Things I Wished I’d Learned or Asked in Therapy

I’m such an inquisitive person. I am intrigued by therapy sessions. And I really enjoyed the ones I had. I just don’t want to spend the money to amuse myself. But if I had to do it over again, I think I’d like to ask a few questions just to see their answers and how they go about shedding light on a few things.

1. Why do I find it necessary to follow a list? What drives me to do this? Why am I so driven?
2. Why do I take life so seriously?
3. Why is so hard for me to laugh sometimes?
4. Why was I so emotional at times of my life? And why am I so NOT emotional at other times? I’m not near as “emo” as I use to be. Sometimes I even wonder if I’m just a robot and not have any feelings anymore. Of course I do but….
5. Why do I think so differently from others?
6. Am I normal? What is normal? lol! Isn’t that the age old question?
7. Why do I get so bent out of shape and protective about “time” and how I spend it?
8. When does self-care become too selfish?
9. If some one criticizes you more than they compliment you, does that mean something is wrong with me or they just being self-centered and only want me to please them?
10. Does anyone have a normal marriage? And what does that look like? Or is every marriage as different as the two individuals that are supposedly within it?
11. Are you being selfish to want to express yourself, if expressing your feelings or reacting to something is bothering the person you are talking to at the time. If they are a true friend/relation, wouldn’t they want to listen? Should a person just not say anything or express themselves if it bother’s the said person. Who’s being selfish here? Me for wanting to talk or the other person for not wanting to hear it, and not wanting to be patient?

Should I dare try to answer these myself? Well here goes.

1. I feel accomplished when I check off something on my list. It makes me feel responsible and something to be proud of. I love telling the world (as you know) how busy I’ve been and what all I got done. I lament when I don’t. I guess it gives my life importance in some way. No doubt am I am a creature that loves praise, but sadly rarely get it. So I seek it and seek it hard. I get it from the Lord. He surprises me a lot. He speaks to me a lot. He is a Helper and a Friend. There have been a few times lately when I’ve received more “good job” or “you handled that well” or “I don’t see how you do what you do” or “you are amazing”. Those are little God gifts that people give. I appreciate them so much when they come. I’m devastated by criticism. Checking off boxes helps make up for that and makes my life worth something to me.
2. I think circumstances of life and disappointment robbed me of laughter and made me serious. Some of it my fault. A chunk of it not. I am responsible and organized and pay attention to little details and when you are focused on these things and making sure all goes to plan, you lose sight of the ability to let go and just focus on laughter. If I’m laughing, then what is it that I’m not getting done or is slipping by me. Anytime I’ve tried to let my guard down and relax something slipped through the cracks or was forgotten. I feel like I always have to be on my toes and prepared for life and the next big thing that is coming.
3. Also answered in number 2.
4. Probably hormonal periods, but much of my life I’ve also had a heightened since of emotions – first to cry at a funeral, wedding – because I felt it so deeply. I also think things can happen that stir these emotions. Have you noticed when you are already upset and heavy with emotion – even the smallest thing can set you off again? When you are not it takes a lot to make you have emotion – I’m mainly talking crying here. I used to cry easily. Most of the time I’m care free now and don’t cry at the drop of a hat. Sometimes I wish I could, lol. And yes, I probably cried last week – a song that made me cry – but I usually have to be pretty exhausted and exasperated now to cry. I guess I’ve protected myself somehow. That said I’ll probably cry the wellsprings of life tomorrow, lol.
5. I can’t answer this. Other than I’m sure that it has to do with DNA and childhood exposures and the formation from our life’s experiences. We are constantly being formed and developed as we go through life. Just look at the influencers. Even I have influence over some. It’s really quite scary and we should guard what we read, what we see, so our thinking is not deceived by all those influences. But despite outside influences, the way I think and process is just different. I think in detail. I analyze and process. So anything new that comes my way is a mega thing. It’s not just another project. I’m already thinking in detail and so it seems so big. Think of books lying on a table and most people are seeing the titles of the books. My mind has all the books open lying on the table with all the facts within bared open and I’m trying to process it all at once.
6. Am I normal is just a funny question and not many can answer it. None of us are really normal? ha. Only God knows.
7. My guess is that I’m trying to do so many things that take time. Because I think it detail it takes me longer. I need more time to process. I require quiet time to sort through everything and organize all the details. I get frustrated when I cannot.
8. I am not one to answer this one.
9. I personally think friendship/companionship should be a partnership and each supporting the other and not one person always having to have their way/their say. When it becomes one-sided or lopsided, there’s definitely something wrong. At that point a person has to decide to work it out or let it go or let it remain lopsided and go on.
10. I think no marriage is perfect. I think it’s amazing if two people remain together. I’m not the person to answer this one either. Only God being in the marriage seems to be able to do it. I know I’m difficult to live with. And I can say that George is as well. We are both selfish and right! We both demand to be heard and stick our heels in the ground and dare others to cross the line. But we can also give and take. The main thing is we manage somehow to get through and we get things done. We can throw a good party and solve big problems. And we love our dogs and our families and friends. And we love God and seek his leading.
11. I get confused by this. But I strongly feel one has to be able to express themselves in a relationship (friend or marriage or whatever) and be themselves. If that doesn’t happen then something is not right. It doesn’t mean you need to be a butt while saying your feelings but you can’t be sitting like a dormant volcano either that is waiting to erupt.

Ok that has been on my list to blog about for a while. So that was fun. Let me know YOUR thoughts on any of these. And let me know what you’d want to know if you were in therapy! :-).