Quilts: Irony of The Love Sewn Within vs Discord it Brings
It’s funny this thing about quilts. Quilts were made with hands, lots of thoughts processed while stitching it together over many many hours. How our grandmothers, going back, had thoughts about who might sleep with the quilt at night, who might have it draped over them as they read God’s word in the mornings, who might inherit the quilts later in life.
Maybe I’m completely wrong. Maybe our family quilts were stitched out of anger, or sadness. Maybe someone didn’t know what else to do and was so mad that the only way they could calm themselves was to quilt, or maybe they baked, or wrote – like I do.
Maybe the quilts pass on the feelings that they gathered while their maker was creating them, regardless of what they were.
None of us really know, but likely a covering (no pun intended, or maybe it was, lol) of all of those factors.
Still, we think of quilts as a comfort, a patching together of life, by a beloved ones hands over a period of time in their lives. Quilts were made to bring us happiness, bring us together, bring us joy as we see them draped across a chair, with a pet sitting on them or near them. Or to comfort ourselves as we knock the chill off, or feel the need to be cuddled underneath them with a good book, a loving pet, a cup of coffee, and a book or a show.
We never think about families arguing over them, or people stealing them from you. That’s never what it was meant to be. It’s meant to be an item of something stitched together over time, pieces of small parts of people’s lives (dresses, sheets, shirts, skirts) threaded together as a whole. A patchwork of parts of pieces lives stitched together into a bigger form that takes life on its own.
The ugliness that has come over the quilts that my grandmother’s made, would make them roll over in their graves, come back to life and likely shake the living daylights to the one that blames, steals, and causes friction over them. For it makes the creation of the quilt in vain.
I’m a true believer in karma – and well to me karma means “revenge”. Luckily the revenge will not be in me. But something showed me today, in God’s own Words that He intends on the revenge to take place with the one who took the quilt and the one who blamed me for taking them when I did not. It made me sad. I know that God’s revenge is going to be much deeper than if I took my own revenge. I would never wish THAT on anyone. Sometimes I pray THAT prayer upon people that have wronged me, and in a way I did, by asking God to handle it. But know I know that God’s revenge is NOT going to be sweet and I’ve had piece of scripture shown to me that shows me how His revenge will be and it scares me for these two people. And I hope it is not true.
So I will keep praying that God forgives them, that I can forgive them, and everything turns out ok in the end. But for now, it is NOT OK. I cannot make it OK. It is out of my hands and in God’s hands.
As for me, I’m ok. I’ve been able to focus on other things, let that crazy bat shew-wee stuff go, and the more I get away from it, the more I can kinda forgive it. I am doing what we call “releasing” because as many have shown me it is the releasing of its hold on my life that heals me, and the trusting in God to handle it, that helps me.
I’ve been able to visualize things on a higher plane now – an aerial overview, and I see a lot of things are not mentally and physically right and the roots go much deeper than I can imagine. While none of the behavior is excused. The person(s) need to dig deep within themselves, learn, grow, detach, figure it out, like we all have to do. A lot of times it’s someone’s perception of things that is wrong or incorrect but given time grows into big monsters that steal their life, their love, their happiness. And it all could have or can be turned around and healed.
God allows persecution and suffering for a reason. We don’t always know His reasons. Hurting people often want others to hurt too because they don’t want to be lonely in their misery. I have no way to fathom all the difficulty surrounding this as we each have to fight and make our own ways through it with the help of God and a few delightful others who have already done it.
That said, I got to see my father in my dreams last night. I rarely get to see him. We did not get to talk much, but we worked in the same place. I had come back to work and he was there working for the time being. I got to see him. He was busy. He was handling the workers comp insurance for the truckers at my company and was doing some kind of audit and putting together some action item points for the company to follow. I went to my office, happy knowing he was near me and we had agreed to go to lunch. When I went up the elevator and got to his office, I asked if he was ready and he said he was not really hungry and that lunch was expensive. I said but we get to spend time together and I’ve been looking forward to this all morning. He said, you are right, I can probably eat a baked potato. Then I woke up. It was just a normal dream not like we had a grand reunion or anything as it was just like we were family and it was like we’d be seeing each other later anyway. But still it was thrilling for me to know that my Dad was near me. I think that was a message from God too.
In asking ChatGPT to interpret the dream – it was about me needing to be near my Dad right now and I have actually said this in my mind. I miss him and he was always the one that could make our family settings calm and peaceful. When he left the world, that’s in when Most – certainly not all – but Most of the trouble began.
Chet said that I didn’t dream about my Dad being gone, but by being NEAR, and that is was my heart needed.
I gotta rush now as Mom and I are going out to eat and getting our nails and toes done. All I have heard for a month now is “when are we getting our nails/toes done”. I offered to drop her off but she wanted to wait so we would be on the same schedule, but still…she would ask as if to hurry it up. lol
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12 Comments
Anonymous
So I do have a question regarding the quilt situation do you mean to tell us that your family members were given the opportunity to come and pick up family made heirloom quilts and a cookbook several times but didn’t and then you were ok with those quilts made by family (that you say would be rolling over in their graves over the fight but not that they’d be thrown on a garage/estate sale table) ? I know you got trinkets and kitchen things and a poodle ornament but I’m shocked that after the family members declined they were not treated better and kept out of the sale as they were “hand made my grandmothers . “ Some things are sentimental and I would have thought those would have been. Just another thought it sounds like you mailed yours to your sister but sorry I wonder how sentimental that one could be as the others were left to strangers (even though eventually pulled out of the sale). Sorry as a quilter I can’t see how any family made quilts are put out for sale to strangers.
LessHustleMoreCoffee
1. I got what I wanted and had room for
2. Mom got what she wanted and had room for
3. My sister came up and got what she wanted
4. My mom had all sorts of things that meant a lot to her and all of us but we didn’t have room for all these things
5. Grandmothers would be horrified at how family members treat each other
6. I have not nailed mine to my sister as Mom told me not to that she had been given one already and that was mine.
7. Most of the quilts remained had mold stains or other stains.
8. I already had 12 boxes of memorabilia
9. Any more judgmental questions?
Holly
As a genealogist and the current keeper of the family heirlooms, I totally understand Sonya’s situation. I am trying to downsize the items I am holding, the members of the younger generation (my son, nieces, children of cousins) have made it clear that they don’t consider some of these items “sentimental.” What holds feelings for us may not hold the same feelings for others. I am trying to distribute physical items to the appropriate branches of the family. In some cases, it has become “I don’t have the ability to store, be the caretaker of, this item anymore. It is from a branch of the family that YOU are now the youngest member of, I am entrusting this to you going forward. What YOU decide to do with it is up to you.” And I have to remember to respect whatever their decision is, if they donate, sell, whatever, I gave up the item, it is no longer my responsibility. In some cases, they have said “really, don’t even bother wasting the gas to bring it here (we live in different cities and I visit once or twice a year) just get rid of it.” They’re not being mean, it’s just stuff to them. It is not right for us to force stuff on others out of guilt, that will not accomplish anything. I have nine afghans that my grandmother made, NINE. That’s down from 13, I consider that progress. My son never knew my grandmother, his great grandmother. He has picked out one – probably because he knew how I felt. I know he thinks they are “scratchy” compared to the plush blankets of today. I will keep a couple more. The rest, I will see if I can once again, offer them a “last time” to family, and then pass them on where they can provide someone who needs the warmth and comfort. I think Grandma would be okay with that. I don’t know what will happen with the couple I will keep after I’m gone, I’m not going to think about that, I won’t be here to worry about it. I’ll enjoy them and think of Gram while I’m here. I also have glassware, pictures and albums (not a few, THOUSANDS, some I don’t even know who they are of or where they were taken, AND probably at least 25-30 albums and scrapbooks), a collection of evening bags, Avon bottles, papers, some furniture, holiday decorations, books, etc….. so much more to deal with too, it’s overwhelming. I’ll try to cull down to the best, spread the love with other family again (like Sonya, I started offering 4-5 years ago!) but at the end of the process, some of it will just have to be let go. I’m done being the family’s storage locker.
LessHustleMoreCoffee
Yes, I often have had things give to me that my Mom has continually asked about. I guess it’s her right to ask, but when she asks repeatedly it has a tone of “responsibility” that comes with it on my end. I held a bed for probably 8-10 years just because I was told it needed to stay in the family, but when I was finished with it Mom couldn’t use it and no one else wanted it, I was not going to keep it any longer. What good is it gathering spider webs in the basement? It’s a regular size bed and everyone wants Queen or King and the slats/bed frame doesn’t work anymore so off it went. So many things though. I get somethings are sentimental but after a while things begin to wear you down. We have gone through SO MUCH STUFF since George’s parents died, and we’ve seen his parents go through this when their parents passed. Life is not about STUFF. I get it – I like STUFF too, but we all get to decide which stuff we want and don’t and we are all different and have different needs. I’m quilted out personally. I was shocked someone was preachy about it above but it’s ok. They just need to do their thing and it makes no different to me b/c I will definitely do my thing. No doubt about that. I don’t require anyone’s understand do I? Thanks for getting it Holly!
sybil wilson
Hope your jaunt with Mum goes ok. However as I’ve said just be on guard and realise that she can turn again at the drop of a hat. Please love try to cut ties to only the essentials….
Bet you will be pleased to get your nails done. Night night. God Bless
LessHustleMoreCoffee
I’ll not turn my back on Mom in her elderly needs. But I will guard my peace and my time going forward. This season couldn’t be helped with getting the house gone thru (she could have cooperated with the move) but it’s over now. We both need nails done and like to eat out so I’m confident of a peaceful outing if she wants to go again! ; -)
Anonymous
I agree with Sybil. I see this as an opportunity for her to turn on you. I very much hope and pray that I’m wrong. I would personally steer clear of any conversation involving the other family member(s) involved. Keep your peace, sweet Sonya. As a former pastor used to say, “Well, I’m just trying to keep a sweet spirit” whenever a parishioner wanted to gossip about someone who had wronged him. I think of it often when my family member wants to tell me something about another family member to stir the pot. Can’t wait to see your beautiful nails! Do you ever get designs on them? A couple of my friends have designs put on theirs and I’ve considered it.
LessHustleMoreCoffee
I’m good. I’m drawing my boundaries. 😉 I’m finding my peace.
Bobbie Moser
Sonja God knows what we need. I hope that maybe you get to go on your RV adventure. You never know. I am praying that I can go to Israel. I will leave it up to God. I pray the rest of this year will bring you joy.
LessHustleMoreCoffee
Thank you Bobbie. I’ll pray for your Israel trip! 🙂 I intend to enjoy the rest of the year! I hope the tough parts are over!
Cindy Baker
Sonya, My heart goes out to you. You’ve already got enough emotional stress and physical stress. You don’t need more. One thought I had while reading your blog is that perhaps you are not giving yourself enough grace. Yes, God wants us to forgive but I don’t think he means it has to be instantaneous. The wound is still really fresh. God is okay with you resting in the shadow of His wings. He wants to give you peace and love. Lean into Him and let Him heal the wound. He will nudge you when you are ready to work further on forgiveness.
God Bless you. You are in my prayers.
LessHustleMoreCoffee
Thank you – that’s a good point. He is a loving God and knows we have strong feelings and emotions. I hadn’t thought not thought of that at all. Thank you! 🙏