Being Frank on Forgiveness and Weekend Update

Hi, I’m just being Frank here. Just kidding, it’s me Sonya but I’ll be a little frank about forgiveness for a bit. But first some more humor. I misspelled “forgiveness” as ” F R O G iveness ” at first, which made me giggle. To forgive, you do kindof have to jump around a bit.

I was thinking about some things I’ve been through the past few years and I was thinking about how a couple of people keep popping up in my brain and then I go through the cycle of emotions —- all over again! I remembered how it was a goal last year to work through forgiveness because I knew it was an area of my life that needed improvement. As I recalled my studies last year and what I worked through I still thought I had two people that I really needed to still work on – to forgive in my head and in my heart.

Had I really only two? I said to myself? I dug deep and thought about another incident, then another, and how this one treated me, or that one, and the actions that this one caused that made life harder for me, and how this other one had been so ugly, and how one always seemed to think only of themselves, and how that one ——STOP. Ok, I said to myself. You definitely are holding on to some things that you need to let go of. I could think of at least 12 in the last few years that when I thought of these people I began to get a bad range of emotions over. Deep seeded emotions. All of which came running back to me once I opened the lid of the can again and looked inside.

That made me wonder all over again, what is forgiveness really? The work I’ve done. Has it made any difference? And why do these feelings keep coming up?

Well, the area I have the most problems with is where there is/was not an apology, when the issue continues, and when I can’t forget it. And then there is the fact that one sin leads to another which I’m guilty of. Because when I can’t forget it, I then gossip to others about it. That is usually because I’m not able to go to the person(s) themselves and let them know how I feel – and probably for good reason. So we sin and then gossip to others about it, especially if they too have had a problem with the person.

I grew up thinking forgiveness was relatively easy, you know? I connected it to an apology. The person apologizes, you forgive, if they were genuine. (lol – yeah, IF they were genuine and IF they apologized). Piece of cake right? Then life got tougher, situations tougher. The world goes its own way, people get more selfish, and life goes on. Ooops wait a minute here. No apology? Are you just going to do that or not do that or say that and go on and not give an apology? Wait you can’t do that! Ooops but they did.

In most cases the actions or lack there of, have harmed me in some pretty great ways: emotionally, financially, maybe even spiritually, and on several other levels in which I’ve decided not to name or label. Pretty deeeeeep hurts here I have inside. I can see clips of each moment as if I’ve put them all in a video timeline in 2 second intervals. Click, click, click, click.

So What Have I Learned About Forgiveness in the Past Year

  • Forgiveness is a windshield wiper and as long as we have memories we will keep having to wipe the emotions away of anger, dissension, fear, despise, wanting to emotionally retaliate, or withhold love. Withhold love. Ding ding ding. That is where the lack of forgiveness is deepest. Lack of love.
  • We have to learn to love them again, whatever that takes. Not the behavior, but the person. See them as a child has been one way it has helped.
  • Seeing life in their shoes, can help til it’s time to step back in my own and see my side of the coin again.
  • Loving the person doesn’t mean you have to associate with the person, but it doesn’t shed you of your God given responsibilities and commands either. God still expects us to follow and abide by his rules, love others, and face our enemies at times, and take one for the team.
  • You can try to understand the person which can be helpful, but all in all, you are likely not going to be able to understand the reasons behind the behavior otherwise you would not be struggling with ways to forgive. So that leads us to the next point.
  • Just let it go. Acknowledge the feelings and emotions and exhale and let it go.
  • Forgiveness is not running away and hiding away in a hole. Maybe for a time if you need it but running away and hiding – well, I’ll just be frank – it is for sissies. lol. If I hurt your feelings I’m sorry, but if it helps, I run and hide too. I have, I did, and I do.
  • If you are mad, steaming, grieving, harboring ill feelings over it – you still have some work to do. But what if that work was as easy and giving it to God? Make a decision that every time the old feelings and hurts come up, to give it to God and let Him handle it with yourself and the other person. If you are gonna hide, at least this is a way to do it. Push God’s doorbell, drop it, and goooo. lol Trust God to handle the inefficiency, the gaps, the distress the other person has caused you. Pray specifically for what you need. Pray for God to work on you and them.
  • Don’t suppress your feelings. When I say acknowledge and let it go, I don’t mean to stuff it back down inside and repress it. That is unhealthy. Acknowledge how you feel and set it free. Yeah yeah I know, it’ll probably sneak back in and repress itself – we still have memories, but what I’m trying to say is to let yourself feel – yeah that really makes me __________ so I’m going to pray about it, and go on – instead of “grrrr”, thinking ill will, and not acknowledging the emotions you are having.
  • In some situations perhaps there IS something you can do to fix the situation. Maybe you can speak with the person, or change something in the situation. But often times it is things that we can’t go back in time to fix, or things others do that can’t be undone, but are written in time and threaded within.
  • People are just going to be the kind of people that they are. And so will you. Their actions and reactions will either be a series of positive or negative moments in time – or a mix of both. I think of it as “cookies in your pocket”. Think of a person and your dealings with them. Every encounter they give you a cookie for your pocket. Are you going to put it in your positive pocket or negative pocket. Some people just end up in our negative pocket. Maybe it’s the way they are wired or we are wired. I think we have to accept that and go on. Probably not the wisest to spend most of your time with negative cookie people (cookie monsters? lol) because you might become a negative cookie yourself with all those negatives in your pocket! I think they feed on each other too. So…….
  • FIND YOUR positive Cookie people! Do things you love to do. Make your life positive and disconnect from negative people, negative thinking as much as you can so that your heart can heal, your life can be good, and you don’t harbor at the dock of ILL WILL forever. Sail away into your sunset of forgiveness and healing with people who are in your camp, in your boat, and willing to stand or sail by your side.
  • Most of all forgiving again and forgetting again, comes easier when you remember how God has forgiven you. Think of all the sin you have had in your life. We all have them. Someone had to forgive me and what if they didn’t? I’ve hurt others so many times. Many forgave me. Maybe some didn’t. Some I may never know. Maybe I never apologized either. Maybe I never even admitted wrong. Maybe I did. Did it matter? Will they forgive me anyway? If somebody including God, is forgiving of me. Should I not be forgiving of another? What does that look like? What does that take? Love, maybe.

What Have You Learned about Forgiveness?

Maybe you can share some tips. But I truly believe that as long as we have memories the forgiveness factor is going to be a repeated business of cycling through the above bullet points. I think the keywords here in summary are: love, acknowledgment, positivity, empathy, faith, trust, prayer, contentment, and “continual” (ongoing).

Weekend Update/Outlook

Yesterday (Friday) felt like Thursday. It was weird. The week went by fast. I had a lot of time to work on W-2’s and finished one state and began another state for entering year end w-2 reporting – each person’s one by one. The data entry is kinda boring for me but I put on my headphones and then it becomes enjoyable. ;-). My mind is one that has to be occupied and I am not a very good data entry person. I like for my mind to be engaged but like I said the music does that for me when I’m doing something mindless like that. Well it’s not totally mindless but boring, if you know what I mean. I always have to be working through something or solving some issue I guess. And that is just transferring data from one format to another manually.

I did something I rarely do yesterday. I was a bit late because I had to stop and get gas. I went out for lunch for the entire hour, might have even gone over by 5 minutes – not sure as I’m not sure what time I left. And then I was out of there by 4:30. My mind was just weary, from not good sleep the night before, and I felt very much like I was heading into a depression with no zest for life, no positive things going on in my head, and I was DONE. Seriously done. The roads were already building up for Friday afternoon horror traffic. So it took almost an hour to get home as everyone seemed to be heading to Providence in Mount Juliet and our little highway was backed up for miles into the country side. I just wanted to be home. I promptly put on PJ’s and called Mom to check on her once I arrived. My head has been into work all week and it felt weird to be home and heading into our weekend.

I worked some on Canva, making some photos for the blog and vlog and worked on the INTRO some. We had eggs and ham (they were not green, nor were they mean). And now the Weekend is here. I slept ok last night but woke up about 3 times, but still I feel much better today. I will be cleaning for our company coming and looking forward to tonight. And maybe, just maybe, this weekend I will be able to finish this INTRO and get on with the making of videos for Less Hustle More Coffee.

Air Tight Storage, Sunday’s Progress, To Do List for this Week, and Forgiveness Study

Yesterday and the weekend as a whole was productive. I really didn’t get to do much on my personal list though, just my chores and responsibilities.

Went to the store and on my list, I had planned to buy some containers. For what ever reason all of our Tupperware this year is in turmoil and nothing is matching. It all got out of sorts somehow. I don’t know what is happening. I’m not in the kitchen much. I just know that I have reorganized that darn cabinet 6 or 8 times and I’m about done with it. I am switching to glass and airtight stackables. Mom said she is giving us that for Christmas and I said no b/c I already have plans for that myself. And likely we shall have it before Christmas. I’m going to buy a few at the time. I started with 3 yesterday. I’m claiming these though! These are going to be my “work” fridge containers. I will pack them full of either fruit, carrots, celery or whatever, for the week. When empty I’ll bring it home and fill it again with something.

This is in an effort to change my “lifestyle” of eating. And I’m so excited about these containers at Publix to be able to reorganize my “style” as well as my “habits”.

You can write on the lids with an erasable marker I guess, but since it’s see through I don’t see a need.

I’ll be going back for some additional sizes for sure. But I may wait a while. I told Mom not to bother to get them b/c I know what I want and I have plans already. But excited to use the ones I bought yesterday. I have to have a habit now of filling my little 3 containers with healthy munchies for work. I also realize that lunch can look a bit different than what I’m used to it looking like. It doesn’t have to be a sandwich or a salad or soup or a meat and veggie lunch. It can be celery, carrots, nuts, a piece of fruit and a string cheese stick. lol I’m learning to develop a love for Whole Foods and that is my goal.

That said, I still bought the makings of a salad, some frozen lunches that were mainly “whole food” (chicken, shrimp, and veggies or rice….mainly just less pasta). I also bought turkey – less salt and preservatives – and a whole grain wrap. I bought some frozen spinach to throw in eggs on the weekend. It took a little bit of consideration and planning and mainly creating a meal plan for the week of sorts – so that I did not go to my normal “go to’s” on a whim. I also bought those imitation crab sticks (they are still fish) for my once a week fish habit as well as tuna fish) in case I don’t go to Logan’s and get their salmon. I don’t want to go every week. Matter of fact it’s not been as good lately.

I did the ironing and finished the laundry, including washing and folding George’s sheets and I put the other sheets on his bed, fresh for him. In my “service to others” I turned down his bed and put his pillow and Roger’s monkey there to give him a smile when he went to bed.

I also took Mom out to eat lunch. Well, she wanted to pay for it. We went and picked up Cracker Barrel and ate it in the car. We had salads. We were going to go see her house but a bad looking storm on the radar was headed our way. For the most part it missed us as far as the storm part but it rained quite a bit. The skies were starting to get blue so I asked Mom what she wanted to do and she agreed if it was going to be nasty or raining a lot it’d be hard to see the house anyway. I offered to drive her out today but she asked if we could eat breakfast out after dropping off Fancy for her trim on Saturday and us going then. So that’s what we’ll do.

I had a Bridal gift to wrap yesterday and did a little planning for this week by updating the to do list, checking the calendar, and updating the to do list for this week.

Last Week’s List:

This Week’s To Do List:

As you can see the video is a ways down the list. I was disappointed not to have time to work on it. I’ve been getting only an hour a week. I may have to slow down the blogging and insert an extra day in there for working on the video. I normally worked on the video Tues and Thurs mornings but I am losing 4 hours a month of video editing b/c I have to go in early on Tuesdays now to work to make up for the hours I’m missing once a month to go the eye doctor. It’s not a problem but it is a fact so I need to figure out where to plug those hours in. The only thing I can figure is less blogging. I may also have to start scheduling my editing time. I hate to do that though. It’ll inconvenience George or our time together. But I’ll figure it out. I’m just trying to go with the flow. But I think that is what bothers me the most is not getting time to do the thing I enjoy the most, besides blogging, and that is doing these videos and having time to spend learning the camera and improving the videos and learning new things.

I began my Forgiveness study and I thought this was very powerful about Joseph.

1 . Forgiveness is not denial.

2. We need to name the sin against us to forgive it.

3. We need to express our feelings about it.

4. Letting it go.

5. Don’t stay in the past (although sometimes the sin is still in the present).

6. Understanding that the debt will NEVER be paid.

It’s helpful when you think about Joseph who forgave His brothers. He had a calling from God to fulfill a purpose and the fact that he was mistreated sort of became a non-issue at that point. He chose not to belabor the issue. God took care of him and his needs regardless of how the brothers treated him. It would have only hurt Joseph if he had chosen to “not get over it” and move on with plans. It also would have hampered his plans that God had for him.

So hey! Day 1 on the forgiveness app is a winner!

Phone Wallpapers

Here’s some phone wall papers for you. I tried them out. I actually have the brown one on my home screen. Might use the coffee one later, although I should have changed the colors. These are some I downloaded from the Canva app. I love Canva. If you don’t have, you should. Lots of free stuff for any media you use. I have the premium version. It’s quicker than paint shop pro! And with premium I can make a graphic without the background. I wish I had more time to play and create graphics for the blog and the vlog, but even on the go with it on my phone, I seem to have minimal time. I’m usually having to check email and respond to messages, keep up a presence on Instagram. I forget about Facebook sometimes. I try to pop in once every couple of days. It’s amazing how I’m letting go of social media as a source of connection. I’d rather text with friends now and have a community on the blog and vlog. Trying to build the vlog but it’s just not there yet. lol

Ok I’ll be back on Wednesday for a midweek update. I’m going to try hard and get some of these things off my list. And make some headway. We have plans Wednesday night with friends that are moving to Florida and this is their last week. We just ate with them Saturday but we are going out one more time. We are going to miss them. And Thursday after work I have a bridal shower for a coworker.

And that is all I know today. I hope all of you are well and prospering and happy. What all do you have on your to do list this week?

New Towels, New Tea Glasses, Weariness, and Forgiveness in a Dysfunctional Family

The new textured towels are in the middle. It makes the others dim by comparison. And let me tell ya, they are “mahhhhvelous”. They are thick and sturdy. I think they were $7.99 at Target. I’m really considering going back to get a couple more. But, I guess I will hold off for now. I love the texture and thickness. I think they are the best towels I’ve ever had.

And here are the new “tea glasses” – just some cheapies I bought at Kirland’s. The set was about $20. Aside from getting the 12 inch mattress foam pad cut from almost a queen size down to a twin size, is about all that is left on getting our house ready for Mom. The room is almost ready except for the sheet washing and me changing over beds. I will need to move some jewelry over from my armoire so as not to bother her on those early mornings going to work.

The State of Being

So it’s Wednesday now. I can say without a doubt that most of us are tired. Very tired at this point. Mom’s closing on her house is less than a week away, a lot of stuff still needs to be packed. Yet we work Full Time and don’t have much time to do it. It’s why we started weeks ago. It’s coming together but I think we are all feeling a bit overwhelmed at this point. George may not be, it’s hard to tell, but his humor with me this week bottomed out over a situation with Roger. That is usually when I can tell he is tired.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Our lives have been mostly all work and no play lately. Our year has geared up to be that way. It’s all for a good cause though – don’t get me wrong. I’m sure someone will though. But we are so ready for a vacation! I hope we can squeeze one in somehow. If we do it will be only a long weekend, if we even have days to do it.

Mom is worn out dealing with her clothes, she tells me. It’s not really anything we can pack. She knows what she wants for our house and what she wants to be packed for fall. She has had the hardest time over the clothes. I think all the closets were bursting with clothes. No wonder Daddy wanted the clothing armoire for himself, LOL LOL. I didn’t even know the big armoire was his. But I guess he needed it for his things. Anyway, Mom is having a time trying to figure out the clothing. I say this because she has mentioned it numerous times.

She is tired. I am tired. And I’m guessing George is by his demeanor this week in our discussions over Roger.

And there is this unquenchable persistent need for boxes and wrapping and bubble pack and waiting on the next Amazon order. None of us take the newspaper anymore. So wrapping materials are minimal and costly.

Dysfunctional Families

Photo by Anete Lusina on Pexels.com

It’s time like these when the going gets tough that you really have a tough time forgiving the family members that just “walked out”, freeing themselves from family obligations. How do you forgive an action that keeps on happening? When there is a row in the family that a family member chooses not to work out, a divorcing if you will of the two family members. A walking out and not looking back. No consideration of responsibility or of the others in the family. It’s sad in itself and at so many angles, but in times of need when the parent and other siblings struggle, it magnifies the efforts. It makes it very hard for me not to have a grudge. How do you continually forgive in this situation? I think I have the grasp on forgiveness and then I grapple with it again! Seventy X Seven? Ok I think I’m there! What now?

And indeed I know relationships will never be the same again. The longer the time, the more water under the bridge, the more wearing of the bridge, and time taking it’s toll on whatever piece of the bridge that is left. Walking out means a lot. It means walking out on everything and everyone, maybe even one’s inheritance, whatever is left at that point, but that is not my decision to make. I just don’t know what will come of the situation as a whole. Right now nothing absolutely guaranteed nothingness is what happens- no help, no caring, zip and zero. But I also don’t see how it can be rectified with me at this point. I can let go of my anger with it. But I can’t let go and say “this is ok” or “this doesn’t matter”. I constantly say “how can she do this?” and “what in the heck is wrong with her?”. I don’t know that I will ever be over it now what has happened. I don’t know what it will take to forgive. It’s because I cannot fully comprehend. The person says they are at peace now. Well, if I left and shirked my responsibilities, I’d probably be at peace too. lol. I am trying here, but I don’t know how to love through this situation where there is an obvious unwillingness on the party who left, to try and work it out, to lend a hand, to care, or to love through it back.

I just don’t know. I can write about these things now as it’s no longer a secret what is going on. I won’t mention the person’s name nor go into details about it. I will only write about how it impacts me and it is my right to do so. Others do what they feel is best for them. And for me, writing and journaling is my healing process. I’m not defaming others, not that there was fame to begin with, lol. But not defaming anyone’s character that is not already publicly seen. Several have asked me about this. I won’t talk about what caused the row and that is none of my business but I can talk about the burdens that it has placed on me and I see what it has done to my mother. I’m sure neither party is lily white in the situation as we all say things we don’t mean to. But I’m the sole caretaker of Mom now and this has been hard. We are doing it. But it’s been hard. And it just magnifies things when others who should be there helping are not. And I’m struggling with forgiveness right now. I’m just being honest.

Roger

So, little buddy Roger had a nail to grow into his paw. It’s totally our fault. We haven’t groomed him because of his anxieties. George cut his nails finally but the ones that were further back (like a thumb), I guess was not seen amidst his hair and was missed, and it curled under. It began causing him pain and punctured his paw. George tried to cut it but Roger would not let us and George would hesitate because he was trying to be careful and not cut his paw. And I kept saying “just take him to the vet” as it made me nervous that he was nervous. And then my nervousness fed back to him. He got upset with me and told me I wasn’t helping anything. I told him I’d always tell him the truth of what I thought. I think he should be attended to by the vet at this point as it is already a wound, they could calm his pain, and could give him something. It was my opinion. I told him I was sorry if he didn’t like it but he knows me well enough I’ll give my opinion. It has nothing to do with his abilities to take care of things. I just think it was best he go to the vet.

Our vet for years has become so successful and busy that it is very difficult to be seen by them. They are good but what good does it do when you call and can’t get an appointment for 3 weeks and have to call and maybe get a walk in appointment and have to wait to see if you can walk in. We have to work FT we can’t just sit around the house waiting for a maybe visit. So I suggested we go to the new one down the street. George didn’t want to but I looked on line and they had an Urgent Care of sorts. So he walked in, was immediately seen and made it home in next to NO TIME! Roger has antibiotics and inflammatory meds now and his paw is in a bandage and he is recovering. And from here on out, I say they are our new vet. The last time I took Maisy, we waited for hours, several visits. I’m done with that. We don’t have time for that.

Ok venting is over. It’s just what I needed for today. To vent, so I can park all the madness here and get on with life and be cheery from here. Thanks for listening!