Urgent Follow Up Needed for Previous Post

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Wow, when do I ever post twice in one day? Today!

So, I feel like I need to follow up on the previous post after all the comments I got today. I really felt bad. I’m ok really. The post this morning was mainly to say that God is helping me and a bit of grace and gratitude along with Him was going to be the answer.

It was kinda sideswiped though by my mention of various things that I have been through or had on my mind and that is what you all stuck on. So it’s my fault for focusing on all that too much.

Yes, I’ve been up and down into somewhat of a depression, and as you know just trying to figure out how to adjust our lives a bit to get everything done that everyone needs to have done. I’ve vented, moaned and groaned over all of it this year. I’ve truly learned a lot about others, relationships, narcissism, and as mentioned have really spent some quality time trying to understand the dynamics of my world – what has been and what is to be. Most days I am content enough. And yes the past year has been rough.

So the things mentioned in previous post were not new things – but things on my mind for the past year or so. I wasn’t just having a bad day all of a sudden, although I probably should say that by Wednesday I’m pretty tired and maybe I shouldn’t even do a blog post during the work week, but I love to blab so I did. And I mentioned the video thing b/c it was a recent disappointment that really made me take a dive. It’s ok though, it’s happened before and it’s a learning curve like anything else. Everyone starting out with a YouTube channel goes through it I hear.

Your comments overwhelmed me – and I thank you for being concerned but felt bad that I had you all worried.

I do have a plan for my life in the immediate time frame and it is the following:

  • Quarter End is important and the month is half over and I’ll have to work extra hours the next two weeks which may impact some blog entries, but maybe not. I can schedule some ahead of time on topics that I’ve stashed away and can do that some.
  • I’m not giving up on the video channel, but I do have some changes in the works. The channel is very behind in time – like I was doing it, and I have a strategy to catch up to current time. And then the future of the channel will end up taking a different approach from the past. Bottom line is that it will end up being more topic based and less time based. It will still include scenes from our lives thrown in but will contain more meaning and more intentionally filmed segments.
  • The time crunch is better, so we will focus on the things that are urgent and make progress on less urgent things as time pass.

I’m ok. I really am. I don’t want anyone’s sympathy. I am not wanting to create drama. But I have been sad, very sad. I am also very very resilient. And have a wonderful God. I also have some good family and friends that support. And while times have been tough lately, I’ve been harder on myself than usual and in my head so much I am confusing myself. Oh gosh I would love to have a therapist but honestly there is nothing they can do for me but confuse me more. There are some things I’m just not going to have answers for. There are some things that are just set in stone that I refuse and will not change, so as always I’ll adjust my sails. And that is ok as the main thing is – it’s my decision and as long as it’s my decision I’m good with that.

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I’m learning to find joy, seek God, and self-parent myself. lol So it’s all good. Yes, I had beat myself up lately, and I have a problem on fixating on the negative things in my life, as I want them to be all good. I know that about myself and admit it, so we are all a work in progress.

I hope that my blog has been something that has been helpful for others as they see what I go through. When I come out of the other side of something, I usually post about it. I feel like I’m coming out of this winter and spring’s funk. Sometimes I come out and then go back into it. Rainy days and lack of sleep and not eating right make it worse. That is always a struggle.

Truly I’m all good and I love the fact that we have a community here of support. It’s two ways you know. Let me know if you need my help on anything as you all have helped and supported me.

I also don’t expect ya’ll to watch the videos, lol. So don’t feel like you failed me. Those that read blogs for pleasure usually are not going to be the ones to stop and watch and watch a YouTube video. Sadly. And Tik Tok seems to be the going thing for entertainment. lol. It’s quick. I’ve not found my niche yet because it’s hard to connect to the people that I’m really wanting to watch. Women like me who are entertained by watching other women in their lifestyle – people who are 50 to 70 ish who just want to be entertained by another’s life, and “time out has new meaning” was/is my theme for “whatever we’ve been up to”. But it’s ok. I like the challenge of figuring it out.

As far as people making fun of me and talking about me – well that is what I fear or imagine. I don’t really know if they are or not. It’s the story we tell ourselves, the negative thoughts, the fear of the unknown.

But I’m ok really and I REALLY REALLY appreciate every one of you.

So I will be back when I can. I have to focus on quarter end, get through these bad storms on the way ::sigh::, and get our Easter meal done. I’m happy, excited, and it’s gonna be ok. George and I have an outing Friday. Then next week I’ll focus hard on quarter end so that the last week of the month is not so stressful. So I may be here less, or may have some “fill in” fun material for you.

Stay postponed. Love you guys. Who says you can’t have friends on cyber space? My previous post made things sound worse than they are and I apologize for that. It’s all good.

What Makes You Bubble Over with Joy?

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Not much time to blog today. It’s not usually a blog day but I wanted to hop in and ask a question.

What gives you “bubbling” joy? I had what I guess you could call an “epiphany” today, while reading my Activating Joy book by Jessica Hurtado in my morning devotional. Many times I’ve made a list of what makes me happy. I had never really thought about what causes me to be “bubbled over” in happiness. So it was fun thinking of what those things are. Here’s the first few that came to mind. I would love to hear yours.

  1. Seeing my Grandson
  2. Seeing family I don’t get to see very often
  3. Seeing friends again
  4. Being with a friendly dog

These are the things above that give me a bubbled over excitement that shows. There’s a few more that are a little more subdued below. I may not bubble over with excitement outwardly but I can feel the joy swelling within.

  1. The first sip of coffee
  2. Getting off of work and heading home
  3. Sitting down to blog
  4. Sitting down to work on my videos
  5. Sipping a glass of wine
  6. Sitting down to read
  7. Watching a favorite show when I can’t wait to see what happens

And while it might not be the first thing I mentioned, and I might not be all bubbly first thing in the morning – I’m always joyous to see what the Lord is going to show me when I sit down and open His word and have time with Him.

He revealed to me yesterday out of the blue some things that He wanted me to do, after asking for a while what it is that was my purpose. He promised more joyous days would come by doing those things, including a dog. 😉

The next YouTube video is 74% loaded. I have started it for the third time. lol. This is the hardest time I’ve had loading one. It’s one of the shortest I’ve done. Anyway, soon I’ll have another video up and will come back and send you guys the link.

Oh, I wanted to ask you again if you would let me know what makes you bubble over with joy? I’m sure I could list more – but the ones I listed where my first thoughts that popped in. It let me know why I’ve been in the dumps lately. I’m not getting to see many of my friends and not much family and I don’t have my dog yet! But I’ll be really bubbly VERY SOON! On all accounts! Have a good day. Off to do payroll. It’s my long day and I need to try and get their earlier.

Fifteen Ways to Improve Your Mood and Help Lift Depression

Oh ya’ll. Yesterday, although it started off with me in a – let’s just say – “not so upbeat of a mood, although trying”, I ended up the day knowing that things would be better. I got up this morning and after having a day off and another good night’s sleep, I feel fairly normal this morning. I woke up thinking, planning, wanting to do things, and with a happier disposition (one can hope). When you are a melancholy introvert of a person most of the time anyway and you start to head toward depressive tendencies – it’s just not so good. I have even been able to make a list of coping strategies to either maintain myself during this period or perhaps bring myself out of it. So I thought I’d share that with others. Now I’m not a professional, but I can share what has helped me. And these are not in order of importance but as I thought of them while making a list.

Improving My Mood and Lifting My Depression

  1. Analyze. For example, I first began trying to figure out what was wrong, and the triggers, so I could figure it out. Please realize this was not a huge drawn out process but just in case there are things that could be changed to make me better, I needed a plan, and fast. In my case, I concluded it was a perfect storm of this continued period of bad weather and rain, coming out of a really stressful time at work, coming out of the holidays, winter doldrums, caring for an aging parent, setting up a new household for Mom, two major moves in the past year, weight gain, trying to figure out a hair style that works with my greying hair, not having enough time to do what I want, not feeling good health wise, questioning a lot of things in my life, disappointment from squashing a lot of dreams that I’ve had that I know won’t come to fruition. And finally, the replacement goal for those dreams not coming together either. Then there was video creation, my hobby that is supposed to make me happy – I couldn’t seem to get around the learning curve to even start the next video because I couldn’t get the clip I had for the intro to convert to the right dimensions for the next video. I think this alone may have sent me over the edge – to not be able to do something you want to do so badly.
  2. Prayer. I don’t know how people that don’t believe in God can handle anything without Him. If you don’t believe, I ask that you please pick up a Bible and begin reading, because God’s word is active and alive. He will speak to you and guide you through this and will protect you and give you hope. He will hear your cry. He will not make fun of your cry.
  3. Sleep. Sleep has been very important, although I think too much sleep could be a hamper in this situation. You need to try to get 8 hours if you can at least, even upwards to 10 if you are stressed and exhausted.
  4. Increase Vitamin D and Take a B Complex. I doubled my D. And I have been careful to take supplements that are a good source with natural casing so it can be digested and released. It’s just needed.
  5. Eating healthier. I ate healthier choices to get in as many good nutrients, vitamins, minerals that I could.
  6. Less Alcohol, more water, hot tea, coffee. This is a critical time and while there may be a tendency to drink more to numb the bad feelings you are having – go with less alcohol and more of other drinks you like. Alcohol will deplete any progress you made. Have a bubble water, herbal tea, or just plain water. That said, I must admit, that some days George gave me a small sniffer of heated cognac before bed to rest and lull me into sleep, but it’s not a time to drink more which is a tendency that would be easy to do.
  7. Focus on happy things. Sometimes it was the simplest of things that could make me smile that I tried to feel blessed in the moment. For example, a bird chirping outside my window, seeing the deer look up at me as I drove by, delighting in dogs and pictures of dogs (I want one so bad), sitting and reading or playing a game, watching a favorite show, going out to eat, changing my computer theme to a beach desktop instead of winter, doing things I like to do.
  8. Self pamper. This is an extension of number seven, but schedule and plan fun things – like your next nail or pedi appointment. I allowed myself to splurge on cosmetics and while it’s not recommended to blow your budget or anything, if you can do some things for your self improvement like a new shirt, new hair do, or a few beauty supplies – it can help as a temporary boost at least.
  9. Develop an Improvement plan. This may be hard, especially if you are not in the mood to think or plan, but if you can write down some things that are bothering you that you would like to change, you can try to challenge yourself to do so. I was able to come up with my Nudge Challenge and it gave me some hope because I know I’ll be doing some things differently.
  10. Periods of letting the mind rest. I noticed that on some days I actually just decided NOT to think on things if I needed to do that. While some days I did push myself, I realized that I needed to just let my mind rest from all that it had been overloaded with, frustrated with, and trying to figure out. Just let your mind do so if you need to. Let thoughts come and release them as fast as they came.
  11. Don’t make major life decisions during this time. You can really mess a lot up by making rash decisions during this time period. It’s easy to do. I hate to say never because in some cases major life decisions may be the answer to the problem, however, I think you need to run it by a couple of people with sound judgement that you trust, before making a go of any life altering plans. So wait before quitting your job or buying an RV and heading west into the dessert sunset. (Those of you that know me, know that would tempt me easily, but no I wouldn’t do that without George unless he gave me permission – on both of those things mentioned, lol).
  12. Take an entire day off. If you can’t find the day at least an afternoon, but my best strides toward beating the depression downward spiral was having a day off from all responsibilities and just doing whatever I wanted to do for the moment. No plans.
  13. Do that ONE thing. And on the flip side – if you are going to do anything – do that one thing that if you get it done or accomplished you will feel so much better. I made myself face my Final Cut Pro woes and figured out what was wrong and can move on with life and that made my week much more rosy! May sound silly to you, but this lifted my world!
  14. Find the sun! Oh my gosh it helps so much!
  15. Take a Walk! It releases happy hormones! And for some reason when you walk, you work out things in your head.

Today I am much better having done these things in the past week. And I wanted to share for both you and me. I will come back and read it again when I start having issues. I can catch myself sometimes when I wake up and don’t feel like thinking, planning, and doing. I can usually put nutrition and sleep in and pull out of it quickly but this past week it became concerning. I had to walk lightly and be very kind to myself, not push, let things come and go, and try to fill my mind with as much positiveness as I could. It’s been a tough ass week. Today I feel fairly normal having really focused on the above all week and finally getting that ONE thing done that was plaguing me.

My Agenda:

I hope you all have a good week. Here’s what’s on my agenda in the next week or so:

*Sign in to OLD AOL accounts so I don’t lose them. I do this once a quarter to keep old blogs.

*Do the Enneagram test again. I think it will benefit me to go through this.

*My challenge starts tomorrow. Might need to go to the store tonight but I might wait.

*New Bible study comes in this week from Amazon. I’ll share.

*Add Birthdays on my Task Reminders (so I’ll get cards and shopping done in advance)

*Use my Cracker Barrel card and take Mom to dinner

*Order a couple of pics from Shutterfly – this has been on my list forever

*Camera lessons is still on my list – wanna get them done (??)

*Need to iron and vacuum and do some house cleaning

*Clean my office, break down the bed in there and bring up the filing cabinets (this is a March project)

*Work on the flooring video

*Hot Springs trip

*Want to make lasagna

*Get some reading done (??)

Mom’s Agenda:

*TV bracket for hanging the TV on the wall has to be ordered

*New furniture

*Pictures finish hanging

*Help unpacking

*Pedicure

*Shades for Patio

*Table for Patio (eventually)

*Fancy Trim coming up in a couple of weeks

*Start my puzzle

George’s Agenda

Bless him. He has been so kind to do our agendas, but we have to remember that he too has one. He has done taxes and has been working on finances and of course cooks a lot, and is wanting to do some recording of music. He enjoys his reading and wants to work on the basement and get it back in order (it’s on my agenda too), and also spring is coming and he will begin clearing the yard for debris for mowing, and his yard sales start up.

Ok off of here because work will be wondering where I am if I don’t get there soon. But bottom line is I think I’m coming through this terrible couple of weeks to the other side. Thanks for your support. It’s always nice to see folks reaching out instead of drawing back when the times are not feeling so good. So again Thank You. It’s all going to be ok.