I Gave Work My Notice, The Raw Truth

Life is like a puzzle piece. Speaking of, I’ve put in a few more pieces lately. I love having one going but must get it out of the way soon as we will need the “Christmas shopping table” to be put up. School has already started, traffic is much worse, schedules adjust all about, and soon fall will be fully underway, and that means a “busy season” for us.

So in the realm of all things fall, falling into place, so came the anxiety at work (see previous entries). I don’t even want to think about it but the last few weeks have been anxiety filled and we are just all radiating off of one another I think.

So I kinda felt forced (they will say they didn’t force it) but they were going to hire for my position anyway (had already been asking me my plans, asking the big guys if they could go ahead and hire) since I had not yet officially (but only in theory) given my notice. I spoke about all that in the last posts.

So Monday I gave notice with the date being Friday DEC 20th. Now I hope everyone is happy. Ironically everyone has been asking me if I am now happy. lol

Well, only two or three people have really said anything to me about it. And that is fine. What is there really to be said? Whatever happens from here is God driven and/or God led as it’s all been bathed in prayer. So what happens from here is what is supposed to happen. He guides my steps. And any human form that navigates around me.

I had two weeks with my predecessor and some extra help from my boss guiding me through the waters of accounting, that side of our system, and in doing returns when I started. But they say my replacement will need MONTHS, lol. That makes me feel like some kind of genius that I am not. I DID have a friend that told me she was proud of me that I took over payroll and didn’t miss a beat. I was thankful for her saying that, but I’m sure I missed lots of beats, lol. But I’m not a rocket scientist and my job is unique for sure but it’s certainly not horribly difficult. It just has a lot of very different and unique parts.

I was going to spend time working on the payroll (job) processing manual. If I’m training someone I am not sure I’ll have time now to pull it off. I was thinking someone would be starting in October or so. But I will do what I can. I haven’t even had much time this year to work on it being by myself and not training any and it’s August already if that tells you anything. The next few months are going to go by fast as the fall period does. So finishing it or even get much done on it now is unlikely.

And now begins the process of feeling like “me” vs. “them”, as I’m an outsider now. Already closed door discussions right under my nose (possibly not totally about me but probably so). And they have a right to every bit of it, still, a tear trickles. I hate the feeling of being left out, but this is normal. Maybe not as discreet as it could have been, but normal.

My career has been a part of me since I was 15 really. I knew then what I wanted to do and I went after it. Although it’s taken off like a tree with several branches – retail, manufacturing, HR, Payroll, Accounting.

I was raised in an era where your career defined who you were as a person, and groomed in school, and in college, to be who I became. It was my life almost as much as family to care for, to love, to nurture, and to manage. Somehow along the way I realized that this career of mine may put food on the table and fund our dwellings and here and there provide for our comings and goings, but “the job” wasn’t going to be there for me forever. It wasn’t going to love me back or care for me as much as I loved it. But we’ve had a long run of it, this career of mine. We have had some good times and quite honestly some really raw nasty hurtful times, just like one’s strongest relationships. You are there for it – the good, bad, and the nasty ugly.

So I kept thinking, ending a relationship with my career, is like ending a marriage of sorts while still living with the person. You are there in it for the ending. It’s quite painful. But the truth of the matter is, that I am truly ready for retirement and I’m needing it. I’ve had a lot on me.

Even this week, Mom’s kitchen flooded and she called in a panic crying into the phone how she hated the place and hated moving up here. I reminded her that she chose home ownership and could choose assisted living at any time – her choice since she can still somewhat walk around and help herself. A quick decision can find her being served meals and not having to do laundry, not having to clean a thing. But her independence keeps her in the home ownership realm. That comes with responsibility she cannot ignore. I can’t help her much with that either while working. And it just puts more and more pressure on me. Even though things have settled some, you know it’s all just waiting in the wings to blow up on me one day. As it has several times already. And I get no help from anyone else in the family except George and he has, at times, been pushed to his limits.

I’m tired. So very tired. And tired of it. This life I am leading. So now we can all be happy if we can push through the transition. I really need to work til Dec 20 for our plan, for the insurance etc. My 62 early retirement birthdate is in January. I wanted to be off for the holidays and my last check has to be in December. Thus the plan. However, anything could change I guess if the company wanted me gone sooner than that. And now that I have given notice, they have less of a legal right to keep me there. Although I’ve been told no one wants to get rid of me. I don’t know about that. I’ve run a very tight ship and have expected a lot out of everyone, so much I probably make people mad at times, but I wanted things done right, wanted things to work, and wanted what I needed to get my job done and done on time. Is that so bad?

My printer was finally replaced after two months of cow birthing noises in my right ear (if I am deaf these days -no wonder). Why was this such a fiasco? My gosh. I have never. But the new one is in after two months of agony in printing. I still can’t scan (go figure) but at least no one is listening to a noise that sounds like you are scooting a heavy piece of furniture across the floor. I just get up every hour and go scan what I need at the big machine because they can’t remember the password or something. I don’t know. I don’t know why all the inefficiencies. That’s not my arena, but it’s finally going with the new printer. And IT fixed the double printing by going to a somewhat secret backdoor place that none of the rest of us could find. How did that get turned on in the first place???? Curious!

So that’s where we are right now. It’s just hard watching it all go. But it IS what I want. It’s just like throwing out a baby to the wolves. It’s very painful. But of course no one feels or sees that but me. Frankly it’s just another day to everyone else except those that are worried about having to do any of the work after I’m gone or having to train for it. And I can feel their panic. But life is as it does, I suppose.

See ya Saturday with another vlog.