Tag: Stress

Anticipation, Lack of Sleep, and Flooring Postponed

On By BackporchwriterIn Uncategorized11 Comments

Just a little pop in today. I am trying to be happy with love and joy! However, my sleep has been horrible this week. The last two days I’ve slept in the spare bedroom on top of a quilt and another quilt on top of me, so as not to disturb Mom’s sheets. She will be back to spend the night Saturday night.

The spare bedroom though has not helped my sleep any. Last night for no reason at all I tossed and turned between 1:30 and 4. Finally went to sleep but the first alarm goes off at 4:30 and I kept hitting snooze. It was just unbearable to think of getting up. I’m not sure I hardly opened my eyes wide until after coffee was made and shower taken. Most of shower was with eyes closed. I worried I’d fall asleep in the shower!

My muscles are hurting a bit too this morning. I am thinking it’s all intertwined. I wanted to call in for a PTO day and just sleep today. But I have to sign checks and I despise calling in on a day that was unplanned/unscheduled. So I’m forcing myself to move today. But I feel like death warmed over.

Anticipation is Stressful

All in all, I think it’s really the house thing with Mom. I think I’m worried over it and want her to be signed and locked in this deal. I will feel better tomorrow after the meeting I think – once I know she is signed and sealed. There is a gap in the value of the house she is selling and the house that is being built. For her to move up here, it is going to be that way with any place with an HOA and the houses just keep going up and up. Her other choice would be to stay with us I guess b/c she can’t stay down there with no help and we just can’t be down there to give her the help she needs and will need. She doesn’t want to rent, as that is throwing money away. There are just no flat condos anywhere much and she won’t have a townhouse, even if she just stayed on the bottom floor. So her options are very limited and she will be very selective as to what options she will do so I really really really want this to work tomorrow. If it doesn’t I think we’ll all be devastated.

I hope the sellers/builders will give her a break being a Christian woman and a widow. I hope they give her a break on the price and the upgrades. Lord knows we have prayed EVERY day. Several times a day. Everything is leading in this direction as WIN WIN for all. As long as the money works.

Mom talked with a realtor about her house yesterday and it’s value. It’s right on the spot about where George said it would be. I think she should list for more than the realtor told her. Maybe she needs another realtor for 2nd opinion, says George. As he quoted on the lower end of George’s range of possibilities. Anyway Mom is not signing to sell her house yet til she meets with the folks on the new place tomorrow to hopefully sign. But if the deal is not right, I think she is prepared to walk away. So I’m hoping sleep will be better Saturday night. If this deal does not go through, I know that personally, my hope will be shattered and I will flat feel like giving up. Not to mention how sad Mom will be. But I know though that God has this. And we just have to trust in Him. I just kinda feel in my heart it will work out and I hope that we are not all disappointed.

I do know this. I am tired. I am very tired.

This came in the mail from BoysTown, as they send free things to you when you give to their cause. They sent this along with some seed packets. I think I would like to plant the seeds. But I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep up with the watering and weeding. So we’ll see.

Working on the To Do List and Trying to Relax

I was able to do a couple of things yesterday afternoon – a load of laundry since we won’t be here much this weekend. I checked out some new dentists a couple of days ago, and yesterday I checked to see which one was on the dental plan. So I want to set up an appointment with the new one and cancel my old one. I was not particularly enthralled with the one that came in after my favorite one retired. He was not very thorough, not very inquisitive, and just didn’t seem to be in the moment. It’s too early to tell I guess, but what really set me off was that I asked for George an appointment to get his crowns glued back in. I think he has three that came out. I told her this twice as she was setting the appointment. The first appointment they cancelled as the dentist had something else going on, but he didn’t get the word – that was part his work’s fault b/c they have a building where cell phones can’t come through. So a wasted afternoon off work and a drive in. The next time they rescheduled they gave him a cleaning and would not put in his crowns. They scheduled him with the hygienist and not the dentist I guess. So he has to come back a 3rd time. I already deal with people who don’t listen in my life, so I have no plan on dealing with a dentist office that can’t even set an appointment correctly. I was already on the fence and when George said he was having trouble, that made up my mind to change. It’s really out of the way for me to go that direction anymore. I’d rather have somewhere closer here anyway. They must have a lot of people leaving because they have openings and are begging patients to come in for sooner appointments if needed.

I also got to watch a YouTube show and that was relaxing. Of course George and I eat and watch a show on Netflix. We are watching Designated Survivor with Keiffer Sutherland as president, lol. We are enjoying the show.

Flooring Postponed until We Have More Time

I also picked out our flooring places and saw where they are. I told George we could wait until we have a free Saturday instead of trying to cram in so much into a Saturday. I’m a little disappointed about that as I’ve had my heart set on that after Easter. I am truly about ready to move out of the house myself if we don’t get this nasty carpet out of here. I’m done with carpet. Maybe forever! Ok with rugs as they can easily come and go but carpet – ugh! The new flooring is going to make our place look incredible. And I can’t wait. But I will have to schedule a Saturday once we get Mom’s doings settled where I can sneak a Saturday in for myself.

Anyway, I need to head off to work. I’m about to come alive, thanks to coffee. I think I will have to try to pump myself with hydrate drink, vitamins, and maybe some greens drink today. I need a lifting somehow. I’m just flat deflated right now. And Roger says “hello”. He lifted his head to say goodnight as I went to bed. Since Maisy has gone, he has shared his love to me, just as he does to George. He loves to see me. He still has his Dad as his favorite, but he seeks me out. He knows I’m the “treat lady”. He knows I love him and will pet him. Bless his heart, when you pet him he falls over. He’s muscles are tired and he gets off balance.

Stay Tuned for the Outcome. Will Mom sign? Or not?

Ya’ll have a good day today. I’ll likely not post until probably Sunday unless I just get a crazy minute. And then I will let you know if it’s GOOD NEWS or BAD NEWS. Will Mom be able to get the house or did she lose it? And if she loses it, what then? Let’s not even think that. I just want this to be a done deal so I can’t get it off my mind wondering what is going to happen.

Another Busy, Sleepy, Whiney Pre-Christmas Bah Humbug Post

On By BackporchwriterIn Uncategorized2 Comments

My GrandDog Findlay! Love her. Is this not pitiful, having to wait til Santa comes?

George fixed a good dish this week. Forgive if I have already posted it. I think I only posted it in Facebook though. It’s a KY HOT BROWN.

Why? Because we need gravy and bacon and bread. What else can keep you moving when your dog doesn’t let you sleep at night and you try to pretend you are a human being the next day?

Busy Week with Not Proper Sleep

This week has been so busy – working all day, running errands after work, and then wrapping or getting things addressed and off into the mail. Extended family gift cards have gone out now – well one will go out today, and Secret Santa took two stores last night but got that wrapped and put together last night for work today – not much notice given on that one but I wanted to participate as we need the cheer. We had another Christmas mission we accomplished last night as well but I have to put that together this weekend.

Drove to Columbia yesterday and got Mom to the eye doc. We had a good visit. You never know with traffic – especially Christmas traffic and sometimes construction- how much time it takes to get there. Yesterday it took barely over an hour. After work it usually takes upwards to two as there is usually a wreck somewhere or construction. But I got there with just enough time for us to go through a drive thru and get a burger on the way to the appointment. That was nice as I’d forgotten to bring anything to eat for lunch. So when appointment was over I took her home and headed back to Mount Juliet.

Got home around 4 ish and came home to Roger and his messes. He can no longer hold it – not that he was ever perfect. Cleaned carpet in living room with the carpet machine and took him out. He was so happy to see me. I mean OVER THE MOON happy. He was howling something awful when I got home. He is so lonely when we are away. And at night even when we are with him but trying to sleep. He was so happy to go outside. And he ran around like a little puppy and we walked around the house and as we were walking to the front again he stopped. He just couldn’t go anymore as his legs were giving out. So I had to carry him. But he had a brief happy playful moment. When George came home he was excited to see him too. George picked him up to love on him and put him in my face and he gave me the biggest kiss on the nose. Rogers kisses are sparse. He must have thought in his doggie dementia that we were gone forever, and he was alone now that Maisy is gone. His howls are so desperate and pitiful.

The nights are not going well. In a way it is worse than a newborn. We are not getting but an hour or two of sleep at any time. George has been the one to get up with him as when I start to get up he says “I’ll get him”. However, I had to get up once last night. But just b/c I don’t get up does not mean I’m sleeping. Matter of fact, I’m probably sleeping less than George b/c he goes back to sleep and snores while I lie there trying to go back to sleep blocking the snores. So it’s a double trouble night for me. It’s getting so bad I am starting to dream of getting a hotel room for a night just to have solid sleep. Not to mention the thought of buying my own house! ha. Can we have separate houses? Then I can have what I want in the kitchen, can have my color flooring, and a clean horizontal spaces and maybe an RV too? Just kidding – not really. Some things you just have to get used to – to stay married. But I don’t think I can get used to no sleep at night. Something needs to change and change fast. Having Maisy’s blanket in bed with us did not work.

I don’t know what the answer is. But when Roger is gone-I think I’ve about decided I don’t want another one for a long time. Between Maisy and Roger we’ve not sleep good for a long while. Add snoring on top of that.

I feel sorry for anyone that has to deal with me today. It’s probably just best I put music in my ear and don’t talk to anyone today. I’m a bear when I don’t get sleep and we are several nights in on this one. I woke up angry this morning. Just mad. Stinking mad. And it’s not fun to start your day that way. I had to clean the carpets again this morning from the overnight where we just exhaustingly put him back in the kitchen/living area with doors closed off as he would not stay in the bed, and he howled until I finally just got up and made coffee, and he had gone on the rugs again. We are trying to limit the carpet area that he is ruining. I can’t live like this. Folks, when I don’t get sleep and have to clean carpets before the sun comes up and before I’ve had coffee – just know I’m probably not going to be the best of humor. And THAT is putting it mildly.

I’m just so over this already. I’m tired. I want to escape! I have a lot to do. But first I have to go to work and like I said – pretend I’m a human. I don’t want to work today. I just want to sleep. And I’m running late. I guess it was cleaning carpets and taking a longer shower because it felt so good to have steaming hot water over my shoulders and back. I’m now I’ve spent probably way too much time venting. But it is what it is. I’ve catered to the world and sometimes the world just has to be patient. I’m not requiring it cater to me. I’m just asking for patience. Being catered to would be nice though, lol.

How can one fend off a virus with little sleep, forgetting vitamins, and thus a reduced immune system? I also think I forgot to take my blood pressure meds yesterday and I don’t think I’ve remembered to take my vitamins in several days. Just off the routine, no time to prep or remember anything, just trying to meet demands of the season, work, deal with no sleep, and prep for company and get work done and and and and and and.

TGIF. Thank goodness it’s Friday. I’m going to do what I can to make it better.

Making Today Better

  1. Drinking my coffee x 3 cups.
  2. Listen to Max Lucado on the way to work.
  3. Pray
  4. Yes probably in that order. I should pray first but I’m too mad right now! NEED COFFEE.
  5. Listen to good music in my ear.
  6. Avoid people wherever possible, lol.
  7. Put on a fake smile.
  8. Go out and get lunch today. (I’ve made up yesterday’s hours in pockets all week so why not). Not to mention all the other times I worked extra, came in early, stayed late, skipped lunch, worked a weekend to get payroll done – plus the extra hours in a holiday week and before and after vacation that you try to get all your work done). I shall deserve to have a proper lunch today if it will make me less of a bear.
  9. I will drink my greens today and have oatmeal for breakfast. Take my vitamins my blood pressure meds.
  10. I will look forward to leaving today at a proper time having considered #8, the fact that it’s a holiday and I’m in dire straits.

The Weekend and Next Week

We have company coming tomorrow. I’m glad we decided to go out to eat. We are opening presents at our house first. Then going out for Thai. Their presents are wrapped and we’ll have time to pull the house together. And then Sunday I’ll have time to pull the rest of Christmas together – test George’s stocking, wrap the extra gifts bought this week, and do some special things I’m doing for our guests. We’ll go to the store (may just send George as I have to do our laundry too). So I think I have just about enough time to pull it all together. We have to work very long days next week. After long days of work trying to cram 5 days of work in 3, we’ll be grocery shopping for the fresh ingredients, I’ll be making sausage balls, getting the house clean as there are no off days before guests arrive. But we can do this right? We can if we can get some sleep. I’m hoping that more people in the house makes Roger less lonely and that he won’t keep everyone awake on Christmas Eve.

I’m trying to be excited about Christmas. I promise I will be. I just need to drink another cup of coffee and to plan to see that there is time to accomplish it all. And hope no one gets COVID before Christmas can get here. Right now I just need some sleep! But it is not to be. Duty calls. Got to go. But I’m not rushing today. Nope. Not gonna do it. The world is gonna have to wait til I get another cup of coffee. My Blog’s Name? There is a reason for it.

Christmas Stress and Holiday Distress

On By BackporchwriterIn Uncategorized5 Comments

Good morning. Like my “rescue snowman”? Mom was tossing him out in the fall to give away and I always loved those snowmen. There are two. But one was in worse shape than the other. So this one found its way to our guest bedroom.

Santa found his way to our linen closet. I think he thought maybe we’d smile while reaching for a towel. Ooops that top towel got bleached and needs to go to the basement for a rag towel. Note to self: Get more white towels. I only want bleachable ones now. Hotel type towels.

So have been trying not to blog too much this week, but if I miss a morning it feels like forever. I have gone in early a couple of mornings, have eaten at desk, have stayed a few minutes over – trying to get in my work and get in the hours – although next week will all be really long days so I probably wouldn’t have had to do that, but I want the company to come out on top so no one thinks I’m slating anyone. The reason for working longer is that I’m leaving mid day today to take Mom to the eye doctor to get her monthly shot in the eye. It keeps her from going blind in that eye. The friend that takes her, her husband has the virus so I’m taking her. I’m leaving and going to Columbia to pick her up. We go to Spring Hill. Then back to Columbia, and then I’ll go back home to Mount Juliet.

Once back in Mount Juliet, George and I are doing a little Christmas prep run to help Santa tonight. I feel like I need another day off to get a few things done but there is not to be one. I used to have about 3 days off in the month of December and that went down to 2 at some point and now down to 1 of all things. Work is just so needy this time of year. It should be other way around. I should be taking more time off at the holidays and not less. Somethings wrong there about that. But that is my life I guess. This time of year just gets busier and busier on the work front.

They should have named me Jonni. Jonni on the Spot. Sonya on the Spot. Sonya is the Spot. Either that or Atlas. Here would you hold my world ball for a second? lol

Had to add the flower so no one would accuse me of having a porn site. lol Isn’t that the way the world works? Accusing everyone of everything? No tissue scars here of course. (Rolls eyes).

So yeah, would you hold my world ball for a second? I really need some time to do the following:

*Get those gift cards in the mail to my extended family.

*Test George’s stocking and wrap the rest

*Wrap his final presents I bought this week

*Wrap my work gifts that I bought the people I work closely with before I knew about the last minute Secret Santa.

*Oh yeah. I need to get my Secret Santa gift and wrap it. It’s due tomorrow.

*So yeah, more time to go shopping for said Secret Santa gift- didn’t even get a weekend for that one and no time for Amazon and how many times have we been to the store this week alone? Let’s go one more time? But when?

*Can I have some more time to grieve over my Maisy? I miss her so.

*I need time to clean up my house before company comes. Pretty please?

*Need to make those sausage balls and breakfast casseroles. In my sleep?

*Oh yeah, need to make that Christmas grocery store run. When again?

We can do these things this weekend you say? Yeah we can. Company is coming Saturday though! So need to do a lot by then.

*Need to prep a few surprises and help Santa with something else

*Need to wrap those gifts for friends that we will see probably in February but I want to put my gift wrapping paper up not to be seen again for a long time.

*Yep, and as said, I need time to put that said gift wrap paper up and get my office back to normal

I’ll take some time yes….any time I can get. At some point in my life I hope to actually GET TO ENJOY Christmas again. But until someone else holds the WORLD BALL. I guess I’m Sonni on the Spot soon to be Nonni on the Spot! 😉 And at that moment the WORLD BALL will drop and it will either bounce back or it won’t. Yes WOE is me. I know. Unclip those violin cases and gather about and play me a big whiney tune. But this is how I feel this morning. I have a lot to do, a lot to do, a lot to do, and next to zero time to do it in.

I guess all that to say this:

I’m tired. I’m really tired. I mean like really really tired. Even after sleeping all night.

I miss my Maisy. This morning it hit hard again.

I have things to do. Did I say that already?

Next to Zero time to do it in. I said that too? I must have meant that.

But soon it will be Christmas. We’ll have four days off. We have to work our buns off the days before to get there. Oh and after it too. Would you expect otherwise? But soon there will be a beloved 4 days off. In which we do not have to travel anywhere or go anywhere! Work 4 more days and have 3 days off. And again we go no where nor travel anywhere. And before too much longer a week off. And we will travel for that one.

In February – I’m hibernating and being a recluse except for working of course – which I will be a slave to for days until month end, quarter end, and year end duties are done. There will be no. time. to. breathe. But afterwards in February I’m getting a pedicure, a manicure, and a formal hair cut and continuing my hibernation. In March I’m coming out of my hibernation shell and going out and about in the world and living my life, COVID or not. And that is that. So world you better shape up! March Madness is all Mine this next year! And You don’t want to see me mad. ;-). March is Mine Baby! Look out!

Yep, I’m pretty tired right now. I’ve not really had a good rant lately. I always have a Christmas rant. So here it is this year. No one is going to take away my time to rant!

Yeah it’ll come together. It always does. But it’s 2020 so….we may be twirling our thumbs and looking at each other and it all for naught. But we gotta try to pull Christmas together. One year maybe we can actually enjoy it but we almost manage to stress ourselves to the point of sickness by the time it actually gets here. So who knows how it will all turn out.