The Give and the Take in Marriage

My daughter posted this recently and it cracked me up. Those eyeballs. That mouth. Uh oh. He’s a bit worried.

Early in marriage I used to get miffed and hold it in, if George wouldn’t do something I thought he should have already done. He finally asked what was wrong one day. I don’t even remember what it was. Might have been the yard needed mowing or a heavy box needed to be moved out of the way or more likely just “his stuff” everywhere in the common living areas. But he told me, if you want me to do something just ask me to.

I guess I never wanted to be seen as bossy so I kept a lot of things to myself until I felt it was time to do otherwise. I grew up amidst MANY women bosses of the family who controlled EVERYTHING- their schedule, their meals, their social calendar, the finances, what was repaired or not, made the major decisions and so forth. And much to my surprise, George wanted to do most of that in our marriage and he does control a lot of everything in our life in most of those realms. He asked to do the finances and he wants to do the cooking because he loves to. And I didn’t mind. And I also didn’t want to come across as “hand on my hips bossy” so I’ve gone along with it, but I was used to a world in which the women control things. But if something doesn’t please or suit, I usually let him know in issues that really matter to me. Being that he does control so much of things, I expect to be able to have a say when it’s important to me.

George had some very powerful women in his family as well that steered the way and certainly knew how to captain a ship. But while my Dad was very gentle and mild, his Dad was very mind set and independent, but also humorous and very kind – but he also was very head strong and knew what he wanted to do and where he was going. I am not an expert on his family and wouldn’t even try to figure out the dynamics. But I can certainly see enough that he had come from headstrong path and naturally so did I. I have more of my Dad’s spirit in me but Mom’s side seems to triumph on many occasions. I am very headstrong and know what I want. And while I can sit on the sidelines a lot of the time and let people steer the ship, I definitely know what I want and have surprised myself with my independent, relentless, resilient drive that I really didn’t know I had until it repeated itself and reared itself over again.

Boy did our heads ever clash. They still do. Lucky for him, I’m able to rationalize some, be patient some, wait some, understand some, keep silent some, let him have his way a lot, let him win an argument a lot, compromise a lot. However, I’m not one to let anyone run over me and if I’m treated as a doormat, ignored, feelings not considered, mistreated, misled, taken advantage of, and so forth – that is when there will be an issue. A big issue. I don’t put up with that from any human for very long before that ugly head will be raised and my voice heard.

George may not think I’ve been the above, but I could write a book on the times where I’ve done the italics. I don’t mind letting another steer my ship as long as I have input and a say so, an opinion, am heard, not dictated over, not patronized, am treated well, respected, and such.

I think we have come a long way in our marriage as far as communication, respect, and our ability to “get along”. Mostly it is being patient, keeping quiet until we are both in an open mind situation. But it has been a lot of give and take, and being willing to try and understand the other’s position. When one of us is closed minded and selfish, the conversation would never go anywhere. Marriage is just hard. Any relationship is hard. There are so many dynamics influencing each.

While things are never perfect, I’m happy that we have a safe place here where we allow each other to be ourselves, we weigh in on things, enjoy each other’s company, enjoy life, plan and execute things – even during a pandemic, rely on each other in tough times, and the good times. And then we eat well. We don’t always agree on where things need to be placed in the house, what dishes we will have or not have, when we will get the flooring, or the new car, what we will do in retirement, but somehow time passes and it figures itself out.

But this little pic above just made me think of all the marital fun of trying to figure out when to serve your partner and when to have a little individual time. Then you realize, oops I need to remember to be there a little more. So I need to work harder at trying to serve my spouse. And be more of a willing “help meet” that God intended. Things that would make him happy. I keep his laundry up for sure and make his coffee in the morning. I try to keep the house clean although I don’t go after all the spider webs in the deep corners – and don’t have time nor strength to do the windows. And sometimes I let it go to get in a video or two. When you quit being selfish and thinking of “me” and start loving your partner more, things start to relax and change. Once a partner starts demanding things the other one starts demanding too – so it’s nice to go the other direction and just love and help. I think that is what God intended for marriage to be. A companion that loves and helps. Who could ask for more?

I guess I better “suit up” (lol) and head to work. Monday and Tuesday were done in a 12 hour day yesterday. I had done lot of my Monday last Wednesday during those 3 longer days. It’s wild at the holidays. You may get holiday time but you betcha those hours have been worked either before or after. You get the time off in a row, but have to work it in advance or after because it all still has to be done. And it is being done. And it’s still nice getting the time off in a row – it just comes with a price. It’s not free for sure.

My mind wants to worry about when my grandson comes – about whether we will get to come as planned. We know from 2020 that plans don’t always happen. It’s been the most interrupted year I think I’ve ever experienced in my life. It’s been the year of testing one’s anxiety, one’s faith, one’s endurance. It’s been the year of giving up self and letting God take over. And in this instance He will do what needs to be done and will have it be as He wishes. I’ve turned all of this over to God – many moons ago.

COVID is now officially in my workplace I’ve learned. I do not know if I have been exposed or not. The time has come and gone, I believe, for any exposure I’ve had. While it once was in my coworkers’ family member’s only, it’s now officially arrived at the office. My first selfish response was that this better not mess with my trip or my plans. I began to let my anxiety spike because YOU KNOW how determined I am….Texas or bust! Throw in my being a Momma Bear to my Kate and determined to be there in her hours of need, does nothing to calm my determination at all. Dare anything mess with my plans. But….the Spirit kicks in…

Then I relax and remember that God is in Control. If he wants me in Texas at the time, He will place me in Texas at the time I need to be there. He will see that my daughter is taken care of if I cannot be there. But I hope and pray that God allows me to be there but I have to remember He is in control and none of us can see the virus germs. And as much as we try to steer clear of them, wear or masks, and clean our surfaces -it’s still around us everywhere. We negotiate daily what we will do and what we won’t. We still have to live somewhat of a life. We’ve given up so much of our lives this year. We have to work and even have to be somewhat social for our sanity. We negotiate everything. We gave up Thanksgiving but had Christmas. We go out today but we do take out another day. Lord please BLESS us and lead us in our decision making. It was wonderful seeing family at Christmas and I thank you. Lord please protect us all and keep us safe! And place our feet where we need to be when we need to be! Amen!

Maisy, My Friend, Remains in My Heart

What a joy she was to my life. She remains in my heart forever, my Miss Maisy. Not able to properly digest and expel, no appetite, off the chart liver issues, moderate to severe heart issues, labored breathing, and considering her age, I made the call to give her peace.

Yesterday at 4:30 we held on to her weak body and said our goodbyes as she slipped into peace. The vet and staff at Countryside Hospital were wonderful in the situation. There was an offer to try a couple of new things. But considering all she has been through and the state of her organs – I just didn’t want her suffering through all of this any longer for a few more weeks or months. She was not handling the meds well and not a candidate for any type of surgery due to her heart. I made the call for peace and no more suffering. She was truly a sick little girl.

We came home and buried her in the dark in the backyard. I had called Katy and Momma and told them on the way home from the vet. I texted a couple of neighbors to let them know and to come over if they wished to keep us company while we buried her. They loved her too. My friend and neighbor Christy’s son had rescued Maisy. She was there in a flash to talk to us while George dug the grave. Naturally George passed beers around in celebration of our Maisy girl’s life and quite honestly to take the edge off of what we have just been through and what we will be going through without her. Our neighbor friend, David also came over when I texted we were burying Maisy in the backyard. I thought maybe George could use the moral support too. David helped shovel some. He knows how we love our doggies. We all put a shovel full on top as we said our goodbyes. To me, and knowing God and how he does things, I knew that she was no longer in her body but with us in spirit, in our minds and our hearts and our souls. She will no longer be kept to the limitations of her body but will now be able to be with us wherever we are.

Christy and George and I came in and had BBQ and Beans and Cornbread and watched Elf. I texted my friend Lisa. And posted on Facebook. Lisa called me immediately. I burst into tears and she did too, feeling my pain. I’m grateful to all those that supported us yesterday and in the previous roller coaster days as we tried to deal with and heal our precious Maisy girl.

What a loyal, sweet, faithful friend my Maisy has been. Not even any person I know has cherished me like she did. What a gift God gave me in her, to follow me around and worship me as she did. Always wanting to be at my feet, at my side, with me, watching me. She quickly became a buddy and friend. I will miss our bed time the most, singing to her, and talking to her. She would look me in the eyes and our eyes would lock as I spoke to her. It’s as if she knew exactly what I was saying and feeling. I always thanked God for her for providing her to me when I needed a friend the most. And God provided her with a friend when she needed it most too. She had been found wandering around in a Tropical Storm.

She was always so dainty. She would also wait at the shower or bathroom door til I showered. She went from room to room with me. Sometimes it was comical on the weekends and she figured out I was all over the place and would finally settle somewhere in the den or would go sleep finally til I finished walking around the house.

On a small scale it feels like I’ve failed her because it was after all, my call to end her life. But I know that is not true but I’ve loved her enough to not make her go through so much just to keep her alive for my sake for a few more weeks or months. My heart hurts, but my mind is at ease knowing she is no longer having to fight, to be in a medicine coma state, no more discomfort or pain, or unhappiness for our girl. No more roller coasters. No more fighting us over pills. Yesterday, knowing this was likely to happen, we did not give her any pills. We allowed her to have a pill free day. We both worked yesterday. What we came home to mid afternoon was not pretty within the two rooms in which both dogs stay. George began working on the carpets and I the kitchen before our appointment so we would not have to come home to the mess. As it turns out Roger is also met with a tummy issue now, likely from our experimenting with Maisy as to what she would eat and giving it to Roger if she would not. His diet has changed. So we will see how THAT goes. He did eat some this morning – so hopefully it’s just a diet change thing. He often does that. I need a break right now from everything, and as bad as I hate to say it, just from all pets right now – even Roger. I will be there for Roger, of course, but right now I need some time, some extra sleep and free from worry over how a dog feels or what I need to be doing for a dog. So I’m glad George is here to care for Roger. I will help but right now I want to clean my house, get ready for Christmas and fill my mind with joy and hope and fond memories of Maisy. I don’t want to have to focus on anything else right now. I guess what I am saying is my heart and spirit is just spent right now.

For the video channel, I’ll probably do a special video up to date imovie to explain that Maisy has passed and that there will be a few more videos to catch up to current time and then once the videos catch up I’ll be having to change my intro.

Oh my heart. I can’t even imagine doing the videos without her in them somewhere! A person should have a day to recover from losing a dog. It should be considered a family member. But I have to go close payroll today. Not really a good combination if you ask me.

I awoke at 2:30 this morning and looked in the spot where she would lay. I normally see two ears pop up in the moonlight as she was attune to my every movement. When I was awake she was awake. If I got up she would get up too if I was gone more than five or ten minutes from bed. There were no ears to pop up. I was alone and not followed when I got up. The tears naturally dropped in big heaps. But in my sadness, during those times, I heard her say “I’m here Momma, right here, in your heart and on your shoulder. I get to be with you all the time now, even at work.” She even went on to say that Tugie was there too and that she met some of my previous dogs from the past and how cool they were. Made me smile to hear – or just to imagine that.

Tears will roll on as life rolls on. And all I can type any further is that the coffee sure does taste good this morning, and I miss her so, but her battle is over.

We ALL MATTER in God’s Plan! His Words, Not Mine!

Good morning! I have not slept very well last night and struggling a bit. I need to follow my own advice and let God handle things I suppose. There were a couple of things that made me sad, then mad and then something else made me mad later on top of that. So not exactly a happy Sonya this morning.

There is a conflict with some time off I’m going to need. There is so many times I’ve put other things before my family, like work, while trying to meet the needs of everyone there. Much like the rest of today’s world, no one really cares about my needs or my family’s needs. And I get it. In today’s world it is not anyone else’s job to. I was kinda hoping for a compromise or a work together or a let’s see. But those are often hard to come by. We have to do what we have to do when the rubber meets the road. So either things will work out, or they won’t. And how that comes to play will yet to be seen. But my decision is made anyway, that is the easy part for me. I will be where I need to be when I need to be when the time comes for me to be there. The rest will have to play it out. Being how that I like for things to be perfect and settled, this is just another hole to be buttoned up – or in this case left unbuttoned for the time being. Life is not perfect. And it makes me very sad knowing that there could be some very serious changes upcoming.

Whenever something good happens there is always some negative thing to try and pounce and spoil it. It’s up to me not to let it, but I can’t help being sad knowing there will be this big “thing” looming. It my mind it’s settled. No decisions to be made on my end. I just have to deal with the aftermath. But family has encouraged me that it will all be ok. I’m talented and have much to offer if it can’t be resolved.

Then, after seeing Black Lives Matter all day long – for how many days now, and after spending some time in the word, being heart broken over our nation and these groups that try to manipulate people, I simply posted “We ALL Matter” based on my belief that God loves us all and we are ALL included in His plan for salvation. Of course, someone (the same someone who has a reputation among friends/family for correcting people on Facebook and letting them know they are wrong – lol), posted a link to it saying that I should watch the link and learn why I should not say that. Another friend texted George and asked him to tell me to take it down so I would not get in trouble that it was “not proper form”.

My response? You talk to God about that. It’s His Master plan and He didn’t leave any race out of it. We are called to love one another and WE DO ALL Matter! Period. How is this wrong? Don’t answer to me on this one. Answer to God on it. It’s His plan. I’m just sharing the WORD. And WE DO ALL MATTER.

Also for the person sending my husband the text, has no right to tell me how to handle a facebook post. My husband did not show me the text but I was at the table when it came in on his phone and saw my name on the screen so I picked it up and read it.

So then by the time 7:00 p.m. came, I was pretty steamed. First of all I do not like to be told what to say or how to say it. And do NOT EVER tell me to SHUSH of my opinion. OH. NO.

So people are mad that I’m all about love and equality? Am I hearing that right? Sounds like mounds of others are just misjudging me or are being swayed by media and others to sway their thinking into sectors and establishing good phrases as being bad ones. It’s like the rainbow. They took that symbol for being gay. Now if I use that symbol someone thinks I’m gay. But it’s a beautiful rainbow. Beautiful colors. Just because I share a rainbow or have colorful this or that, doesn’t mean I’m gay. You don’t get to assign meaning to my words. Oh no. My words are mine. My opinion is mine. My right to speech is mine. And if hearing God’s word or God’s plan or God’s love is offensive, then go dig somewhere else. Because my words, plan and opinion is not going to change. And you’ll just be aggravating yourself by sticking around. I’m not budging. WE ALL MATTER. Yes we do. God loves all of us. There is no room for bickering and putting people in corners or sectors. If you assign me to one – that is on you my friend. Not me. If you take something beautiful like equality and tell me that saying We ALL Matter is wrong, then you might need to do some refiguring and not letting these groups change your moral thinking. They have you twisted around in your mentality. We all matter to God. We should all matter to each other. We should all treat each other with love. And that does not mean setting fire or stealing in order to do that. God’s plan has no room for hate or dissension. And if I’m being misunderstood here then that is on you.

In light of the present world and opinions that are just going twisted, let’s go back to Kindergarten class? And I can assure you I have no hidden mean racial agenda by saying this. I mean really.

And I hope we all have a better day today. I intend not to let the world or others who try to control my life in any fashion get me down b/c I know who is REALLY in control and as long I’m trying to do the right things, then I’m not worried about it. I’m not racist and therefore nothing I need to worry on. And I will be serving my family when the times come and those decisions have been made as well. It gets interesting trying to do the right things but then God said it would. It will.