Blogging in Bullet Points with Two Needs: Rest and Time

Photo by Wesley Carvalho on Pexels.com

I love this picture. I suppose that many of us can describe our own meanings. For me: it describes how I feel right now.

  • Trying to hold the world together in pieces
  • Very tired
  • A lot of loose ends still lying about waiting to be connected
  • And I’m sleeping a lot
  • And getting my nails done too, lol
  • I’m trying to keep my own world together
  • But the world is spinning around me and moving too fast
  • And pieces are still coming at me begging to be fit in somehow

Just Wow! Not only is this a great photo taken by Wesley Carvalho, it perfectly describes my world and Wesley doesn’t even know me. lol

I don’t need to blog now b/c he just said everything I needed to, ha!

Really I just feel like I need two things and I’ll be ok.

  • Time
  • Rest

The week has been harried and hurried. I’ve had appointments before work and after work and work worries in between. I’ve gone to bed later a couple of times and have had to get up earlier at times. I’ve worked late and gone in early too at times.

I think have had maybe 2 hours within the whole week to myself – if that. I have had an hour to do a few chores and an hour or two to watch videos which I use to decompress.

Other details this week:

  • They had the funeral for George’s friend/boss yesterday
  • I think River is better and recovering from RSV, but is teething in a big way and wanting to crawl and can’t yet
  • Trying my best to get the quarter end closed, waiting on data at this point. Only a few hours left to work on it since I do payroll most of the first four days of the week. Will have a little time on Thurs/Friday of next week.
  • Had my physical Wednesday at 6:00 a.m. (yes, that early) waiting on data but it will probably be the same, lose weight, yadayada
  • Took Mom to get her hair cut Wed after work
  • The coffee from new coffee pot went all over the counter this morning but at least we captured half a pot. I don’t know why. This alone makes me want to give up and go back to bed. lol
  • Went to trivia last night although I could have gone home, lit candles, played soft music, and read. It sucks to be an introvert. It was fun and the food was good, but I was so tired it was hard to enjoy it.
  • Roger is getting worse, he fell asleep with his ear in his water bowl. He is more wobbly. He can’t see as well and he is howling day and night a lot more than usual. He continually steps in his water or knocks it over.

Things to be excited about, but right now I’m only one cup of coffee in, and too tired to show any:

  • George was just kidding when he said we couldn’t get the foyer covered with the new flooring. That stinker! I just found this out yesterday! lol. YAY!
  • We can’t schedule the flooring yet until all the materials come in ::::sigh:::::
  • Today is Friday!
  • Tomorrow I am going shopping. BY MYSELF. For pants. I was supposed to have done this in March. So now I’m going for pants, tops, shoes, and we’ll see. I’ve asked God to guide me in this effort. I’m sooooo looking forward to it. I might video parts of it. lol
  • I DID have time to work on deleting photos from my iPhone (instead of blogging yesterday, which I was not in the mood to do)

Things I have to do before I can start the next video:

  • Delete the old iMovie data from the timeline and media in iMovie
  • Move over all my winter files to my “2021 Monthly Dated Files” for keeping, then delete from iphone
  • Move over photos from May and create folders for upcoming iMovies

Things I want to do when I freaking have time:

  • Check out some new books, b/c we have to push ourselves to stop and read
  • Go the grocery store and leisurely look for things to eat/try.
  • Check out a new show on Netflix, finish watching the old ones
  • Check out a couple of places for excursions
  • Do things on the bucket list
  • Do my to do list
  • Do some canon lessons
  • Work on my videos
  • Sleep/Rest
  • Just BEEEEEE for a few minutes
  • Fix a recipe
  • Play on iTunes
  • Properly clean my house

But the weekend is almost here. It’ll be busy too, but…maybe, just maybe, I will get something, AnYtHinG done!

Photo by Daniela Constantini on Pexels.com

Cargo Van Move Day 2 and Day 3

Hello friends! Didn’t really get in here yesterday to blog. No time. Day 2 and 3 of the cargo van move went ~ ummm ~ smooth may not be the exact word, but….it went okaaaay. I think each day I grew tireder, not having much sleep, and being pulled in forty different directions at once all at the speed of light. We would unpack the 2nd load each morning at the storage unit and begin the hour and 42 minute drive to Columbia. Pack pack pack and load load load and do it all again.

Saturday and Sunday we did two trips to Columbia and back (once to Lebanon in b/w for storage drop off). Yesterday we only did ONE load. Thank God! We were so tired after unloading that last load at storage. And it was hot. But then it about make me sick to think we had to drive to Nashville to turn in the cargo van – and back home. But we did it. For the most part the weather was good! No rain, not too much heat. The clouds began rolling in last night though.

George mowed and I worked on laundry last night. I was probably a “toot” at Mom’s, just tired to the point of not even wanting to be talked to. Have you ever had that feeling? Or am I the only one? I snapped a few times after my name had been called so many times in a row. Questions and more questions, where’s this, where’s that, who has the tape, who has the scissors, hand me this, hand me that, go get this, go get that. I couldn’t finish a thought in my own head must less answer 20 questions and do 20 other things when I had 20 of my own things in my head. I had a lot to do trying to get the packing done so we could get it packed, knowing what a long day it was. Then I had to unpack a box I’d already packed as something was lost. We were packing things faster than Mom was ready for us to pack. She hadn’t had time to do things or hadn’t felt like it. So it was slow going at times, but we did pretty good and after all we all came together and got a LOT done. I’m thankful to my Aunt and Uncle for helping to wrap picture frames in bubble wrap and run errands for tape, boxes, and bubble wrap.

Then everyone was planning my schedule in the coming days for me. How could I focus on two weeks from now when I can’t even get today done and I snapped about that. I felt bad and apologized to my aunt when I got home. I was about to lose my freaking mind! You know those moments when you hear introverts say “don’t talk to me til I’ve had my coffee?”. I felt like that all day. I finally got my coffee fix about noon-thirty and I was better and more able to deal with everyone and everything. I.was.just.so.tired!

I’m not trying to be ugly by typing this, I’m just trying to describe what it was like. I enjoy packing and moving because I like organizing things. I’m probably the only stupid person that enjoys packing and unpacking. But I have to say it’s more fun when it’s your own stuff and can be done at a pace. But we work all week in a different city. Mom is not able to do all the packing and we weren’t there to do it. So we were packing as fast as we could and George had to wait for a load. All that said, all in all, Mom was a good trooper and did better than I could have imagined. We are still not over yet. She still has a house full of furniture and stuff that remains for the U-Haul trip. George took pics and it’ll have to be a big one. We also have to figure out storage. The storage rooms are pretty full. A little room but not much. So we are trying to figure out what we can do in our basement or if we are going to need more storage.

I was like that girl in the Sybil movie with her head going around and around and around. I wasn’t sure it was even attached anymore.

I felt like this when the weekend was over.

Maybe we will laugh about it one day. But it’s off to work we go. I have to go in early today. I have to do both the Monday and Tuesday of payroll so long day for me. I did get a couple of loads of laundry done and folded last night and changed George’s sheets on his bed. I’ll change mine tonight and get my vitamins reset for the week.

I don’t think I can tolerate a Tuesday cleanse day. I think it would turn me into some kind of growling pirate animal. Speaking of that….George is already there. I was in the sun room and heard him growling. Seriously, he was growling.

I opened the screen and said “are you ok?” and he responded, “yeah, it works better if I growl at it!” He was fooling with some yard tool.

WE have all lost our freaking minds.

We did have a moment with our drinks at 9:15 to about 10:00 on the front porch, in the dark, it felt so nice outside. The fireflies have begun here and there and we watched fireworks in the distance. We had both had our showers and felt better and “the day was done”. It was nice just sitting there. We stayed there after the fireworks had ended, and talked about the move, and other things. Finally we went to bed. I was so tired I wasn’t sure I could sleep but I did.

The next few weeks are crazy busy! Will still be back and forth to Columbia and also Mom’s house closes TODAY!

I need to go get my things for the day and head out the door for work. I told George we had to go back to work to get some rest! lol

Ya’ll take care. How was your Memorial Day? Did you eat well and did you think of us moving Mom, lol? No celebration or cookouts for us but we did get to have a couple of quick meals on the go. lol

New Towels, New Tea Glasses, Weariness, and Forgiveness in a Dysfunctional Family

The new textured towels are in the middle. It makes the others dim by comparison. And let me tell ya, they are “mahhhhvelous”. They are thick and sturdy. I think they were $7.99 at Target. I’m really considering going back to get a couple more. But, I guess I will hold off for now. I love the texture and thickness. I think they are the best towels I’ve ever had.

And here are the new “tea glasses” – just some cheapies I bought at Kirland’s. The set was about $20. Aside from getting the 12 inch mattress foam pad cut from almost a queen size down to a twin size, is about all that is left on getting our house ready for Mom. The room is almost ready except for the sheet washing and me changing over beds. I will need to move some jewelry over from my armoire so as not to bother her on those early mornings going to work.

The State of Being

So it’s Wednesday now. I can say without a doubt that most of us are tired. Very tired at this point. Mom’s closing on her house is less than a week away, a lot of stuff still needs to be packed. Yet we work Full Time and don’t have much time to do it. It’s why we started weeks ago. It’s coming together but I think we are all feeling a bit overwhelmed at this point. George may not be, it’s hard to tell, but his humor with me this week bottomed out over a situation with Roger. That is usually when I can tell he is tired.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Our lives have been mostly all work and no play lately. Our year has geared up to be that way. It’s all for a good cause though – don’t get me wrong. I’m sure someone will though. But we are so ready for a vacation! I hope we can squeeze one in somehow. If we do it will be only a long weekend, if we even have days to do it.

Mom is worn out dealing with her clothes, she tells me. It’s not really anything we can pack. She knows what she wants for our house and what she wants to be packed for fall. She has had the hardest time over the clothes. I think all the closets were bursting with clothes. No wonder Daddy wanted the clothing armoire for himself, LOL LOL. I didn’t even know the big armoire was his. But I guess he needed it for his things. Anyway, Mom is having a time trying to figure out the clothing. I say this because she has mentioned it numerous times.

She is tired. I am tired. And I’m guessing George is by his demeanor this week in our discussions over Roger.

And there is this unquenchable persistent need for boxes and wrapping and bubble pack and waiting on the next Amazon order. None of us take the newspaper anymore. So wrapping materials are minimal and costly.

Dysfunctional Families

Photo by Anete Lusina on Pexels.com

It’s time like these when the going gets tough that you really have a tough time forgiving the family members that just “walked out”, freeing themselves from family obligations. How do you forgive an action that keeps on happening? When there is a row in the family that a family member chooses not to work out, a divorcing if you will of the two family members. A walking out and not looking back. No consideration of responsibility or of the others in the family. It’s sad in itself and at so many angles, but in times of need when the parent and other siblings struggle, it magnifies the efforts. It makes it very hard for me not to have a grudge. How do you continually forgive in this situation? I think I have the grasp on forgiveness and then I grapple with it again! Seventy X Seven? Ok I think I’m there! What now?

And indeed I know relationships will never be the same again. The longer the time, the more water under the bridge, the more wearing of the bridge, and time taking it’s toll on whatever piece of the bridge that is left. Walking out means a lot. It means walking out on everything and everyone, maybe even one’s inheritance, whatever is left at that point, but that is not my decision to make. I just don’t know what will come of the situation as a whole. Right now nothing absolutely guaranteed nothingness is what happens- no help, no caring, zip and zero. But I also don’t see how it can be rectified with me at this point. I can let go of my anger with it. But I can’t let go and say “this is ok” or “this doesn’t matter”. I constantly say “how can she do this?” and “what in the heck is wrong with her?”. I don’t know that I will ever be over it now what has happened. I don’t know what it will take to forgive. It’s because I cannot fully comprehend. The person says they are at peace now. Well, if I left and shirked my responsibilities, I’d probably be at peace too. lol. I am trying here, but I don’t know how to love through this situation where there is an obvious unwillingness on the party who left, to try and work it out, to lend a hand, to care, or to love through it back.

I just don’t know. I can write about these things now as it’s no longer a secret what is going on. I won’t mention the person’s name nor go into details about it. I will only write about how it impacts me and it is my right to do so. Others do what they feel is best for them. And for me, writing and journaling is my healing process. I’m not defaming others, not that there was fame to begin with, lol. But not defaming anyone’s character that is not already publicly seen. Several have asked me about this. I won’t talk about what caused the row and that is none of my business but I can talk about the burdens that it has placed on me and I see what it has done to my mother. I’m sure neither party is lily white in the situation as we all say things we don’t mean to. But I’m the sole caretaker of Mom now and this has been hard. We are doing it. But it’s been hard. And it just magnifies things when others who should be there helping are not. And I’m struggling with forgiveness right now. I’m just being honest.

Roger

So, little buddy Roger had a nail to grow into his paw. It’s totally our fault. We haven’t groomed him because of his anxieties. George cut his nails finally but the ones that were further back (like a thumb), I guess was not seen amidst his hair and was missed, and it curled under. It began causing him pain and punctured his paw. George tried to cut it but Roger would not let us and George would hesitate because he was trying to be careful and not cut his paw. And I kept saying “just take him to the vet” as it made me nervous that he was nervous. And then my nervousness fed back to him. He got upset with me and told me I wasn’t helping anything. I told him I’d always tell him the truth of what I thought. I think he should be attended to by the vet at this point as it is already a wound, they could calm his pain, and could give him something. It was my opinion. I told him I was sorry if he didn’t like it but he knows me well enough I’ll give my opinion. It has nothing to do with his abilities to take care of things. I just think it was best he go to the vet.

Our vet for years has become so successful and busy that it is very difficult to be seen by them. They are good but what good does it do when you call and can’t get an appointment for 3 weeks and have to call and maybe get a walk in appointment and have to wait to see if you can walk in. We have to work FT we can’t just sit around the house waiting for a maybe visit. So I suggested we go to the new one down the street. George didn’t want to but I looked on line and they had an Urgent Care of sorts. So he walked in, was immediately seen and made it home in next to NO TIME! Roger has antibiotics and inflammatory meds now and his paw is in a bandage and he is recovering. And from here on out, I say they are our new vet. The last time I took Maisy, we waited for hours, several visits. I’m done with that. We don’t have time for that.

Ok venting is over. It’s just what I needed for today. To vent, so I can park all the madness here and get on with life and be cheery from here. Thanks for listening!