Anger, Resilience, Determination and First Day of Starting New Habits

It is Friday morning here just before 6:00 a.m. And I’m glad for a small break of a weekend if you can call it that. It’s been a busy and wooly week. By that I mean stressful. And I mean in nearly every aspect. It’s month end/quarter end at work and issues are never ending at home.

I can sit there with an average to moderately perfect work load for 6 weeks with things rolling along like silk but let it be quarter end, and that is when everything has to happen at once it seems . For example this quarter end: new garnishments arrive, employee’s suddenly need 12 weeks of their check stubs, we hire people in new states and new tax accounts have to be set up, new sets up in the system don’t take and the tax records come out wrong, computer glitch emails decide not to show up because a server changed causing a domino impact – no emails of receiving PTO requests, caused things not to be paid, causing me to have to set up funding on emergency card, surprise payrolls occurred at the last minute after reports are printed, therefore needing a reprint. You know, the typical full moon scenario where Murphy’s law kicks into high gear. It’s like all the fans at a football stadium trying to enter the same door on game day all at once. lol. You plan to stay ahead but not everyone does so it leaves you doing things two and three times over and shaking your head going “what just happened?”. It’s like a double full moon. Only it’s not a full moon.

And then there is home. I’m trying to stay above water. Mom’s next Move is looming as her closing nears and the final touches are made on her new home. I’ve planned out the PTO for the year so I’ll know what I can use for her move. I turned in my requests since it involves Fridays so someone can plan to be there in my absence to sign A/P checks for the dates I will be out. I get home and Mom announces we have to go pick out new flooring. Well that’s 1/2 a day I’ll need off as the Design Center doesn’t open on the weekends – shame on them. I blurted out to George “I may as well just quit my job.” I felt bad for saying it. I’m just overwhelmed at work right now and having just planned the PTO for the rest of the year – it just hit me at the wrong time.

I’ve feared for my job because we have had multiple doctor’s appointments – both hers and mine and I’ve even put off having some of my critical ones – such as my colonoscopy and gynecological appts – even with having pain in my abdomen at times – just so I don’t take off so much. But if I took off as much as I needed – there would be no time for work. So I’m trying to keep a Full Time job here and the struggle is real.

And this is where I get very angry and mad at my sister for not being here to help. I’m sorry, but this is life and life is real. And I am very angry right now at life in general. And it doesn’t exclude my anger toward her absence. I’ve decided that anger is ok. You let it come and go. I’ve been sitting here for a few weeks reading two chapters a day about God’s anger against his people for the things they have done wrong. If He can be angry. So can I. The difference is He destroyed entire cities of people when they didn’t turn their ways. I won’t do that. lol I’ll let him be the judge and handle any punishment He has in store. But I’m angry and I am acknowledging it. We need help but we are all being shunned here and I, much like the Lord, do not take that lightly. I’m doing a lesson on how to forgive when someone keeps doing the same things (or not doing what they are supposed to). I mean how do you deal with that? How do you forgive when you can’t forget and it’s in your face every day? This is not ok, and it’s a situation where this lack of action will NEVER be ok with me. The damage that is done, is not repairable where it is not fixable. I don’t get it. None of it.

But yet another day has passed, and the sun comes up as we look through it from our dirty windshields of our lives. Another opportunity to try and fix our anger, fix what is broken, fix the world, fix our schedules, update our PTO requests, try again to lose weight, try again to keep everyone happy and satisfied and settled, and get another cup of morning coffee as we watch the sun rise upon our day and our continued “opportunities”.

What a way to start October 1st. The day of my new challenge. A day of 55 days to create hope of having new behaviors, new ways, new habits. More water intake, a healthier diet, more reading to reach goals (including forgiveness), an increase in serving others, and increased movements. Any improvements to be made will be helpful. SMART goals set! They are attainable! And I can’t think of a better time than now, because I need hope that things will be better.

At lunch yesterday I made this tracker. Just to help me focus. It’s not as detailed as I like but simple is better. I know what my move goals and reading goals are so there is no need to have a check box but I think I do need the reminder/tracker for the food parts.

This week, I feel like I’ve let my self be crushed under the weight of it all. I kinda feel like this old house in our neighborhood looks. I have felt insufficient, incomplete, not enough and it has left me angry and ultimately like an old wet noodle that just wants to slide down the table and land on the floor in a heap and just be done. I feel like an old battered house that is just an eye sore and a detriment to all. A body that can do no good, but only harm. I try so hard. With so little to show for it.

But that is not me. No I’m resilient, determined, and I don’t stay down for long. I cling to hope, dreams, goals, plans, and keep trying. I keep trying to do what I’m supposed to do- to work, to care for those around me, and to try to make something of my life – even if my only successes are little. My spirit is stomped but I’ll be back.

The good news is Mom texted yesterday while I was at work and said “flooring situation solved”. They found something same color but bigger planks. So we don’t have to go in. Another day off averted. It was not going to be good to take off this month during quarter end. I can’t even get time to even work on quarter end with all the other stuff going on at work. So being off would have been an issue. So one issue is averted.

I always get the new planner in October. We are already looking at the first of the year. Flights must be made for Texas and rental car booked.

It’s Oct 1 and it will be busier than an airport at the holidays every day from here until about March. March 1 is becoming my new year in my head. January is going to be busy. February will be a catch up and catch all month. March I can start new things, new programs, new solutions, new goals for the blog, YouTube, and life in general.

Ahhhhhhh. Lord help us all. Hang on! It’s gonna be a crazy ride for the next few months as we move Momma, get ready for and “enjoy” the Holidays, as tired as we’ll be, and get Mom settled in the new place, and head to Texas, do m/e, q/e and y/e at work in Jan (help us all). Feb and March hopefully of 2022 will bring a sigh of relief, and maybe a new dog? That alone makes me smile, but we gotta get through all this first.

I’ll see you for a quick moment in the morning! I’m so glad it’s Friday!

New Year, New Habits

The new chair is calling! Starting some new habits. I had decided to read the Bible backwards this year. Meaning that I will start with Revelations and work backwards. So the first thing each morning is setting in the chair, in my spa robe, after my shower, writing a prayer in my journal and reading a couple of chapters. Seems to set the direction proper for the day. Then from there I will do a blog if I have chosen it is to be a blog day.

Another new habit is going to the grocery store on Monday nights for the weekly grocery needs and bringing Monday night’s dinner home. I told George last week when we went it was really nice to do it that way. We didn’t have to interrupt our weekend and we would meet at home and head out and get what we needed together and we would pick up rotisserie chicken, already cooked for our dinner that night, a salad kit, and some sort of quick side – maybe a microwavable veggie or a quick can a beans on the stove. Both Publix and Kroger have roasted chickens. Not sure about Walmart, but we will throw Walmart into our rotations. I look forward to the rotisserie chicken. It’s so tender and good for us.

The next new habit is our eating better and making healthier choices. Having George on board really makes a difference. It’s hard to eat healthy if your spouse is not interested. So when I was mentioning possible potato salad at the deli last night, he was silent except to say “you can get what you want”. Sometimes that is our way of saying no not for me but you get whatever. So I quickly realized my mistake and said we could eat something else healthier. So perhaps we can help each other make better decisions. Will I stay away from potato salad forever? No way, but healthy food can be just as appetizing if we find a meal we like and create new habits and apply an 80/20 rule of eating healthy versus splurging.

I also tried to pick dressings that were not filled with canola oil. I picked avacado oil types and we will try that. I’m not sure what the healthier dressings are other than olive oil ones homemade. What types do you buy that taste good? I bought a bottle for work and home. They are pricier but if it keeps you from gaining weight, it’s worth it.

I’m also back on the morning shakes again with the company I use. Just really trying to get back in the habit of that. Not only did they help me lose weight before, but they put the nutrients into my body. I’ve had quite a bit of inflammation and pain this week from weeks of overeating, eating bad things, eating fast food and being spotty with the vitamins as we have been so busy and off our routines. The impact of the shakes are pretty immediate. The thing is they are good. I just have a problem having a cold breakfast in the winter! But on those mornings I just have to have eggs I will have that. But everyday may not be good to have eggs due to the cholesterol factor. Peoples bodies are different.

Here’s one of my daily calendar pics this week. I think I do pretty good at creating my own paradise. lol Always looking for ways to “make my world better”.

Plantar Fasciitis/Heel Pain

This week I’ve had extreme heel and ankle pain. It started coming back from Texas. I think it’s also because I had over a week of not wearing my crocs. I have to have crocs when I’m running around the house on my feet. They support my plantar fasciitis. I had completely recovered wearing the crocs and have kept it up thru the years. But just a week of not wearing them has completely ruined that. In reading up on it, it can take 6 to 18 months to get it back right where it’s not hurting every time you get up in the morning or get up from sitting. This time the ache has been so bad that it radiates inward to the bone. So I’m having to make sure I have on my crocs and I guess it’s just going to hurt for a while. Then my right arm hurts too when we have to much sugar and I don’t get enough nutrients. It’s like a warning bell!

So I think the shake and eating right will help all that too.

I really want to start having some more tea. I may invest in a kettle again. Our microwave is well – just stupid. It doesn’t work appropriately. We need a new one. I suppose it would be silly to get a kettle though if we need a new microwave anyway. It only takes 1.5 to 2 minutes to heat up a cup of water to throw a tea bag in. Our microwave buttons don’t do what they are supposed to. You have to keep hitting random buttons to make it work. And it won’t quit beeping once it starts until you go over and hit random buttons. For now we are dealing with it. George bought it. Not sure if it has a warranty. Not sure he has the receipt or whatever. I’m sure it’s probably just expired. But I think it’s about time for another one. If not though, I’ll be getting a kettle for tea so I can avoid having to “fight” with the microwave when I need a cup of hot water. Yeah I could boil water on the stove, but the kettle would be cuter. lol. No worries. This is not important right now. But the thought of putting a kettle on brings a cozy thought.

Speaking of cozy. Roger was sleeping good. He sleeps good sometimes in the evenings when he realizes his pack is there. He really must miss us during the day if it is a day we are both gone.

Technology Woes and Updates

Well this morning my email with AOL is not wanting to send. It says my “server” is not working. I’m getting mail but can’t send. I’m rolling my eyes right now. I hate it when things start to go wrong and you don’t have time to deal with it. I’ll have to fight that battle when I get home I guess. Maybe it’s just a faulty email address but that is not the message I’m getting. The first thing to do is REBOOT and then see!

I’m waiting til the next weekend to order my back up drive. Then when it comes in I’ll download Big Sur and then see what else I need to do. A little nervous about all that but it’s been enough time that I think most everything I use will work. But that remains to be seen!

Itching to work on the next movie but I want to get the back up drive and update first. Then I will need to order another one just to house my iMovie and iMovie files on so they won’t be on my iMac and slow it down. This is a process and one I’ve been meaning to do for a while. When I asked Santa for it, I thought I’d be getting it for Christmas. George thought it wasn’t an exciting gift I think. But I feel bad spending the $$ for it all. We did reason with ourselves last night though. We normally are very active, going to concerts, out to eat constantly, shopping and such and we mostly are at home now and so naturally we channel that energy and $$ toward whatever we are doing here. So I’ll go ahead and get these things accomplished and get it OFF my very long list! That all starts this weekend. Gotta love progress. I sure do.

The Big Sur update takes more space/memory so I think it’s important to go ahead and make these changes. And apple provides security updates so I want the most secure. So I’ll be working on all that soon!

Ya’ll have a big day! It’s payroll day for me. And taxes and year end processing will be on the back burner for about a day and a half until I get the payroll and after payroll stuff done. Then I’ll have half of Wed, and two very long days out of Thurs and Friday to focus on getting it done. If I have to I can work Saturday but honestly I don’t think I’ll have to. I mean if anything had to be paid in on a Saturday it would post late anyway as banks are not open. I will be mean cuss if I have to work Saturday. So lets all hope not! I don’t prefer to be a mean cuss, but if I don’t get my rest and rejuvy, get my laundry done, my house in order, and work on personal things I need to work on then we ALL have to deal with the consequences! And it ain’t perty to deal with me when I’m off my schedule! lol It is what it is. That is something about me that is likely not to change!