Medical Dilemmas and Depression Over THAT!

Good morning lovelies.

I fixed a lovely pasta dish yesterday with ground chicken, white wine, chicken broth, olive oil, garlic, parmesan cheese and seasonings (tarragon, salt, pepper, red pepper flakes) and garnished with parsley and more parmesan. I also added in a cup of pasta water that it boiled in, a TBSP of vinegar, and a little honey for sweetness. I steamed veggies in the chicken broth also, with a bit of butter, red pepper flakes and a dash of salt and a lot of pepper and then cut up some cold fresh tomato on top. I will say that this provides a nice summer time dish. I think real parmesan would be better than the grated canned version but that is what I had. The real kind would have made it stick together more. I’m glad there are leftovers of this dish, lol.

With all that talk of getting things done yesterday, I failed at the housework aside from 3 loads of laundry and cleaning the kitchen. But I did exercise and workout, do a blog entry, get the den painting video finished and uploaded and we watched it for flaws. I began laying clothes out for my trip so I won’t wear any of them til I get packed. And I cooked dinner and called and checked on Mom, and so I did get a lot done. I watched a few YouTubers in relaxation.

Today Maddie has an appointment at the vet. She needs to get her shots updated. That way she is ready to go in case we have to board her. It’ll be a while before we groom her again.

Today’s schedule: exercising – I will probably have to do two showers today then – because I’m blogging before her appointment but need to shower and I’ll have to exercise this afternoon. In order to blog – it does take time, but it’s fulfilling a mental need just like exercising fulfills a physical (and mental need too). But I also need to work on some things I mentioned in yesterday’s vlog. None of it critical but just keeping up with things.

I will also do the thumbnail for the den video today.

I’ve had to stop vlogging so that I can do the Waco and TX videos on my return. I do have one random video that I’ve not stopped vlogging yet. I’ll call it the medical video. I may or may not air it. It’s just me randomly talking about being diagnosed with depression. I’ll see when I look at the footage. But I was hoping to get my Mammogram and bone density results in and the sleep test in and possible done before I finished the vlog. But I will finish it before I go to TX. Other than that I’m all caught up on editing vlogs and they are scheduled through Saturday 6/28.

I have not filmed HR Video 2 yet. I decided to wait until after I get back due to having so many videos to edit already and I can video while it’s quiet in the house (other than the dogs).

We have plans for July 4th now. I’ll be back from Texas earlier in the week and will make a Black Eyed Pea Salad which is easy to make and will hold up well as opposed to fixing anything with mayo.

I’m excited for our trip to Waco, seeing my grandsons in Breckenridge, and excited for things happening when I get back in town too.

I have been kinda depressed over being diagnosed with depression, lol. It goes beyond that. It’s tied to sleep but now I’m truly depressed over the fact that I gained 2 lbs instead of losing after all the walking on the treadmill and working out. But I suppose we have eaten rather bad things lately so I can only fault myself and the temptations around me that I always fall for. And then the cholesterol battle over taking statins or other related drugs to curb the cholesterol and then me being at high risk for stroke or heart attack and them trying to scare me into taking it. And then me questioning myself. But I read the side effects and it’s NOT fixing the root cause it’s just trying to reroute things in your body but then there’s side effects of that. I had rather just die of a stroke or heart attack or deal with that than having to have diarrhea every day and possible cancer from whatever they put in these meds that surprises people down the road, or causing kidney or liver issues – or whatever issues they cause – there’s always the risk of that. I just want to take my BP meds and that is it. I do take baby aspirin.

Even though I said I didn’t want it, they prescribed meds for me yesterday. This makes me mad. Sorry why doesn’t AI know that glasses have a top to them (image above). Silly AI.

Ok so I’ve had a Dad who took statins and couldn’t get out of bed on them. (Of course it’s true he had a stroke and no longer with us, but at least he’s not bed ridden and he’s with Jesus, which means He’s happy.) I already feel like I cannot move well and I have trouble with my muscles being weak as it is. My Mom couldn’t do them. She IS still here and had heart surgery.

I have two friends that had mentioned they took statins and it knocked the plaque loose and they had strokes. What? I just don’t know what to believe. It’s sad but I don’t trust doctors anymore – when it comes to meds. The doctors are controlled now by the insurance company and the big “pharmas”. It’s a money making scam in much of it. Not all of it, but they want us on the meds! They push the meds. I am just very suspicious of what is right and wrong as far as meds go. I quit taking Metformin because I believe it was weakening my tissues inside me. Anyway, I’m borderline, was borderline when I was on it, and I’m not on it and my numbers are still borderline, lol. Or better. I move a point here or there.

Anyway all that is depressing to me. I dread going to the physicals because of the mortality issues – “take this or you will die”. Well ok.

I’m troubled that exercise and diet are not working. But then I have to blame myself as I eat the ice cream, or the chocolate wafer, or the Cheetos I was craving. I ate the sub sandwich. I eat tons of pasta and have to buy the real kind because George does not like the healthy kind as it doesn’t treat him well. I ate the Jeremiah’s ice cream and the Ninja ice cream we ate at home. I bought and ate those sourdough cinnamon rolls the amish made, for the Farmer’s Market. So I’m eating the good stuff too, and I’ve cut back on wine and trying to sleep better and eat earlier, but the weight meter is moving in the wrong directions and I need to fix it. I need the medical numbers to move in the correct direction. The cholesterol, the A1C, the blood pressure, the sleep, everything.

They want me to go get a scan done to see how much plaque build up I have. Insurance won’t cover it. Imagine that. They don’t want to find anything. They’d rather me take the meds. But it’s a cheap scan so my doctor said to go do it. I checked with ChatGPT and it said it was a test sometimes used for those that refuse to take statins. Hmmmm. Hmmmmmm.

Anyway, all that IS depressing. So if I wasn’t depressed before I went to the doc, I certainly am now. As usual, I’ll be on a campaign to fix it. But I’ve been down this road so many times, vowing to do better, and the results never come. I feel like giving up. I don’t want to be Debbie downer, but do I keep on breaking my neck trying? Could I possibly have it within me to do anything different? Or am I just wasting my time? Maybe I just be fat and happy and come what may? The result ends up the same.

Sorry, I know this is not helpful to some, but these are my thoughts. I feel helpless. But of course, it’s my nature to be resilient and continue to try even when it feels like I’m an idiot at working so hard with worse results. Can I do this? Who knows? Can I live life without ice cream and desserts and breads and pastas? I just need to work through this I guess and develop some new rules, new substitutions and see if the numbers work then.

Ahhhhhhhhhh!