. I’m trying not to hyperventilate and take one moment at the time. I’m probably going to be late to work, have to get off early, work late on other days, go in early certain days – it’s just all haphazard at this point and we’ll do what we can and what we have time to do and the rest of it will have to wait. It is what it is.

I guess we’ll come up for air in February. Or maybe Spring. February we will be busy catching up on what all we are behind on. January is just impossible. lol Trips and Year end. I think I’m moving the new year goals out to March 1. lol. Can’t plan anything for Jan and Feb.

Ok Over and Out. I don’t have much time to get ready so I guess I’ll have to take the interstate this morning. ::sigh::

Mid Week Update, a Work Move, and Random Thoughts Going on in my Head

The mornings have been foggy driving in to work. Deer have been present in our neighborhood too. So pretty and graceful. Yesterday as I left the house I rolled down the window and talked to them. They let me from about eight feet away. I told them how pretty they were and to have a good day and be safe. lol

And thank goodness for office heaters. It’s pretty chilly when I arrive at work. I guess it’s good that since they changed up the heating system, I won’t be there for another winter. It took most of the morning for my little heater to get it to 70 and that was with the sun shining through. But it was ok to me once the heater was blowing on my feet.

I also changed my computer “theme” to something cozy.

So Monday and Tuesday and Today are work days. It’s all about getting payroll done and check stubs folded and anything else I do today I won’t have to pack into Monday or “double do” next week as I catch up. Like I said, no one is there to do anything while I’m gone so it’ll all be waiting on me next week.

While I’ve been working, George has been moving Mom’s boxes and smaller furniture pieces that he can do by himself. He turned the U-Haul truck in last night at the time I was coming through to be home from work so I could pick him up. Then we went out to eat after. Mom didn’t want to go. There was a beautiful sunset. I was late to try and get a pic of it as I was driving, but I got the tail end of it. The sky was just on fire!

That came out a little blurry but was trying to take it before George dove into it. lol. We got the shrimp, steak, chicken fajitas for two. I had forgotten about margaritas so when I saw that on the sign, “yeahhhh”. It was a perfect one too. And there is a happy George, with his job done for the day and still on vacation the rest of the week. He has some fun things planned for today: frisbee golf, McKay’s bookstore, and the not so fun thing of Marta (emission control testing for car). We had a lot to talk about. Mom’s Move. Mom. My Work (moving soon). Christmas. River. When to do what the rest of the week. It was a nice little much needed break from life. No mention of me and what to do with my time. Thank goodness. Ain’t NOBODY got time for that and the aftermath that follows. lol. Everybody loves to tell everyone else what to do and how to do it, including how to spend their time. I always say if you need something from me just spit it out. I’ll try to do whatever it is you need me to do more or less of.

So work has decided to do the move Dec 10th instead in 2022 near spring. I had heard it was coming sooner rather than later, and I guess they want the down time to be in 2021 as things are slow right now anyway (not for me though but for the plants). As long as the computer systems are stable and printing capability and network solid, offices warm, amenities available, I guess it will be ok. I imagine it will take me 15 minutes longer to get there. I have no intentions on changing my time to leave home and the time to arrive home, sooooo….I already worked over 8 hours a day anyway. I imagine that means less work time at my desk. I’ll get their later and have to leave earlier. I just already have an unbalanced day with all the things going on right now. I don’t have the spare time to donate. So it is what it will be. Hopefully this will be a good situation and that the drive will be ok and not dangerous, and that I will like the work situation. It’s definitely further from my home. I’m willing to give it a shot and we’ll see how it goes. I really didn’t need another move in my life during the holiday season, but what can you do. Thank goodness I’m not off that weekend. I am off several Friday’s in December (most of them I think and I’ll be unrelenting to give them up). We have a much needed mountain vacation time for part of it. And one of the dates is Christmas itself. And the other date is me getting our Christmas ready. It usually takes two days off. But I’m spending one of them in East TN on our mountain trip so since we will be shopping, I have to use that weekend to shop. I usually use it for George’s gift shopping so I’m having to figure out how to get his things done without him either after work or on weekends since I gave up that day. Side trips, etc.

I am going to miss the introductory meeting where we get to go out and see where our offices are going to be. I’ll be taking Mom to her eye appointment that day and have to leave early for that – it can’t be moved as we have to make these appointments 2 months in advance. I can’t ever win for losing. So I emailed the CEO and CFO directly and explained directly the situation – so to dispel any rumors and side talk that might say otherwise. I’d love to see where we are going. But I guess I’ll see it soon enough.

Other than the above, I really don’t have much other news. Just a lot on my mind – so much so – that I’m not sure we are coming or going. Here’s what all is on my mind:

  • Like I can’t even remember if I took my BP meds yesterday. And the case is on my desk at work. I’ll know when I see “Tuesday’s” casing – if the pills are in there – I didn’t.
  • Is George going to have help moving Saturday and is it going to be ok
  • How are we going to get glass in Mom’s china cabinet that George broke on Move #1.
  • Is Mom going to be able to take care of herself for long in this house?
  • Is Mom ok? She says her BP is high. I’m sure all of our BP’s are up. I can’t even remember to take my meds as we are so off schedule right now.
  • Will something happen to ruin our vacation time? It has for 2 years so it feels like a threat to even try to take a long weekend away.
  • What are those two keys to that fit nothing at Mom’s house? If it is the mail box, which is hers?
  • When am I going to have time to look at Christmas planning/shopping?
  • Are we going to be able to do ANY Christmas shopping locally?
  • Will I be ok with the drive to the new location? Will it be a safe drive the back way? Do I have to take the interstate. How long will it take? Can I eat my oatmeal w/o a hot water spicket? Can I heat up water in the microwave? Will I like the new place? Will this work? Can we still have our Keirugs? If not is there a Starbucks close by? Is the area crime filled or safe? Are the safe places to go and eat? Drive thrus that have salads? Wendys? lol. Hopefully not just McD’s. I’m tired of it. Meat n 3’s close by?
  • When am I going to have time to get my to do list looked at again? Much less do any of it.
  • When I go to get my iPhone will they have it in stock? Will it have to be ordered. Which one will I get? Do I get it now or have to wait to after Christmas to activate?
  • When will Mom’s bed be set up?
  • Where will we have Thanksgiving? Our house or hers? Probably ours as of right now.
  • When will I have time to get some khaki’s for winter. I only have capris. I need long pants but need the time to go pick them out and try them on at Belk.
  • I need more bras. These are uncomfortable. Was trying to hold off til spring. Everything has to happen at once. Should I go try them on at Kohl’s or Belk? or order from Amazon which doesn’t work too well.
  • Have all my Amazon orders come in for Mom, for me, for Christmas, for Katy that I shipped there? I haven’t had time to check.
  • When will I have time to check my email – is there something important looming?
  • Why is the new “grouping of notifications” within the Scheduled Summary on iPhone not giving me all the notifications? It’s not working properly. None of the news stations are working. (This was the last iPhone update.) I think I will have to forget the scheduled summary. I used to get notifications and now I’m not getting most of them even during the summary period. My guess is that the “third parties don’t play well”.
  • Will I be able to learn how to style my hair being longer? I ordered some headbands and hair clasps.
  • I think I’ll order some decorative hair pins.
  • What time is it? Oh gosh it’s time for me to go get ready.
  • I don’t have time for any more thoughts.
  • When will I get time for more of my thoughts?
  • Oh someone’s calling me – George needs a towel – should I take him one or make him run to the linen closet naked? Well… Mom can’t see. lol