My evening mind is a little bit jealous of the morning mind. The evening mind does not get the same output, throughput, or think put. The morning mind is inquisitive, analytical, creative, wants to learn, wants to experience.
The days wears on and pieces of the morning mind break away and disintegrate. Something happens and it transforms.
The evening mind wants to be critical, needs to be entertained, wants to get away, is tired, is winding down, and needs to be soothed.
Then sleep happens and the process starts over again. Or not.
Today I’m needing more rest. My mind is still weary. Perhaps not as weary as an “evening mind” but the days they often wear on me.
Taking Inventory of How I Feel
When I get up in the mornings and don’t really want to blog, or do anything, it is usually a cause for concern. That is when I stop and take inventory of how I feel. Usually it is physical illness that keeps me from wanting to be creative in the mornings. And yes, I know, I am sitting here blogging anyway. I’m making myself do something!
I guess part of it is that there’s nothing really to share and not a lot going on but yet so much is. But usually I can take one small event and make it something exciting. lol I looked through my photos as I often begin blog posts now by what I photographed yesterday – reminding me of what I did or what we did. Other than saving pics of my River Roo (soon to share), I didn’t have any photos much other than these positive influencers below, which are fine, and a book I wanted to do research on.
It’s fine. There’s nothing seriously wrong, as I examine my self here and why my psyche is in the doldrums this morning, and maybe yesterday and the one before that and even the day before that one. I ask myself “what is wrong?“. Nada – nothing. Well not really. But, then I was able to master this list if I really open up. My only answers are this:
- I don’t really have anything hanging out there that I’m really looking forward to I guess
- We can’t really plan any trips right now
- I have a list of things I’ve created that I want to do but never have time to do them so what’s the point?
- The only way I get to do them is to push push push – why? Is it worth it?
- I always seem to be stuck “in between”.
- I’m always “waiting for something” to end, pass, fix itself, change, go the next phase
- I’m unhappy with my weight and disappointed I’ve gained it back
- And I have no desire to eat like a bird
- I want to exercise but I have no desire to lose my creative time to fit another “thing” into my life
- I am hating driving on the interstate now – what is up with that? I’ve refused to let the 80-100 mile an hour “death weavers” or people that “drive like their is a Nintendo Nascar game” scare me off.
- I am sick to death of this damn dreaded illness and the political snit storm it has created.
- I am sick to death of controversy of any type
- Our anniversary of 30 years, I guess will be like any other anniversary. We could plan more but why? Spend more $ because it’s 30? I guess we’ll just eat and pretend the flooring is our 30 year gift. I had to wait about that long to get it, lol. I thought we’d do something special but neither of us has any umph left in us after this year to even plan anything other than a dinner. We choose to save the $ and have a really nice meal. It kinda bothers me but…yet neither of us seems to know what to do or have the desire to do anything different. Is that sad?
- I read the Bible and it saddens me to know what is to come and how many people will not see eternity
- I don’t like seeing my Mother getting older and not being able to see and her shrinking ability to do basic things and care for herself, and watching her frustrations, and sighs – what can I do?
- I want to cook more and help out with that but yet by the time I get home am in no mood whatsoever to do so. It frustrates me most days to try a new recipe AFTER work and on Saturday’s I’m usually trying to cross things off the list, get ready for the next work week, clean house, do chores and laundry.
- I let things get on my nerves easily because anything I try to do is quickly dissolved and I like things to be a certain way and they usually aren’t. It’s so aggravating and results in a feeling of “why try, just let it go to pot (disorganized)”
- I want to read more. I want to do everything more. But there is no time.
- I want to be excited about life, but then there is all this stuff happening in the world that squashes anything good out.
- I want to be intoxicated with life and ideas and plans and expand and travel and explore and experience – yet here I sit unable to move by life, work, and circumstance.
And I guess that is about it. So I’ve purged and feel better already.
They say you should just “choose Joy”. I can feel all those things above and still choose contentment. I’m not sure if I could say “joy”. I think with a mind like mine, I am the way I am – solemn most of the time, always looking for improvement, betterment, always reaching, always trying. So I think on those things most of the time. And since I’m always ever reaching for something, I’m always dreaming and wishing for more excitement.
I’m trying to enjoy and cherish the present and I’m able to do that. So I am happy with that. I’m never bored – that’s for sure. But my mind gets tired. And that is ok too.
I was able to take a tired mind and do this post.
So today I’m just going to take in the moment. Enjoy the little things. Smile more. Enjoy the coffee. Live and let live. Do what I can. And quit being frustrated because life is something other than I want it to be. Because I do love my coffee. I do love my books. I do love to write. I do love most of my life. So slow down and quit trying to make everything happen at once. Enjoy the day. The videos get done when they do. Mom’s house gets done when it does. We’ll get a dog when we do. We’ll travel when we do. The virus will end when it does. We’ll do what we’ll do and we will not do what we won’t.
The tribe spoke and I’m going for more coffee. I’ll share the River Roo pics tomorrow when the post is not so morose, lol. And I also have run out of time!!!!!
Do you ever have days like these? Hopefully my Morning creativity will come back but right now my Evening mind is taking over. I’m really just tired and need more rest?