Yesterday we went to Lowe’s and bought the TV Wall hanging device and then headed over to Mom’s. George got the TV hung and hung up several more pictures. Mom and I went into the garage and I loaded the car with items for Good Will and a few things I decided to keep. I think we unpacked two boxes. That was it and she was tired and needed to sit down. At this rate, we will never finish. Mom says we got a lot done, but to me we didn’t. There’s so many boxes left to open. Much of it just doesn’t have any where to go. There’s still a few items she is missing and so as we move things around perhaps one day they will be found amidst the sea of boxes. She is looking for some more pictures and also some kitchen items, and some of her china, and some of it is probably just in a poorly labeled box. I really thought we were planning to attack the boxes yesterday and make some severe progress while we were there, but she tires out so quickly. She can’t breathe well as I hear her panting terribly when she stands and walks. I think her heart is just not pumping well enough for her to move around much or be on her feet much. At least some of it can go to Good Will though and all in all it is just her deciding to let things go. Much of it she is keeping and putting back in the boxes. And that is ok too, but we have about 3/4 of the garage to go through still, after the original move in. We have moved those boxes around and around and around since her move in Thanksgiving weekend. It just goes around in a circle. lol
Every time I think of it when looking back, and I realize it’s March and how much was done during the holidays, I just cannot believe it. I felt the same at the first of February. Three months of setting up another household after moving her in on Thanksgiving. Three months of shopping, buying, ordering appliances, ordering beds, ordering supplies, organizing, moving, unpacking – on top of holidays, festivities, two sets of company coming, hosting the family Christmas, taking two trips, doing month-end, quarter-end, year-end, and let’s not forget moving our company’s office in December on top of all that. When I think of this whirlwind, I still cannot believe how far we have come and how much has been done in such a short time with just the three of us.
I am always equally surprised (and if I am honest, dismayed) when Mom thinks it has happened so slowly. But I do understand she is used to doing so much on her own and she is no longer able to do so. I have to remember that (and she does too) that just because she can’t do things every day, doesn’t mean we can do those things she would have done every day. We can’t be two people. We can only be ourselves and while we can help and it will be slower than she wants because we have a life (or are trying to) have a life too and can’t be there by her side to do what she wants done right then at that moment. So to her, it must be taking forever as she is used to having what she wants and when she wants as she made it happen and she can’t now. Patience must be very taxing for her as well.
So I think this next weekend will be three Saturday’s in a row for doing Project Momma things and we will have to start focusing on some things here at our house after our trip. I enjoy our time there, and glad to help, so don’t get me wrong we don’t mind helping but we simply can’t spend most of our spare time there. We just need to be able to get some of our things done too. Life was already out of balance! lol. And eventually we will hope to be on a set schedule so we kinda all know what to expect and how to plan, but I don’t know if we will. Someone will probably always be disappointed somewhere til we figure out how to make a day longer than 24 hours and not feel the impact of it, LOL!
And after the past year and a quarter, we are waaaaay behind on getting things done and also getting to enjoy hobbies, see friends, other family etc. I hardly plan anything anymore with friends because it is so taxing to our time. It’s sad. But we usually need what spare time we have left to get groceries, do laundry, run errands, sleep and get done what we can at our house after doing Mom’s things. When we do get away it is a blessed relief to have some fun – anywhere. I mean late yesterday afternoon we thought about going out and doing something fun and we were both like – no just head home – maybe we can get a few things done. Yes, don’t bother, it’s just me fussing about time again like I have my whole entire blogging life. We just all live busy lives I guess. But when you are focused and determined it really messes with you when you are not productive or becoming less so. And well, we are taking care of another person and it’s just going to be an adjustment we may not ever figure out. And yes, I know you are thinking it – yes, I DO have to continue working at trying to let go of the fact that the other sibling is not helping. It’s a daily “bless and release” I have to do in which I’ll speak of later in the blog entry today.
At Least We Ate Well
I fixed hot dogs and Mom had a wonderful salad and dressed eggs. George beautifully decorated his hot dogs. I was impressed. Mine are the two dogs on one bun with chili. Mom had already attacked hers so I didn’t get a pic, lol. I thoroughly enjoyed this yesterday and loved the BBQ Chips which I don’t usually allow myself to have on a regular basis. Only at a party. And well….this was a working party, lol. It makes a Saturday work day fun when you can include a fun meal inside of it.
A Cheap Shopping Spree
What did I do? Shop. I usually make a habit of going out in March to find a few tops. I didn’t get to last year and I won’t get to this year either (weekends are all booked up and I have to much to do at home) so I spent the afternoon and evening on Amazon looking for tunics and shirts. I mean I got into the BOWELS of Amazon. lol I have never spent so much time looking on line for something. I’ve discovered that Amazon will begin to throw some cheaper and some different things at you in the searches after you have kept looking for so long. lol. It wasn’t until I began looking at men’s t-shirts to use as some casual tunics (because they are much less in cost than the women’s) and had put them into my online cart. I found cute men’s striped t-shirts a 2-pack for $10 and another for $11. I didn’t buy them because that is when they opened up their back items to me and began showing me cute women’s things (finally) for a less price. They were holding out on me! That was really strange. So I bought women’s cutely designed shirts for $16 to $19 instead of the mens for $10 and $11 but don’t worry, they are in my “save for later” list. I didn’t want to spend too much in one whopping spend. I bought 3 or 4 tops yesterday and a camera “sheet cheat” for $24.99 to learn how to use the darn thing. lol
I don’t have time to watch videos on it so I bought some cheat cards on a chain, maybe I’ll have time for that. I started to buy a book (like I have time to read either) but I think this will be best as you can throw it in the camera bag. I will take a pic of my purchases when they come in. I want and need to learn the basic concepts of photography and videography. We have spent so much money on this camera and lenses and I’m so dismayed that even on basic things (especially video) I usually come out with crappy work that can’t be used because I grab the camera and film without really knowing what the settings need to be. I don’t want to keep settings on automatic, I want to be able to take amazing pics and do a good job with lighting and colors on videos as well. I just erased an entire video segment I taped as a preface to the flooring video -because it was yellow and I looked horrid, so I’m not even going to put sloppy work out there anymore like that. I just hit delete. Even the coloring didn’t help much. I looked horrible that day anyway and the camera angle did not do me any favors. I just can never find time to work on these skills. Because whatever time we have is eating, sleeping, blogging, doing laundry, maybe some housework as I do other things and I try to get my videos done as it usually brings me joy, peace, and happiness to put those together. I am determined however, and I will somehow find pockets of time to learn and grow in this area. I’m nudging forward ever so slowly. And it brings such joy when I finally have time and make ANY progress at all.
Speaking of Joy and the Baggage We Bring
Today’s lesson in the Activating Joy book, was talking about the callouses we have in our heart. Areas where our heart has been hardened. When you begin thinking of one, you begin thinking of so many others – a person here, a person there – areas where you have been wronged, or have not been properly heard, and maybe not even apologized to. I have things in my life I’ve held on to. Oh the baggage we carry with us all the time that has shaped our thinking and taints our future decisions, how we handle things, and how we think of things and yes- makes our heart hardened, sour, and gives us a horrid disposition if we let it. I suppose this is where the forgiveness comes in too. It’s all connected.
I think for me any lack of forgiveness and hardness, comes from not being heard and/or not being understood, and/or not being able to say what I need to say and then harboring that inside and allowing the bitterness to stay in our hearts. I guess that is why when we talk to God about it, (or blog about it- ha) we at least get to say what we need to say and Him, being a higher power, can at least do something about it, or you all – my blog friends too – in which you sympathize and support me. And we can sometime proceed to let it go once we’ve acknowledged it. But it takes a step further as it often comes back because we have memories! There are some pretty big things I’ve given to God to let Him handle, otherwise the baggage would have been too great for me to successfully handle. There are other things I’ve chosen to hold on to. Usually things that slap me in the face every day. Those are harder as they don’t really go away. I could choose to change things but the changes would be very dramatic and so I choose not to be selfish and change those things. I just learn to live with them and try to forgive it over and over again.
Even this last week I had someone that did not believe me when I told them something and they had to see proof for themselves. It really stung and also hurt my feelings at the time as well as another person’s. I decided life had much too many other irons in the fire to let it reside within me. The person is not really an important person in my life on an everyday basis anyway, so I don’t really feel the need to set things straight or give boundaries with the person.
The dealings you have with people, either give you a positive or negative feeling (I call them cookies or chips) for every encounter you have with them and honestly this person’s cookies/chips they have dropped in my pockets over time are heavily weighing in on the negative side pocket. I’ve just come to accept that the fact that I feel bad every time I have an encounter with the person. I rarely have any positive feelings after an encounter because they try to install some kind of fear, emit their distrust, or make me feel guilty that I’ve not just sold my soul for their own efforts. I’m not the only one either that have felt that way.
Bless and Release
So what do you do? I just rolled my eyes (not at the person, just internally or behind a wall, lol) and I read a verse of Scripture for support and went on.
I didn’t let it impact the rest of my day like I would have in years before. You can’t really tell what is in a person’s mind and I realize they can’t really tell what is in mine. And while it was disappointing, degrading, and patronizing – screw it. So what if they don’t trust me and had to see proof. Their unbelief is on them and in their hands. It just showed them that what I said was in fact handled. But how embarrassing for them. Although I doubt they were embarrassed. I would have been. And other than using it as an example, I’ve moved on. I have chosen to not let this situation or any in the past have a holding or a callousness in my heart. I don’t have good feelings in my heart but I don’t think I can change that because it wasn’t a good thing that happened. But I’m learning to have joy remain in your heart that when you think of how people have hurt your feelings or let you know they think of you in a negative way or how they have mistreated you – you let the thought happen and then release it. I’ve heard it call “blessing and releasing”. Pray for the person – which I realize I did not do and need to have done. So I am doing that now, lol! OOPS.
I think as long as we have memories we will always deal with hardness of heart, forgiveness, callousness. But if we can recognize the feeling or memory, pray for it, and bless and release, God will soften our heart and not make it a pain staking issue taking up residence and space in our hearts, not allowing love in otherwise. I still think I have a lot of work to do in many areas. I’m very sensitive, introspective, and an introvert – and I think when you are – things stay with you longer, bother you more, and maybe take longer to resolve? What do you think? I could be wrong on that. I’ve only been me so I can’t say, lol.
iPhone Home Page
Every now and then I like to update my apps and move them around – I made a couple of changes. The home page are things I use most often and need to get to quickly. I have started putting a photo in my widget at the top to remind me of my focus this month. I’ve really been trying to “nudge” toward learning the camera, as mentioned, so I’ve put a pic of the camera at the top so that life doesn’t override and smush out my own personal goals. I just need a few minutes of learning time wherever I can pick that up. I loved that picture of the camera as found on Canva. I used it earlier in this blog entry.
I also have really come to love the iPhone’s reminder app. But I realized I had it set on Reminders to show in the widget instead of my “Today” list. So that way I see the focus for today. Notice I have 12 things on my little Reminder app there on the bottom. It amazes me how sometimes it can take a week to get one thing crossed off sometimes. lol. So guess what I’ll be trying to do today? Get some of those things off my list. Here’s today’s list anyway. It’s in the video format b/c a screen shot could not capture it in one photo, lol. I could get more done if I didn’t blog every morning or every other – but that is the one thing I won’t compromise on.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend. I’m going to go fix eggs with spinach, finish laundry, vacuum, dust, conquer some things on the list. And maybe try and have some fun. I hope to find a wee moment to work on the flooring video. I have to retape a segment to preface it. I trashed the one I did earlier.
George wants to do a good will run so we can get the stuff out of the car. I don’t really want to do that but I want it gone too, lol.
Oh well, we’ll see what all we get done. Hope you made it to the end, lol. Weekend posts are longer! 😉