Trying So Hard Not to Lose My Freaking Mind

Good morning friends. This week is packing a little punch. The last 7 days have been like “whooooosh”. It all started with having an about a half day Thursday when Mom had a doc appointment. Then being off Friday for PTO and Christmas Village, then getting diverticultis. Then having to do a lot of research to back pay some people where another department had an issue with some raises not going through. So Monday I had on my plate to do Thursday, Friday, and Monday’s duties, plus the 1.5 hours of back pay research and computation. Does this sound possible? No. It wasn’t. I stayed later Monday so I could prep enough for the payroll run Tuesday.

So since I stayed Monday, I only had time to do one errand instead of both that I had planned. I only was able to go to Staples and return the Amazon item that had bugs in it (Maddies shirts, probably from China). Traffic was bad since it was later in the day and so I only had time do that.

So Tuesday I did the payroll run but I was behind getting started by almost two hours because I didn’t get finished with Monday (because I had to do all that back pay research and computation for it). So I finally got started on payroll and then stayed a bit later to get all four payrolls done. I didn’t get all of my normal Tuesday’s after payroll stuff done Tuesday since I was running behind for a couple of hours. So I left to get my Rx (BP Meds) at Publix and do a bit of shopping to get stuff I thought I could eat.

Tuesday night we had a call planned with my SIL and BIL but since I was running behind, we had to move it from 6 to 7 ish so I could get back home from the store and groceries put up. While I was hauling groceries, Katy face timed. I didn’t have any hands available to answer it. I hate a ringing phone when you want to answer it and can’t. Anyway sat the groceries down and called Katy and River and after getting off that call we made the other call.

After that I had to call Mom and check on her and remind her that we had the hair cut appointment.

Wednesday morning at 7:00 I had a dentist cleaning appointment. I was already about 1.5 to 2 hours behind and the dentist appointment fully sealed the deal to make me about 3 hours behind at work. Was thinking surely I’d break some kind of sound barrier with my speed and catch up on Wednesday, lol. But no, I had to leave at 4:00 to go get Mom to get her to her hair cut yesterday. That put me further behind. Since I could not stay over.

Traffic was nutzoid even at 4:00. It took me a full hour to get to Mom’s and almost a full hour to get her back to the hair cut place and to dinner. But I had to pick a place that stayed open after hours. I tried to avoid those walk in centers because it’s the luck of the draw there at times. When I saw the remodeled salon at Tangles, I thought “oh no, this is gonna be $100 bucks” but it was reasonable. A little higher than what we’ve been paying but thank goodness not priced out of our zone. Her hair turned out good. But I’m still 3 hours behind at work.

So we ate at a Mexican place next door. I ordered plain chicken with a side of rice and refried beans. I ate 1/3 of all of it b/c I didn’t want to overwhelm my tummy. I did not have any problems, so far. I have not had any pain in about 24 hours, so maybe I can morph into a regular eating pattern – not just oatmeal and mashed potatoes, lol. I have found success at Publix buying some things I can eat differently. I’m having to think outside the box. So maybe I’ll do a video on that, lol. My problem is time to do a structured video that I have to outline and plan and get ready for. But I love doing that kind of stuff so when I retire, I’ll have a hay day. I usually just have to pick up the camera and go, unplanned, and video what’s happening on the go.

I have, in the mean time, pulled a muscle in my right arm/neck/shoulder area – from probably where I carried the heavy grocery bags and work bag and purse up the stairs. So more acetaminophen for me today so I can focus on work instead of how much that hurts and throbs.

And then Mom asks at dinner: “Have you had time to call and get a cleaning person to come out yet?”

I could feel the ire running through my blood. I had told her the night before on the phone that I was behind at work and I had only had time to call and get her hair appt made and to call the city about her taxes. I reminded her last night that I did have a job that I actually have to work when I go to work and not just work for her when I get there. I made her listen to all of the above and reminded her that she told me last night it was not a priority. But this is my life. I can tell her it won’t be this week but the next day she’ll ask if it’s done yet. I’m only one person and manipulation tactics (continuing to ask) will not making it happen any faster. I want it for her too, but I’ve got to get my job done. I can only get so much done in a day. And when I’m leaving to be taxi it takes even more of my time away. And when traffic has become LA or New York-like, no one is getting any faster.

In the mean time, we can’t use the washer and the laundry is piling up. The plumber (Cody’s brother who has his own plumbing business), came and snaked the pipe but it didn’t do the trick so George will have to call him back this morning and reschedule a time to come back out to replace the pipe entirely. We have been about two weeks since the last official laundry weekend. I washed some things by hand last week. I told George I’m not washing by hand this weekend. The pipe is likely going to have to be replaced. I don’t know if that is an easy thing or hard thing or how long it will take. I hope it can be done by the weekend. If not, we’ll have to do something. We don’t have time either. We are gone with friends Saturday and then church on Sunday and taking Mom to go get groceries on Sunday.

So I got home last night about 8:30, long enough to change and get ready for bed.

This week was supposed to be calm. At least it looked innocent enough on the calendar. But nothing about it has been calm.

I’m trying to hold on. I’m trying not to be discouraged. I am trying to keep the hope. I’m trying not to just throw my hands up in the air. I’m trying not to put my head in my hands and cry. I keep pushing. I can see retirement from here. And I spend time in the back of my mind planning videos and thinking about things I want to do one day and that alone is keeping me sane. And distracting my mind off the constant rushing and the constant needs of everything around me. I try to ignore the impossibilities of the day that I find myself in. And one day maybe the diverticulitis thing will be over. I’m trying very hard not to lose my freaking mind.