Am I Selfish? Do I Have What it Takes?

Am I Selfish?

When times get tough sometimes you wonder if you have what it takes to get through. So the next video is up. Click “Watch on YouTube” for the best results. All free. It was one of the busiest times of our lives. I appreciate you all and if you don’t want to miss an upload – hit subscribe on YouTube and it will remind you for upcoming posts. Any likes, comments, and subscribes help the channel. I love sharing with you all and doing these videos for you.

Happy 4th weekend. Enjoy!

What Does a Child Remember the Most About Childhood? What Do YOU Remember About Your Own?

Photo by Miriam Fischer on

My grandson and his Mom and Dad are on vacation this week to a fantastic beach location, along with other family members (Cody’s side) and also along with some of my grandson’s little cousins. This makes me happy. George and I read a book one time about the seven things kids remember. And while I cannot remember the author’s exact seven things, I do remember that “travel” was one of them. I know for me that is true. Any travel we did as a kid, stands out across the days of my life. Does it for you?

I decided to come up with seven of the things I remember the most as a child. Not in any particular order.

  • Travel
  • Pets (dogs)
  • Eating out
  • Times spent with friends
  • Group outings with church groups
  • Special meals made at home
  • Christmas and Holidays
  • Momentous Birthdays (Barbie cake, telephone cake, 16th party lol)
  • Situations (the good, the bad, the ugly) – excited times, problems, crisis times, and I probably remember just about every time I was yelled at, smacked, spanked, punished, because my psyche was always so fragile).
  • Desk Time

I can say without a doubt that travel sticks in my mind the most. I suppose it is because we (most of us) don’t ordinarily travel often and when we do, the memories naturally stick out in minds as it is something special, unique, and broadens our horizons.

Probably the most sentimental of memories is the time at Christmas. We had time at home and my family always did everything over the top to make everyone have a special Christmas. Hardly anyone was every cross on the holidays. Love was shown, family spent time together, ate special meals that we didn’t have all the other days, and it was the most special of times. (This is why I spazz at Christmas b/c I too want to make it special for my family). My Mom and my Nanny mostly were stay at home Mom’s except Mom worked some part time jobs here and there to supplement. I am working full time and try to meet those same standards (insert crazy eye’d emoji here).

We traveled to Panama City and Daytona Beach usually when we traveled. I always loved the beach and the seafood and the little touristy gift shacks. Sometimes Mom and Dad did weekend trips that included pools. We went to Huntsville, AL and Henderson, KY – places within radius. But mostly it was just beach trips and not every year. I also include in that my time spent with Mam-ma in the country and also with Nanny and Grandaddy in town. Two very different experiences but much filled with love and good food and a comfortable setting and/or a laid back countryside setting. The cuisines were very different and the entertainment was different at each place but I loved being in both places any time I could.

Church camp always stuck out in my mind. I loved the independence of getting away and being with friends. I enjoyed most of the activities, but I felt shy and awkward at times and a little overwhelmed with there being so many kids. It was like school but with different activities. I was never a fan of the damp beds, cold showers, and exposure to total elements, but was I strong and endured new things like going with a friend to the bathroom at one in the morning with our flash lights and being swarmed by bats in the bath house, and being scared out of our minds – lol.

Times spent with friends were usually going to the movies, having teenage sleepovers, eating pizza, going bowling, dancing to Kung Fu Fighting, and thinking about and talking about boys in our classes and which teachers we liked or didn’t like. We played cards a lot (war mainly) and walked to nearby retail stores or anything we could think of to fill the void of time. Oh to have that problem again.

I decided to go back and add “desk time” to mine. Because I had a lot of time to myself and spent a lot of it at my desk – even as a child. I rarely did homework at my desk, but on the couch or bed. But my desk always had my ideas, poems, writings, artwork, desk things, pens, paints, paper, and who knows what all else. Back then we also wrote letters and passed them between us, whether it was a close friend or a boyfriend. I also had pen pals. I enjoyed that very much. I wrote to my cousin Lynn a lot, my friend Opal when she moved, Belinda when she moved, and out of a magazine, I wrote to a girl named Charbeth who had horses and we wrote back once or twice about who we were and where we lived and what our life was like. I later met Charbeth who came to me out of the blue at Lipscomb (college) and said “hey I know you…we were pen pals”. We never were close friends. We only came across one another in a quick minute and she was in a different dorm and club but I wished we’d had more time to talk.

Anyway, this is one of my “canned” posts. Well, I’m typing it this morning but I’ve had these notes as a blog topic for quite some time. And since Little Roo is at the beach, I thought it would be a good time to post this.

What all do you remember from your childhood? I tried to keep it positive. I know we all have bad moments in time that jump out. Some worse than others. But for the most part, these above were all the things I remembered that stood out and mostly were all good memories!

Other Updates

Well let’s see. Not much going on but work, taking care of Dexter dog, and taking Mom to hair appt and shuffling Doc appts around and doing her online orders.

The Dexter Dog is doing well. I’ll have more pics about Friday or so. Tomorrow I’ll work on the video which is almost through. I just have to edit us going through our freezer, lol. Hopefully an upload but it might be for next Saturday though and not this one. I’m going to try to breeze through getting these done more quickly if I can. Once Sept hits things will slow down but I’m going to be changing things up a bit I think for 2023.

Back to Dexter. Again, he’s a puppy so it is to be expected. He has about two to three hours a day where he is just in to everything and needs a lot of attention and walked and played with. And much like a toddler, needs a lot of toys to catch his attention. But over all he is working out well. The biggest issue for me is him not wanting to go to sleep at night when I’m ready to go to sleep. So I end up losing about an hour of sleep at night or more. Sometimes I’m getting up early a bit too. So if I can get him to sleep when I am ready to go to sleep that will be the main thing for me. He wants to nip and play and be rambunctious. I put him in the hallway last night again. Usually within 30 min he will calm down but I was so tired that I fell asleep until 12:45 and got up and opened the door and he was standing beside it patiently waiting for me to open up and let him back in bed and laid down that time. So this is the biggest problem for me right now but other than that, he has been fairly easy to deal with – the 2nd thing is just getting into everything but we just put that up. I don’t have enough horizontal spacing to put things that are on the floor. lol. But we are making it for these puppy days. One day he won’t be so spastic and erratic and trying to eat everything.

Well I need to get on my make up and get out the door. I’ll have more pics later. Meantime, enjoy Little Roo at his beach swimming pool. We got to face time.

Hermitage Natchez Hills Wines | Yard Sale Finds | Weekly Update | Contentment

As mentioned in a previous entry, we did the wine tasting at the Hermitage and really enjoyed it. I liked the wine very much. And was shocked to learn they had an “iced tea wine”. George had his favorites and I had mine and so we bought enough to get “their deal”. You buy so many you get 15% off. So we treated ourselves.

We also went to a few yard sales last Saturday. There were not many with it being Mother’s Day Weekend. But there were a few. I have become to love adding flowers to a room for decor. I needed a couple of big vases that would hide the bottom of stems (most of mine are see through). I bought these with the idea of spray painting them. (Like I have time for any more creative projects). Currently they are in the basement “waiting their turn”. If I can get them to a neutral color, I can use them in various places in the house. And I can sign up for Hobby Lobby emails again and be able to find out when their flowers are 50% off.

A friend (Lisa J) from work brought cookies and left them on my desk. A little Momma’s day treat. So sweet. I shared with my next door office neighbor, Deb.

My Mother’s Day card came in Monday. It was worth the wait. It was a special constructed Momma’s day card.

The gift itself came yesterday. A pic of Little Roo.

I love this photo but everyone is going to tease him one day for being just like Cody and George. They love to sneak something into the photo without being totally obvious – a subtle little birdie or in George’s case sometimes a purposeful glimpse of his belly button. lol. If you see it in the pic let me know. Yes they will tease him about it one day. That makes the pic even more perfect. lol lol But I love that pic of him by the planter. I love him in his little khakis and plaid shirt and bare feet!

A “Peace Offering” Cookie.

There’s a “Mexican” bakery close to work. I’ll go there someday. I saw where it was while driving around in the area. But someone brought me one this week. But this week another department had some “issues” that caused payroll to be half day behind as I was told not to close payroll yet til they were ironed out. I stayed over a bit and then had to focus to rush through Wed and Thurs to catch up. I didn’t get many of my extra projects worked on this week because it took away some of my week. To make matters worse, no one told me when the “issues” were fixed so I waited three extra hours to start payroll. I could have gone after about 2 hours of waiting if I had known. And when I checked three times I was told it was not finished. (Yes, It was confusing and miscommunication as life often is. You know when several are involved.) Anyway the department felt bad and brought peace offering cookies, which was so nice of them to do. I was so impressed. Often in this day and time no one cares when someone makes you work harder and longer because of an issue. So it was nice to see that there are people that care or recognize it when they make your life more difficult and didn’t mean to. So Thank You Lord for that. There is a bite missing. I took a bite before taking the picture. No harm. No foul. At least we made the upload/deadline for the deposit.

Night Out with Mom

One night I took Mom out to Cracker Barrel. I don’t think she felt too good. She seemed a bit agitated and unhappy. They set us at a 2- seater table and she brought it up 4 times before our order that she was not happy sitting there. I get it. I prefer a 4 seater also so you have more elbow room. Neither of us is a small person, lol. I asked the waitress to move us but Mom refused. Thankfully she didn’t go on about it after that. I think I would have moved and ate by myself if she had, lol. I either wanted us to move or get over it. And she fussed about the purse she has and how small it was. She can’t ever find anything in her purse and when something comes out it won’t go back in and that was making her mad. She cursed loudly at it. I felt sad for her that she was having such an unhappy day. I often have those days when I don’t feel good or upset about something else and I’m just impatient with the world. Patience has never been her strong suit. So if you wonder where I get THAT. There ya go! It’s not been mine! So let’s talk about that!

Patience, Emotions, Guilt, Manipulation, Contentment – We are all a work in progress.

I’ve had to work really hard on this thorn in my side of not being patient. I can’t say that I’ve mastered patience, but I can say that I am better at it and that I am learning to “self parent” myself (lol, don’t you love that psychological term?) when something doesn’t go my way or suit me. I’ve had to learn how to better handle my emotions in my adult life. In the early days (20’s and 30’s and even 40’s), I just said “it’s me – it’s who I am – I want what I want and when I want it – I’m just driven – so get over it”. But that attitude is just kinda selfish, childish, and not very loving or considerate of others. So I’ve tried so hard to be better at reacting. I’m not perfect but I’m better. And I no longer desire to lay claim proudly with that type of reaction or behavior. I admit to not having patience at times but I’m no longer proud of it or claim it as a character trait that others must live with. I’ve learned to “self soothe” as the psychologists/psychiatrist calls it. And that has been a big learning curve to try and find contentment within yourself and soothe your own spirit. A lot goes into it. It’s a lot of work to try not to be narcissistic when your pattern is cut out for you to be. :-O I have decided that recognizing those patterns within yourself is over half of the problem. Because only then can you begin to be honest with yourself and be humble and ashamed of that kind of behavior and let go of the ego and start again to trying to be a better person. Believe me, Iiiiiiiiiii know.

OOOOPS! Anyway, I got off subject, lol. I offered to take Mom to a store nearby to find a purse but she said she would go on line or get Aunt Martha and Uncle Ken to take her when they got up here. She had not asked me to take her to Belk so I will not be made to feel guilty over that – that is another thing I’m learning is not to be made to feel guilty for things that are out of my control. While this manipulation tactic has worked on me before I’m learning to let go of that as I am learning how to be aware of various people’s manipulation tactics – intended or not. Sometimes I think people are so engrained at manipulating others they don’t even know they are doing it. I’m sure I do it myself. We probably all do to a degree at whatever has worked in the past. I expect for others to let me know if they need something from me as it’s not my job to determine what others are wanting or thinking. Mom may not have been manipulating me in this way – only she can answer that, but whether or not she was- I am the one that has allowed myself to feel guilty in the past as if I had done something wrong. Even then, you see – I immediately offered to take her to get a purse. I’ve been trained in that way to respond to negative behavior – after I saw her curse at the purse. I wanted her world to be right. Even though we all know the purse is one thing. And tomorrow it’ll be another item. I’ve been the same way. So I’m still in a work in progress too. lol. I almost think Mom is happier when George is with us. He must lift her mood. With me she seems more agitated. Or perhaps she is more comfortable and lets her guard down and allows herself to me more agitated with me. Sometimes I feel like I’m just the no count daughter that can’t do anything to please, other than provide gossip worthy adventures, so… Who knows. At least I’m the daughter still around. The other one said she couldn’t handle it and took off. lol

I hate she didn’t seem to have a good time although she thanked me and said she did. And I appreciated that. I tried to make her happy by getting her out of the house. I can’t make people be content though. And I can’t be held responsible for anyone else’s happiness. As I know toooooo well, contentment has to come from within. Other people can’t fix everything for you. There is nothing anyone else can do. An individual just has to learn to find their own contentment with their circumstances. I have had to do this for a while for things that turned out a lot different than I had expected or wanted. Often my own desires and plans in life have been squashed. I can accept it and go on. Or I can wallow in misery. Or I can decide to change the situation. It’s my choice. And I’ve made my decisions. Subject to change again if I decide. But on the way back from Mom’s God gave me the most awesome sunset to watch as I drove home. It’s as if He was consoling me from the work week and life’s snotty little trials. Or was it me just settling in with my own contentment at going home, finding silence and peace, and going to bed?

George stayed home this night to work on a few projects music wise. He is doing some recording with the device/equipment I got him for Christmas finally. And it’s yard work season so that takes up some time on other nights. Mom takes up some time during the week and on weekends some. And he cooks which he loves to do. But…..I’m also trying to give him a break too by doing some cooking here and there. I just don’t have time either, lol. My problem is that I get in the store and don’t have recipes with me, don’t want to take time to find them in the store, and have tried to get organized with this for some time and it just gets pushed to the bottom of the list. So….a friend at work gave me a “free box” invite from HELLO FRESH. So…..

Hello Fresh

So George and I got on last night and I ordered the 3 meal plan with Hello Fresh. We got a “free box” and it will come every week all with fresh ingredients. You can skip weeks if you need to. But often I don’t get to the store but every two weeks and we take Mom and it’s hard to get my own groceries bought. But this will help. I’m excited. I don’t have to pick a recipe other than getting on line each week and making a choice. I set up the app on my phone and have the alerts come when it’s time to pick the next week. You can add on breakfast and lunch items too. Even like granola bars, oatmeal. And the price is about what I’d spend at the store. So it’ll come in and I’ll be able to fix these quickly with the ingredients and recipes already gathered.

I am excited to try it. My friend says it’s worked well for them. They spend less because instead of having to buy a whole thing of bread for example or buns – you pay for just the ingredients you need and a whole bag of buns or the cost of it doesn’t go to waste if you don’t have time to eat them. That makes sense. I will let you know how it goes.

We also began looking at pet finding apps and websites. I’m not sure we will qualify as some of them are very self righteous as George calls it about their pets. Did we forget a year to do the rabies shot? Do we have a fenced in yard? Did we faithfully do heart worm meds? Do we work and out of the home a lot? George said not to get my hopes up. I already wasn’t. I know God will allow us to have the dogs(s) – yes two of them – when the time is right and the dogs are right. He does that and I’m praying every day so I will not fret over it. I’ll patiently wait. But it was this dog that got me started. When I started. Then George got started. He’s inquired about a set of dogs that are bonded. But this one is the one that got me started as I inquired about her. But I’ve yet to go in and finish the sign up as it required an application before they will talk to you. I needed to get references. So I’ve got permission from non-relatives mainly friends and neighbors (required not to be a relative) to give their address and phone so we can try to get a dog. I was not going to blindly do that w/o their permission. It seemed wrong. So I’ve not finished signing up on line (no time). But the reference information has been obtained at least through some phone work. Monkey gets extremely car sick but I’ve inquired. No response. Other than an email to do the next step by completing an application. (Insert eye roll here). So we will “play their game” for a while and try to find dogs their way, if not we will try something else – visit shelters and find a more personable way of doing business that works for us. But hey – at least we are getting started! George said he could go a while without a dog but when he retires he’ll want one. But he is also good with getting one now. I’m ready now. But letting God decide. If not us, I hope Monkey finds a perfect home for her. And I appreciate her getting us started so she deserves special mention. That sweet face. I want a dog with a sweet face. I love you Monkey. For getting us going. ;-). I wish you could be mine.

I’m sorry my blog is all over the place. My head is all over the place as usual. I have more to say but I’ll wait til tomorrow I suppose. Tomorrow I’ll say what all the week next week will bring.

Today we are going on an excursion and seeing friends and eating out and doing a bit of shopping in between, and another wine tasting. I’m not getting many groceries due to the Hello Fresh. But we do need a few things. I like to see what Whole Foods has. But we need some condiments and basic things – like coffee, peanut butter, snack items, and such.

Ahhhhhh. I have so many things I want to do this weekend but we are gone today and half of tomorrow. It’s ok. We are having to force ourselves out and have fun. Although we may discuss maybe doing it once a month instead of three. lol. I can’t keep up with ourselves. LOL LOL. My blog can’t keep up with our adventures either now. LOL LOL So…More tomorrow.