Christmas Stress and Holiday Distress

Good morning. Like my “rescue snowman”? Mom was tossing him out in the fall to give away and I always loved those snowmen. There are two. But one was in worse shape than the other. So this one found its way to our guest bedroom.

Santa found his way to our linen closet. I think he thought maybe we’d smile while reaching for a towel. Ooops that top towel got bleached and needs to go to the basement for a rag towel. Note to self: Get more white towels. I only want bleachable ones now. Hotel type towels.

So have been trying not to blog too much this week, but if I miss a morning it feels like forever. I have gone in early a couple of mornings, have eaten at desk, have stayed a few minutes over – trying to get in my work and get in the hours – although next week will all be really long days so I probably wouldn’t have had to do that, but I want the company to come out on top so no one thinks I’m slating anyone. The reason for working longer is that I’m leaving mid day today to take Mom to the eye doctor to get her monthly shot in the eye. It keeps her from going blind in that eye. The friend that takes her, her husband has the virus so I’m taking her. I’m leaving and going to Columbia to pick her up. We go to Spring Hill. Then back to Columbia, and then I’ll go back home to Mount Juliet.

Once back in Mount Juliet, George and I are doing a little Christmas prep run to help Santa tonight. I feel like I need another day off to get a few things done but there is not to be one. I used to have about 3 days off in the month of December and that went down to 2 at some point and now down to 1 of all things. Work is just so needy this time of year. It should be other way around. I should be taking more time off at the holidays and not less. Somethings wrong there about that. But that is my life I guess. This time of year just gets busier and busier on the work front.

They should have named me Jonni. Jonni on the Spot. Sonya on the Spot. Sonya is the Spot. Either that or Atlas. Here would you hold my world ball for a second? lol

Had to add the flower so no one would accuse me of having a porn site. lol Isn’t that the way the world works? Accusing everyone of everything? No tissue scars here of course. (Rolls eyes).

So yeah, would you hold my world ball for a second? I really need some time to do the following:

*Get those gift cards in the mail to my extended family.

*Test George’s stocking and wrap the rest

*Wrap his final presents I bought this week

*Wrap my work gifts that I bought the people I work closely with before I knew about the last minute Secret Santa.

*Oh yeah. I need to get my Secret Santa gift and wrap it. It’s due tomorrow.

*So yeah, more time to go shopping for said Secret Santa gift- didn’t even get a weekend for that one and no time for Amazon and how many times have we been to the store this week alone? Let’s go one more time? But when?

*Can I have some more time to grieve over my Maisy? I miss her so.

*I need time to clean up my house before company comes. Pretty please?

*Need to make those sausage balls and breakfast casseroles. In my sleep?

*Oh yeah, need to make that Christmas grocery store run. When again?

We can do these things this weekend you say? Yeah we can. Company is coming Saturday though! So need to do a lot by then.

*Need to prep a few surprises and help Santa with something else

*Need to wrap those gifts for friends that we will see probably in February but I want to put my gift wrapping paper up not to be seen again for a long time.

*Yep, and as said, I need time to put that said gift wrap paper up and get my office back to normal

I’ll take some time yes….any time I can get. At some point in my life I hope to actually GET TO ENJOY Christmas again. But until someone else holds the WORLD BALL. I guess I’m Sonni on the Spot soon to be Nonni on the Spot! 😉 And at that moment the WORLD BALL will drop and it will either bounce back or it won’t. Yes WOE is me. I know. Unclip those violin cases and gather about and play me a big whiney tune. But this is how I feel this morning. I have a lot to do, a lot to do, a lot to do, and next to zero time to do it in.

I guess all that to say this:

I’m tired. I’m really tired. I mean like really really tired. Even after sleeping all night.

I miss my Maisy. This morning it hit hard again.

I have things to do. Did I say that already?

Next to Zero time to do it in. I said that too? I must have meant that.

But soon it will be Christmas. We’ll have four days off. We have to work our buns off the days before to get there. Oh and after it too. Would you expect otherwise? But soon there will be a beloved 4 days off. In which we do not have to travel anywhere or go anywhere! Work 4 more days and have 3 days off. And again we go no where nor travel anywhere. And before too much longer a week off. And we will travel for that one.

In February – I’m hibernating and being a recluse except for working of course – which I will be a slave to for days until month end, quarter end, and year end duties are done. There will be no. time. to. breathe. But afterwards in February I’m getting a pedicure, a manicure, and a formal hair cut and continuing my hibernation. In March I’m coming out of my hibernation shell and going out and about in the world and living my life, COVID or not. And that is that. So world you better shape up! March Madness is all Mine this next year! And You don’t want to see me mad. ;-). March is Mine Baby! Look out!

Yep, I’m pretty tired right now. I’ve not really had a good rant lately. I always have a Christmas rant. So here it is this year. No one is going to take away my time to rant!

Yeah it’ll come together. It always does. But it’s 2020 so….we may be twirling our thumbs and looking at each other and it all for naught. But we gotta try to pull Christmas together. One year maybe we can actually enjoy it but we almost manage to stress ourselves to the point of sickness by the time it actually gets here. So who knows how it will all turn out.

Time Crunches and Health Providers not in the Network

Photo by Pixabay on

Happy……..geez it’s Thursday already? Wow! Happy Thursday that is! I was not going to do a blog post this morning as I was thinking that nothing was going on. Well, plenty is going on, but not much worth talking about.

The pic above, a reference to how fast things are suddenly moving. Things are picking up speed for sure —or needing to. Like me. I’m needing to speed up and catch up with everything blurring past me.

First things first, quarter end is finally done. The last bit included 2 hours worth of data entry, lost by the Oregon tax website as they have not included a “save” button on the transit tax portal. I guess most employers have the software to do an upload when they have to enter 59 employee’s socials, earnings and tax information. We do not according to my peeps. So I stopped to do a payroll function and it was gone. What’s 2 hours? A lot at quarter end. ::sigh:: This I am used to, so no surprises, no tears, no blood, no sweat…just another thing to have to do again. Another box to still be checked off. However, this next time I’d have to wait until 1) payroll was over 2) I had a stretch of about 3 hours in case something didn’t balance 3) I had recent trip to the girls room first 4) Wouldn’t take the BP meds with the water pill in it til after the report was done (LOL) 5) I’d have a cup of coffee or water in case I got thirsty as I’d be strapped to the chair til it was over. And while I dreaded it, and had rushed through payroll so I could do it, I was able to get this done yesterday with no issue. This completed quarter end. I’ve made a note that this is something I can be working on in the “lull” I have while waiting on other information. It’s always been done last I guess b/c it’s not as significant of a deal as opposed the other tax returns but I can put this ahead and do it in the middle of the month instead of waiting til the end. I think everyone waited on this part as Oregon was so odd and difficult to figure out. I am happy the tax return itself is not hard at all now that I know how it works.

Photo by Oleg Zaicev on

And so I have been trying all week to get some orders placed on line and things moving and shaking on the Christmas front. Some packages have to be shipped and also with the orders and shipping some times taking longer, I hate to wait. However, every night it has been busy with something. I did a store run one night, made our squash casserole and did some household chores, and then last night we had George’s benefit open enrollment meeting on zoom. We were very happy with the insurance costs and to have 3 plans to choose from. However, there is not a hospital near us that is in the network. They don’t accept Tri-Star. I think it took some of the hospitals about 45 min away in various areas. This is not going to work for me. I’m also not sure my doctor is on there and you can’t get online to see until you have a membership in the plan. And we need to know this information beforehand so we can decide if we want to do this or not. I’m not getting on a plan that can’t tell me that information. They said “oh if it’s an emergency, you can go anywhere”. Ummm no. I know how that works. That means that when it comes time to be focused on whatever emergency you and your family are dealing with – you will also be fighting with insurance companies and every little company that did anything to you for a very very very long time. Ummm not thank you. I’m not willing to have those battles and they are not going to be willing to hear me squawk if I have to. I’ve laid the line with George. Absolutely not going to take this plan if docs and hospitals are not on it. I want peace of mind.

They have filled the plans with all these ancillary benefits/voluntary benefits to fill the voids (extra insurance to patch the holes of the insurance you are already having to pay for). It all sounds good til the rubber meets the road and you get all the bills coming from that ambulance ride, that anethstesia service, that hospital that – ooops wasn’t on the plan – so sorry.

Even if it did cover the emergency after a fight you know you are going to have, then what if you have chest pain and it turned out to be an irritated muscle. Oh boy those test will be expensive at 100% as it turned out not to be an emergency after all and you just visited a hospital out of network. No ma’am. No sir. Not gonna happen. We need to be covered where we are and not drive miles for care or die in the process getting there. Not going to pay for insurance for coverage I won’t receive and have to pay full price for. Naw….

On top of everything else going on, I really don’t need the pressure of THIS now. But it is what it is and imagine I’ll be moving us to our work’s plans which will let us join since changes in spouses plan allows me to make a family status change at my own company. We don’t need this right now. But it is what it is. <—–I’ve said that so many times in my life I’m tired of that phrase.

George says he’s going to meet with them at work to understand more. I’m not going to be happy unless the names of our providers are in the network so it doesn’t really matter what they tell him. I’m not going to believe someone’s word. It needs to be in writing. Not in the network in black and white, not for me. I have to have peace of mind and that is the last thing we need to be worrying about when there is an emergency or NOT an emergency.

So maybe tonight we will look at my company’s insurance. I just don’t trust this one right now we are looking at with his company with all our favorites not in the network and having to drive miles for the cheapest service which was a feature they were encouraging. Inconvenience the employee so the company can pay less. We pay less too as claims are cheaper on the front end, but you may pay more in gas to get there or pay yourself as your provider may not be covered, or die b/c you had to drive to the other providers that were on the list, or just refuse to use the system b/c who the heck wants to drive to Egypt for coverage, LOL. Again. Naw. I’m not pleased. You are right. Ain’t nobody gonna be happy unless Mama is happy and Mama is not happy with this deal so Mama gonna do something else!

Also our calendar and to do’s are picking up and we have already kinda run out of very many Saturday’s to get shopping excursions done. We still have Sunday’s but this gal needs time to get household chores done and a bit of rest one day of the week at least. We have Katy’s shower this Saturday, we have dog grooms and friend get togethers and we are very much looking forward to all of it.

We are awaiting Aldi to get in the smoked turkey and have been working on the Thanksgiving meal a bit. I have to figure out the payroll week in that short of a time frame. Mom is coming. I will not get any EXTRA time off other than the company holidays (of course not) – due to the short week and payroll has to be done. So all the cooking will be done on Thanksgiving Day and not before. I will have to get Mom after work on Wednesday and while usually I try to go in early and get off early – that may or may not be possible to do that day. We’ll see.

So the time crunch is coming upon us along with everything else. But there are two of us to pull it all off. We may have to shop after work at night. I need to get my on line shopping done first. Crazy crunch time. I’m feeling it. Like I do every year. We’ll get through it. We will also have the December crunch and the January crunch. February will be our hibernation month this next year. Don’t anyone mess with it! I need to see but I think I may have a day of PTO I can take – maybe two and still have the 40 to roll over. I have to see. If I do then I can decide when is best to take it. Now or at gift wrapping time? Ahhh so much to do! And not much time to do it in.

Time Crunch, Dizziness, and a Possible Intruder

Happy Halloween! Hard to believe that tomorrow is November! And today starts our Christmas Shopping! We have plans that are forming and changing right up to the last minute.

As for yesterday. It was an intense and busy Friday, frantically trying to cover as much ground as possible with the little time I was given to try and get returns filed. I made more ground than I realized this week. And not as behind as I thought – maybe a little more behind than normal but I think I have about two more days of work to go. Only down to the state that we are always a day or two late on, Oregon.

The major return that I normally struggle with a bit, the 941 return was filed though. It was complicated and stumped everyone else too because of the COVID numbers and credits. I was confused as to what number I was supposed to arrive to. I did the return but was it right? You have to matching numbers in your payroll reports to what you see on the screen in the report. lol. It was confusing but I was thankful to have help.

I have a very good and patient boss and teacher. She is so good with me and my personality. She knows I can do things, she knows I get better when I have good notes and that although it may be a slow go at this field I was never “colleged in”. She knows that I will eventually learn the task and can do it on my own. I used to have to have help with Oregon but I can do that one now. It once took three of us to get it done, lol. I balanced the first time yesterday on the unemployment, withholding, trimet, and WBF tax return – it’s an all in one. (But still there is an STT tax thing that has to be filed. And then I have to do all of the same for our Transport company.)

But my boss was very patient with me yesterday knowing I was freaking out late afternoon. I burst out with “I need to start getting this information sooner” and setting boundaries of “Now I can’t stay past dark by myself!” as the fear began pushing in. I wondered if she rolled her eyes inside at my stress (I probably would have if I was my supervisor, lol) – but if she did I didn’t see it. I am thankful that she lets me vent for a minute knowing that I will do so and then I will go on to finish said task. Some supervisors would just sit and argue and judge you over what you just said or vented, but she gets it and lets me just get it out and lets me go on.

I know I have to be frustrating sometimes when I get stressed and honestly a bit angry for having to rush at the last minute when I’m the last domino piece of the quarter end puzzle. And I don’t want to let us down. But this time there were a lot of things going on, and a lot of things that had to come together before the data was ready for me to do my part. Then when it was time to do my part there was not much time left. Could we have planned this better? I don’t know. It is and has been out of my control. I was good until I really needed a “mask” over my mouth in the last hour or two as I vented my frustrations.

Photo by Prateek Katyal on

If we could do a bit more planning and have little icons set on a timeline that we have to be this far along by certain times in the month or we won’t finish on time – maybe the last minute crunch could be avoided. But there were new types of twists to this one that made things go awry. So….I’m not sure it could have been helped. Of course I pulled the rabbits out of the hat, ate lunch at my desk, prayed, prioritized, and did what I could to make up for it and was pleased that I made lemons out of a sauerkraut situation, LOL LOL. I don’t know where these things come from – they just pop in my head when I’m typing. How one can compare tax returns to sauerkraut is beyond me. I relate everything to food.

So back to the 11th hour…..As I mentioned it was a bit frantic as I had my day planned out but was redirected to do another return instead and rattled me a bit as it was the end of the day. I made notes that we need to try and NOT do that one at the end of the day but at the beginning of the day and I made notes that there are things I can have figured in advance to make it easier during the time crunch. I frustratingly called George and told him I’d be late, and it made me mad that suddenly at 4 p.m. I was just now realizing my night (our plans) was to be blown, but I was able to pull out of it more quickly than I thought. But…it meant I was not going to get through with the other things I was working on -gosh darnit. And then my email was exploding I got about 25 PTO forms at the very last minute as one of our plants had a power outage earlier in the week but decided to put those off til Monday to get ready for payroll.

I should do a procrastination post. I think most everyone lives in a procrastination world. That is so…..against my nature. I could probably title this post Procrastination as the opposite of it would have made for a better day for everyone. But it’s ok….I’m sure I procrastinate in some areas of my life too. And After all our plans were not ruined. I had done what I could with the time allotted, and wasn’t going to be able to focus and function beyond that point with accuracy. So I left at the time I normally do.

Dizzy Dizzy Dizzy

And yeah, There’s more to the story. I worked yesterday with dizziness, sweats, shakiness, and nearly passed out or stroked out or something around 1 or so. I have been doing my 16 hours of fasting and then eating in an 8 hour window of the day. It worked really well for two days! I could feel my body releasing fat, toxins, my tummy getting flatter, and felt great. I had found the way to do it w/o having to cleanse all day. But yesterday, I had water and fruits drink and then when I ate, because I was trying to eat quick, I ate starchy things – carrots with honey french dressing, mac and cheese cup, and two slices of bacon – oh and an oreo cookie. Odd weird lunch I know. Then a few minutes later while filing a return, everything turned upside down and I began to feel out of control like I was about to pass out or just disconnect from the world. I grabbed the desk and put my head down and drank water and ate nuts for quick protein.

So I had gone from not eating, to eating a bunch of everything that was sugar or starch that would turn into sugar. I think my system was shocked by it. This incident made me realize this is what was happening all those times I was dizzy across my life – and I can picture each time it happened, where I was and how it made me feel was just like what I experienced yesterday. And it’s the big reason why I’m afraid to be hungry or miss a meal. It’s the reason I overeat. It’s because I’ve always tried to avoid this happening. I remember these times in my life when this happened:

  1. College dorm, had been waiting to eat knowing we were going out later in the day for pizza. I drank a sweet tea in the lobby while waiting to be picked up.
  2. Working at Cain Sloan, a busy morning and didn’t eat properly- I’m sure I had a coke or something and then BAM. This is the biggest one though – I was dizzy for two days and had a hard time walking after this dizzy spell as it messed with my balance. It was the day before the Challenger exploded. I remember as I was home trying to recover and regain balance and clear vision and balance.
  3. Driving to Columbia with Katy in the car to my sister’s shower. Didn’t eat much knowing that we were going to eat later. Probably sipped on some kind of sweet drink on the way and bam. I recovered quickly and was able to get to the right lane where I chose to stay in case it happened again.
  4. At the movie theatre and mall at Hundred Oaks. We didn’t eat breakfast as we were going to an early matinee around noon and then eat after. I decided I’d cut calories by no breakfast and just eat popcorn and coke. Bam! I had to send Katy to tell George to hurry and get me a taco fast as I was about to pass out. Dizzy, sweat, everything going black. Protein brought me back.
  5. The day we went to Cheekwood, and I skipped lunch as we were going out to eat. Not sure if I had anything sweet or not but got the shakes really bad and felt out of control. We had to get something to eat in a hurry while waiting for friends to join us.
  6. The day we had a late brunch with a lot of starches and I topped it off with a pancake and syrup. BAM! Had to get George to take us through a fast food place where I could get a burger and eat the meat off the bun to bring me back.

Why is this backward from everyone else that has to have sugar to bring them back? Like orange juice. I have to eat protein to be brought back to normal. Anyway, I can’t do this again. I realize now what is causing it. Not eating for a stretch, followed by eating sugar/starch and not much protein.

So why did not do this while cleansing? I was following their system and eating some small thing every hour all day long and they had it built in where you wouldn’t have sugar highs or lows. I’m not sure which it is. I think I’m just getting opposite extremes and my system can’t handle it. Momma told me this might happen and I shooed her thoughts away but she was right. So no more fasting like that.

Instead of going home, I pushed through for the sake of quarter end processing. I knew I had to pull my part of the puzzle. But another reason we need to NOT try and do things last minute. Now we are all much older, I have a Momma older than me that will begin need much more care, and we will have a new Grandson soon. So procrastination could prove to be a nasty notch on the wheel if selected as the course of option always. One never knows when you have a situation that will take you away that will put a kink in everything planned, and then there is payroll. So double trouble. This is why I like to get things done early! You are in a better position for life to happen.

But no worries and no more fasting! That will at least help. If I’d known that I could have had a nice breakfast yesterday! LOL. Dang it!

I’d rather be fat and happy than stroked out and dizzy.

Evening Out

And since I stayed at work, as bad as I felt, I pushed through our plans to go to the new restaurant in town, MEMO’s.

I kinda felt like I was put through a grinder of sorts and spit out the other end of the work week, and it was odd sitting there at the restaurant with George on the other side of me. Wow. All I could think of was taxes, returns, numbers, files, computer, calculator, desk, pens. Now I’m plunked down in a restaurant with a drink in my hand and no words. All I could say was “How was your day?” I had no brain left. Not much energy and was looking very forward to those fajitas! Protein, my friend!

We were so excited when it arrived, I apparently didn’t take a picture, LOL. But I did get the drinks and yes, even after yesterday’s debacle with the fasting, I had dessert. If I have a lot of protein I can handle it. So we got the Mexican Cheesecake.

For a few I came back to life and suggested to watch a movie when we got home. But on the way home I told George, I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t focus, just needed to play Candy Crush and go to bed. Dang it I left those clothes in the washer -was trying to get ahead and now need to reboot it and let it wash again most likely.

An Intruder?

Well I slept for a couple of hours and then woke up about an hour after George came to bed. I think about midnight or so. I kept hearing noises that didn’t sound familiar – full moon, booms and bangs in the night, a door shutting, a window being pried open. Who knows, but with each noise the imagination gets bigger. I had a home intruder envisioned in my brain. I got up to look outside. Imagine the horror when my sleepy eyes transfixed on the sun room door that was opened a few inches wide. What? I thought my eyes were betraying me – surely not. I went to another window for a closer look. And YES THE SUN ROOM DOOR was open!

I quickly jumped back in bed – the easiest way to get to George in a king size bed. He was sleeping good. Real good. Snores and all. I kept trying to wake him. It took three tries and alarmed him as I said the sun room door is open and I’m scared someone is in the house or has been.

He got up, I grabbed my phone and had the dial pad open where I could easily call 911 without fumbling. He grabbed the gun and began going forward and looking everywhere. We did not see anyone. I was rattled. I could not go to sleep until 4 a.m. Was anyone hiding somewhere? I played Candy Crush, drank SleepyTime Tea and waited for either morning or a burglar surprise – I wasn’t sure which. I just prayed. And at 4 a.m. when I knew people would start to stir across the neighborhood that we were nearing the safer hours and I crawled back in bed and slept until 8. George put double doors between Maisy and me so she wouldn’t wake me up.

The coffee is good, the blogging is good and I’m going for a second cup, a shower and then we are off to Lebanon TN for the day to shop and eat! And oh yeah, I’ll be grabbin a bit of something before I go. Likely an egg. I’ve been craving an egg sandwich all week. Maybe I’ll do an egg on whole grain – just once slice. Geez!

I think I’ll take my camera and keep it around my neck for our adventures today. What a beautiful day for some shots around the square!