The Give and the Take in Marriage

My daughter posted this recently and it cracked me up. Those eyeballs. That mouth. Uh oh. He’s a bit worried.

Early in marriage I used to get miffed and hold it in, if George wouldn’t do something I thought he should have already done. He finally asked what was wrong one day. I don’t even remember what it was. Might have been the yard needed mowing or a heavy box needed to be moved out of the way or more likely just “his stuff” everywhere in the common living areas. But he told me, if you want me to do something just ask me to.

I guess I never wanted to be seen as bossy so I kept a lot of things to myself until I felt it was time to do otherwise. I grew up amidst MANY women bosses of the family who controlled EVERYTHING- their schedule, their meals, their social calendar, the finances, what was repaired or not, made the major decisions and so forth. And much to my surprise, George wanted to do most of that in our marriage and he does control a lot of everything in our life in most of those realms. He asked to do the finances and he wants to do the cooking because he loves to. And I didn’t mind. And I also didn’t want to come across as “hand on my hips bossy” so I’ve gone along with it, but I was used to a world in which the women control things. But if something doesn’t please or suit, I usually let him know in issues that really matter to me. Being that he does control so much of things, I expect to be able to have a say when it’s important to me.

George had some very powerful women in his family as well that steered the way and certainly knew how to captain a ship. But while my Dad was very gentle and mild, his Dad was very mind set and independent, but also humorous and very kind – but he also was very head strong and knew what he wanted to do and where he was going. I am not an expert on his family and wouldn’t even try to figure out the dynamics. But I can certainly see enough that he had come from headstrong path and naturally so did I. I have more of my Dad’s spirit in me but Mom’s side seems to triumph on many occasions. I am very headstrong and know what I want. And while I can sit on the sidelines a lot of the time and let people steer the ship, I definitely know what I want and have surprised myself with my independent, relentless, resilient drive that I really didn’t know I had until it repeated itself and reared itself over again.

Boy did our heads ever clash. They still do. Lucky for him, I’m able to rationalize some, be patient some, wait some, understand some, keep silent some, let him have his way a lot, let him win an argument a lot, compromise a lot. However, I’m not one to let anyone run over me and if I’m treated as a doormat, ignored, feelings not considered, mistreated, misled, taken advantage of, and so forth – that is when there will be an issue. A big issue. I don’t put up with that from any human for very long before that ugly head will be raised and my voice heard.

George may not think I’ve been the above, but I could write a book on the times where I’ve done the italics. I don’t mind letting another steer my ship as long as I have input and a say so, an opinion, am heard, not dictated over, not patronized, am treated well, respected, and such.

I think we have come a long way in our marriage as far as communication, respect, and our ability to “get along”. Mostly it is being patient, keeping quiet until we are both in an open mind situation. But it has been a lot of give and take, and being willing to try and understand the other’s position. When one of us is closed minded and selfish, the conversation would never go anywhere. Marriage is just hard. Any relationship is hard. There are so many dynamics influencing each.

While things are never perfect, I’m happy that we have a safe place here where we allow each other to be ourselves, we weigh in on things, enjoy each other’s company, enjoy life, plan and execute things – even during a pandemic, rely on each other in tough times, and the good times. And then we eat well. We don’t always agree on where things need to be placed in the house, what dishes we will have or not have, when we will get the flooring, or the new car, what we will do in retirement, but somehow time passes and it figures itself out.

But this little pic above just made me think of all the marital fun of trying to figure out when to serve your partner and when to have a little individual time. Then you realize, oops I need to remember to be there a little more. So I need to work harder at trying to serve my spouse. And be more of a willing “help meet” that God intended. Things that would make him happy. I keep his laundry up for sure and make his coffee in the morning. I try to keep the house clean although I don’t go after all the spider webs in the deep corners – and don’t have time nor strength to do the windows. And sometimes I let it go to get in a video or two. When you quit being selfish and thinking of “me” and start loving your partner more, things start to relax and change. Once a partner starts demanding things the other one starts demanding too – so it’s nice to go the other direction and just love and help. I think that is what God intended for marriage to be. A companion that loves and helps. Who could ask for more?

I guess I better “suit up” (lol) and head to work. Monday and Tuesday were done in a 12 hour day yesterday. I had done lot of my Monday last Wednesday during those 3 longer days. It’s wild at the holidays. You may get holiday time but you betcha those hours have been worked either before or after. You get the time off in a row, but have to work it in advance or after because it all still has to be done. And it is being done. And it’s still nice getting the time off in a row – it just comes with a price. It’s not free for sure.

My mind wants to worry about when my grandson comes – about whether we will get to come as planned. We know from 2020 that plans don’t always happen. It’s been the most interrupted year I think I’ve ever experienced in my life. It’s been the year of testing one’s anxiety, one’s faith, one’s endurance. It’s been the year of giving up self and letting God take over. And in this instance He will do what needs to be done and will have it be as He wishes. I’ve turned all of this over to God – many moons ago.

COVID is now officially in my workplace I’ve learned. I do not know if I have been exposed or not. The time has come and gone, I believe, for any exposure I’ve had. While it once was in my coworkers’ family member’s only, it’s now officially arrived at the office. My first selfish response was that this better not mess with my trip or my plans. I began to let my anxiety spike because YOU KNOW how determined I am….Texas or bust! Throw in my being a Momma Bear to my Kate and determined to be there in her hours of need, does nothing to calm my determination at all. Dare anything mess with my plans. But….the Spirit kicks in…

Then I relax and remember that God is in Control. If he wants me in Texas at the time, He will place me in Texas at the time I need to be there. He will see that my daughter is taken care of if I cannot be there. But I hope and pray that God allows me to be there but I have to remember He is in control and none of us can see the virus germs. And as much as we try to steer clear of them, wear or masks, and clean our surfaces -it’s still around us everywhere. We negotiate daily what we will do and what we won’t. We still have to live somewhat of a life. We’ve given up so much of our lives this year. We have to work and even have to be somewhat social for our sanity. We negotiate everything. We gave up Thanksgiving but had Christmas. We go out today but we do take out another day. Lord please BLESS us and lead us in our decision making. It was wonderful seeing family at Christmas and I thank you. Lord please protect us all and keep us safe! And place our feet where we need to be when we need to be! Amen!

Thankful Venting!

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Hello all you lovelies out there. Just a quick pop in to say “Hello”. We have been working hard to try and meet a 5 day schedule in a 3 day work week. So I’ve given up personal time to give more hours to the work front so that employees have stubs in their hands and critical things get done. Extra work was assigned, a day late and a dollar short (very literally) but we were I was able to bite it off and chew it up and get it done, no problemo. What I had planned to do will just get moved to next week and I should be able to catch it up then. Not worried. Not one bit. Life is really all out of our control anyway. I’m just living as a feather in the wind these days.

Was given a $25 Walmart card for Thanksgiving by work. And will enjoy picking something out with that. I usually get something for the house that we will use. Like those cute Pioneer Woman Casserole dishes I bought last year. I think it was last year. Might have been the year before. Hmmmm that is making me think of making a taco casserole. 😉 I think we are going there (Walmart) this weekend despite my wishes not to with this virus being so prevalent.

Every time I see or hear the “C” word for virus now it just starts to make me mad. I guess it irritates me that we can’t live our life, can’t count on any plans, and what plans are made are cancelled. I’m tired of the masks. And don’t give me any speeches about how we will continue to wear them blah blah blah. I‘m already aware that we will continue to wear them every darn-where! I’m wearing mine – come look and see! But regardless of the number of speeches people give over it, I’m still tired of wearing it and I have a right to be tired of it. So just let me state so without the repercussion. If you preach anyway, just know I’ll be rolling my eyes back into my head. Yes I get it. It protects us, but hear me – oh hear me- I’m STILL tired of it regardless of who it protects or helps. That fact is not going away. Can you tell I’m over it already? Yes I’ll wear it to protect everyone but if you didn’t catch that, I’m still tired of it.

I am not even going to say the C word if I can help it. I think I’ll give it another nickname, like Clarence or Corky or even better, Chitti. Yeah this Chitti virus sounds good. But I’ll have to think of another one so I won’t be accused of cursing. Chitti really is a name, but no doubt we know what meaning we would assign it.

Wouldn’t it be funny if everytime someone said the C word for virus that everyone had to honk like a duck! That would certainly make things more entertaining while we were stuck with it.

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Speaking of ducks in a row, George and I are ready for our two person Thanksgiving. I think we may have had one other Thanksgiving that we had alone just the two of us. I think we ate out that day. I don’t remember why. I think we celebrated with family – what little we have left – on Friday and ate out the actual day out. But this year thanks to the Chitti virus and so many not properly quarantining after being exposed it’ll just be us for 4 days, with our plans having changed now to protect Mom.

So we went to the store last night for a “few” things and came back with a cart full. We have a wonderful eating weekend planned. And likely will be back to Aldi and Walmart for a few things as well over the 4 day weekend.

It’s 2020 so an underground tree could come out of the earth and swallow us whole before we even set a bite into the turkey so dare we plan it, but we have a lot of food in the house and plan to have a good eating weekend. What happens really remains to be seen.

Maisy is not wanting to eat much. I’m not sure if it’s her teeth or something else. She often has a bad spell of a day here and there, and sometimes a spell of 2 to 3 days and then she gets her spring back. She definitely is not feeling good. A little malaise, a little frown on her face, nose pointed down, tail down. If she doesn’t improve we’ll have to make a vet appt and see what is going on.

I was going to film our day tomorrow but I’ve changed my mind. I will film parts of it, and certainly take photos if I think of it, but not from start to finish. There is just no point. I will, instead, film and photo much of the putting up of the decorations. We will be focusing on the house over these next four days, getting the tree up and decor out and gifts wrapped. That is the plan. But like I said, the earth could fall sideways and ruin dinner, and rocks could fall from the sky and we wouldn’t get our decorating done. So afraid to say what we will actually do. But I am looking forward to being home for 4 days and working in the house and getting things done, if the Lord and the world will allow that to happen.

And all that said, I really AM thankful for our blessings. Thankful that Chitti virus has not shown it’s spikey head yet into our world, thankful for all that we have been given, for our freezer full of food and our house and favorite gadgets and hobbies, and for any family left that still loves us of course. And most of all for a God who looks after us and won’t let anything, even a Chitti virus, or any of the other devils that come rolling our way on a daily basis, separate us from His Love.

Oh and we have a storm coming!

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