Morning Mind vs Evening Mind

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

My evening mind is a little bit jealous of the morning mind. The evening mind does not get the same output, throughput, or think put. The morning mind is inquisitive, analytical, creative, wants to learn, wants to experience.

The days wears on and pieces of the morning mind break away and disintegrate. Something happens and it transforms.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The evening mind wants to be critical, needs to be entertained, wants to get away, is tired, is winding down, and needs to be soothed.

Then sleep happens and the process starts over again. Or not.

Today I’m needing more rest. My mind is still weary. Perhaps not as weary as an “evening mind” but the days they often wear on me.

Taking Inventory of How I Feel

When I get up in the mornings and don’t really want to blog, or do anything, it is usually a cause for concern. That is when I stop and take inventory of how I feel. Usually it is physical illness that keeps me from wanting to be creative in the mornings. And yes, I know, I am sitting here blogging anyway. I’m making myself do something!

I guess part of it is that there’s nothing really to share and not a lot going on but yet so much is. But usually I can take one small event and make it something exciting. lol I looked through my photos as I often begin blog posts now by what I photographed yesterday – reminding me of what I did or what we did. Other than saving pics of my River Roo (soon to share), I didn’t have any photos much other than these positive influencers below, which are fine, and a book I wanted to do research on.

It’s fine. There’s nothing seriously wrong, as I examine my self here and why my psyche is in the doldrums this morning, and maybe yesterday and the one before that and even the day before that one. I ask myself “what is wrong?“. Nada – nothing. Well not really. But, then I was able to master this list if I really open up. My only answers are this:

  • I don’t really have anything hanging out there that I’m really looking forward to I guess
  • We can’t really plan any trips right now
  • I have a list of things I’ve created that I want to do but never have time to do them so what’s the point?
  • The only way I get to do them is to push push push – why? Is it worth it?
  • I always seem to be stuck “in between”.
  • I’m always “waiting for something” to end, pass, fix itself, change, go the next phase
  • I’m unhappy with my weight and disappointed I’ve gained it back
  • And I have no desire to eat like a bird
  • I want to exercise but I have no desire to lose my creative time to fit another “thing” into my life
  • I am hating driving on the interstate now – what is up with that? I’ve refused to let the 80-100 mile an hour “death weavers” or people that “drive like their is a Nintendo Nascar game” scare me off.
  • I am sick to death of this damn dreaded illness and the political snit storm it has created.
  • I am sick to death of controversy of any type
  • Our anniversary of 30 years, I guess will be like any other anniversary. We could plan more but why? Spend more $ because it’s 30? I guess we’ll just eat and pretend the flooring is our 30 year gift. I had to wait about that long to get it, lol. I thought we’d do something special but neither of us has any umph left in us after this year to even plan anything other than a dinner. We choose to save the $ and have a really nice meal. It kinda bothers me but…yet neither of us seems to know what to do or have the desire to do anything different. Is that sad?
  • I read the Bible and it saddens me to know what is to come and how many people will not see eternity
  • I don’t like seeing my Mother getting older and not being able to see and her shrinking ability to do basic things and care for herself, and watching her frustrations, and sighs – what can I do?
  • I want to cook more and help out with that but yet by the time I get home am in no mood whatsoever to do so. It frustrates me most days to try a new recipe AFTER work and on Saturday’s I’m usually trying to cross things off the list, get ready for the next work week, clean house, do chores and laundry.
  • I let things get on my nerves easily because anything I try to do is quickly dissolved and I like things to be a certain way and they usually aren’t. It’s so aggravating and results in a feeling of “why try, just let it go to pot (disorganized)”
  • I want to read more. I want to do everything more. But there is no time.
  • I want to be excited about life, but then there is all this stuff happening in the world that squashes anything good out.
  • I want to be intoxicated with life and ideas and plans and expand and travel and explore and experience – yet here I sit unable to move by life, work, and circumstance.

And I guess that is about it. So I’ve purged and feel better already.

Photo by Bekka Mongeau on Pexels.com

They say you should just “choose Joy”. I can feel all those things above and still choose contentment. I’m not sure if I could say “joy”. I think with a mind like mine, I am the way I am – solemn most of the time, always looking for improvement, betterment, always reaching, always trying. So I think on those things most of the time. And since I’m always ever reaching for something, I’m always dreaming and wishing for more excitement.

I’m trying to enjoy and cherish the present and I’m able to do that. So I am happy with that. I’m never bored – that’s for sure. But my mind gets tired. And that is ok too.

I was able to take a tired mind and do this post.

So today I’m just going to take in the moment. Enjoy the little things. Smile more. Enjoy the coffee. Live and let live. Do what I can. And quit being frustrated because life is something other than I want it to be. Because I do love my coffee. I do love my books. I do love to write. I do love most of my life. So slow down and quit trying to make everything happen at once. Enjoy the day. The videos get done when they do. Mom’s house gets done when it does. We’ll get a dog when we do. We’ll travel when we do. The virus will end when it does. We’ll do what we’ll do and we will not do what we won’t.

The tribe spoke and I’m going for more coffee. I’ll share the River Roo pics tomorrow when the post is not so morose, lol. And I also have run out of time!!!!!

Do you ever have days like these? Hopefully my Morning creativity will come back but right now my Evening mind is taking over. I’m really just tired and need more rest?

The Heat is On, Exhaustion, and Prayers for Family and Tennessee Flood Victims

We are so lucky, well most of the time, to have deer roaming freely in our neighborhoods. They are so used to people and even vehicles. This one, simply looks up, and goes on about eating the neighbors lilies, lol. You can barely seem him in the picture. He’s right in the middle. I actually Thank God in the mornings for the wildlife he puts in our midst. It makes me feel good knowing that if I can’t be out exploring God’s beauty at least he will bring it to me in some fashion.

The Heat is On

Summer is trying to squeeze out as much heat upon us as it can. Although areas to our Southwest seem to have had more heat warnings. We’ve had temps around 95-97. The maintenance crew was in our office -not from our company but I guess who ever owns the buildings send in someone to monitor the “new fangled” system they put in back in spring. They have had issue with it since. The old one seemed to work fine and only had to be adjusted when a frontal boundary came through but this one has kept nearly NO ONE happy. lol. Everyone is either blasted to the Arctic cold or melting in a pool of humid and extremely warm air. Eventually the break room and my office took the brunt of the arctic air while the rest became somewhat comfortable. I vowed to endure it with my heater going and a wool cape that resembles a wool throw one would have upon them in the coldest of winter days.

So the maintenance guys were in again testing the “whatever it is they test” throughout the building – air holes, I don’t know. And I told them how cold it was in my office. So now I guess they turned the vent off and so this week this has been the story.

Once again, I vowed to put up with it. I was the one that said I was cold. One can only laugh. I hate to complain. Fall is coming and then I guess it will be cold in there. lol lol lol. I don’t know what the answer is, other than to turn my fan on HIGH. I moved it closer to me and let it blow directly on my face and yesterday I make sure I drink lots of ice water. I also can put cold paper towels on my neck.

Life and “the universe” as they call it, just seems to play together sometimes. And so this was Monday’s calendar.

Well, heck yeah I’m hot! lol But bless their hearts, they just can’t figure this system out. I guess the owners were trying some new fangled system to save money but it’s just not working.

Exhaustion

So I’m not sure if the heat played a part in this or not. All I know is that around Noon on Monday I began feeling extremely tired. It was hard to get through the day. I didn’t feel bad or sick as much as I just felt lifeless. And maybe I was just dehydrated. But when I went home, I went straight to bed. I got up and ate dinner which is how I knew I wasn’t sickly. Dinner was good and I went back to bed.

Sleep was…….well……good but in the middle of the night I guess I had a weird nightmare. My body was so tired that whenever I was trying to wake up, I couldn’t. I couldn’t move. I tried to move my arms and legs but they wouldn’t move. I had to pray to wake up as it felt some force was over me not allowing me to wake up or move. I was determined to overcome whatever was overpowering me. I guess it was a weird dream. I woke up when I prayed Lord get rid of whatever is overpowering me. I woke up from the dream at that point. It freaked me out. It kinda bothered me all day when I thought of it. I think my body was just so tired it really didn’t want to move as I was waking up, because it kinda felt that way also when I was awake. I just wanted to be!

I still felt exhausted when I got up yesterday morning (Tuesday morning) still. But I was hungry and determined to get payroll done and then come home and go to bed again.

At work, I closed the blinds, and then kept icy cold water and drinks in front of me. I have no idea if it was the heat or not – but it certainly wasn’t helping any – but I was determined to make the situation better. The blinds down brought the temp down to 78 and I made sure to drink a lot of fluids. See I have blood pressure meds that have a water pill in them and so that can make things worse from a dehydration stand point.

Anyway by Noon I began to feel like I was coming back to life. During the exhaustion period, I couldn’t not do anything other than “get through the moment” – no planning, no thinking about the next thing. So by Noon I actually began to feel better in the way that I was less tired but also able to think about my to do list and what I would do when I got home. So I knew I was on the mend. The idea crossed my mind that perhaps I was getting “the dreaded” but no other signs. I considered even staying home as the tiredness was so debilitating but then who calls in b/c they are tired? I’m tired a lot, I’d have to be off A LOT if that was a reason to call in. And I’m not going to get a test for being tired. Not even sure they would give one.

So I’m much better. Not quite to perfection but feeling better anyway. Much more normal!

Pray for Family

Speaking of the dreaded. I have some family near and dear to heart that likely have “the dreaded”. I’m calling it the “the dreaded” b/c I think if you mention it in some media forms the post is not broadcast or meeting the algorithms now. So I try not to mention it.

So they are not getting tested – or haven’t yet anyway – but I don’t want to mention who they are. For the “trolls” or the “stalkers” to ease your mind – NO I’ve not been around them to expose anyone so rest your fears. Anyway, I’m really worried about them, VERY worried. So please put up some prayers that God heals quickly, no long term issues, and no respiratory issues and no problems from this. One of them has had pneumonia before and once you get it, it can be easy to get again and I worry about that.

Flood Victims and Families of the Deceased

I was shocked to realize that one of the people that lost their lives in the flooding, was a lady I had worked with at the envelope plant, Jane Warfield. She retired some twenty years ago and moved to Waverly. She would have been 81 or so I think. Her husband also passed. This was sad. I don’t know the details of her particular story but it certainly made this more personal. And it’s sad to see the names listed. You realize where each name is, there is a family heavy with grief. And this is not the entire list. I also had a teacher once by the name of Linda Arnold. I think that was her name. I have no idea if that is her. I took this pic to send my friends at the envelope plant.

Hoping to find out more information. At least I understood this was the confirmed deaths, but there were some that were still missing. It’s tough to watch the news coverage on this. Even the law enforcement having a tough time keeping composure and breaking down on the news briefings. One said “Sorry guys you have to realize we grew up in this community and these were all people we knew”. There are numerous homes that just floated away.

So prayers for these folks. I want to do something! Perhaps make a donation or send supplies, but for right now I’m just praying.

One never knows what a day will bring. Certainly those folks didn’t know they would get 13-17 inches of rain and drown at their place of dwelling or their place of work, or be swept away by a surprise tidal flooding wave.

Have a Joyous Day and Enjoy it Whatever You Do

I have to leave you with encouragement after that. Here’s your “Meanwhile in Texas” section of the day. My little toot – my Little Roo. Don’t you just want to scoop him up and give him some loving? Gosh I miss him.

Well, not sure this is encouraging but I ran across this picture yesterday. I think it was in my Facebook memories. It made me cry. I miss them so much. I know though, that the Lord just knows what we can handle and what we can’t. I know that for this season while we moved Mom, are having Mom live with us, and will be moving her again – and for the time frame where we went to see our Grandson and will go again, God just knew we needed less responsibility. But my heart misses them both so much. Especially the love that Maisy gave me that just stole my heart. How she loved me at times when it seemed like no one else did. God used her to warm my heart.

I know in my heart there will be another special dog or two. But now is not the time. When I get sad I think about how good God was to send us Maisy and Roger and I know that in time and I trust – that God will again send us two more amazing doggies to love and care for and have them care for us! I’m so looking forward to it. But we need to get Mom settled and take a couple of trips. I’m thinking spring/summer/fall of 2022. Stay tuned.

You Know Fall is Coming When You See This

There seem to be spiders outside everywhere before fall gets here. Not sure why but I guess that is why you see so many spider decorations at Halloween.

Well, I need to go and get ready. I’m glad to be feeling better and glad I can work toward my to do list. Got the ironing done yesterday after work – pressing the wrinkles out of some work pants. I let them hang dry as my clothes last longer when I do that. Also got the sunroom sofa blankets put back on. I know ya’ll liked the sofa sunroom furniture pattern but I don’t. So I cover them with blankets/quilts. I had washed them and now all is ready for fall. It also makes them comfy too.

Now to move on to set my next hair appt – likely 10 to 12 weeks out and do my computer updates on the Mac, order vacuum bags for the new vacuum. Then I can do my To Do List that is hard to get to, lol. Dinner tomorrow night with neighbor and friend Christie! Can’t wait to catch up with her.

Ok – over and out! Probably will blog again on Friday morning. Whatcha got going on in your week?

Blogging in Bullet Points with Two Needs: Rest and Time

Photo by Wesley Carvalho on Pexels.com

I love this picture. I suppose that many of us can describe our own meanings. For me: it describes how I feel right now.

  • Trying to hold the world together in pieces
  • Very tired
  • A lot of loose ends still lying about waiting to be connected
  • And I’m sleeping a lot
  • And getting my nails done too, lol
  • I’m trying to keep my own world together
  • But the world is spinning around me and moving too fast
  • And pieces are still coming at me begging to be fit in somehow

Just Wow! Not only is this a great photo taken by Wesley Carvalho, it perfectly describes my world and Wesley doesn’t even know me. lol

I don’t need to blog now b/c he just said everything I needed to, ha!

Really I just feel like I need two things and I’ll be ok.

  • Time
  • Rest

The week has been harried and hurried. I’ve had appointments before work and after work and work worries in between. I’ve gone to bed later a couple of times and have had to get up earlier at times. I’ve worked late and gone in early too at times.

I think have had maybe 2 hours within the whole week to myself – if that. I have had an hour to do a few chores and an hour or two to watch videos which I use to decompress.

Other details this week:

  • They had the funeral for George’s friend/boss yesterday
  • I think River is better and recovering from RSV, but is teething in a big way and wanting to crawl and can’t yet
  • Trying my best to get the quarter end closed, waiting on data at this point. Only a few hours left to work on it since I do payroll most of the first four days of the week. Will have a little time on Thurs/Friday of next week.
  • Had my physical Wednesday at 6:00 a.m. (yes, that early) waiting on data but it will probably be the same, lose weight, yadayada
  • Took Mom to get her hair cut Wed after work
  • The coffee from new coffee pot went all over the counter this morning but at least we captured half a pot. I don’t know why. This alone makes me want to give up and go back to bed. lol
  • Went to trivia last night although I could have gone home, lit candles, played soft music, and read. It sucks to be an introvert. It was fun and the food was good, but I was so tired it was hard to enjoy it.
  • Roger is getting worse, he fell asleep with his ear in his water bowl. He is more wobbly. He can’t see as well and he is howling day and night a lot more than usual. He continually steps in his water or knocks it over.

Things to be excited about, but right now I’m only one cup of coffee in, and too tired to show any:

  • George was just kidding when he said we couldn’t get the foyer covered with the new flooring. That stinker! I just found this out yesterday! lol. YAY!
  • We can’t schedule the flooring yet until all the materials come in ::::sigh:::::
  • Today is Friday!
  • Tomorrow I am going shopping. BY MYSELF. For pants. I was supposed to have done this in March. So now I’m going for pants, tops, shoes, and we’ll see. I’ve asked God to guide me in this effort. I’m sooooo looking forward to it. I might video parts of it. lol
  • I DID have time to work on deleting photos from my iPhone (instead of blogging yesterday, which I was not in the mood to do)

Things I have to do before I can start the next video:

  • Delete the old iMovie data from the timeline and media in iMovie
  • Move over all my winter files to my “2021 Monthly Dated Files” for keeping, then delete from iphone
  • Move over photos from May and create folders for upcoming iMovies

Things I want to do when I freaking have time:

  • Check out some new books, b/c we have to push ourselves to stop and read
  • Go the grocery store and leisurely look for things to eat/try.
  • Check out a new show on Netflix, finish watching the old ones
  • Check out a couple of places for excursions
  • Do things on the bucket list
  • Do my to do list
  • Do some canon lessons
  • Work on my videos
  • Sleep/Rest
  • Just BEEEEEE for a few minutes
  • Fix a recipe
  • Play on iTunes
  • Properly clean my house

But the weekend is almost here. It’ll be busy too, but…maybe, just maybe, I will get something, AnYtHinG done!

Photo by Daniela Constantini on Pexels.com