Moving Mom, Unpacking, Eating Out, Pleasing Others

Odd Schedules. I have overslept the past two days ya’ll! I have been awake in the early morning post-midnight hours (shopping on Amazon and checking email, and doing things I’ve not had time to do all day ) only to fall back asleep around 3:30 and to be woken up by George. It’s been the strangest things. My alarm set didn’t go off, or if it did it was on silent which was likely the case. Therefore I have felt so disorganized. I have been off my routine and schedule and it has thrown me for a loop. My shower, coffee, prayer journal, blog or video editing hour, all out the window. Blood pressure meds forgotten and taken later at night and having to get up at night several times (water pill that is in it). You would think a couple days off would not be so hard on a person, lol!

Mom’s Closing. However, having giving up all those said things above, I was able to get Mom closed on her house Friday. First of all on the way out (because with Mom you leave an hour before you really need to, lol) we had time to go sign her up for her Water service and stop at “Ready Teddy’s” for a breakfast sandwich. Mom laughed b/c she said “Ready Teddy’s” sounded like a sexy lingerie place instead of a coffee cafe. True That. I had never been – except for maybe a coffee through the drive through. We decided we only had time for drive through Friday before the closing but we had the BEST breakfast sandwiches. I mean REAL bacon, mayo, tomatoes that tasted like they were from the garden. We’ll be back there I’m sure. We had to laugh again at their “401k plan” to which we happily contributed.

Back at Mom’s house, most of the things had been done: The sod in place, the garage pressure washed, the blue electrical marking touched over. The screen door however, to the patio does not work. Oh they put it on, but it won’t slide. At all. I mean they had to known. It’s too big for the door. So I’m not sure what happens now. I feel like they will make it right but we’ve closed so it might be all Mom’s problem at this point. Also the dishwasher top pull out is really tight so she will likely have to contact the appliance company for that under the warranty. We don’t have the fobs to the clubhouse yet, but that may come later as the clubhouse had been hit by the tornado back last spring and it’s being remodeled. We “think” we have mail keys but there is no way to know what number her mail box is as nothing corresponds. It has a number on the key but that doesn’t work and there is no other corresponding number. There were probably 30 or 40 mail boxes – it’s almost like they do mailboxes in an apartment complex. And I wasn’t going to try all of the mail boxes so she’ll have to call and find out about that.

We went to Target and she bought sheets and towels and also kitchen towels and washrags. We did good to remember to bring her toilet paper stash from home, lol.

We were able to figure out how to “program” her keys. Thank goodness I video’d the explanation. It was pretty simple, just a bit awkward. I had never seen anything like that where you had to have a tumbler to reprogram keys. The original key we first got in with is no good but we programed her key set in all the key holes. If you program one key the rest of the keys cut the same way work. We were proud of ourselves for getting that figured out. We decided we didn’t need to paper the cabinets b/c it just needed a wipe out. So we are only putting papers in the utensil drawers. We will return the other liner to Lowe’s and get a bit of money back. We sealed her grout in the kitchen and also did the granite.

By this time we were ready to get a late lunch about 2 p.m. as we had done all we could do. Mom was getting tired. And so we went to Local Joe’s as we were both wanting “meat and three” – most of us just get a meat and two, lol. But we call a place that has the meats and veggies – a meat and three – for those not in the south. In some places they are called “cafeterias” if there is a line you go through like you do at Local Joe’s. Mom and I got catfish, lol. I got green beans and navy beans. Oh it was so good. Their hushpuppies had a bit of jalapeño in it – just enough to be good and not too hot. They also have yeast rolls which I said no to but Mom got one and shared a bite with me and it was so good. Then the man came around with fresh baked hot chocolate chip cookies and served us each one off the pan. No worries as they were small ones that met by “two bite” rule, ha!

I’m sorry I’ve not been good at taking pics lately. Life is just so overwhelming that I end up forgetting the blog and vlog and just diving into whatever is going on. Having an extra person to be responsible for just takes a lot away from you it seems. It’s all consuming as my thoughts are all wrapped up in trying to please her and anticipate what her next “thing” is going to be as she has such rigid rules and ways she likes to do things. The air has to be just right, certain doors left closed or open, and when we are doing things – she gives you several “to do’s” – look up this or that on the internet, lock this or that, close this or that, look at this or that. So I’m trying to explain why I don’t have time to take pics of things or even have my own thoughts. lol. I’m not trying to complain here just trying to explain why I can’t get pics taken of what we are doing. I can’t get her list checked off fast enough to whip the camera out. I’ve had to tell her two or three times in the last day or two “hang on – one thing at a time”. She will “stack you up” with to do’s like I’ve never seen. I remember it as a teen too. Of course as a child or teen she could do that. As an adult, she will have to wait til I can get to her. And I try to meet her needs on a whim but I’m only one person and I have needs too, so my thought time is being all taken up as is my creative time but we knew this would be a crazy period. So we just have to work through it. Both she and I will have to grow and maintain a bit of patience. It’s not all going to happen in one or two days or even a month. It’s going to be a very long and ongoing process to get her settled in. If indeed there is such a thing. lol.

When George is around I can get in more pics as he can entertain her for a few minutes so I can get a thought in edgewise, ha! So once George got home and did a few errands he needed to do, when he was ready we were going out to eat. Mom decided not to go. She didn’t want us to bring anything back. I think she is exhausted and overwhelmed. She is used to just sitting in recliner most of the day on her tablet scrolling. She will usually get up and do up some dishes or sometimes fix a dish or crock pot meal or a dinner. She fixes her quick meals and takes care of the dog but mostly is sedentary and so with us going around doing things all day – it just takes a lot out of her. She has not been getting her naps in the afternoons as much because of the calls she has made or we’ve been busy shuttling her here and there. So she is very very tired. So another reason I think she is so tired she doesn’t really even want much to eat.

So George and I went out on our own to M L Rose. It was kinda like a date night in a way. We had an hour wait so we sat at the bar and got a beer. They have a great tap. I got a hazy IPA which has kinda been my go to lately when we go out.

So we had a good time chatting and talking and then finally we got a table. This place is quite the restaurant favorite in Mount Juliet. There are several favorites but I think this is the new one.

My salad was really good. It was supposed to have blue cheese but it was feta. All good though. It was a strawberry walnut salad. I don’t think I even got chicken on it this time. I just really wanted to eat light as Mom and I had catfish for lunch. ;-). I drank a big beer size glass of water – true to my new goals – and so then when we ordered dinner I ordered a flight! LOL. It just kinda came out of my mouth when she said “what to drink?” I wasn’t driving – it’s been a long dang month and Mom just closed on her house so it seemed fine. They had a flight of local brewery favorites and it sounded so good.

But then……..While we ate dinner, George asked me if I would come out of my bedroom more. I’m like what???? Our conversation went something like this.

G: Will you come out of your bedroom more?

S: What? What do you mean? I’m hardly in there. I go to bed at 8:30 because I’m exhausted. I get up an hour early so I can get a bit of time to myself in the mornings and spend time in prayer and Bible reading, do my blog entry (which I’ve done for what 20 years or more now?) And then I rush off to work. When I come home I do chores and maybe get a sneak in time to do order’s on Amazon, check off things from my to do list, or check email before dinner as he likes to be the one to cook -so I have some time then to do chores and to do’s.

S: When are you thinking you want me to come out of my room?

G: Maybe come out of your room one morning a week?

S: And do what? What do you want me to do when I give up my “me time hour”? Watch you get ready for work? Watch you read YOUR email? What am I supposed to be doing with this hour?

G: Never mind, just never mind! I just want to watch our show again.

S: Well we can do that when we get to eat dinner on the couch when Mom is gone, and watch a show again. We can’t watch our show in the mornings, lol.

So I immediately clammed up. I don’t understand and if he can’t explain then I can’t help him. And he was unable to explain what he needed from me, other than he wants to watch our shows again. That is fine but usually after dinner is when we can do that and he is off in the back in the bedroom on the computer in Mom’s temporary bedroom. So………….give up that time? lol That is probably his only hour of the day to get things done. And then he has an hour in the mornings too and then he has an hour after I go to bed. If I get an extra hour it’s in the middle of the night at 1:30.

So I’m not sure what all that is about, but I clammed up because I just don’t understand what he wants from me and it immediately made me feel like I’m inadequate and not pleasing and I started to go into that mode of being frustrated to the point I wanted to cry until I remembered some of my recent training on relationships and boundaries and self-care and manipulation and all that. It’s the other’s responsibility to be able to state what they need. It’s NOT my place to try and figure it out and be made to feel guilty or controlled by another. So…….I immediately shoved it away to pat myself on the back for what all we have been able to do with the time we have.

If a need cannot be described then I can’t meet it. I can certainly watch a show with him but it requires him to be present too. I mean what do you do with that conversation? I decided to do nothing because I can’t deal with things I don’t know what I’m dealing with. I cannot meet a need if I don’t know what it is – to be fair. So other than this blog entry of simply mentioning it – I’m tossing it out the window. I will be happy to adjust when I know what the adjustment needs to be and it makes sense. I’m not going to give up an hour and sit on the sofa and just be there for the sake of just sitting there while others do things they want to do. That doesn’t make sense.

There seems to be an underlying problem but I am not sure what it is. Maybe he thinks I am too independent. Is he wanting to control my time? I have no idea. But he is not happy for some reason. I can’t fix everyone’s happiness if I don’t know what they need. ::Sigh:: So as I went to sleep I just gave it God. I’m only one person. I can’t please everyone. I try but it’s never good enough and it will never be. But I’m not going to suffer in silence if someone else cannot voice their opinion.

So I made the decision to get up the next day and do what I know to do. Live the best I can with God’s help and try to do as much as I can with the time we have and still be my own person somewhere in the process. We don’t get to really program those around us like they are a TV station we turn on and off. So I’m confused by the whole conversation. All that said, I’m still sad knowing there is some issue that I am unaware of what it is. Is he feeling insecure? Does he think something is going on with me? Is he worried about me? Or us? I have no idea. And it’s not healthy to make things up and not fair to me to have to guess. So out the window it must go. I have too many other things in my head to try to guess how someone needs to be pleased if they cannot tell me with words what they need. If it’s simply a show I can certainly watch a show with him but he needs to be present too, lol.

So yesterday morning, I took George to get the UHaul truck. It was a foggy cold morning. I went back to our house to load a bunch of Mom’s hanging clothes in the car from the basement. And put in all that I could put in my car.

George went to the storage unit and brought a load over. We unloaded a lot of corning ware and a lot of unneeded things. But we began washing things in hot dishwater. Much of it has been in the cabinets for years anyway. We put much of the corning ware up and her clothes that we took.

About 1 we went to Zaxby’s for a salad and got George a sandwich too. And that was good. We worked some more and Mom was worn out. She rested off and on and we quit working around 3:30 or 4 p.m. and headed back to the house.

George loaded boxes from the basement into the U-Haul and I loaded suitcases filled with Mom’s clothes from the basement as well as other boxes that I could lift and carry. We both had our own tetris games going.

Last night around 7 p.m. George and I went to get groceries and then went through this Hibachi drive through place and took dinner home. I took a shower and went to bed. I was up twice in the night since I took my BP meds late and then at 3:00 I just stayed up so I could get laundry done, put up the dry goods of groceries we were too tired to do last night, and be able to get my prayer journaling done and Bible reading and blog entry. I feel like a real person again. Sortof. lol.

But it is time to eat breakfast and get on with another busy day of setting up and unpacking. Furniture – most of it – won’t come until next weekend. We were supposed to go get my iPhone 13 today ordered but decided we will need to do it at night one night.

While in the drive through last night, I worked on setting up the “scheduled summary” on my iPhone after a recent update. I chose what apps I wanted to see notifications from at certain times of day ONLY. It seems lately that my phone is wanting my attention. I’m allowing calls, messages, weather, emergencies, and yes even WordPress notifications to come through immediately. But news items, Facebook, Instagram and other messages have to wait until certain times of the day. I’m ok to check it in the mornings and again at lunch, and again after work, and again before bed. I want to know what the headlines are but dang – they send alerts every few minutes so no more of that. It’s so distracting. I may change it to three times a day but I like kinda knowing what is going on with our nation so we have a heads up. Things are so volatile now.

Ok ya’ll what an entry! Let me know if you made it to the end. I’ll try to come back with a blog entry in the morning on Monday. I think today is Sunday, lol. I’m so off schedule. I have a busy 3 days coming up. I will do what I can to bring some pics back. I’m a little worried about this 3 day week but a lot will have to be shoved into the next week until I can catch up. It is what it is as no one is doing my job while I’m gone. So it will be what it will be. Again, hard to please and hard to be everything everyone needs me to be.

EVERYONE has NO CHOICE but to be patient including myself. I don’t have wings, don’t have a magic wand, and no magic potion. And according to some, I don’t have what it takes to make them happy or complete. But you know what? I have me, I have God as a resource. That may not be much. I may not mean anything or mean much to others than whatever it is that need from me at the moment it is needed, whether it be doing their laundry or setting up their household or getting their payroll done. But I am me and I am going to be happy with me even if no one else is. I know what I want. All I can do is try to understand and change accordingly to help others with what they want, if it is something I can provide or change or am willing to change.

Tribe…yeah, it spoke. 😉

6 thoughts on “Moving Mom, Unpacking, Eating Out, Pleasing Others

  1. Sybil

    Afternoon love, sorry your having doubts again about George’s wants/ needs. As an outsider just looking in ( and you know me I say what I think, but hope I don’t offend anyone, in particular you !). I think that George is feeling a bit …put out, and not getting the attention he feels he needs, it’s been very stressful for you BOTH having Mum in your home. It’s hard for men to admit to feeling side stepped as I think they like to feel the MAIN person in our lives, and with Mum needing so much attention he feels he isn’t ). I’m sure once Mum moves and the sooner that happens the better, you will have more time to pay him the attention he needs things will get better. Hoe er your going to have a rocky time ahead with Mum cause once she moves you MUST NOT always be at her beck and call. She is going to have to hear you say NO, sorry Mum George needs me …then….now…etc etc. I know you like to please everybody but you know that George and yourself come first whatever anybody else wants of you. Sorry love hope you understand…..it’s a lovely autumn day here. I have almost finished packing my bag for us to be off at 5.15 in the morning. Peter is coming over about 5 this afternoon to pack the car so will save time in the morning …..I will be taking my I pad with me and think we have free internet so will be able to be in contact every time I see a blog post….take care. God Bless

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  2. That was a lot to get out. I think George misses your old routines.
    Maybe he just doesn’t realize or know how to word it.
    I can’t believe how much you two have done this weekend with starting to move your mom out of your house, storage and all. That’s all exhausting, physically and mentally.
    That’s a good pic of your mom signing.
    I know you are going to be crazy busy today.
    Don’t forget to turn your clocks back!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Clocked turned back but my body isn’t, ha! We are one storage container down, a lot moved from our basement and I think he will be able to empty this 2nd small storage unit today. Then we just have one big one left. I think that happens this weekend when George can get some help. It’s exciting to see her place come together. She may be in boxes for a while in her garage. After this initial move time where we are using vacation days, it will go much slower. She can pack her china and all that as she feels like it. My main goal is to make her house functional with the basics and she can take it from there a box or two a day. We may have to bring the box in for her though, lol. But it’s coming together slowly.

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  3. Lauren

    I can’t believe how much you have got done…It is overwhelming what you are going through. I know how hard it is to try to please everyone. It is a very pretty time of year with the leaves turning. Maybe you and your husband need a weekend just the two of you. Once your Mom is settled in maybe you two can have some time together. We enjoy our coffee and newspapers in the mornings and talk and catch up on things.
    Take care of yourself. It is hard moving and doing all the normal things like shopping, cooking, and keeping up a home. Take some time for yourself… self-care is important.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. We have such a weekend planned! About a month from now. I appreciate your advice. I went to bed at 7:30 (time change, lol). Got up at 3:30 and did laundry -washed and folded 2 loads and then washed dishes. lol.

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