Category: Family

Whirlwind Weekend, Being Told Every Move to Make, and Needing Rest

On By BackporchwriterIn Family, Friends, Relationships, Restaurants, Weekend11 Comments

The peonies have been beautiful. I have not had “time to smell the roses” and enjoy them. It’s been a quick flash of “oh look something bloomed”! So I will share flowers and random pics of the last few days here among my words.

Saturday was a quick but wonderful trip out to the Cool Springs area. Mainly because we had a gift card to the Cheesecake Factory. I mean that is how we do things. We have ONE thing that causes us to go a direction and we build the day across that in our excursions. Kinda like decorating a room around a special piece of decor, lol.

So we like to start around lunch and we made plans to go to YAT’s. I looked up about three places that looked good that were not overly expensive that we had never been to and asked George if he would like to try them. He picked Yats! We had told our good friends that live in the area that we would be out their way if they wanted to join us in any of our activities. So they joined us.

At Yat’s you can order half n half! That way you get to try two as it’s hard to decide. I got the Drunken Chicken and the Sausage with Red Beans and Rice. I did not eat all of my rice. This was great! I enjoyed it very much. Their lights were interesting and the food was quick. So its a quick service.

Afterwards we headed to grab a beer with our friends at a nearby brewery only to find it was closed. So we went to another ale house nearby called Brewhouse South. It was a special time to get to see our friends for a extra round of catching up. We were not ready to say good bye yet. And it was a blessing to see them all. And even Miss J who had flown in from California. Bless her, she bought our beer. And friend Lisa told me about this beer that is mostly gluten free. On our side of town the gluten free is hard to find. But this one and Daura Damm have big flavors but not the heaviness that the other ones have. I liked this a LOT. We spent a long while there at the place catching up. I only had the one in case you were wondering. Although Lisa topped me off once when she didn’t want all of hers.

Then George and I went to Gabe’s and shopped. It’s a discount store. I never buy much in there but I always find something. It’s fun to shop. It’s about the search. I bought a $4 shirt to wear with pajama bottoms, and I bought some hand soap. And a new pillow. They had good brands for “real cheap”, including memory foam.

Before I knew it we were ready for our reservations at 5:45. We checked in but George left his phone in the car so we missed our reservation call when they called for us – even though we were standing right next to the hostess desk. lol. When others behind us began being seated I asked George if he had his phone. “No, it’s in the car”.

“Then how are they to reach us?” George had made the reservations. He is used to me doing it and giving them my number. Or really just used to them calling “Cox, party of two”. So we inquired and they had called us, but they seated us anyway without further delay. We sat at a two seater (Mom would have hated it and complained). lol But it was plenty of room there. We had a pleasant meal. And iced tea was my drink of choice, lol. Our food was devine! The steak medallion dinner was out of this world.

Afterwards we went to Sprout’s, a grocery store we had not been to. We only had 30 min to shop as it was 8:30 when we got there. Shocked at how long the Cheesecake Factory took. But we wanted to go so we kinda rushed through. Thankfully it was a smaller store and not as big as a Kroger. We loved Sprout’s. A lot of healthy choices and much of it organic. We were just in love! But at the check out with not even a heaping amount in our buggy, it was nearly $200. Sticker shock. We bought lots of new things and some fresh things for the week. Our Hello Fresh doesn’t start til next week. I had storm warnings on my phone for our home area but was glad we shopped as it was no longer raining when we got home. It was totally clear on the other side of town.

We got home past bed time. I still think it was 10:30 when I finally laid my head on the pillow. And wake up time came much too soon. I was shocked to realize I’d only truly got 5.5 hours sleep. I think I tossed and turned some.

My body was feeling the tired crunch Sunday but we got up and took Mom to church and brought her a cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. (We also bought us one which I ate bites of Saturday night before bed and Sunday afternoon).

After church we went to a new subway shop near Mom’s. Jersey Mike’s. Their sandwiches are good. They only have subs that I saw. I didn’t see a wrap or a salad. But their rosemary parmesan bread was really good and seemed fresh. We had a little trouble inside ordering. Mom had given me money to order hers and then George and I were to be on a separate ticket. So I was trying to give them a name for Mom’s order and ours a separate name so it would not be confused. George interrupted/corrected me and told them to just put it under one name. That was his first mistake. lol

So at the check out they rang up Mom’s order and my sandwich. I knew it was going to happen, as George had changed the name and made them do it as one. I’m sure he was trying to make it simple for them but it really only confused them.

We had told the guy it was two separate orders when we ordered but down the way where they ring it up, they didn’t know as it was all under one name. So when she only gave me $4 back from Mom’s $20, I knew that they had overcharged us. I asked where the rest was as it was just one sandwich. They said “oh you didn’t tell us”. I said “well we told the guy when we placed our order”. (But since it was under one name, she wouldn’t have known.) She said “ok I’ll correct it”.

As she started to correct it George said “don’t worry about it. We will settle it up b/w us.” He was trying to make it easier for them. But I wanted them to make it right for Mom so I could give her back her correct change. I said “I don’t have change George let’s just let them make it right for Mom.” He said he said “no” that he would take care of it and pay her back.

I left to get in the car as everything I said was overridden and corrected and then I was told to move out of the way by George. So I just said “well I see you have everything in control, I’m going to the car”. I was embarrassed at being treated like a child, not like an adult that is trying to fix a problem. People were starting to stare. I am not sure if they were staring at me for the confusion of our order or staring at George for being patronizing and adversarial. But he wanted to correct everything I tried to say so I let him finish up the order and bring it out.

When I recalled the incident to Mom after short changing her for her sandwich and trying to explain what happened and why she only has very little change back, George didn’t want me to tell the story by saying “it’s all in control” twice. He wouldn’t let me speak. I called him on it. I told him that I get to have a voice and speak from time to time and if I want to tell Mom what happened I most certainly will. He retorted by saying we could just go to lunch by ourselves next time. I said “fine if you want to draw that boundary for yourself, go ahead”. So I guess he will begin taking a separate car. And if that means that I can order without such pandemonium and being corrected every time I speak, hey – I’m up for that. I just know that I don’t want to be shushed, overridden, and contradicted at every word that comes out of my mouth. It’s very frustrating and not appropriate and I will refuse to tolerate that on my end either. Everyone has to have “their way”. And I give it to them a lot to avoid confrontation. This is just a good example. I may have a few boundaries of my own to settle. We may need to have some serious conversation if that ever happens again!

Of course with all my manipulation and narcissist training, I have been trying not to let people get to me. It’s a curve you have to go around. I’m not saying George is a narcissist, but I do think that some of the 5 people I am around the most have narcissistic tendencies (possibly even myself) or perhaps we are just all very individualistic, selfish, and opinionated and we all like to call the shots and have things our way. So much so that it creates confusion – such as above when three people have three different ways they want to do something. But I have to learn to let people know how I want to be treated. Just because someone wants to do something their way doesn’t mean they should demand to have it their way. It’s really ok for Sonya to get to decide how something should be done too.

I think I did well yesterday. I left the scene so I would not cause one! Or I’d have given boundaries right there in a the restaurant for all lol. He is lucky I didn’t scold him on the spot and embarrass him as much as I was already embarrassed for being patronized, corrected, and interrupted, and overruled by Every. Little. Thing. I. Tried to do and say in the deli which continued in the car. SMH.

So we got to Mom’s and I’m trying to be calm and I choose to just be quiet and helpful so that we can eat and get home and move past it all. So I start to take our sandwiches outside to be helpful. And I was told not to do that we’d fix our plates inside. My every move is always being watched by someone yesterday it seemed. I could do no right by anyone. I told Mom “however you want to do it”. I think at that point I was just thinking “Lord I can’t do anything right by these people today that just want to control every move I make.”

I guess it just gets tiring being around so many people that are so opinionated and have to do things their way – every little thing – it gets so tiring. Can I just make a decision on my own puhhhhlease? It may be little things but it seemed all morning long no matter what I tried to do or say it was getting corrected or needed to be done a different way. Mom said “Sonya” —and then stopped. And it’s a good thing she did as I’d have probably left and gone home if she’d said another word. I’d had enough of being told what to do and how to do it. I told her “hey – I said however you want to do it. I’m agreeing with you – take it!”

I’m surprised someone didn’t barge into the bathroom and explain to me how they wanted me to tear the paper off the roll and wipe my butt. Sorry, TMI, but that is how I feel. I can’t move without someone trying to correct every move or telling me what to do. “Lock this, close that, open this, put that here, where’s this, you are walking too fast, no do it this way, put it here, sit here, let’s do this, let’s do that”.

I think I just need Calgon to come take me away. And I’m laughing because as I typed that it changed to Calvin instead of Calgon. I’m like who is Calvin? If he can let me be my own person and treat me nicely I might go with him! Just kidding, but gosh. What a day.

Bottom line is I think I’m just overly tired and stretched too thin and quite frankly just had enough of everyone. I’m not getting any time to myself to rejuvenate and likely not getting any rest. So guess what? This is what you get. You get your way most of the time still but I’m coming out of my skin to call you on it when I’m tired. It is true that I usually let everyone around me have their way. Give me a tired moment and let me have my way once please?

So we ate sandwiches on the patio which I’d been looking forward to. We did it Mom’s way and fixed our plate on the counter. I don’t see as it made much difference. I ended up having to carry the fixed plates to the patio, lol. So it wasn’t easier for me but if was easier for everyone else that is fine. But whatever.

So bottom line? Did George settle up with Mom? No he didn’t have change and I didn’t either. I told him so in the deli. But he had to have his way. Everyone has to have their way. So I let them. Now Mom has been short changed. I was just trying to make it right for her. George was trying to not have the place go to so much trouble. So we were both right except for his treatment of me and shushing me aside and overriding every little thing I tried to say. He should have just let it go. Instead I did. Arghhh. I hate situations like this. It was embarrassing for all. But bottom line the problems is now ours to fix. Well his. And I’m going to let him fix it as he is the one that owes her – not me. He overruled me.

I’m not going to hold a grudge over this incident. I’m going to let it go. I’m just venting. It’s just one of those things that happens in marriage and relationships. But I may need to set some boundaries about not being interrupted when I am talking, handling a transaction, or ordering. If I’m truly doing something wrong it’s one thing. But it made it confusing for everyone. There is more than one way to skin a rabbit but no need to try to skin it three ways at once.

The tribe has spoken.

Coming back home, I had about three or four days of stuff to do. I did not get it all done. I had laundry to do, ironing to do, kitchen to clean, dishwasher to reboot, dishes to wash. Work bag to pack for the week, vitamin/med pack to fill up for the week. I had my colonoscopy instructions to read so I’d know what all I can’t take this week as far as supplements. But I did take time to consolidate all the notes, thoughts, ideas, and to do’s that had accumulated across my desk for the past month.

I still did not get finished blogging today but I am already running behind. There is still way too much on my to do list for the week. Grad cards need to be mailed, we need to get to the bank, still haven’t worked on the cable, haven’t finished the dog applications (the ones I was doing, George finished his). I did get some dusting done though, Yay and changed George’s sheets. I have to go to Publix and pick up Rx and get groceries that Sprouts didn’t have.

I’m actually looking forward to the Colonoscopy to get a day at home. I still have to go have the procedure so it’s not a true day at home but at least I’ll have some down time to rest and/or do things I want to do that allow you to sit and do it. It’s so frustrating to fight with my time. Even now I’m probably late to work. And will have to work over to make it up. Always robbing Peter to pay Paul with time. Arghhhhhh! I was going to work on the schedule yesterday and figure a few things out, but I didn’t have time. How ironic.

Hermitage Natchez Hills Wines | Yard Sale Finds | Weekly Update | Contentment

On By BackporchwriterIn Dogs, Family, Food, Happiness, Life, Nashville, Psyche, Self-Help, Uncategorized6 Comments

As mentioned in a previous entry, we did the wine tasting at the Hermitage and really enjoyed it. I liked the wine very much. And was shocked to learn they had an “iced tea wine”. George had his favorites and I had mine and so we bought enough to get “their deal”. You buy so many you get 15% off. So we treated ourselves.

We also went to a few yard sales last Saturday. There were not many with it being Mother’s Day Weekend. But there were a few. I have become to love adding flowers to a room for decor. I needed a couple of big vases that would hide the bottom of stems (most of mine are see through). I bought these with the idea of spray painting them. (Like I have time for any more creative projects). Currently they are in the basement “waiting their turn”. If I can get them to a neutral color, I can use them in various places in the house. And I can sign up for Hobby Lobby emails again and be able to find out when their flowers are 50% off.

A friend (Lisa J) from work brought cookies and left them on my desk. A little Momma’s day treat. So sweet. I shared with my next door office neighbor, Deb.

My Mother’s Day card came in Monday. It was worth the wait. It was a special constructed Momma’s day card.

The gift itself came yesterday. A pic of Little Roo.

I love this photo but everyone is going to tease him one day for being just like Cody and George. They love to sneak something into the photo without being totally obvious – a subtle little birdie or in George’s case sometimes a purposeful glimpse of his belly button. lol. If you see it in the pic let me know. Yes they will tease him about it one day. That makes the pic even more perfect. lol lol But I love that pic of him by the planter. I love him in his little khakis and plaid shirt and bare feet!

A “Peace Offering” Cookie.

There’s a “Mexican” bakery close to work. I’ll go there someday. I saw where it was while driving around in the area. But someone brought me one this week. But this week another department had some “issues” that caused payroll to be half day behind as I was told not to close payroll yet til they were ironed out. I stayed over a bit and then had to focus to rush through Wed and Thurs to catch up. I didn’t get many of my extra projects worked on this week because it took away some of my week. To make matters worse, no one told me when the “issues” were fixed so I waited three extra hours to start payroll. I could have gone after about 2 hours of waiting if I had known. And when I checked three times I was told it was not finished. (Yes, It was confusing and miscommunication as life often is. You know when several are involved.) Anyway the department felt bad and brought peace offering cookies, which was so nice of them to do. I was so impressed. Often in this day and time no one cares when someone makes you work harder and longer because of an issue. So it was nice to see that there are people that care or recognize it when they make your life more difficult and didn’t mean to. So Thank You Lord for that. There is a bite missing. I took a bite before taking the picture. No harm. No foul. At least we made the upload/deadline for the deposit.

Night Out with Mom

One night I took Mom out to Cracker Barrel. I don’t think she felt too good. She seemed a bit agitated and unhappy. They set us at a 2- seater table and she brought it up 4 times before our order that she was not happy sitting there. I get it. I prefer a 4 seater also so you have more elbow room. Neither of us is a small person, lol. I asked the waitress to move us but Mom refused. Thankfully she didn’t go on about it after that. I think I would have moved and ate by myself if she had, lol. I either wanted us to move or get over it. And she fussed about the purse she has and how small it was. She can’t ever find anything in her purse and when something comes out it won’t go back in and that was making her mad. She cursed loudly at it. I felt sad for her that she was having such an unhappy day. I often have those days when I don’t feel good or upset about something else and I’m just impatient with the world. Patience has never been her strong suit. So if you wonder where I get THAT. There ya go! It’s not been mine! So let’s talk about that!

Patience, Emotions, Guilt, Manipulation, Contentment – We are all a work in progress.

I’ve had to work really hard on this thorn in my side of not being patient. I can’t say that I’ve mastered patience, but I can say that I am better at it and that I am learning to “self parent” myself (lol, don’t you love that psychological term?) when something doesn’t go my way or suit me. I’ve had to learn how to better handle my emotions in my adult life. In the early days (20’s and 30’s and even 40’s), I just said “it’s me – it’s who I am – I want what I want and when I want it – I’m just driven – so get over it”. But that attitude is just kinda selfish, childish, and not very loving or considerate of others. So I’ve tried so hard to be better at reacting. I’m not perfect but I’m better. And I no longer desire to lay claim proudly with that type of reaction or behavior. I admit to not having patience at times but I’m no longer proud of it or claim it as a character trait that others must live with. I’ve learned to “self soothe” as the psychologists/psychiatrist calls it. And that has been a big learning curve to try and find contentment within yourself and soothe your own spirit. A lot goes into it. It’s a lot of work to try not to be narcissistic when your pattern is cut out for you to be. :-O I have decided that recognizing those patterns within yourself is over half of the problem. Because only then can you begin to be honest with yourself and be humble and ashamed of that kind of behavior and let go of the ego and start again to trying to be a better person. Believe me, Iiiiiiiiiii know.

OOOOPS! Anyway, I got off subject, lol. I offered to take Mom to a store nearby to find a purse but she said she would go on line or get Aunt Martha and Uncle Ken to take her when they got up here. She had not asked me to take her to Belk so I will not be made to feel guilty over that – that is another thing I’m learning is not to be made to feel guilty for things that are out of my control. While this manipulation tactic has worked on me before I’m learning to let go of that as I am learning how to be aware of various people’s manipulation tactics – intended or not. Sometimes I think people are so engrained at manipulating others they don’t even know they are doing it. I’m sure I do it myself. We probably all do to a degree at whatever has worked in the past. I expect for others to let me know if they need something from me as it’s not my job to determine what others are wanting or thinking. Mom may not have been manipulating me in this way – only she can answer that, but whether or not she was- I am the one that has allowed myself to feel guilty in the past as if I had done something wrong. Even then, you see – I immediately offered to take her to get a purse. I’ve been trained in that way to respond to negative behavior – after I saw her curse at the purse. I wanted her world to be right. Even though we all know the purse is one thing. And tomorrow it’ll be another item. I’ve been the same way. So I’m still in a work in progress too. lol. I almost think Mom is happier when George is with us. He must lift her mood. With me she seems more agitated. Or perhaps she is more comfortable and lets her guard down and allows herself to me more agitated with me. Sometimes I feel like I’m just the no count daughter that can’t do anything to please, other than provide gossip worthy adventures, so… Who knows. At least I’m the daughter still around. The other one said she couldn’t handle it and took off. lol

I hate she didn’t seem to have a good time although she thanked me and said she did. And I appreciated that. I tried to make her happy by getting her out of the house. I can’t make people be content though. And I can’t be held responsible for anyone else’s happiness. As I know toooooo well, contentment has to come from within. Other people can’t fix everything for you. There is nothing anyone else can do. An individual just has to learn to find their own contentment with their circumstances. I have had to do this for a while for things that turned out a lot different than I had expected or wanted. Often my own desires and plans in life have been squashed. I can accept it and go on. Or I can wallow in misery. Or I can decide to change the situation. It’s my choice. And I’ve made my decisions. Subject to change again if I decide. But on the way back from Mom’s God gave me the most awesome sunset to watch as I drove home. It’s as if He was consoling me from the work week and life’s snotty little trials. Or was it me just settling in with my own contentment at going home, finding silence and peace, and going to bed?

George stayed home this night to work on a few projects music wise. He is doing some recording with the device/equipment I got him for Christmas finally. And it’s yard work season so that takes up some time on other nights. Mom takes up some time during the week and on weekends some. And he cooks which he loves to do. But…..I’m also trying to give him a break too by doing some cooking here and there. I just don’t have time either, lol. My problem is that I get in the store and don’t have recipes with me, don’t want to take time to find them in the store, and have tried to get organized with this for some time and it just gets pushed to the bottom of the list. So….a friend at work gave me a “free box” invite from HELLO FRESH. So…..

Hello Fresh

So George and I got on last night and I ordered the 3 meal plan with Hello Fresh. We got a “free box” and it will come every week all with fresh ingredients. You can skip weeks if you need to. But often I don’t get to the store but every two weeks and we take Mom and it’s hard to get my own groceries bought. But this will help. I’m excited. I don’t have to pick a recipe other than getting on line each week and making a choice. I set up the app on my phone and have the alerts come when it’s time to pick the next week. You can add on breakfast and lunch items too. Even like granola bars, oatmeal. And the price is about what I’d spend at the store. So it’ll come in and I’ll be able to fix these quickly with the ingredients and recipes already gathered.

I am excited to try it. My friend says it’s worked well for them. They spend less because instead of having to buy a whole thing of bread for example or buns – you pay for just the ingredients you need and a whole bag of buns or the cost of it doesn’t go to waste if you don’t have time to eat them. That makes sense. I will let you know how it goes.

We also began looking at pet finding apps and websites. I’m not sure we will qualify as some of them are very self righteous as George calls it about their pets. Did we forget a year to do the rabies shot? Do we have a fenced in yard? Did we faithfully do heart worm meds? Do we work and out of the home a lot? George said not to get my hopes up. I already wasn’t. I know God will allow us to have the dogs(s) – yes two of them – when the time is right and the dogs are right. He does that and I’m praying every day so I will not fret over it. I’ll patiently wait. But it was this dog that got me started. When I started. Then George got started. He’s inquired about a set of dogs that are bonded. But this one is the one that got me started as I inquired about her. But I’ve yet to go in and finish the sign up as it required an application before they will talk to you. I needed to get references. So I’ve got permission from non-relatives mainly friends and neighbors (required not to be a relative) to give their address and phone so we can try to get a dog. I was not going to blindly do that w/o their permission. It seemed wrong. So I’ve not finished signing up on line (no time). But the reference information has been obtained at least through some phone work. Monkey gets extremely car sick but I’ve inquired. No response. Other than an email to do the next step by completing an application. (Insert eye roll here). So we will “play their game” for a while and try to find dogs their way, if not we will try something else – visit shelters and find a more personable way of doing business that works for us. But hey – at least we are getting started! George said he could go a while without a dog but when he retires he’ll want one. But he is also good with getting one now. I’m ready now. But letting God decide. If not us, I hope Monkey finds a perfect home for her. And I appreciate her getting us started so she deserves special mention. That sweet face. I want a dog with a sweet face. I love you Monkey. For getting us going. ;-). I wish you could be mine.

I’m sorry my blog is all over the place. My head is all over the place as usual. I have more to say but I’ll wait til tomorrow I suppose. Tomorrow I’ll say what all the week next week will bring.

Today we are going on an excursion and seeing friends and eating out and doing a bit of shopping in between, and another wine tasting. I’m not getting many groceries due to the Hello Fresh. But we do need a few things. I like to see what Whole Foods has. But we need some condiments and basic things – like coffee, peanut butter, snack items, and such.

Ahhhhhh. I have so many things I want to do this weekend but we are gone today and half of tomorrow. It’s ok. We are having to force ourselves out and have fun. Although we may discuss maybe doing it once a month instead of three. lol. I can’t keep up with ourselves. LOL LOL. My blog can’t keep up with our adventures either now. LOL LOL So…More tomorrow.

Losing another Family Dog | A Tribute to Findlay

On By BackporchwriterIn Dogs, Family19 Comments

I’m sorry to say that Ms. Findlay (my grand dog) did not make it. She had a blockage in her intestines. They did surgery. Her bloodwork wasn’t good so they did a plasma transfusion (?) and that did not work and they went back in for a 2nd look and found 8 inches of infection in and around her intestines and put her down because her survival rate was next to nothing. Bottom line, she just couldn’t heal properly from this. Everyone is a bit devastated. They didn’t get to have proper good byes or be with her like you usually do. No one knew it was going to be this serious. Everyone prayed. God had other plans. My daughter recognizes that and knows God knows what He is doing and knows the reasons why. It’s been a hard year for dogs in our extended family. It’s been a hard year for everyone in many different ways. As my daughter and I talked yesterday she said “God is building character within us”. “The end times are getting closer” and basically the heat is being turned on so that the focus is applied where it needs to be.

Our hearts hurt however, at the loss of our very unique and loving little Findlay. Dogs have such personality, each one. Findlay was playful, loving, funny, and sometimes had us scratching our heads as she loved her dog beds just a little too much, lol (she humped them, lol). She loved to chew on things including her beds. She wanted the stuffing out of them. She was curious. She was smart. She was energetic. She was mostly potty trained and would run around in circles in front of you to let you know she needed to go out. She was mostly obedient. But most of all she LOVED Little Roo. She was a good little girl and learned to say she was sorry when she made a mistake (Katy taught her, lol). The kids (they’ll always be our kids) will be sad and hurting for a few days. The pain will get better. The fond memories will remain. But they will miss her. And we will too as she will not be there to greet us when we arrive in Texas in November.

I’m asking my blog buddies to leave comments in today’s entry for Katy and Cody to give them love and encouragement after the loss of their little sweet Findlay girl. It’ll be a hard few days. But it will help them so much to hear your words of comfort.

I tried to find the video where Findlay was chasing bubbles and Little Roo was laughing. I could not locate it. But our thoughts are with them today and we will all miss our little Findlay. She has been a great pet. I’m glad Little Roo got to meet her but he probably won’t remember her when he grows up. He’s just too little.

Thanks in advance for any comments and encouragement you can leave for my daughter and son-in-law and Little Roo. I appreciate you and I know they do too.

Bye my little Findlay girl. You rest within our hearts always. Give my love to Roger, Maisy, Tugie, and all our little fur baby friends when you see them in God’s “Rainbow Bridge”. And thanks for being the wonderful little being that you were!