Blessed Mess of a Week, plus Retirement Notes

Well, guys, here’s a week of birthdays (Mom and George) and Maddie’s illness, and a little bit of fun, and a whole lot of BUSY. You can watch it here.

Life this Week

I didn’t get a mid-week update done. The current video I was doing was long and my feelings were just too deep for me to discuss this week. I’ve been doing these weekly vlogs and they get hard to process with all the footage. But mainly covered the time period due to Maddie’s appointments and such. In real time, she has improved and feeling much better. In case anyone is worried after they see this video. In reality, this week as the last one and the one before that – have not been so good for me.

All is well on the tummy front. No real problems. So far what I am doing is working. I’ve not had beef, deli meat, no spicy foods. I have had some fried chicken with Mom, with no problem. I have cut out alcohol on MOST days. I will have one if we go out, and have one on occasion at home. I think just focusing on the gut flora and putting things in that restore the proper microbes (I think that is what you call it – good bacteria) and keeping out things that harm the gut flora and harm your stomach linings ability to absorb nutrients (avoiding leaky gut) is all what it is about. I think if we eat the best things, supplement with right things, avoid the wrong things most of the time – then when we have something bad occasionally our tummy can handle it. Balanced diet also – many fruits, much less sugar, and a huge intake of greens and veggies, whole grains. Lots of water, hot tea. Less iced tea which can be drying and not so good for the tummy linings I’ve learned, and witnessed.

The last few weeks at work…. have been…my words fail me…”traumatic” comes to mind but that is too much of a dramatic description, but it’s only a couple of inches from that, lol. With all that has gone wrong in nearly every category, it’s almost like the job office is haunted or possessed. Even my boss (probably joking, but probably really not) told me to “rebuke it” before stepping into it. Weird things like the printer printing double sided and won’t stop – doing it randomly. I thought maybe someone was messing with me because I’ve never seen anything do something like that without cause. My desk lamp started blinking on and off also. Pop up blockers not letting me get the returns I’ve just done and needing to print. Websites no longer taking my email address. ACH transactions being done on my end and not actually going through the bank, calculator quit working, printer sounds like it’s giving birth to cows all week also. Then I’ve made a few mistakes of my own through all this distracting chaos: paying something in the wrong account (we have two companies I work with so easy to grab the wrong one, but this is something I rarely do).

The Beginnings of the End

To describe the issues of late, one would think you are just imagining it or going crazy. It is about to drive me crazy and everyone else around me. My boss sees it. She mentioned to the big boss this week that she wanted to go ahead and start finding someone to train with me for my replacement. I reminded her that I had not yet given my notice. The CFO stopped by to ask me about retirement in polite conversation, asking me about it. He reminded me to be sure and give plenty of notice. Previous conversation with HR and my boss, I had been asked to give 3 months if not more.

By Friday I had received an email from HR asking me to update my job description. I was told the company was updating ALL job descriptions and I know they have been working on them but no one else in my immediate office around me got one. This made me so anxious (and angry) that I left work to go get Starbucks, calm down, and call George. I honestly felt like walking out and never looking back as I felt like I was being pushed out. But I’m trying to be forgiving, for all of it. After all, it’s my fault. I trusted people when I knew better, to let them know of my intentions, because I cared about them and wanted them to know. And as a fool I excitedly talk about my upcoming retirement days in person and on social media.

Now that August is here, school going back, it reminds everyone that fall is near, as is the end of year. My excited mentions on blog, YouTube, of the pending and upcoming retirement doesn’t help anyone’s anxiety as my excitement ramps up. Since I’d already let the cat out of the bag, I have been completely upfront. I couldn’t contain my excitement. So I have to live with the consequences of being open and honest about it. And I’m ok with that now. After talking it over with God.

My excitement created fear and anxiety and boldness enough for my bosses to go ahead and circumvent my plans of waiting for my notice and date of retirement announcement to be given and to request to hire for my position. My boss told me Thursday she had mentioned it to our big boss. I inquired after the big boss came to my office to small talk about retirement. This took away the security of my ability to flex the date if needed, change my mind if needed, and left me feeling vulnerable, pushed, angry, disappointed, and feelings hurt. I can’t help the way I feel as that comes naturally as I’ve invested so much with this company and in my career. It’s like throwing away the baby almost. I wanted to do it in my own time in my own way.

A New Plan

So after discussion with George, since I’m obviously being replaced and strongly encouraged (in my own words “pushed”) to give my notice, I’ve decided to go ahead and give it. I’ve told HR they will have a date in writing on Monday morning. I was told if I didn’t want to retire I could take it off the table and no one else would bother me about it. But I DO want to retire, very much so.

The Date

George and I have had some discussion over the “date” – whether it will be one date originally discussed, as a later date, or an earlier date than planned and what that would look like. After muddling through alternatives, we have decided on a date. But honestly, whatever happens at this point under God’s Will, will be fine. I’m keeping the date under wraps until I turn in my notice on Monday.

I’m having some anxiety detaching and feeling betrayed at times, but I’m also trying to be understanding of my bosses (plural) fears, and to understand my own fears and reactions to recent happenings. The more that happens the more my grips are loosening and letting go. I also realize I brought a lot on myself by trusting, when I know better. I’d been told not to trust and those people that told me that were right. So a lot of it is my fault. But I don’t think I could have done it any other way as I’m just a transparent person that makes plans out a year in advance and follows it.

I’ve had some significant issues with this week and my plan not working as planned, but alas there is a new plan in the works, maybe even a better one. So I don’t think I could have or would have done anything differently. This is just something I have to go through, and do. However it all turns out I will be happy with. Because at this point it’s ALL bathed in prayer, and honestly has been all along.

The Human Factor

I’m just human with feelings and wanted it to feel different. I wanted it to BE different. But however it is, is how God wants it to be. HR was kind and spoke with me Friday after everyone had gone and said some really nice things about my work there, in which made me feel so much better. I took it at face value and hoping it to be genuine and not a “oopsie we goofed as a company, kinda smooth over talk”. It did make me feel better and I felt he was being sincere.

So I’ll let you know soon (here and in an upcoming video) what my date is. The date certainly has been a strong discussion between George and I in recent days. And also just toying with my health and anxiety, has made me wonder what the possibilities should be at this point for the timing. So Monday will be the big reveal! I’ll let you know. :-).

The tribe hasn’t spoken, but soon will.

Don’t forget to watch the video HERE. Love you guys.