New Towels, New Tea Glasses, Weariness, and Forgiveness in a Dysfunctional Family

The new textured towels are in the middle. It makes the others dim by comparison. And let me tell ya, they are “mahhhhvelous”. They are thick and sturdy. I think they were $7.99 at Target. I’m really considering going back to get a couple more. But, I guess I will hold off for now. I love the texture and thickness. I think they are the best towels I’ve ever had.

And here are the new “tea glasses” – just some cheapies I bought at Kirland’s. The set was about $20. Aside from getting the 12 inch mattress foam pad cut from almost a queen size down to a twin size, is about all that is left on getting our house ready for Mom. The room is almost ready except for the sheet washing and me changing over beds. I will need to move some jewelry over from my armoire so as not to bother her on those early mornings going to work.

The State of Being

So it’s Wednesday now. I can say without a doubt that most of us are tired. Very tired at this point. Mom’s closing on her house is less than a week away, a lot of stuff still needs to be packed. Yet we work Full Time and don’t have much time to do it. It’s why we started weeks ago. It’s coming together but I think we are all feeling a bit overwhelmed at this point. George may not be, it’s hard to tell, but his humor with me this week bottomed out over a situation with Roger. That is usually when I can tell he is tired.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Our lives have been mostly all work and no play lately. Our year has geared up to be that way. It’s all for a good cause though – don’t get me wrong. I’m sure someone will though. But we are so ready for a vacation! I hope we can squeeze one in somehow. If we do it will be only a long weekend, if we even have days to do it.

Mom is worn out dealing with her clothes, she tells me. It’s not really anything we can pack. She knows what she wants for our house and what she wants to be packed for fall. She has had the hardest time over the clothes. I think all the closets were bursting with clothes. No wonder Daddy wanted the clothing armoire for himself, LOL LOL. I didn’t even know the big armoire was his. But I guess he needed it for his things. Anyway, Mom is having a time trying to figure out the clothing. I say this because she has mentioned it numerous times.

She is tired. I am tired. And I’m guessing George is by his demeanor this week in our discussions over Roger.

And there is this unquenchable persistent need for boxes and wrapping and bubble pack and waiting on the next Amazon order. None of us take the newspaper anymore. So wrapping materials are minimal and costly.

Dysfunctional Families

Photo by Anete Lusina on Pexels.com

It’s time like these when the going gets tough that you really have a tough time forgiving the family members that just “walked out”, freeing themselves from family obligations. How do you forgive an action that keeps on happening? When there is a row in the family that a family member chooses not to work out, a divorcing if you will of the two family members. A walking out and not looking back. No consideration of responsibility or of the others in the family. It’s sad in itself and at so many angles, but in times of need when the parent and other siblings struggle, it magnifies the efforts. It makes it very hard for me not to have a grudge. How do you continually forgive in this situation? I think I have the grasp on forgiveness and then I grapple with it again! Seventy X Seven? Ok I think I’m there! What now?

And indeed I know relationships will never be the same again. The longer the time, the more water under the bridge, the more wearing of the bridge, and time taking it’s toll on whatever piece of the bridge that is left. Walking out means a lot. It means walking out on everything and everyone, maybe even one’s inheritance, whatever is left at that point, but that is not my decision to make. I just don’t know what will come of the situation as a whole. Right now nothing absolutely guaranteed nothingness is what happens- no help, no caring, zip and zero. But I also don’t see how it can be rectified with me at this point. I can let go of my anger with it. But I can’t let go and say “this is ok” or “this doesn’t matter”. I constantly say “how can she do this?” and “what in the heck is wrong with her?”. I don’t know that I will ever be over it now what has happened. I don’t know what it will take to forgive. It’s because I cannot fully comprehend. The person says they are at peace now. Well, if I left and shirked my responsibilities, I’d probably be at peace too. lol. I am trying here, but I don’t know how to love through this situation where there is an obvious unwillingness on the party who left, to try and work it out, to lend a hand, to care, or to love through it back.

I just don’t know. I can write about these things now as it’s no longer a secret what is going on. I won’t mention the person’s name nor go into details about it. I will only write about how it impacts me and it is my right to do so. Others do what they feel is best for them. And for me, writing and journaling is my healing process. I’m not defaming others, not that there was fame to begin with, lol. But not defaming anyone’s character that is not already publicly seen. Several have asked me about this. I won’t talk about what caused the row and that is none of my business but I can talk about the burdens that it has placed on me and I see what it has done to my mother. I’m sure neither party is lily white in the situation as we all say things we don’t mean to. But I’m the sole caretaker of Mom now and this has been hard. We are doing it. But it’s been hard. And it just magnifies things when others who should be there helping are not. And I’m struggling with forgiveness right now. I’m just being honest.

Roger

So, little buddy Roger had a nail to grow into his paw. It’s totally our fault. We haven’t groomed him because of his anxieties. George cut his nails finally but the ones that were further back (like a thumb), I guess was not seen amidst his hair and was missed, and it curled under. It began causing him pain and punctured his paw. George tried to cut it but Roger would not let us and George would hesitate because he was trying to be careful and not cut his paw. And I kept saying “just take him to the vet” as it made me nervous that he was nervous. And then my nervousness fed back to him. He got upset with me and told me I wasn’t helping anything. I told him I’d always tell him the truth of what I thought. I think he should be attended to by the vet at this point as it is already a wound, they could calm his pain, and could give him something. It was my opinion. I told him I was sorry if he didn’t like it but he knows me well enough I’ll give my opinion. It has nothing to do with his abilities to take care of things. I just think it was best he go to the vet.

Our vet for years has become so successful and busy that it is very difficult to be seen by them. They are good but what good does it do when you call and can’t get an appointment for 3 weeks and have to call and maybe get a walk in appointment and have to wait to see if you can walk in. We have to work FT we can’t just sit around the house waiting for a maybe visit. So I suggested we go to the new one down the street. George didn’t want to but I looked on line and they had an Urgent Care of sorts. So he walked in, was immediately seen and made it home in next to NO TIME! Roger has antibiotics and inflammatory meds now and his paw is in a bandage and he is recovering. And from here on out, I say they are our new vet. The last time I took Maisy, we waited for hours, several visits. I’m done with that. We don’t have time for that.

Ok venting is over. It’s just what I needed for today. To vent, so I can park all the madness here and get on with life and be cheery from here. Thanks for listening!

12 thoughts on “New Towels, New Tea Glasses, Weariness, and Forgiveness in a Dysfunctional Family

  1. I don’t know why & I can’t even imagine how that family member can simply remove themselves from your mom’s situation which leaves you holding the bag. Everything. This must trouble your mom & it’s simply not right. She (the person) must have no conscience at all.
    You & George have gone above & beyond but that’s what respectable people do for their elderly parents.
    You’ll make it through & Yes you deserve a vacation!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks 🙏 we are tired, she’s tired but we will get rest soon in between moves. We are looking forward to our summer with her and Fancy! And the worst part of it all is not getting to see her grandkids grow. I think that’s been the most painful part for Mom.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sybil

    Dear Sonya, I know…having been friends for so many years now….just how hard the forgiveness situation has been on you, and the reasons for it. However there are some folks that just won’t accept forgiveness under any condition and so the one offering it ( you) just has to shrug your shoulders and look the other way . We know the situation will NEVER IMPROVE so just hang on in there love. You know you did the right thing at the time and just try to forget there is anyone who could have been helping….if you can try to imagine them not being there,,,,not even existing maybe that will help. It’s just very sad that it comes to that point. I’m glad that George took Roger to the vet and he seemed to be good, so that’s something good and positive that’s happened this week. I hope he heals quickly don’t suppose he likes the dressing on his paw !!….hope work is not to heavy today and when you get home you might be able to have a wee rest. Hope traffic is easy tonight. So I’ll say night night. God Bless

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lauren

    Thank goodness you got little Roger to the vet. He has to feel much better. Just think after this coming week the hard part will. be over with your Mom’s move. I too have too many clothes. My walk-in closet is full of just my clothes. I have a dresser and a highboy as well. I am always moving off-season things to the guest room closet.
    That is on my list of things to do ..clean out the closet.
    It is really sad about your family situation. It is not fair to you. I hope it can be resolved before it is too late. Tomorrow is never promised for any of us.
    It is 88 degrees here and humid as all get out. I have to get out though and get some things done.
    Hang in there!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Rose

    Hi there! Your little Roger is adorable! I’m sorry he was hurt with the nail growing. Its an easy miss for sure and now you have a new vet who might just be better than the last one. I’m with you on waiting. There are enough places around who will take us on time now. No need to wait anymore for anyone. If they want the business they will get the people they need to service their clients. Ok off rant! lol
    I understand the family rift very well. I have a sibling that is the oldest and he has opted to stop talking to any of us . At first we thought it would end quickly, but as time moves on we don’t see a solution. Are you ready for how long its been ? Almost 20 yrs! Yep, 20. I did see this person in between one year. My dad got very sick and he went to visit him. I went also and showed him my grand kids who were young at the time. I didn’t get any reaction, so I left. Its sad because now our parents are elderly and need a lot of help. I am the helper. And I agree, its tiring, its a lot on a persons head to take it all in. And with ailing parents, its my constant thought. So I know exactly what you are going through.
    You guys should hire a moving company. They will pack everything for you! We did it one time and it was the best decision we had ever made.

    Best of luck!
    Rose

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s only been two years here for this situation. Anyway we were trying to save money and also sometimes they don’t take good care with the boxes and furniture. So we are doing it the hard way. The stuff is going various places too. Soon maybe we will all get rest!

      Like

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