As in inward look to myself, and in trying to understand some of my triggers that can make my world go south in a heartbeat, I made a list of my pet peeves. Pet Peeves will never permanently go away, so if we can find ways to deal with them and turn the negative thoughts away quickly, it can give us a better outlook and a happier day when they occur or present themselves. These are usually things outside of our control that we wish we could control that bring annoyance. Here’s mine. Can you identify with any of these? I’m sure there are more if I sat and thought a bit, but here’s the first few that came to mind. Some may overlap a bit.
- When people do not return emails or texts. It’s not the little ones, but the big ones that bother me and usually in a work setting. It makes you feel ghosted and non important and eventually makes me angry. The fix? There are some that probably DO ignore you on purpose, and we must realize the ultimate failure is upon that person and not yourself. It is true that some people are genuinely busy and forget and we are all guilty of that sometimes. The usual turnaround on this one is just to find another way to get around the person for what you need, look to someone else for an answer, or even decide yourself and go on. Decide that for whatever reason you are not getting an answer, let your thoughts occur but let them pass and not dwell. We don’t always know for sure why people didn’t answer. Perhaps they are busy, lazy, and maybe they really don’t consider you to be important. They have a right to decide that even though they might not be correct. Add a little laugh at the end of your thinking and toss in a line of “their loss” or “they suck at communication” if it makes you feel better, LOL! It still may not fix what you needed from the person but people may not necessarily be ignoring you because you are you. It could be many other reasons. You can’t make them answer, so let it go and mark them off your list as being a helpful resource.
- Interrupted. I have a tendency to focus hard on what I’m doing. I like to finish my thoughts, my thinking, my writing, my working. I really don’t like interruptions and because it breaks my concentration and throws off my timing, I find it annoying. The fix? There will always be interruptions. And depending on what or who it is and what the situation is, will depend on what the fix is. You can set boundaries. You can shut doors. The best solution is giving others a time frame or letting them know you need this marked off time. Sometimes interruptions are important and needed. So first you decide if it’s important. I Tell George, for example, “I’m shutting my door to do voiceovers” for the videos. Sometimes it is a welcome interruption! Sometimes you cannot give boundaries. I think for this one we just have to realize that they WILL occur and if we really need to we can set the boundaries or rules to create the uninterrupted time we need.
- Being judged by others. Oh this is a big one. You know the ones. The ones in your life that talk about everyone you know. They are the ones that you know without fail are talking about you to others as well. You can almost just hear them. If you know someone well you kinda know or imagine what they are saying about YOU as you know what they are saying about others. The fix? Let it pass. You have to realize people are going to say or think what they will and you really have very little control over it. With those people that you likely don’t trust, the less information you feed them or that they know about your life, the better. That is really the only control you have. Just let your words be few with those people. These are the kinds of negative emotion creators that we need to remove from our lives as much as possible because of the way these emotions make us feel. Life is to hard for that.
- When others sub perform, and it impacts me. Usually this has been a work situation in my career at times. It ends up making me so angry. When you do your part but others don’t, it makes everyone look bad – especially if a project fails or back fires or runs behind, or things never improve. The fix? Sure you can handle your reactions or fixes in numerous ways depending on the situation. You can resign, go around people, come up with alternate plans, etc. But the bottom line is that you can’t always make people do what they are supposed to do. But you can control how you react and respond, even to the point of changing projects, changing jobs, and doing whatever it is to make you feel healthy and valued as a person. I have changed positions before when there were so many brick walls around that I could no longer be impactful. I have to feel like what I do is helpful or it’s no use doing it. So the fix is to make sure you surround yourself with a successful team, people who appreciate you, or simply go find those who are and do and in an area in which you can thrive.
- Gas lighting. Meaning mainly that others make you feel like the problem is you when it’s really them. I don’t go for that. I’ve experienced this in personal relationships, with family, and in the work zone. It’s never appropriate and it usually involves someone that is not able to accept responsibility, admit their own faults, usually cocky about themselves, and of course selfish. The fix? Boundaries, removing them from your life or your situation or communication on the issues, or simply ignoring them. In some cases communication can be a fix, at least in letting them know you are on to them. But if you have to have this person in your life, the fix is mainly not letting this type of person control you or have claim to you. Just ignore their comments especially if you know it not to be true. If it continues remove them from your situation as much as possible. You may be able to change someone’s way of communication but usually they will think what they want to think or blame because they want to protect themselves. I have called out others when they did this to me and every conversation was very explosive. So if you do bring it up, it won’t be pleasant. You get it to decide if it’s worth it or not. In two of the conversations I had that come to mind, it made things better, but it was very explosive.
- Manipulation, Guilt Tripping. Just no. These are usually masterminds of people who will do anything and everything to get their way every time. These people are very hard to deal with. The fix? I’d love to say just eliminate them from your life but sometimes that is impossible to do and I think sometimes people don’t even know they are being that way, it’s so much a part of their life or their life’s training. The fix? Boundaries. I know, boundaries are a fix for a lot of things when it comes to spacing out from some of these pet peeves. The big problem is sometimes we don’t even know we are being manipulated or have been made to feel guilty. You basically are in charge of your own life and you get to decide what you will do, when you will do it. When others make you feel uncomfortable, ask yourself why and consider their intentions. Set boundaries accordingly. I can think of several instances in which a family member tried to make me feel guilty over when a certain thing would happen that was really petty in the big picture of things. In reality that person was being selfish and wanted their way to happen on their own time frame. They took no consideration over my life and what was going on and used tactics to try to make me feel guilty that “it hadn’t happened yet”. I faced this one head on when I realized it. You have to accept that people will often stomp feet, yell, cry (maybe even literally) when you catch them in their manipulative state. You don’t have to tell them you did, but when you don’t give them their way and try to be reasonable they will explode into child like behavior and give you a hard time. So expect that. Bottom line, people do not have access to control you. You get to be you. You call the shots on YOU! I’m not saying you don’t have to help people but YOU get to decide when and how. Let go of the guilty feeling. Be reasonable with yourself. What is really needed here and how can I help? Let go of the rest. Especially if you cannot cut the person out of your life.
- When things don’t go as planned. This is a big one. And almost to big to address as the scenarios vary so much. But I love to plan and I love for it to come to fruition. The fix? I’m going with my 2022 motto of “Just Embrace Life as is and Forge Forward.” There are some things I cannot control – like weather, or life responsibilities, or the state we find our world in the last couple of years. All we can do is the best we can do. But the attitude when changes come, can impact ourselves and others. We just have to learn to be flexible. It’s harder when it’s someone’s fault that the changes happen. I struggle with that sometimes and want those to accept their responsibility or say they are sorry. But most of the time it is just plain circumstance. I’m trying to have patience but I don’t always. I try to forgive, and that is often hard for the big stuff. It’s a constant thing that has to be done over and over. I will always struggle with this, but my motto is helping me so much this year to shrug my shoulders, go on, and “figure it out from here”.
- Technology Failures. Oh gosh, this will make me curse, stomp feet, throw things (not usually but I feel like it). I need for technology to work. It’s not a person. It has no thoughts but it sure can make me mad when it doesn’t work. I talk to it, beg it, get angry at it. The fix? Google. YouTube. Sometimes an IT guy if he is not too busy or has the knowledge. My biggest help has been Google and YouTube, lol. Sometimes it’s simply give it up for a few minutes, sleep on it, and try again later. Ask others for help. Or fix it yourself once you are through cursing and begging, lol
- Time crunches. Might as well put this one on here huh? The fix? I already do a splendid job of scheduling things across my year. I try not to pack in too many things too tightly. I am of course married, have an extended family, have some extra responsibilities in caring for a parent, and so of course I allow my spouse, my family, and my Mom to make some claim on my time. I’m having an exceptionally hard time though through holidays and our work crunch time in being able to handle all of the responsibilities upon me and juggling them. I’m doing the best I can. We can’t skip Christmas or important family birthdays, or important doc appointments, we can’t skip quarter end or year end taxes and returns and w-2 reporting! The fix? Prayer. It’s the only way I’ve been sane. God has opened up windows of time for me as if he has been altering my world, my support, and has given me the tools and the time I need to stay sane and everyone else to be fed and well maybe not content but at least have their necessities til I can breathe again. I hate January. I really do now. It’s an impossible month. I don’t want to be negative. I’m just being flat honest. And again all one can do is try to schedule things apart but we have had so much of the necessary things happen and I find myself tremendously bottlenecked. So prayer. If I’ve done my best and it’s not good enough – then prayer!
- Others Planning and Trying to Own my Time. Some of these things are interconnected for me. I like to be in charge of my own schedule. And should be. However, there are responsibilities to being married, having a family, and having accepted other extra responsibilities, and of course working for an employer. So naturally those things take time and others will have a big say as to how you fill the time when you are connected in a relationship whether it be spousal, parental, or work for an employer. The fix? Bottom line, YOU do still control your time but you do have responsibilities if you have accepted those relationships to do what you need to do or have agreed to do. You have to fulfill obligations but you do have power to negotiate, communicate and in many cases say “no” or “later” or “not right now” or “this time is better”. The fix is relative dependent on the situation. I say that speaking up, and not saying yes to everything probably makes sense. It’s important for George to know when I’m needing some time. He knows I need at least ONE day of my weekend particularly in the mornings so that I feel refreshed, get our laundry done, and have a bit of personal time to refresh. So I think communicating to people what your time needs are will help. It’s been particularly frustrating to try and work in everyone’s needs from me this year as my responsibilities have changed personally. I’ve agreed to do these additional responsibilities with the care of a parent but I need to be able to have some type of control over when things happen because I have so many pieces of the puzzle on the table that exist in my world. For example work is being crowded out a LOT. I’m having to be more creative about getting my work done and in getting the time in. I appreciate that most have been patient with me this year as I figure things out. I try to be loyal to all of those that I’ve agreed to give my time for. But it’s almost more than I have time for, so it’s more of a challenge to get it all planned and be sane. So communication to all who want a piece of you is the best bet. Not all of them may have the mindset to understand especially if they are selfish, but ultimately it is YOU that gets to decide w/o fear of manipulation or anger. Boundaries again! Self-respect. 😉
And I will say that Prayer can also be a fix for all these things to be led down the path of saying or doing the right things. So if you are a believer, you have that advantage over others. 😉 It has sure helped me. I love my prayer journaling that I do every morning and Bible reading that sets the tone for me day and gives me hope that someone is with me as I venture onward about my day and my life.
What are your Pet Peeves? Fixes? You are welcome to leave me some advice too! Have a good day out there.