News from the Frozen Tundra and Nixing Anxiety

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This is NOT us, but it may as well be. You feel so cut off from the world, even with neighbors around, when you are iced in. It’s been a weird snow fall. It really hasn’t even been snow so much as just any icy pellet that looks like snow. So far our power has held. Not so for my daughter and her husband and the baby. I knew it in my heart when I awoke yesterday, that their power was going out. I prayed about it before I even knew for sure it happened. I prayed for their protection and warmth. Prayer warriors have been praying as well. I’m happy to say that they are with friends. They have someone with power that opened their home to them and fed them. I know Katy would not mind my sharing her words from her Instagram story (it’s public anyway).

So when I woke up this morning my mind and heart was filled with anxiety until I prayed and read God’s word and then looked to Instagram to see if anything new had popped up (a grandma does not want to wake a sleeping family at the 5 a.m. hour). So my heart has been made glad by her words and God’s words. His “be anxious for nothing” echoing in my mind. That wasn’t the passage I was reading, but I have hidden his words in my heart, as he as asked. I’m currently reading in Hebrews, in my adventures at reading the Bible backwards. I’ve already read it forward, now backwards. And yes, I’m still using my reading chair for prayer and scripture. I also think it will be a good spot for meditation, prayer, mid day too if I get lost or bewildered.

Not only have I give God the anxieties over worrying about Cody, Katy and the baby, but of any others that are in my heart and head. There are certain things that trigger your memories and bad experiences, and that leads to anxiety- anxiety for me mainly meaning (remembering, remembering what happened, remembering how it made me feel, how it upset me, how it changed my feelings, how it impacted me, how it still impacts me, makes me dread things, makes me feel negative feelings toward certain ones, makes me not love the snow, makes me angry that such a beautiful thing as snow can bring me anxiety, makes me doubt certain things, and wonder certain things, it makes me feel insecure, it makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong when I haven’t) and so……

I really have to give it to God when it snows and we get iced in. I keep thinking one day I won’t have to remember these ridiculous things. But I’m not anxious this morning because of my ability to stop those thought processes in their tracks and hand them over. Not only is God protecting Cody and Katy and River, but he’s protecting George and me, and He will deal with any of these situations should they reoccur, however as He will. And taking words from the Bible….Woe is the one that He deals with. I am working on my forgiving heart while He deals with those that I’m having to forgive. Over and Over. Every time it snows or we are in a similar situation as now.

The weather is weird all week with another system coming. It’s just NOT going to be a normal week. There are going to be things that just cannot be done. If it clears, I’ll likely be working this weekend to get it back in control. Whatever it takes. But it is going to require the patience of everyone. There ARE going to be things that will be late. We do not have all the things we need at home to do our jobs properly from here. We need to be safe. Safety first is what we preach all day, so we need to honor that. People will have no choice but to realize that we are in a situation that is not normal and all the normal things will not happen. But we will all do what is in our power safely to do. And that is all she wrote.

How are you doing? Is 2021 going any better? Are we going to leap from snow to tornadoes? We are living in a world that is spinning out of control for sure. We’ll all come out of it alive those that believe, in an eternal situation of life where there is no worry, no death, no tears. Cast your cares on the one and rest in Him during these times. His word is sharper than a two edge sword. I’m taking prayer requests today if you have them. Let’s not let our own anxieties or the anxieties of others control us, as they would like to do. But cast the cares on God who will handle it all as He Wills!

Have a wonderful and blessed day, whatever the circumstances! And may you have peace in your heart and be given a little piece of Spring, from wherever you can find it! LOL

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Worry, Anxiety, Negativity, Reality

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It’s Friday! Yippee Yay! Yesterday great progress made toward the quarter end. It went way faster than I imagined and I won’t be as behind as I thought. However, it won’t be finished I don’t think on time as I really only have until Noon to post anything for banking thru today, if that. But just down to a few filings. And they are the harder ones that take more time, like Oregon and it requires a LOT of manual data entry. We have always been behind with those. So instead of a week behind, as far as I know, I’m only about 2 to 3 days behind. It could extend to the week if I don’t make good progress today though as it’ll be time to do payroll again which is about a 2 to 3 day time consumption. So….we’ll see, but it is going faster than I thought. At least the impact is minimal. I kinda see now, if we have a month like this in January then it should be no problem going to Texas as I sat idle for about 2 weeks this month and couldn’t work on it. It takes a while for the information to come to me and it seems like I sit and pant waiting on it and it comes all at once the last week leaving me to have to slam dunk it (or not). At that, I could plan a whole 2 week excursion to Australia and back and be able to still sorta finish. LOL

I don’t think my PTO form has been signed. However, I’ve been told verbally that I could go in January. So no worries. Maybe it’s been approved and I didn’t get a copy. Approval really has no bearing anyway, as we are planning to go regardless. Wouldn’t miss it for the world. Births and deaths are times that companies don’t get the luxury to come first.

OK sorry, I’ve promised not to worry about quarter ends any more! And trying not to worry about where we are going to stay in January. It just is going to be what it is going to be and we do what we can with the time we have and I can apparently with the help of God pull some bunnies out of the hat, so….it’s all good. Still one wonders how on earth January will be accomplished. And maybe it’ll be done by the time it’s the next quarter end, lol lol lol. There is more to do in Jan as you have to do all the w-2 reporting. So that will take a long minute.

Speaking of worries. I have some things to say. After being told that I was negative by someone recently, I have had a long week of thinking. It really hurts my feelings to be called negative. To me that is not what it is being. It’s being responsible to plan, propagate, figure out, stew over, map it, know how much time it will take, be prepared, look at all the angles, pick the right path. This is how I was brought up.

I’m also very goofy, laid back, forgetful and so I over compensate these things by over planning and thinking about things. It’s almost like a defense mechanism for the forgetful. I “worry” and “think” and “ponder” and “wonder” and go down rabbit holes and briar patches, because I care. And well because I know I’ll also have to pull rabbits out of the hat so you have to get the rabbits from somewhere. LOL.

I really hate that someone close to me “doesn’t get me”. Sometimes I think no one really does. I’ve always taken life seriously. I felt it was my role to do so. This has kept me alive taking life seriously. It has gotten things done. My negativity to others is a realist state to me. I am also shaped by the past. If I know something can go wrong, I plug a hole in it so it doesn’t happen again. If I know the train can veer off the track, I want to fix it where it won’t. I won’t enjoy the ride if I know something needs to be fixed. I feel like if I enjoy the ride that the thing that needs fixing will wreck us. Does this make sense?

Do I enjoy life? Heck yeah. But I like for the train to be on track, the boat on course and everything safe and planned like it should be so that it’s a smooth ride.

I don’t like clusters. They make me tense, they make me mad, they make me wonder why something wasn’t planned out, lol. I avoid them at all costs. You do not want to know me during a cluster. I feel like the universe is falling and after all the planning I did to avoid said cluster, if there is a cluster and you try to blame me for it – oh no sir! I think the ire goes through me faster than a bolt of lightning and I will be quick to point out exactly what the problems are and when leave you standing there with your mouth open at the entire list! And no more words will be said. Thus egg shells….LOL LOL I can’t help this about me. I try and I try hard. My feelings are real. I pin them in as much as I can for fear of being misunderstood and then they bubble out when the time comes. A voice and a mind must eventually be heard. A blog helps, by the way.

All that said, I agree I worry more than I should. God said today has enough of its own worries. And I worry over events that are months away. While it’s my nature to do so I still can allow God’s help and according to an article I read yesterday by Crosswalk’s Daily Inspiration emails, I’m doubting God if I don’t allow him to help.

In summary of this great article by Rick Warren, we doubt God, if we don’t allow God to help when we are anxious, impatient, resentful, bitter, dwell in guilt of the past, or when you feel inadequate. Rick says we should “doubt our doubts” and allow God to bring the anxiety levels down, realize God has a plan for our life, trust God’s wisdom when things don’t turn out, and believe in God’s forgiveness and in his power to help. Powerful stuff by Mr. Warren.

Sometimes God speaks through others and I think God was knowing that me and others needed this message. It’s a give and take thing with me. I give it to God and take it back. In reality we do need to make sure we are doing our part – that is where I go sideways is I take it ALL back again. But we have to remember that with prayer and God, Jesus, and our comforter and helper, The Spirit, we can move mountains.

My faith has apparently been too little. But I know my Creator and He knows me. I’m placing my faith and reminding myself again with the help of Rick Warren, that it really doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of me, it doesn’t matter whether quarter end is finished or not, it doesn’t matter if we have a hotel, a motel, an RV, a car or a tent in Texas – what matters is His Will, His Kingdom, and my place within it.

Full Moon Coming and Impacts Felt

The difference in the past week and all the other weeks of late, has just been a little bit crazy. The week before a full moon – everyone gets restless, stirs the pot, and things shift sideways for whatever reason. So it’s not good when all that happens at month end/quarter end. Usually means someone has to wait for something. There is a lot to do, the phone rings off the wall, and everything goes sideways and upside down. Some full moons are worse than others. But with a Pandemic going on and all that – would you expect anything else than a full ON Full Moon? Bless its heart. Bless OUR hearts.

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The full moon not only brings on restlessness it seems, but the horror of things to go wrong or “sideways” as I mention it. The moons gravitational pull shifts things around – that is my explanation of it. So this past week has been no exception. It’s been so big, bad, and busy lately. People upset everywhere, stirring the pot everywhere. So I decided to look at the calendar. Must be a full moon I said to myself. Sure enough. There she sits. By the time the 5th gets here it should be calmed down. It seems to be the 5 to 7days before it where things go awry.

So yesterday, true to the spirit of the Full Moon scenario, I realized I had erased part of our payroll program. I would call it a mistake. I would say it was my fault. But I was following the directions in the instructions that were given to me to a T so as to not make any mistakes. Yet I was the one that pushed the button, so I’m sure my namesake is mud and dirt at this point, creating a lot of work for other people.

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I felt sooooooooo bad. I wanted to dig a hole. I wanted to just cry. I did go to the bathroom and have a small cry. That is how I release stress and emotion. Writing and crying. I mean don’t anyone call 911 or anything. It’ll be ok. But – I mean who wants to create work for others when it is already crazy enough.

The same instructions that I followed this year is why that part of the program didn’t exist last year when I moved into the position. The previous person also had done the same thing and the check history register was not there for the previous year. However, I don’t think anyone really needed it. But this year they do. Go figure. Lucky me. Lucky us.

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So I talked to God about it and while I feel bad, He set me straight. His whispers back to me…. Look, you followed the instructions and the PR system should have controls in place where things like this cannot happen. Don’t beat yourself up for following, what was not verbal, but written instructions. It was not anything for you to apologize for as you had not intentionally set about to do this but intentionally set out to follow instructions as written so as NOT to mess up.

I think my exasperation over this was b/c I had followed the instructions. I felt as if I can’t win for losing. I try hard to do everything JUST right, and I want to make those around me proud of what I do, and easier for them. And so trying as hard as I do, it was just blew my mind. The kind of blowing your mind where you just want to throw your hands up in the air b/c you realize it doesn’t matter how hard you try things will still go awry.

So I didn’t apologize. I sent out the instructions to all concerned and said here you go, if the instructions need to change then yeah, we need to change them. So the instructions are changing, yes. lol

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And I was really upset for about 2 hours, and then decided to have a mourning period over it. Yes you can choose to flip a switch and be happy but it’s kind of like going to a funeral you know — ok not as bad, but you get the idea. When others are suffering it’s not the time to show your joy. So I mourned for about 2 hours. I was not going to be happy if others were having to fix a problem from a button I pushed, even though I was following directions.

Then I put in my headphones and got lost in the music. And became happier within. After all the week is moving on, I do love my job. I do like my coworkers. Life is good, even with coronaviruses and world tension. I can’t really help what others think of me anyway – that’s up to them. I can’t live up to the angelic images of other people’s favorites – all I can do is be me. And if that is not good enough then that is not my issue.

oh and sidebar…putting on the headphones (well, now ear buds as we say) are people magnets. I can be alone for 4 hours but the very minute I put in the ear buds, people come from everywhere! lol lol

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No one has blamed me or been ugly to me in anyway. I cause my own anxiety because I hate it happened. And I’m dismayed with the feeling of “can’t win for losing”. But I am smart enough to realize that it’s not me this time. We have some faulty directions and a system that likely needs more parameters and backups. It’s not a true payroll system as far as like ADP, Ceredian, and so forth – but an internal one. It does pretty good for what it does. But hit a button wrong or enter a date wrong, or simply following directions can sometime cause severe pains.

Anyway, today is my Friday. I’ll not let this consume me. I hate it happened. But the fact that it did will bring improvement on all parts. Because we don’t want that to happen again.

And there are 3 days to the weekend, hopefully enough to recover! Anyway, I do have a LOT to do today. Not sure how much of it will get done. But I’ll do the most important things first and go from there.

I worked on my To Do List when I got home.

Thanks for enduring the photos from professional others via Pexels today as it makes the blog a little more interesting from the standpoint of simply making a point. And I didn’t have any of my own. It’s good to have a visual. The Pexel photos are free stock photos for Word Press website users to use. So just playing around with them today. I like to have my own photos but I’m not going to sit around at work and take various pics of me all day long. Although I have seen that some do! lol

I think George and I are going out to eat tonight at a place that has an outside porch – if it’s full or too hot or rainy we’ll have to eat in and then hope for the best. And then on to run an errand or two and then to the store for our weekend purchases. Then I guess we are in for the weekend.

What are you doing for the 4th? I think we are going to sit and watch fireworks on TV and try to keep Maisy calm!

And off to get my Friday going and one can only HOPE for an upside.

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