This Post May be TOO DEEP for Some

Well, sitting here drinking coffee and I have already completed several of my morning tasks so I thought I’d do a blog entry.

The Big Bad Burly Week!

It has been a busy week this week. I had been dreading it b/c I’d be gone 3 days from the house and that makes it hard to get things done. Besides that we had company Wednesday as family came back from London and we asked them to please stay with us overnight instead of driving back to Knoxville area after an overseas flight. That travel and to drive a distance after a long flight was too much. I cooked dinner and rebooted my bedroom so they could have it for the night. Then Thursday I rebooted it back for me. It was good to see them and I was glad we could offer a meal and a place to sleep and morning cup of Joe and a to go breakfast bag so they’d be refreshed to take off back home.

Mom has had two doctors appointments this week – one on Monday for her eye shot, and then yesterday (Wed) for her heart valve follow up. She had the follow up with the surgeon/specialist for the heart valve, but this was her regular heart doc, just touching base, checking swelling, asking questions and making sure meds were correct. He wants her to weigh daily so if she gains 2 lbs a day she’ll know to take her fluid pill. So I ordered a scale.

Amazon and Walmart Were Surprisingly Excluded as a Choice

You’d think ordering a scale would be a fairly simple purchase. I was trying to find one that talks. But she asked for a digital one. I was asking Chet (ChatGPT) for advice and to find one for me and give me the link. The Amazon ones were mixed reviews and not all of them real reviews and most were glass. Chet said not to get glass ones for the seniors. I wanted a talking one, but then even those were not favored as the voices were weird and most were glass anyway. So no talking one for mom.

We found one offered by Taylor that has a nice wide base and rubberized for sturdiness for seniors with a good digital display. It was at Walmart. But when I went to check out I was a penny short of meeting the free shipping. I added candy (as she wanted me to order some of that) and it tried to make me use some kind of program that charges a monthly fee. So I thought that might be a grocery feature. So I took the candy out and added toothpaste so that would get me to free shipping but it still tried to make me sign up for some program. So I gave up on Walmart, and I’m not going to pay shipping on an item, as it’s a waste of money. So Chet said that the Taylor website itself offered the free shipping on this item, so I gave up on Walmart and ordered it straight from the Taylor website. All in all I think I spent an hour and a half (all of my free time this afternoon b/w taking care of Mom and our fundraiser event).

Amazon, it seems to me, is not selling as much of the widely known items but replicas from third party overseas unheard of brands or names with products you can barely pronounce. So it was no surprise I could not find the Taylor safe brand I needed. More and more lately I’m having to go outside of Amazon to purchase. There are warnings from others on social media about ordering supplements on there from third party sellers that are not offering a genuine product. True? I have no idea but it scared me so I switched to iHerb. And the dog food sometimes takes too long so I sometimes have to go to Chewy’s.

Hoping my Aunt gets Better – She is Really Sick!

At the fundraiser I got a call from my Aunt and Uncle in Yulee, FL. But my phone was on silent and it went to Voice Mail. So in the car on the way home we called them. My Aunt is not doing well. She’s not feeling good and has a condition she is dealing with. She won’t go to the hospital (and needs to) but she has fears about it so a doctor has come to her. She’s on antibiotics but I hope it helps her. I hope it hasn’t gone too far. I wish she would let them see her and care for her there to save her life, but she doesn’t want to go to rehab or hospital. So I’m concerned about her.

Is there an End in Sight?

Today Mom and I go get our nails/pedi done for the next month. At least no doctors, just lunch and a spa trip but it’s our 3rd trip out this week! And then Monday we have an appointment with the social security office to get her address changed. I’ve got to look up tomorrow (when I can find some darn time at home) to look up and see what all life documents they are going to need. We have to drive to another city to do this so I want it to be one and done!

She also is wanting a new recliner saying this one is uncomfortable and giving out. So after the Gallatin social security trip we’ll grab lunch, come down Hwy 109, and then go over to Lebanon to a furniture outlet store and look at recliners, and then take her home. I don’t want to make another outing just for that. If I do she’ll have to wait a few weeks when we are not busy and have a day to shop – I am NOT going to continue these two to three days a week outings! That WILL stop immediately going forward after we finish what’s already scheduled! We will be out of town some and have a lot going on in the next few weeks.

She also wants to shop for sweaters/fall clothes which I do agree she needs a few of a she is a smaller size than before. She had lost some weight but is gaining it back since she’s eating more at the assisted living place. She also wants a new bed. I told her she would have to pick and choose and prioritize what she wants the most because I truly only want to do one, maybe two outings a week and I would prefer one, but when there are lots of doc appointments – Plus needs, I end up doing two sometimes – this week it was 3. And that did not work well for me.

So also next week she has an optometrist appointment and needs new glasses. I think it’s been about 4 years so possibly so. Then I hope all these appointments are done for a good while. It is hard to live her life and mine too and frankly it’s just not possible so I am committed to calm things down a bit and she will have to try to grab some patience from somewhere in the universe. She will have no choice.

In reading, “Slay the Bully”, I’m learning that I need to create a vision for myself what my life looks like which also includes the flip side of what it won’t look like, lol. I will be creating actions that take toward my vision. My vision includes ONLY 1 outing per week. Tops 2, but it’s my fault for allowing the schedule to fall as it has but I will be more controlling with it. I have a life too. I have a house, a spouse, and things I would like to do as well.

This Just Didn’t Work for Me…

Monday did not go well between me and a family member’s doc appointment so I took her home instead of going out to eat. I have set boundaries and I intend on sticking with them if I am to continue caring and doing things for this person. I don’t want to be picked and poked at. And I don’t have to be picked and poked at.

I wanted us to have a pleasant outing, like two friends going to enjoy themselves, that care for one another. I mean for Pete’s sake, I was giving up my day for this person- and three days for this person this week! (Which I will be sure not to do that many outings in one week any more!) But it was not a pleasant time. I took the person home as I felt disrespected, accused, talked down to, patronized etc. It was not necessary and I was over it.

I often consider what other humans do when people give of their time to take them places and do what we have done, giving up so much of our time and efforts to support theirs? Do they diss them? Start stuff, accuse them, pick and poke at them, talk bad about them, try to make them feel guilty for trying to help them? Or do they love them, thank them, care about them, appreciate them? I know the elderly don’t feel good, but please – there is NO excuse for disrespectful behavior. And for some these traits did not start as they aged but have been there since before they were elderly. So that is no excuse.

Sadly, psychiatrists say that the brains of some anxiety ladened individuals are cooked in their own bodily-released “fight or flight anxiety chemicals” that have marinated and scrambled the brain so long that it can’t be changed. But it doesn’t mean we have to be subject to such.

Why can’t people see the beauty in situations instead of always trying to pick and poke? Where is gratitude? Where is being a nice person? I just want positivity in my life and not beating a wild horse to death over every issue. EVER-Y. ISSUE.

The negative energy keeps flowing. Sadly. We need to change that somehow. Being with negativity less, or as little as possible is the answer. Narcissistic behavior and emphatic behaviors don’t sit well together. It’s a vicious circle til somebody stops it. Seriously! Then what? Who will do it? I have no idea. You try to meet your responsibilities that you feel are God-given, but what if God finally says you have had enough, this is over, you are released from this? 🤷🏻‍♀️

God is in control and I’m not sure where it’s all going but I do know this, things are always changing. Change is coming.

Private Blog

I started a private blog to document all the things that are happening so that I can pray over it but I want to be able to go back and see 1) what was said, or what happened 2) How it made me feel 3) Be able to pray over it 4) Be able to release it and ask God to bless people in my life that bring negativity or cause harmful mental behaviors toward me so that maybe they may open their eyes and SEE, what is really happening and to be grateful, of all things.

I really do think that there are demonic forces at play here and pride, and evil overcome the tongue. I want to pray for God to remove any evil spirits that are within. Where one is, several more come. So I’m trying to pray them away. Pray that they realize they are blessed and that they are not royalty, not the elite, not entitled to any more or less than anyone else. That spiritual things matter more than material things. That showy is not the right way, pride will not be tolerated (it’s how the devil was separated from God), and that how you treat people is the 2nd of God’s commands, while loving Him is the 1st.

Because of the fact that I have an empathetic personality, I’m easily preyed upon and also very sensitive. I don’t consider that a flaw, though as God made me wonderfully. I am not prideful when I say that either. But God made me to be that way. And of course my family told me I was too sensitive all the time so you begin to think something is wrong with you.

There will be a harsh reality one day that the Lord will open the eyes of the ones that cannot see. He will show them what they missed or misunderstood. I’m not sure if it will be today or in judgment, but there will be a time when the Lord will settle a few things and let it be known and shown.

Over and Out. That’s all I have today. I just want peace. No one wants to talk to me these days, b/c I have not been at peace, but God is going to bring peace. He sees. He hears. Change is coming.