Sunshine in My Soul

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Two nights ago as I lay in bed in prayer and conversation with the Lord having heaviness in my heart and depression in my soul. He promised me I would awake a new person Sunday morning and would be filled with joy, beauty, and enjoy living again. He promised there would be sunshine in my soul again. Sunday seemed to be a transition day when I awoke. A day of acknowledging, purging, letting go, forgetting, and cleansing. And today when I woke up the image of a sun brighter than this sunflower was in my head as clear as if it were shining right in front of my face. Try as I may to remember the woes of the previous weeks, I cannot recall them. He is pushing the dark clouds away from my mind and filling me with sunshine.

Yesterday, I blogged my heart out. I wrote all that I was feeling and it included a lot of information about who I am, and about things that happened in the past that haunt my soul at times. I actually erased all the examples as it was too raw to see in writing. My intention was not to hurt anyone but purge with the support of my friends here. Facts are facts and sometimes we have to face them, whether we write them or read them. It’s not easy for either side. But I have stared at the facts face on and I’m no longer afraid to face them. I’m not running from them anymore. I’m not going to be afraid to have difficult conversations if they need to be had or faced by anyone else. I’m not afraid to protect myself and my psyche. I’m not afraid to be me. And I am worthy of being regardless of what anyone else says or thinks of me. A new conversational motto is going to be in effect immediately and it is: “if you want to go down this road, then let’s go there with gusto and let’s talk about this”. Others might should be very afraid to have that conversation with me. But I am to the point now where I will say what I want and need to say – fact filled. If the truth makes one feel bad, well that’s just tough love.

God has also followed up the sunshine graphic he placed in my head this morning with the scripture of the fruit of the Spirit. I guess He is letting me know He is here and in charge! 😉 He is our Protector and our Safe Tower and we can run to Him. And we can consider it JOY in times of trouble, and in trials, because He will refine us like silver.

We can wallow in the mud and the muck and throw arrows and allow thorns and place thorns or we can allow the sunshine to fill our hearts and rise above it and walk the road of life again. I’m choosing the latter.

Yes it helped to have the first day at home all day in 14 days of being gone all day. Much was accomplished that we were not able or had the mind to do in the evenings. George worked in the yard and did our taxes.

I did my Joy devotional, blogged, fixed a smoothie, changed my sheets, vacuumed, finished the laundry, ironed, restocked my work bag (food items/drink items), refilled my vitamin bins, mopped the kitchen floor, gave George a hair cut, updated the Mac software, deleted some Mac files, started the next video, watched a couple of YouTuber shows, and broke down the bed in my office to go downstairs. It felt good to get some things done and to actually have a day at home.

So this week is a busy one. I have a doc appointment myself at 5:20 today. I’m glad my doctor does some days early and some days late. He tries to work in before and after work hours during the week on various days. This is mainly to get BP meds refilled.

Tomorrow we are going to a Predator’s game!

Wednesday we have a customer appreciation event to go to – if we are still going. It’s up in the air.

Thursday night I’m getting my nails done.

Friday we will enjoy being home for a night!

Saturday is our home day to get things done. I will be working on the sunroom and opening it up for the warm days of spring and early summer. I will get the Easter decor out as we are planning an Easter dinner here. I have some Amazon orders to do and also will be cooking some as George does projects outside. I tried to cook a bit more in the summer. So I’m getting some recipes together and will need to get ingredients on the grocery list and planned out. Will get all the weekend reboot things done.

Sunday will be church day and any Mom errands. And hoping to get back early afternoon for video editing, but at least I’m set up with the next video and can work on that some during the week too.

As for Mom, We still need to go to ATT. So we can try to do that after church next Sunday if she wants to go. I will also be trying to find her a patio table and chairs. She gave me hers that she was getting rid of in my twenties and she wants one like it. I just can’t give it back as we like to eat on it in the sun room. But she had told me she wants one just like it. I figured she wanted that one back but didn’t want to ask for it. I have had it 25 years and can’t part with it, lol. Need to try and find a cabinet she wants for the laundry room.

So I’m going to get ready and go in. It’s month end again and quarter end. I was off half of Friday so I’ll have some payroll items to attend to today on top of my normal Monday items and then I’ll have to leave in a rush at day’s end to get to my doc appt and won’t be able to stay late to work on ME/QE. Tomorrow is payroll day and Pred’s game. I predict the week will go by fast! As we are busier than normal on all fronts. April will soon be here. I will also be working on our summer bucket list which I intend to start May 1, most likely. I’m surprised but we’ve done a lot on our bucket list for Winter into Spring.

Over and out and it might be Wed or Thurs or even the weekend before I’m back. I am feeling the urge to take a little break from blogging. While it has been very cathartic, it’s time to rest for a bit but I won’t be gone long. Matter of fact usually when I say that I’m back as quick as I left, lol. We’ll see. Have a great week in case I’m not back til the weekend. Be safe and take care of yourself. Til then my friends.

9 thoughts on “Sunshine in My Soul

  1. Sybil

    Hello dear Sonya, What a wonderful God we have, he does do some remarkable things. It’s so pleasing to get good news. We must always remember the good days like that when we get horrible ones….Hope you do get to church on Sunday..despite whoever tries to put you off…what I said yesterday stands, we need surround ourselves with like minded people.
    Glad you got so much done and that George also got things done he will feel much better as well I’m sure. Now you just take care till you find yourself sharing your news with us…till then I’m asking Gid to Keep you in his loving arms…..Be Blessed xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What you described yesterday was child abuse in my book. You are living with the after affects. I understand how you can carry on with your every day life but that is bound to color your world.
    You’re remarkable really.
    I’m glad you are able to squash it, even temporarily.
    Team Sonya!

    Ok. I won’t comment further on this. 😞
    Sorry

    Like

    1. Yeah I’m not sure they would have called it that back then. I try not to yell at anyone anymore myself, had to unlearn that response. But I am sure I raise my voice on occasion. I’m still a very impatient person. A behavior I learned and modeled that impacts me more than anything. Of course we all are responsible for our own actions even if we did have learned behaviors. Im babbling. Thanks for your encouragement.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Cocosmom

    Well you need to have an understanding that things hurt you also. I told Billie not to do the things that Mother use to do when she was helping her, but she does not remember. Mother was very demanding and felt she should always be first. I heard her complaint about it for all the years. She wanted something on Tuesday, but Billie was working and she felt it did not matter as she wanted that time. So Billie got some of it honestly. Mom was judgmental and demanding. Just relax and roll with the tide. It will all work out and jus think thick what if I moved up there also LOL

    Liked by 1 person

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