To have had such a nasty bad week last week, with outbursts from my Mom accusing us of not treating her properly and saying we need to do more, leading me to schedule an appointment with a therapist to learn how to set appropriate boundaries, deal with my own hurt psyche, and learn not to combust and be down on myself, the weekend turned out to be pretty good.
I had dreaded being with Mom this past weekend knowing how belligerent she can be when she doesn’t get her way or you don’t agree with her opinion. Even George was dreading Thanksgiving. And he wanted to just go eat and not be given a list of chores. I asked Mom to let’s let him enjoy thanksgiving. She still gave him a chore or to but I stepped in and said “let’s let him enjoy a meal over here without working” and George said “yes, on Thanksgiving meal I like to just eat and relax”. She said “ok”. She wants him to put a cart together for her laundry room. And she wants him to hang curtains, but she said she would have him do that after the first of the year. Since then she has moved it up to December, lol. It never ends and by the time she gets the house like she wants it, it’ll be time for assisted living. When it gets where she can’t cook for herself, care for herself, she’ll have to do something different. There’s not much we can do beyond what we are doing now. So I hate to see her invest so much in things in the house knowing at any given time things could change.
But all that said, she was kind and positive all weekend, not so negative. I had left her alone for a couple of days after her accusing phone call last week. We both needed to calm down. I had to call her Friday to confirm Saturday plans. In that call I told her if she had a problem or concern to please call me and ask, and together we’ll try to figure it out, but that when she calls and demands and raises her voice at me, is not going to be successful.
I told her that my goals were to see that her needs were met but that I would likely fail at trying to be her entertainment director. I told her if she wants me to help her figure out something to do during the day that she and I can look at options but that we ourselves, will not be able to “entertain her” beyond what we are doing now because we work FT jobs and have our own life to live.
So that was boundary. I prayed before I made the call so the Holy Spirit could take over because if I’d made the call there would not have been anything holy about it. I’ve dealt with these outbursts all of my life and I’m not putting up with it anymore. I’m done walking on egg shells. I’m not going to provoke her but at the same time I am going to say what I need to say and do what I need to do.
The therapy starts Thursday – at 3:00! I should have sought therapy in my teens but then I guess I would have looked weird or odd, but as a child and a teen, I had no idea how to handle these outbursts. I would shrink up, go to my room which I take it was my “safe area”, and just be by myself and cry. In the car, I couldn’t do that. I just remember numerous occasions being so emotional as a child because I didn’t know how to handle all of this. And then on top of things, people would be “why do you take life so serous?” “why don’t you laugh more”? I think I was always on guard and it kinda just spilled over into adulthood. I’ve always been a protector of my psyche I guess. Confrontation and yelling really make me defensive and it doesn’t go well for the person who tries to act that way. Sadly though this was my role model so when I’m upset, I tend to yell and raise my voice to get my way. I’ve been able to curb this behavior for the most part. I had to for work but it doesn’t mean at times I don’t resort to it. It worked well for Mom as everyone was scared of her.
There is a difference though in being bold and in being ugly. You can protect and stand up to yourself, but sadly “ugly” goes along with yelling and that is not proper. You find yourself without friends, without family, and alone in life because no one wants to be around negativity. I will tell you. I’m not putting up with much of that anymore either. But there is a reason one sits there alone sometimes. Just sayin.
So it’s time to start taking care of ME because I’m not a dumping ground nor a diety. It was truly a FULL MOON week, full of energy, lots going on and everything going wrong.
Payroll is all screwed up and the programmers at last word didn’t know why. So this week could be interesting. Sadly if it requires any extra effort for me, I won’t have time for it. The downside to not having enough people. I have things planned nearly every night this week and am not canceling them. There are things we have to do before going on our trip. Picking up Rx, doing Mom’s groceries and taking her out to eat Thursday night, my therapy appt is that afternoon. I get nails and toes done Wed night and they are both a mess. Have more laundry to do and finish packing. So yeah, nothing extra I can give this week. George and I talked about what if they say you have to or forbid me to go on vacation, then I’d probably say no and they’d fire me and I’d come back and get a better job, better pay, and work from home. I mean what do you do? We have planned this trip and looked forward to it all year long. You can’t go back in your grandson’s toddler life and get that back. We rarely see him. So unless someone in the family dies, we are going. God forbid that happen. Just saying. Life’s too short on this end of the stick to put work first.
So Mom and I got Fancy’s trim done, ate at Cracker Barrel, and had to wait for a table, so we got to shop. Normally I don’t get to shop because Mom doesn’t like to shop as she doesn’t enjoy walking or standing up unless she has to. But it was nice to see all the things. I loved these socks. I like Scandanavian and Norwegian or Sweden kinda socks. I am not sure of the proper term but sweaters have often had these types of design.
So we went to Penny’s and she bought her curtains. We went to the shoe store but she didn’t find anything. We went to Lowe’s to swap a bulb out. And while waiting for Fancy’s grooming to be over went to DQ for ice cream. That was instead of lunch b/c Cracker Barrel was filling but we were wanting a little something and that sounded good. Then I took her back home and came home and did laundry. I made my pies and dressed eggs for Sunday. George made clay pot chicken!
Sunday we went to church and then Krystal drive thru which we all enjoyed very much. And then took Mom home and we went home and I packed for Texas, changed purses, did some planning for vlogs, blogs, and consolidated all the 20 or 30 notes I had laying on my desk, refilled vitamins, checked weather in Texas, etc.
Dexter doesn’t understand, but he is going on his own vacation. Watch below as he understands completely what “go” means! Or he’s at least starting to get it.
He loves looking outside. While packing I opened the curtains wide so he could see.
We headed to Mom’s for “thanksgiving dinner” with her. I’ve been demoted to the back seat. lol
Mom wanted to cook crock pot chicken with stuffing and green beans and sweet potatoes. She asked me to do the corn and rolls and I made little individual lemon ice box pies (b/c we love it so).
But I had not done these little pies before so it made more than I had little crusts for. So George suggested I make pudding cups. I had little Digestive cookies on hand which taste similar to graham crackers, so I crumbled up those and made a crust and stuck one down inside. Problem is this pie is so rich that George and I have to split these little pudding cup bowls.
Ok so busy week ahead. So much going on but so far it’s in control. lol We’ll see how long that lasts. George has been better about the time line for Christmas than I have. He’s really done a lot on the wrapping. So far Dexter has only tried twice to unwrap, but for the most part has stayed away from it while he’s in the office with me.
I am surprised that this last video really did well. It went from 30 views to over a hundred. It’s so hard starting a channel, but at least it’s starting to get some traction. There’s little goals before you can reach the big goals. As a mentor said “I mean that is a 100 people watching your video girl” imagine all of them in a room. So yeah, I guess I’ll take it. It’s encouraging.
Now that Dexter has arrived in the videos, I’ll be using the new intro and then I’ll be doing some real time stuff. I am trying to figure out how to quickly put together a video on some Christmas Gift Ideas, yes this week. Can I possibly film it, edit it, and get it uploaded for Saturday? Not sure. I may just edit a few things from the summer. And some Dexter video for the next one. But no worries, the Christmas gift one will come soon. I have some favorite things I want to share. I can work on some of the website videos (recording the sites on my phone) while on vacation as we drive. I’ll also be deleting lots of old photos and videos from my phone that has already been captured in files and videos in the past, so I can have room. I’ve not had time to do that photo dump but I’ll have some time. Also have some time to plan upcoming things. I still will VERY MUCH so be doing vlogging of daily life with George and Dexter though and our life, I just want to do it in a more interesting, helpful, sharing, and more timely way, if that makes sense.
I’m working a later schedule today. Why? I needed some blog time. ;-). I’ll be back later on in the week guys. It may even be Saturday while we are on the way. I need to get you another video out if I can. I don’t have a laptop to edit on. If I had a Mac book I could take it with me but I opted for the main Mac desktop. Anyway I need to be focusing on family while we are gone.
Dexter says “hello” and its gonna be difficult to leave him on our trip and I’m sure he will wonder where we are when we board him. He’ll be so tired though and then he’ll be happy and we will too the following Sunday when we get him.
So guys I will try to pop in later in the week but if I don’t just know I’m overwhelmed and will pop in Saturday while we are on the way! I can blog from my phone, but it’s just a little harder to do typing in the phone. But I can do bullet points, lol, and photos.
Take care and pray for our safe travels and for Dexter so he has fun on his vacation too at boarding.
7 responses to “Thanksgiving with Mom | Details from the Busy Family Weekend”
Well glad she has settled down a little bit. As I said she can never see anything from anyone elses view. So hoping it continues to go well. Enjoy your trip to see the kids
There will always be a next time so I’m just trying to learn how not to react to her or anyone with these same type of entitlement issues and how to protect myself.
Your dinner looks good. I finished shopping for mine yesterday. I know you and your husband can’t wait to hug and hold your little Grandson. I hope someday you can live closer to them. I am glad to hear things went well with your Mom. It has to be hard on both of your parts.
I know Medicare would pay for her to have a home health aide. My Mom had one that came and helped her . She helped Mom clean and took her to the store and the beauty shop.
Maybe you can talk to her about it. Its not fair for her to demand so much of you since you work full time. And have to keep up your own home.
Enjoy your trip and Godspeed.
Thank you and thanks for the info. Yes we are missing out on his growing up but are stuck here, for now anyway unless we decide to make some drastic changes.
I’m glad you were able to have a decent dinner with your mom
I know you had a miserable week to start.
The pics of Dexter are something else. He’s a special doggie. 💙
This week will fly so buckle up!
Definitely have safe travels and have fun!
Thank you 🙏