Hermitage Natchez Hills Wines | Yard Sale Finds | Weekly Update | Contentment

As mentioned in a previous entry, we did the wine tasting at the Hermitage and really enjoyed it. I liked the wine very much. And was shocked to learn they had an “iced tea wine”. George had his favorites and I had mine and so we bought enough to get “their deal”. You buy so many you get 15% off. So we treated ourselves.

We also went to a few yard sales last Saturday. There were not many with it being Mother’s Day Weekend. But there were a few. I have become to love adding flowers to a room for decor. I needed a couple of big vases that would hide the bottom of stems (most of mine are see through). I bought these with the idea of spray painting them. (Like I have time for any more creative projects). Currently they are in the basement “waiting their turn”. If I can get them to a neutral color, I can use them in various places in the house. And I can sign up for Hobby Lobby emails again and be able to find out when their flowers are 50% off.

A friend (Lisa J) from work brought cookies and left them on my desk. A little Momma’s day treat. So sweet. I shared with my next door office neighbor, Deb.

My Mother’s Day card came in Monday. It was worth the wait. It was a special constructed Momma’s day card.

The gift itself came yesterday. A pic of Little Roo.

I love this photo but everyone is going to tease him one day for being just like Cody and George. They love to sneak something into the photo without being totally obvious – a subtle little birdie or in George’s case sometimes a purposeful glimpse of his belly button. lol. If you see it in the pic let me know. Yes they will tease him about it one day. That makes the pic even more perfect. lol lol But I love that pic of him by the planter. I love him in his little khakis and plaid shirt and bare feet!

A “Peace Offering” Cookie.

There’s a “Mexican” bakery close to work. I’ll go there someday. I saw where it was while driving around in the area. But someone brought me one this week. But this week another department had some “issues” that caused payroll to be half day behind as I was told not to close payroll yet til they were ironed out. I stayed over a bit and then had to focus to rush through Wed and Thurs to catch up. I didn’t get many of my extra projects worked on this week because it took away some of my week. To make matters worse, no one told me when the “issues” were fixed so I waited three extra hours to start payroll. I could have gone after about 2 hours of waiting if I had known. And when I checked three times I was told it was not finished. (Yes, It was confusing and miscommunication as life often is. You know when several are involved.) Anyway the department felt bad and brought peace offering cookies, which was so nice of them to do. I was so impressed. Often in this day and time no one cares when someone makes you work harder and longer because of an issue. So it was nice to see that there are people that care or recognize it when they make your life more difficult and didn’t mean to. So Thank You Lord for that. There is a bite missing. I took a bite before taking the picture. No harm. No foul. At least we made the upload/deadline for the deposit.

Night Out with Mom

One night I took Mom out to Cracker Barrel. I don’t think she felt too good. She seemed a bit agitated and unhappy. They set us at a 2- seater table and she brought it up 4 times before our order that she was not happy sitting there. I get it. I prefer a 4 seater also so you have more elbow room. Neither of us is a small person, lol. I asked the waitress to move us but Mom refused. Thankfully she didn’t go on about it after that. I think I would have moved and ate by myself if she had, lol. I either wanted us to move or get over it. And she fussed about the purse she has and how small it was. She can’t ever find anything in her purse and when something comes out it won’t go back in and that was making her mad. She cursed loudly at it. I felt sad for her that she was having such an unhappy day. I often have those days when I don’t feel good or upset about something else and I’m just impatient with the world. Patience has never been her strong suit. So if you wonder where I get THAT. There ya go! It’s not been mine! So let’s talk about that!

Patience, Emotions, Guilt, Manipulation, Contentment – We are all a work in progress.

I’ve had to work really hard on this thorn in my side of not being patient. I can’t say that I’ve mastered patience, but I can say that I am better at it and that I am learning to “self parent” myself (lol, don’t you love that psychological term?) when something doesn’t go my way or suit me. I’ve had to learn how to better handle my emotions in my adult life. In the early days (20’s and 30’s and even 40’s), I just said “it’s me – it’s who I am – I want what I want and when I want it – I’m just driven – so get over it”. But that attitude is just kinda selfish, childish, and not very loving or considerate of others. So I’ve tried so hard to be better at reacting. I’m not perfect but I’m better. And I no longer desire to lay claim proudly with that type of reaction or behavior. I admit to not having patience at times but I’m no longer proud of it or claim it as a character trait that others must live with. I’ve learned to “self soothe” as the psychologists/psychiatrist calls it. And that has been a big learning curve to try and find contentment within yourself and soothe your own spirit. A lot goes into it. It’s a lot of work to try not to be narcissistic when your pattern is cut out for you to be. :-O I have decided that recognizing those patterns within yourself is over half of the problem. Because only then can you begin to be honest with yourself and be humble and ashamed of that kind of behavior and let go of the ego and start again to trying to be a better person. Believe me, Iiiiiiiiiii know.

OOOOPS! Anyway, I got off subject, lol. I offered to take Mom to a store nearby to find a purse but she said she would go on line or get Aunt Martha and Uncle Ken to take her when they got up here. She had not asked me to take her to Belk so I will not be made to feel guilty over that – that is another thing I’m learning is not to be made to feel guilty for things that are out of my control. While this manipulation tactic has worked on me before I’m learning to let go of that as I am learning how to be aware of various people’s manipulation tactics – intended or not. Sometimes I think people are so engrained at manipulating others they don’t even know they are doing it. I’m sure I do it myself. We probably all do to a degree at whatever has worked in the past. I expect for others to let me know if they need something from me as it’s not my job to determine what others are wanting or thinking. Mom may not have been manipulating me in this way – only she can answer that, but whether or not she was- I am the one that has allowed myself to feel guilty in the past as if I had done something wrong. Even then, you see – I immediately offered to take her to get a purse. I’ve been trained in that way to respond to negative behavior – after I saw her curse at the purse. I wanted her world to be right. Even though we all know the purse is one thing. And tomorrow it’ll be another item. I’ve been the same way. So I’m still in a work in progress too. lol. I almost think Mom is happier when George is with us. He must lift her mood. With me she seems more agitated. Or perhaps she is more comfortable and lets her guard down and allows herself to me more agitated with me. Sometimes I feel like I’m just the no count daughter that can’t do anything to please, other than provide gossip worthy adventures, so… Who knows. At least I’m the daughter still around. The other one said she couldn’t handle it and took off. lol

I hate she didn’t seem to have a good time although she thanked me and said she did. And I appreciated that. I tried to make her happy by getting her out of the house. I can’t make people be content though. And I can’t be held responsible for anyone else’s happiness. As I know toooooo well, contentment has to come from within. Other people can’t fix everything for you. There is nothing anyone else can do. An individual just has to learn to find their own contentment with their circumstances. I have had to do this for a while for things that turned out a lot different than I had expected or wanted. Often my own desires and plans in life have been squashed. I can accept it and go on. Or I can wallow in misery. Or I can decide to change the situation. It’s my choice. And I’ve made my decisions. Subject to change again if I decide. But on the way back from Mom’s God gave me the most awesome sunset to watch as I drove home. It’s as if He was consoling me from the work week and life’s snotty little trials. Or was it me just settling in with my own contentment at going home, finding silence and peace, and going to bed?

George stayed home this night to work on a few projects music wise. He is doing some recording with the device/equipment I got him for Christmas finally. And it’s yard work season so that takes up some time on other nights. Mom takes up some time during the week and on weekends some. And he cooks which he loves to do. But…..I’m also trying to give him a break too by doing some cooking here and there. I just don’t have time either, lol. My problem is that I get in the store and don’t have recipes with me, don’t want to take time to find them in the store, and have tried to get organized with this for some time and it just gets pushed to the bottom of the list. So….a friend at work gave me a “free box” invite from HELLO FRESH. So…..

Hello Fresh

So George and I got on last night and I ordered the 3 meal plan with Hello Fresh. We got a “free box” and it will come every week all with fresh ingredients. You can skip weeks if you need to. But often I don’t get to the store but every two weeks and we take Mom and it’s hard to get my own groceries bought. But this will help. I’m excited. I don’t have to pick a recipe other than getting on line each week and making a choice. I set up the app on my phone and have the alerts come when it’s time to pick the next week. You can add on breakfast and lunch items too. Even like granola bars, oatmeal. And the price is about what I’d spend at the store. So it’ll come in and I’ll be able to fix these quickly with the ingredients and recipes already gathered.

I am excited to try it. My friend says it’s worked well for them. They spend less because instead of having to buy a whole thing of bread for example or buns – you pay for just the ingredients you need and a whole bag of buns or the cost of it doesn’t go to waste if you don’t have time to eat them. That makes sense. I will let you know how it goes.

We also began looking at pet finding apps and websites. I’m not sure we will qualify as some of them are very self righteous as George calls it about their pets. Did we forget a year to do the rabies shot? Do we have a fenced in yard? Did we faithfully do heart worm meds? Do we work and out of the home a lot? George said not to get my hopes up. I already wasn’t. I know God will allow us to have the dogs(s) – yes two of them – when the time is right and the dogs are right. He does that and I’m praying every day so I will not fret over it. I’ll patiently wait. But it was this dog that got me started. When I started. Then George got started. He’s inquired about a set of dogs that are bonded. But this one is the one that got me started as I inquired about her. But I’ve yet to go in and finish the sign up as it required an application before they will talk to you. I needed to get references. So I’ve got permission from non-relatives mainly friends and neighbors (required not to be a relative) to give their address and phone so we can try to get a dog. I was not going to blindly do that w/o their permission. It seemed wrong. So I’ve not finished signing up on line (no time). But the reference information has been obtained at least through some phone work. Monkey gets extremely car sick but I’ve inquired. No response. Other than an email to do the next step by completing an application. (Insert eye roll here). So we will “play their game” for a while and try to find dogs their way, if not we will try something else – visit shelters and find a more personable way of doing business that works for us. But hey – at least we are getting started! George said he could go a while without a dog but when he retires he’ll want one. But he is also good with getting one now. I’m ready now. But letting God decide. If not us, I hope Monkey finds a perfect home for her. And I appreciate her getting us started so she deserves special mention. That sweet face. I want a dog with a sweet face. I love you Monkey. For getting us going. ;-). I wish you could be mine.

I’m sorry my blog is all over the place. My head is all over the place as usual. I have more to say but I’ll wait til tomorrow I suppose. Tomorrow I’ll say what all the week next week will bring.

Today we are going on an excursion and seeing friends and eating out and doing a bit of shopping in between, and another wine tasting. I’m not getting many groceries due to the Hello Fresh. But we do need a few things. I like to see what Whole Foods has. But we need some condiments and basic things – like coffee, peanut butter, snack items, and such.

Ahhhhhh. I have so many things I want to do this weekend but we are gone today and half of tomorrow. It’s ok. We are having to force ourselves out and have fun. Although we may discuss maybe doing it once a month instead of three. lol. I can’t keep up with ourselves. LOL LOL. My blog can’t keep up with our adventures either now. LOL LOL So…More tomorrow.

Home From Vet: Fancy Update

Fancy was given antibiotics and put on IV. She’s eating some. Her bloodwork and tests were good. So hopefully just a bug. She is weak and seems a bit off from medication. We took her back to Mom tonight. So thanks for the thoughts and prayers. Payroll early day for me tomorrow. Back later in the week!

Roger is now at Rest

I believe this was the last picture I took of Roger, unless I just missed it in my phone. I did not want to wait til tomorrow to tell you all that after I blogged this morning, I fixed us all a little breakfast of sausage balls and boiled eggs, and during that time Roger was still having some issues – getting stuck in corners and under things and moaning and howling. George couldn’t console him, walked around in the yard with him, and came back in and said “it’s time to go to the vet”. I took a shower real quick. And we went down the street to the one that had taken care of his foot a few weeks ago.

I drove and George held him. He was finally asleep and he seemed lifeless. I pulled into the vet parking lot, tears streaming. George said “let’s sit here and hold him a while before we go in”. While he was in my arms, he seemed lifeless and like he weighed nothing. I told George I thought he was in the process of dying. We waited a few minutes more. I told George we needed to just go in.

I knew George would not be able to speak, so we went in and I told the front desk “we think he’s dying”. And they whisked us back to a room immediately and immediately got the vet. They did bloodwork. It took a while. We put him down and he woke up, wobbled, and went under our legs and under the bench we sat on, finally came out, put his nose into a corner under a ledge and sat down very slowly and went to sleep.

The vet came in and said he thought his kidneys were failing him but there was nothing significant going on in his blood. While he said he likely is not going to get better, he can’t cure his old age or his dementia but he could give him some anxiety meds or meds to suppress him some and make him comfortable and the vet said or you could decide he had lived a good life and choose to let him go but that is up to you. George strongly considered the meds. He asked my opinion. I told him I was worried about when we were not there and I was worried he would hurt himself in odd ways and I hate to put Mom in that position to be having to watch him and she won’t be able to bend over and get him out of his situations while we are at work. And that with George not getting sleep (up 7 or 8 times last night) and we can’t console his howling, no quality really of life with us anymore. It’s really only delaying things to wait. He asked the vet if he said we would let him go would he be saying “you made the right decision” b/c he knew the vet would not recommend we put him down. He said “yes in this case I think you would be making a right decision”. So George said “let’s go ahead then”. Of course it was hard, we cried.

They came in with a soft sedative at first and left the room while we spent the next 2 or 3 minutes as he closed his eyes. Then he came in with the final injection. Roger fought it a little. He took some quick deep breaths and lasted longer than he should have. But finally his breathing shallowed and eventually stopped. We held him a lot during those last few hours and talked with him and told him to tell Maisy and Tugie hello. We told him what a special dog he had been and a unique one. We told him he would be leaping and playing soon. We rubbed his head, his nose, his ears, held his paws, rubbed and pulled on his tail like we always would do. He even had his little tongue out and I ran my fingers over his mouth and touched his tongue. I just felt like I needed to, that tongue that always hung out!

They put him in a box and we brought him home. George dug the grave and we buried him. I texted Katy to tell her as she didn’t answer the phone. We told close friends and neighbors. Our neighbor David came over. It was good to have someone to talk to to make us laugh a bit and bring our spirits up. David and another neighbor came over when we buried Maisy too.

Afterward George had some errands to run – to pick up an amplifier and go to the grocery. I wanted to find some clothes so I went shopping. It wasn’t as joyful of course, but I did feel “free” such a moment of freedom to get to go and do my own thing. It has been sooooo long it seems. So I had some good finds – pants and blouses. I totally forgot to go to the shoe store! I can’t believe it. But I probably did enough damage in one day. So I’ll go to the shoe store on another day.

The crowds out there were very thick today and the lines to pay were as long as Christmas. Just crazy. Dressing rooms were open! I was so happy. I took a bit of video today. But not like I really wanted to. There was a lot of people. I am uncomfortable videoing others.

Anyway just a sad day. It’s harder for George. I loved him too and I’ve cried but there is going to be a hole in his heart for some time. The two bonded and loved each other so much. He had been aloof for a while though but until the last few days, always wanted his Daddy. But George had been unable to console him.

Sleeping after a long drive from Nashville to Hot Springs
Tongue out!
With his sister, in healthier days. Roger really went down after Maisy died.
At Don and Lisa’s – He got to go and we were all so happy of Lisa’s hospitality.
George and his little buddy watching an amazing sunset on the ranch in Breckenridge, TX.
He loved to sit in his Daddy’s lap.

He loved his monkeys! He would loved for George to throw it in his younger years. And he would go retrieve it. He was a special little man. I just loved how he took up with George so immediately. They were the two men of the house. They bonded so well. They hung out always. He loved to sleep with us. He loved Maisy. He went down after Maisy left us. He went down pretty immediately after that. He was never able to rest much, like he was always looking for her. He began his love affair with “water” about that time. He would panic if he could not be near his water. But we had many years with him. He traveled with us wherever we went. He went to Tybee and Savanah. Went to Texas and the ranch. He always got to go to his Nana’s. And Lisa let him hang out at their house. And Katy let him come to the ranch.

He was in diapers the last seven months or so. I guess in the last year or year and a half he got to where he couldn’t jump up to or from the sofa. Then in the last few months did NOT want to be on the sofa at all because he had to be near his water.

I am so tired right now that it’s hard to think straight. I’m trying to recall all the memories. I’m mainly remembering the travels and nights we all snuggled around watching TV. There was the time or two he snuck out the door and someone luckily noticed. He loved to bark at the deer. He did not like to be in cages (that’s how he lost his teeth we think before he came to us).

Little did we all know that when he went to visit Katy in the old college neighborhood, that when he came to them looking for food, and some attention, that he would be coming to live with us the rest of his life. He was not taken care of, no one was missing him, and Katy brought him home to take to the vet and get him checked out until we could find a home. She named him Pumpkin. He was only supposed to spend the weekend. We fell in love with him over that weekend and kept him. We tried to guess his real name one night and we all tossed out dog names then Bible names and then people names. Someone said “Roger” and his head popped up. “Roger” again and it popped up again. I kinda think that his name was really Dodger after baseball. But Roger sounded like it. We went with Roger. Such a cool dog name, huh? So…baseball games would come on and be loud and he would leave the room. I think something must have happened to make him nervous before he came to us as when sports would come on he would leave the room and sneak away. He also did not like the vacuum.

Anyway, we are going to miss our little buddy.

As for me tonight I need to try to do a few chores – laundry mainly. I will work more on the house tomorrow.

I am sad. Tired. But it’s George that will feel the biggest hurts. I loved him too, but he loved that dog more than just about any of us! And that’s a fact! It will be sad and lonely for a long while for both of us. We will come home and he won’t be there waiting.