Taxes, Texas, and Letting Go

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on

Good morning friends! Boy let’s see what comes out at the type writer this morning as I have no plans. The coffee is absolutely wonderful this morning.

It’s questionable as to whether I’ve slept good. I went to bed about 8:30 but woke up at 1:00 for about 45 min and then also again around 2:30 when storms rolled through and again about 4:00 when my alarm went off. I chose to ignore it and go by George’s 1st alarm. His 1st alarm at 4:45 (allowing him to snooze for 30 min) is just enough time for me to get up, make coffee, get the dogs plates ready with their Science Diet, Fresh Pet mix topped with Doggie CBD oil. Take Maisy out and give her breakfast, and get my shower. Go grab my cup and hit the computer for the morning blog. And those sips of coffee and an open blog slate is always a fun moment.

I have not really felt like I’ve slept good this week. I have felt most all week like going to bed and taking a nap. I’m not a napper but if I were not working I would probably become one at this point.

So I’ve been pushing through the days the best I can. I am almost finished with quarter end (taxes and tax returns) and today is the last day of it, so good thing. As I go along I discover more I have to do and some of it confusing on the parts I’ve not done before, as to what is supposed to happen. At least I ask questions right? But about to get it all figured out now. Hopefully today will be a good day so I can finish it up and begin on the month end so I don’t have to work around the clock next week when I need to be getting ready for the trip. I’m already tired now so I bet that next week I’ll be zonked by the time we get off the merry go round and actually get in the car to head out.

I’ve been trying to stage things for our trip and trying to write things down as I think of it to avoid that last minute “oh no I forgot this or that”. I’m usually pretty prepared though and ready to go since I’ve traveled and packed for trips a lot in my life.

I worked some more on the next video and decided to try to go forward with it. I said I didn’t like it and wasn’t going to do it and that decision bothered me. So I’m in! I’m stripping some things out that I don’t like and may have time to add some different clips in. I think yesterday I was just sleepy, tired and thinking about so many other things. But I am adding layers to make it more interesting. We’ll see but I will really try and get this knocked out so I can post it before we go. There is a LOT to do this weekend though.

Photo by Alexander Mils on

You know what though? I think my zest in doing the video has been clouded or shadowed by several things, which are both good and not so good depending on which thing it is.

  1. Definitely the virus – keeping us at home primarily, away from friends and fun plans and excursions, or anything interesting outside our household
  2. Planning for the trip – most everything is on hold until “after Texas” but we are very excited about the trip.
  3. Quarter End/Month End at work – paying taxes and doing tax returns. It’s just hard to concentrate on anything happy for worrying about getting that done on time.
  4. My spirit is zonked anyway which is really #1 all over again except for maybe #5.
  5. Sleep needs to be better. I think I could sleep for a year right now.
  6. I need more fish – it’s good brain food and we have not had much lately. And Logan’s upped their price on me. It’s a $20 meal to get salmon at lunch unless you get it on a salad and it’s scarce on the salad. I may start calling it medicine though and spring for the $20. I miss it.
  7. Creativity – I’ve not felt creative for probably all those reasons above. My mind is elsewhere. Things are a bit crazy and stir crazy and all plans are on hold til taxes and Texas are done, lol!

I think a change of scenery will do me good. I’m tired right now and I’m tired of everything.

Photo by Magda Ehlers on

I hope my post yesterday did not offend anyone. It was not my intentions. I just had/have questions as to why certain things happen and certain things don’t. I find it quite frustrating that sources you once trusted can no longer be trusted. And that so much has become corrupt that you can’t see straight any longer. Everything seems crooked. It doesn’t help matters for any of us. The very fact that you question something to even try to form an opinion even brings anger or rejection. So I give. Not giving up my rights to saying what’s on my mind. As long as the world is turning I’ll be doing that. I will hold it in until a certain moment and you will know it all at once and really fast. lol. Just ask anyone who has ever poked at me and tried to get away with it. But for the most part I just give. I just give it to God. I guess I don’t need to know what is happening on this earth. I’m not a God and can’t fix it anyway. And I’m trying to just go with that. That maybe I’m not supposed to know.

And I do want to say that “Yes I do believe the virus is real” that is really not what I’m questioning. I did say that I didn’t know of anyone that has had it but that does not mean that I didn’t think it was real. I do want to get that very straight and clear so there is no misunderstandings of that! I hope no one I know gets it. Yesterday’s post was simply asking questions as to why certain things happen and certain things don’t. I will remain suspicious of it and I will talk about it when I need to even if it upsets someone that I’m asking questions. But my goal is not to upset anyone. I think we would all be amiss not to ask questions. I think we all probably should have been asking questions about a lot of things in all parts of our lives when we shove things under a rug. But for now, I’ll let God take it and he can have it all til I’m ready to take any of it back. lol

There is a frog outside my window talking to me right now.

Photo by Andre Furtado on

No worries though. I usually find “my happy” and “content” in whatever I’m doing. But I do recognize the 7 things listed above and try to fix it – adding nutrients, God’s word, music, and definitely food – to fix the moment.

There is a deep deep sadness though and maybe some hidden anxiety. About the corona virus, the future, and all that goes with that and many other subjects. As the sadness starts to come through I try to fix it and cover it up and squash it back down. So many things bring joy to cover it up. So while I’m sad we can’t do this and we can’t plan that, I’m at least grateful and happy and blessed for all the things we have to be grateful and happy and blessed.

And it’s Friday and that is a blessing in itself. Two whole days off and much to do in those days. And I get to go get a 2nd cup of coffee and wear jeans and a tee shirt today. At there is comfort in that!

6 responses to “Taxes, Texas, and Letting Go”

  1. I agree with you Sonya, everything seems to be in a continual round of virus, virus, virus whatever we turn, and we are all getting weary with it. We all want to be able to plan something, a short holiday or even just a visit But that brings us back to the questions…can we go….will we catch the virus, we can’t even go out for a decent meal around here. Yes there may be places open but I personally ,don’t know where they are. We wanted to go for a nice drive one day, but where to go if we can’t find a nice tea room to stop at…
    Anyway love at least you have your trip to Yexas to look forward to so just think this time next week you will be almost leaving for a wonderful/ Break with Kate ….till then try to relax take extra sleep this weekend. And always remember I’m hear if you want a moan.
    God Bless. Sybil xxx

  2. When I was working full time, i would fix a small salad and have a an of drained salmon to add to it. I also would mix it with a little mayo and have on some crackers. A small can with yield 2 small patties that be added to your lunch. We are now including a lot of tuna back into our routine again. They are less expensive than the fresh salmon at the restuarants. Last week Publix was having a special on the frozen salmon in a bag to prepare quckly.

  3. Hope your Friday is a fantastic one the excitement of the trip will carry you through next week. You are braver than me for even considering it. I’m becoming a hermit and stay at home. My choices are limited when it comes to safe places to go .enjoy your weekend to the fullest including getting some needed rest!

  4. i wish you well on your journey to texas to see katy. i know how excited you must be. the only thing you can do these days is to take life one day at a time. we’ll all get through. i have cabin fever. but my immune system is more than a little compromised with pmr, diabetes and lupus. and my hubby has copd. so we’re stuck here at home. can’t afford to catch anything. be safe. take care.

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