It was hard being at work yesterday. It’s hard being anywhere to tell you the truth. I just wanted to be with her. She’s eatin’ and she’s hanging on. But there is nothing being expelled. We have an appointment with the vet Monday afternoon —-well not really an appointment YET — we are on their schedule to come in but we have to touch base about noon and see what time they suggest – after the vet gets through with a surgery she is doing. I told George we need to go to this appointment together. I’m not convinced we will be coming home with her alive. I hate to speculate. But she can’t have surgery due to the heart condition/heart murmur, too much going wrong, she’s not having any quality of life. She doesn’t act like she is in pain though other than being gentle with the tummy area. She can no longer jump on the couch either. She missed last night. But she just lays around and sleeps. And she is eating some – some days with a little more gusto than others, but nothing is ever making it out the other side. Maybe I’m all wrong and getting ahead of myself, and maybe things will turn around again on this roller coaster ride, but it seems to me that soon she will be in a lot of pain with nothing being expelled. I don’t want her to suffer. I mean look at those Liver Enzymes. The highest end of the range should be 212 and she is at 1921. To me it seems her system is just shutting down.
I have a lot to do to get our Christmas together this weekend. I need to wrap some, shop a bit more on line and do the normal weekend routine. We need to go to the store. Next Friday I have a PTO day and I’m going to run a few errands about for George and his remainder of gifts/stocking stuffers. I’ve decided to treat myself to lunch that day. Not sure where yet. Maybe even just a drive thru, but it’ll still be a treat.
So I need to keep moving today. I don’t want to do anything. I want to just curl up in a ball and hug my Maisy girl. This has been such a roller coaster. I hate it is putting a damper on our Christmas season. But what can you do. You love your fur babies and you can’t help but hurt for them. And the thought of being without them is just miserable and not acceptable. It is what it is. Maybe the news will be different, but I’m afraid to hope. And I DO NOT want to see her in pain. If the quality of life is done, then we know what needs to be done. I guess we will know Monday what the decisions are. Maybe there is a med that can solve that issue and we can keep her longer. But only if she can have quality days left. We shall see.
Off to try and rally myself around to doing something…anything. How can I do Christmas cards with spirits so low I need to be scraped off the pavement? Must keep moving, must keep going.
I have been playing a new game that is helping to keep my mind off things for a few minutes. I’ve often found these little “other worlds” comforting during stressful times. It’s very calming to my soul. It’s very much like Farmville2. But you can only play so long before you run out of things you can do.
What do I like about it?
- You can explore through “the fog” by clearing out bushes and rocks near the fog and it expands the area. You find treasures along the way.
- You move the buildings around and “decorate” and restructure the layout.
- You complete tasks for supplies, forage for supplies, and make things from supplies.
- There is an element of farming as well.
- There is a way to sell things.
- You can gain $$ in various ways, and you can gain “experience” in various ways to get the new levels. Certain things are unlocked at each level.
- You can gain energy back in several ways.
This is giving me peace and joy, along with God’s presence of course. I’m strong and will get through all this. As will George. Can’t forget him. He is pretty fond of our old Maisy girl. Even just talking about the game made me feel better. But I need to get busy on the REAL GAME of Life (not the board game one) so I can try to make everyone’s Christmas special.
Our Baby News
Katy called yesterday and she has slightly elevated blood pressure when working. She only has 2 weeks left to work at school but the doc is thinking of taking her off work early. She called to discuss. Doc knows best in this COVID world what needs to be done. So best to follow their instructions was my advice. I told her to discuss all she discussed with me, with her doc Monday at the in person appointment and together they would decide if she could tolerate another week or two. She is worried about the leave time on the other side – going back early and not as much time with baby if she uses her time now. Who does this sound like? I told her I was sorry for giving her that “planning trait”. It’s a good thing but a bad thing. We like to have everything laid out in a plan wrapped in a bow and don’t want anything messing with our plan! lol And plenty always does. So prayers for our daughter, her blood pressure, and keeping her and the baby safe in a COVID world. I kinda wondered if the docs might have had that in mind too and not just the Blood Pressure. Because they are still in an actual classroom.
Ok off to get going and set about our day. Trying to pick myself up here and keep going!