A coworker gave me this book, and I had rearranged my office early in the year and created a prayer journal. On the first page I gave myself “guidance” at what should be written within the pages. Since then I have written in it every day and late in the week last week, I wrote on the last page. At the end of the book I had written back in January, a reminder to read glance back through and SEE what all the LORD had answered.
That said, I “thought” we had the issue of “church” resolved, but I should have known better. The week before we were a minute late so I didn’t want us to be late this week since it takes us all 10 minutes to gather things, lock up, get in the car and actually pull out the drive so I said “let’s leave at 8:05 instead of 8:15”. So we did. We had 8 minutes to spare as we crawled into the pew. I was pleased we did so well.
About then Mom said “Do I hear music?” I tried to figure out what she was talking about and faintly you could hear some calm and soothing music before the worship service started. I said “yes”. She said it had instruments in it and that wasn’t right. Then I realized what she was doing. I leaned over and said “I am trying so hard to please you. If you don’t like this church then PICK ANOTHER ONE! And good luck with that because you are not going to like any of them as they won’t be perfect.” She retorted that she had raised me better than that to accept music in the worship building. I told her I didn’t limit my worship of God to the church building like she did. And that because of that if I lived by “her rules” I would have to be forced to listening to AC/DC’s Highway to Hell going down the road instead of listening to a Christian station that would encourage my soul, so I don’t just expel music with instruments just because it contains a Godly message or has instruments. What good does that do a person to just delete music from your life when you believe in worshipping God all week long and not just on Sunday. She said she wished she had just stayed at home and not moved up here. Which was a verbal slap to my face after all we have done to get her here.
Worship service started at that point and she said she didn’t want to go to a liberal church and then I said “then pick another one!!!!” and she began talking to the air with her fists balled up – words that were meant for me that she couldn’t say out loud, I’m sure. And then she lowered her head began crying. I looked around and saw George was like “what in the heck?” and others were looking.
I filled George in on what was going on and he said “well do we need to leave now?” I said “ABSOLUTELY NOT”. I got up early, showered, dressed to come in to worship and I was bot going to let her ruin worship for us. She sat the service with crossed arms and didn’t sing. She can let Satan get in the way of her worship if she needs to but I was not letting him get in the way of mine. I also stayed for Sunday school. For the record. There was no instrumental music in the worship service. I’m sure all of these people, including my mother don’t turn off the radio when God is mentioned in a song that has instruments outside of the service. I understand where she is coming from the but logic does not make sense to me. God’s point is that he wants us to focus on Him with our hearts. With her being this way it was taking our focus off of Him and onto the music. She was making the exact issue she was trying to avoid. And I can assure you this was NOT pleasing to our Lord, this exchange at the time we should be focusing on Him. So try that thought on for size.
We came home and she holed up in her room all afternoon and came out before dinner.
I’m over the church drama. She needs to 1) either pick a church or 2) shut up and eave mine alone. The ball has been in her court THE ENTIRE TIME. She HOLDS THE CHURCH CARD. She just needs to tell me what she wants or where she wants to go. She can have her way if she wants it. Just PICK ONE ALREADY or HUSH UP!
If she were not 76 I would think she was a teenager! I’m mean wooooosh! I am worn out over this issue. I am now VERY angry in my heart at the scene of yesterday. I mean really. Does there always have to be drama. I can write about this b/c it was a public event folks – this is not taking place in the comfort of home but a public place. If you had been there you could have seen and heard it – especially if you are on a pew around us. I’m almost embarrassed to go back now. But at least everyone can see what I have to deal with and what kind of life I have had. My opinions and thoughts have not been allowed to be my own. And I’m just wrong if my opinion does not agree with hers.
And that is why I am the way that I am. If you think I’m stubborn? There is a reason we come from the Mule capital of the world. And it was appropriate that I drank from my Mule town mug yesterday. Although I didn’t know it at the time when I picked it out to have my coffee. Maybe I should find some fruits of the spirit coffee cups. We seem to be missing those around these parts!
George, bless his heart, aside from God and His comforter that He sends, is my rock through all of this. He grounds me, comforts me, and gives me guidance. Both of them. Otherwise we had freaking yelling matches when we got home. I was yelled at and heard the yelling enough as a child growing up. I will not put up with it in my home. But I will defend myself and yell back to get my point heard. I couldn’t do that back then or I’d get smacked. My opinion never mattered. But I’m 58 now and my opinion does matter. And in this case, I’ve offered to take here where she wants and so she just needs to either pick a place or leave me alone about this one. Cut the drama before I cut the cord like my sister did. She completely drew her boundary away from Mom. I believe in honoring your parents. So I’m trying to do God’s will and honor my mother. She has the card in her hand and just needs to use it instead of creating the church issue every Sunday. Well to be fair 2 of the 3 Sunday’s have had drama.
Looking back after I’ve slept on it, Sunday’s were not a lot much better growing up. If ever a day there was going to be drama or anger or bitterness, it was ON SUNDAY. I don’t know why. I just remember dreading every Sunday. It was hectic getting ready and getting out of the house. Everyone got ready at once. We had one bathroom. Everyone would be mad when we got in the car. Well Mom would, I would, and my sister would. Dad, bless his heart would go get donuts, biscuits and do his best to lighten the mood. He was always so quiet in spirit. I guess that is why they got together, Mom could do the talking for him. She likes to be in control, lol.
Then Dad would take us out to eat for lunch so everyone would be in a good mood going home. To restate my point here. I loved going to church as a child. I enjoyed it and learned a lot. I worshipped my Lord, was baptized at the church. But there was always drama going to it and coming back from it. Mom was always in a hurry to get away from it and didn’t always like to hang around after and fellowship. She liked to go straight to the car. That is another issue we are having as well. She is ready to dart out the door and well, we could have done on line service if we were not going to fellowship. So Mom is having to grab a chair and wait. She has made comments to let me know that is not acceptable to her, like “we thought we were going to have to send out an army to find you”. I had been gone less than 10 minutes talking to friends I had not seen in a year and a half.
So this is my world. There is no use hiding it. It just is what it is. I have always said if you don’t like what you see about yourself on the blog, then change your ways. This is what happened to me yesterday. So I’m writing about it. It shouldn’t have happened but it did.
So George fixed a wonderful rib dinner.
Here’s what’s on the menu board this week.
Here is the beans from the bean soup we’ll be having later in the week. The cherry tomatoes are some that George grew. The deer have found the bush though now. Sadly.
He made a really good homemade slaw. My plate below!
My tummy is better now that I had a DAY of letting my tummy digest. It worked. I will also not eat a lot during the day time the next few days.
Ahhhhh…..well several of you enjoyed the video I released yesterday. It was not the best of the best, but then again it was winter and we didn’t have much to share other than the snow and our little Valentine’s excursion. I will begin working on the next one in a week or so but I want to stop and work on some files from my phone and camera since May 1. I want to also work on my office a bit – need to dust and do some filing of personal documents and such. I also may have to stop and get ready for them to come and do the flooring. I don’t want to start on that until I know when they are coming in case they can’t get materials or have to schedule it out. I will wait as late as I can before putting things up (Nic Nacs and things we use often that is on furniture). I don’t want to be inconvenienced for weeks!
Here’s what on the schedule this week.
- Mom’s Birthday on Tuesday – She doesn’t like us very much right now as we are heathens and she wishes she hadn’t come to stay with us as she has said, so she may not want to spend it with us, lol, but we are all she has right now – so we’ll take her out to eat.
- George works from home Tuesday and is going to set up the flooring – doing the finance option of so many months same as cash and will set up the timing for them to come. And we’ll know more then anyway.
- Wed morning at 6 a.m. I have a physical. I made it early to not miss much work.
- I will take her for her hair appt on Wed after work.
- Thursday after work, we are doing trivia with the neighbors.
- If we don’t have anything planned Saturday, I’m calling it to go find a some more jean capris. I need more casual pants. And I will do some sale shopping. I’m calling it. I need some time away before I go bezerk and just run away for good! lol
- Then next Monday a week from today is Mom’s heart appointment at 8:00 a.m. and I’ll be late to work that day. I will have to work extra in the week to make up for that b/c it’s quarter end and I need to NOT get behind with that. Right now I’m about on target I think.
- Then we will focus on George’s birthday and my nephew Kadon’s birthday.
Thanks for letting me vent today. I’m just trying so hard to make things right but it doesn’t matter how hard I try it’s NEVER good enough. Others have to do their part too and on the church thing, if the current church is not the fix – then she needs to pick one. Til then we will just keep doing the same thing and pleasing ourselves.
Anyway, Mom’s been told that. So her fate is in her own hands. And has been all along. She has made all of these decisions on her own. We have simply carried them out.