Worry, Anxiety, Negativity, Reality

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It’s Friday! Yippee Yay! Yesterday great progress made toward the quarter end. It went way faster than I imagined and I won’t be as behind as I thought. However, it won’t be finished I don’t think on time as I really only have until Noon to post anything for banking thru today, if that. But just down to a few filings. And they are the harder ones that take more time, like Oregon and it requires a LOT of manual data entry. We have always been behind with those. So instead of a week behind, as far as I know, I’m only about 2 to 3 days behind. It could extend to the week if I don’t make good progress today though as it’ll be time to do payroll again which is about a 2 to 3 day time consumption. So….we’ll see, but it is going faster than I thought. At least the impact is minimal. I kinda see now, if we have a month like this in January then it should be no problem going to Texas as I sat idle for about 2 weeks this month and couldn’t work on it. It takes a while for the information to come to me and it seems like I sit and pant waiting on it and it comes all at once the last week leaving me to have to slam dunk it (or not). At that, I could plan a whole 2 week excursion to Australia and back and be able to still sorta finish. LOL

I don’t think my PTO form has been signed. However, I’ve been told verbally that I could go in January. So no worries. Maybe it’s been approved and I didn’t get a copy. Approval really has no bearing anyway, as we are planning to go regardless. Wouldn’t miss it for the world. Births and deaths are times that companies don’t get the luxury to come first.

OK sorry, I’ve promised not to worry about quarter ends any more! And trying not to worry about where we are going to stay in January. It just is going to be what it is going to be and we do what we can with the time we have and I can apparently with the help of God pull some bunnies out of the hat, so….it’s all good. Still one wonders how on earth January will be accomplished. And maybe it’ll be done by the time it’s the next quarter end, lol lol lol. There is more to do in Jan as you have to do all the w-2 reporting. So that will take a long minute.

Speaking of worries. I have some things to say. After being told that I was negative by someone recently, I have had a long week of thinking. It really hurts my feelings to be called negative. To me that is not what it is being. It’s being responsible to plan, propagate, figure out, stew over, map it, know how much time it will take, be prepared, look at all the angles, pick the right path. This is how I was brought up.

I’m also very goofy, laid back, forgetful and so I over compensate these things by over planning and thinking about things. It’s almost like a defense mechanism for the forgetful. I “worry” and “think” and “ponder” and “wonder” and go down rabbit holes and briar patches, because I care. And well because I know I’ll also have to pull rabbits out of the hat so you have to get the rabbits from somewhere. LOL.

I really hate that someone close to me “doesn’t get me”. Sometimes I think no one really does. I’ve always taken life seriously. I felt it was my role to do so. This has kept me alive taking life seriously. It has gotten things done. My negativity to others is a realist state to me. I am also shaped by the past. If I know something can go wrong, I plug a hole in it so it doesn’t happen again. If I know the train can veer off the track, I want to fix it where it won’t. I won’t enjoy the ride if I know something needs to be fixed. I feel like if I enjoy the ride that the thing that needs fixing will wreck us. Does this make sense?

Do I enjoy life? Heck yeah. But I like for the train to be on track, the boat on course and everything safe and planned like it should be so that it’s a smooth ride.

I don’t like clusters. They make me tense, they make me mad, they make me wonder why something wasn’t planned out, lol. I avoid them at all costs. You do not want to know me during a cluster. I feel like the universe is falling and after all the planning I did to avoid said cluster, if there is a cluster and you try to blame me for it – oh no sir! I think the ire goes through me faster than a bolt of lightning and I will be quick to point out exactly what the problems are and when leave you standing there with your mouth open at the entire list! And no more words will be said. Thus egg shells….LOL LOL I can’t help this about me. I try and I try hard. My feelings are real. I pin them in as much as I can for fear of being misunderstood and then they bubble out when the time comes. A voice and a mind must eventually be heard. A blog helps, by the way.

All that said, I agree I worry more than I should. God said today has enough of its own worries. And I worry over events that are months away. While it’s my nature to do so I still can allow God’s help and according to an article I read yesterday by Crosswalk’s Daily Inspiration emails, I’m doubting God if I don’t allow him to help.

In summary of this great article by Rick Warren, we doubt God, if we don’t allow God to help when we are anxious, impatient, resentful, bitter, dwell in guilt of the past, or when you feel inadequate. Rick says we should “doubt our doubts” and allow God to bring the anxiety levels down, realize God has a plan for our life, trust God’s wisdom when things don’t turn out, and believe in God’s forgiveness and in his power to help. Powerful stuff by Mr. Warren.

Sometimes God speaks through others and I think God was knowing that me and others needed this message. It’s a give and take thing with me. I give it to God and take it back. In reality we do need to make sure we are doing our part – that is where I go sideways is I take it ALL back again. But we have to remember that with prayer and God, Jesus, and our comforter and helper, The Spirit, we can move mountains.

My faith has apparently been too little. But I know my Creator and He knows me. I’m placing my faith and reminding myself again with the help of Rick Warren, that it really doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of me, it doesn’t matter whether quarter end is finished or not, it doesn’t matter if we have a hotel, a motel, an RV, a car or a tent in Texas – what matters is His Will, His Kingdom, and my place within it.

4 thoughts on “Worry, Anxiety, Negativity, Reality

  1. Someone perceiving you as negative while you yourself don’t think that’s the case might also simple be wrong, or having their own struggles eh 🤷‍♀️

    While it’s still important to then reflect on your own behavior I don’t think this should necessarily always be followed by you making changes. I haven’t seen you as negative in the (short) time I’ve been following. At all 🤷‍♀️

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Sybil

    Morning Sonya, I’m so glad that slowly you are learning to give things over to god ane REALY TRULY believe he will sort things out we no longer need to fuss and worry any more. Because you have for years and years worried about what other people think, what will happen …if ?….I truly believe that when I hand over my worries and thoughts to my Father he will do something about it…( but I admit I think he is taking to long and grab it back and start to worry all over again). WRONG….but then I’m much older than you and it’s taken a very long time for me to have that peace that comes when I truly give myself and all those I love into his hands…
    Have a good day at work, nice thought that the weekend is just round the corner…love winging its way over the pond. Xxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lauren

    Happy Halloween. I too worry too much. so no words of wisdom. With what is happening in the world today no wonder we worry.
    I try to distract myself or be good to myself when it gets too bad.
    Enjoy your weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

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