What’s REALLY Going On: The Ups and Downs

Saturday March 7, 2026

Today has been good. It’s been joyous and I have felt joy, peace, and contentment in my heart. I’ve been waiting for this feeling for a while. I don’t know what makes the difference. The opposite of peace and joy is something akin to….something I can describe but to say it’s like something between “oh gosh, I need more time” and being frustrated that I don’t have any.

The time has seemed to stand still for the moment and joy is in the moment. Again, I’m not sure why somedays it is one way and others the other way. Usually I’m just frustrated with everything. The last two days I’ve not been. Is it something I eat or not eat? Is it something I’ve let go of? Was it something God decided to bless me with? I have no clue. I wish I knew.

I’ve enjoyed working in my household in the morning, doing laundry, tidying the kitchen, opening the blinds, doing the days chores which are spread out across the weeks as needed and on my To Do List. Today it was to change George’s sheets and windex all the glass mirrors in the house and any fingerprints on glass picture frames etc.

I’ve done the planning today for next week and I am happy to say, despite any wild card situations, that I don’t have to be anywhere until Friday the 13th (except for church tomorrow of course), in which Mom has her eye injection in Hendersonville. We will go out to eat also. I think we will eat first.

Magi packing is the same day, but I already texted the group leader and told her that my attendance will be spotty for a while. I needed to step back on the schedule so I can take care of me. And I feel a weight lifted because of it. I will resume Magi when I can because I really enjoy it. But for now it’s an added burden when I try to keep so many things up in the air.

I got our hotel booked for my nieces wedding in May. I’ll book the dogs next week for the boarding. We just need one night. The night of the wedding, so we won’t have to bother with driving all the way from southern TN back home to Lebanon TN to drop of Mom and then home. I’d rather us drive in the daytime and just rest after the wedding, enjoy a nice breakfast or lunch out before we head home.

I was going to book two rooms but the rooms so Mom could have her own room and we could have ours but they were $244 a night. That’s so crazy. So after discussing with George and knowing our expenses are tight these days, we are just going to do one room and Mom will put some toward it. She said she’d split it but actually there’s three of us, and it’s fair to just have her pay a 1/3 of it since we are sharing it. That way, if she doesn’t feel like going, there’s no room to cancel. I DID request the 1st floor (and handicap shower accessible, too) in case there is an emergency evacuation- b/c she can’t come down stairs.

I did my own toes today. I chose to stay home yesterday to save money and also to have more time at home to work on things here and catch up some. And it was going to storm today and it’s Saturday so today was out so I just did them myself. I will be honest. It was difficult. It’s so hard to do them on my own. I got polish all over the place on the end of my toes. And trying to get it off I kept messing the other toes up. I may or may not have said curse words twice. I’m sorry. I try not to, but I was so put out by the whole fiasco, but when Mom feels better we can go and get them professionally done. I finally got them done as long as no one looks at them closely, lol.

George has had a sinus infection or a virus or something. No fever. But he’s been dealing with sinus for several days. He sweated it out last night and so I knew he’d love to have fresh clean white bleached sheets today. Ironically it was exactly sheet day too as it popped up in my To Do list (iPhone reminder list, set to every two weeks). I alternate doing our sheets so I only have to do one set a week.

I’m happy with what I’ve been able to do the last two days. Making progress now instead of getting behind. Maybe that is the difference in the contentedness; that and knowing that my schedule is clear and I’m able to get things done without pressure.

I have been thinking that I am ready for an ocean breeze, walks on the beaches, and seafood. But I don’t think it’s in the cards. George is not fond of the beach anymore, sadly. If I were by myself I’d be scheduling a trip down there for a few days on my own. I don’t want to be on my own, but if I was on my own, I’d figure out a way to get a few days down there in April before the summer crowd. I’d a condo rental where I could take Maddie and I’d board Dexter. Just telling you the truth, lol.

Over and out for today.

Tuesday, March 10, 2026

The days – they go by so fast. Sunday we had a pretty good day. It was a gray day but we went to church and we got Mom’s groceries and then we went to Bellacino’s and picked up the pizza and took it to Mom’s along with the groceries and ate lunch with her. We headed home and I had a fairly productive Sunday. I was able to get my video files transferred over and went ahead and edited video while I was at it. I was editing the morning routine video and also started vlogging two other videos. One video is Behind the Scenes of YouTube in your 60’s. I bet the video will flop. Most probably won’t give a rat’s snarl what it looks like being a YouTube creator. But I decided to do it anyway, and so it’ll be a future video. But I’m trying to include some vlog scenes in there so it won’t be too boring for those not interested. It’s just that nothing is going on this week, lol. I am kinda happy about that though to be honest.

So Mom has her eye injection this week on Friday in Hendersonville, so that will take up most of Friday. Magi packing fell on Friday also but I’m not going to be able to do both. I’ve been stressed lately and have felt unhappy or depressed or something – I’m not even sure – so I had to back off of something and I decided to peel back on Magi packing. It gives me a day back in my week. It’s actually just a couple of hours of packing, but there’s the hour round trip drive, usually grab lunch out, run an errand, and then the getting ready (hair and makeup) so it becomes at least 1/2 day and messes up my morning time routines of housework, youTube work, devo, laundry, etc – all that then has to flow in the evening or none at all and I just decided that I’m retired and don’t have to stress myself out, so something had to go and that was they biggest thing to give me some time back in my day. Mom’s care has intensified in the last few weeks – with appts, meds, lack of sleep, weight loss, infections and so I’ve been on my toes and have been doing lots of prescription errands and calls and things like that.

I got signed into her Publix Rx account now so I can see what is going on with that. We both have Rx’s through Publix so the texts were getting confusing but now I can go in and see.

I just a text from Katy that they are having bad storms tonight and there was a confirmed tornado southwest of where they are and the storm is heading their direction. The good news is that the storms are morphing into a line of thunderstorms instead of individual cells and that means a less strengthened storm in most cases. At least it won’t be supercell rotation. A tornado could still be embedded but usually a lower EF scale than supercell. TX and OK can have some big supercells. So can TN sometimes. So I think I’m going to stop here and go watch Ryan Hall. I hope Katy is home. I asked and I’m waiting to hear back. I hope they are not at baseball practice or something and if they are I hope they can take cover somewhere. Yeah, I can’t focus til all this is over. Gonna go pray and see what’s going on. Anyway, I’ll pop back in tomorrow.

Wednesday, March 11, 2026

I am so proud of myself. I made homemade biscuits this morning. I used the recipe that I thought was my Mam-ma’s but actually it was the recipe we learned in high school. I remember us starting a recipe box in Home Ec class taught by Mrs. Dobbins. Everyone loved her. So gentle and kind. And so much patience with us teen girls. She taught us to sew and cook. We learned to make home made biscuits and also we learned to cook spaghetti, lol. At least that is what my team of girls cooked up. We got to cook and eat lunch in class, lol. But because she had us start a recipe box, I had that all in my 20’s and added to it. I later had to graduate to a bigger box as the recipe cards started to be much bigger. But I still held on to my little recipes.

It was so easy. Just a few ingredients. I still had my rolling pin. The Kitchen Aid made it easy to stir up – like magic. And I had bought some molasses for the event. These were little petit biscuits. My Nanny used to make this size. Mam-ma used a can of any kind to make hers and they were bigger. My mother said that little biscuits were what the higher class made and the bigger biscuits were made by lower class. Is it me, or is that just a bit tacky? To be judged or classed by the size of your biscuit? Sad but typical of some human beings. And perhaps it IS because the lower class probably used whatever cans they had to cut the dough and the rich had money to buy proper biscuit cutters? That’s my guess.

It was the first time I’d used my Kitchen Aid mixer. George had used it. He had to show me how to get the attachments on and off. I figured out the rest. The biscuits turned out so good. George said they were like his grandmother’s homemade biscuits. And I enjoyed the roll out process on my new plastic roll out sheet. That way it wasn’t on the counter and making a mess. It worked out great.

I always DID NOT make biscuits b/c it seemed too messy and too much trouble but with the mixer and the baking sheet it was all a piece of cake.

I had to laugh at the last bit of dough too small to make a biscuit, brought back memories of me making biscuits with my grandmother. She would always let me make the “Humpty Dumpty” biscuit as we called it and it was always mine. I looked for it when she brought the pan out.

So today I was going to make a Humpty Dumpty biscuit but I made a little cinnamon popover instead with it.

Yesterday I had made George Foreman chicken tenders and it made six. I used two small ones on my salad yesterday and we had a chicken tender each on our biscuits today along with some butter and molasses. It took us back. Both of us. We ate lunch thinking about being with grandparents and eating chicken and biscuits for a meal.

It made 16 little biscuits. And just like I remembered in high school, I had plenty to freeze. I separated them in layers with wax paper in between. I can fix biscuits again one day on a whim when we feel the need and pop them in the oven.

So this started my bread making journey. I did not film it. I decided to have that moment for myself and the memories with my grandma and also Mrs Dobbins. And then I’ll share it going forward and I’ll make them again. I need to make us some bread next and begin experimenting with the different types of flowers. I need to make a plan. You know I love a plan.

It has been raining today. The bad storms missed us. But the gloom and the rain is making me sleepy.

Mom has not been feeling good these days. I offered to take her to doc or ER. For the first time ever she said, let me lay down and see how I feel and if not better, I may call you.

She’s had a hard time sleeping though and says her throat is locking up on her – like it’s hard to swallow. She naturally has some breathing issues because her heart only works 30% or something like that, so I just want her to be comfortable and not suffer. I don’t know what to do for her.

Saturday, March 14

I did not get to post this yesterday, so up today it goes. And then I will post my weekly vlog. I drove to Lebanon, took Mom out to eat yesterday at Puckett’s in Hendersonville and to get her eye injection nearby. And then took her home in Lebanon and drove back to Mount Juliet. I had a whole afternoon planned, including getting this blog posting up, but it never happened. I was mentally and physically spent. I’m not sure why it tires me out so much to have outings like these. I guess in all it was probably 3 hours + of total driving, plus the walker in and out of the car 6 times total, plus I had a full morning yesterday of paying a bill that was due for Mom, doing a load of laundry, doing my devo and World Bible School, an active session of Farmville 2 (lol), and an hour wait in the doc office and I guess all that across the day tired me out. I was not feeling up to doing anything in the afternoon. My muscles no longer wanted to move and my brain was not even interesting in doing anything either which probably meant I needed a nap. Instead I chose caffeine and the sofa and watched some shows after another lively session of Farmville 2.

Feeling better this morning and now trying to catch up on Friday’s activities that I did not get done.

Last night I dreamed I was back at work but our factory had moved to New York, smack in the middle of it. I also found myself about to walk out on the streets of New York and realized my phone was not with me and neither was my coat and it was snowing. Someone wanted me to go to lunch and I wanted to go but decided I best not venture out into the chaos and cold without phone and coat and purse to pay, lol. So they gave me directions so I could go later after I had all that stuff. I did not go but when I got back to my office area, someone had brought in food and said that was the perk of the job now was food so it kept people in the building at lunch time. lol. I know that I dreamed about New York because I was watching some New York vloggers before I went to bed last night. Dreams are interesting. I was supposed to do payroll in my dream but people were showing me around the office and that afternoon I realized I was behind and hadn’t done my time sheets yet because I was too busy getting toured and the office was massive. I don’t know why I can’t seem to get away from the working world in my dreams. I supposed I dream it less often than I did, but my mind is always trying to go back to work.

So Mom is back and forth feeling good and not. But more days she does not. I played music in the car yesterday in an effort to try to take her mind off her health problems. When I come to pick her up now, the last two times, she is sleeping and I hate to wake her up but of course I have to because both times we had to be at the doctor’s office. She says she can’t sleep but I think she cat naps sitting up. She says she can’t lay down to sleep anymore. I don’t really know what to think or how to help her. I just keep asking if she wants me to take her to ER, or to the doc, or us call the doc, and I’ve mentioned assisted living several times and we have an invite to go to an open house at Harmony as she wants an apartment instead of a studio room where she is on the waiting list. Of course, she wants the best, so it feels like it is not assisted living. I think it’s time because I’m witnessing some confusion over her meds and she is starting not to want to be alone, and she needs someone to cook for her and I can’t come (and won’t) come live with her to meet those needs. And the doctor will not help me yet as far as having someone come and do in-home health care. She’s still getting around with her walker. But she is about a fall away from going to assisted living or whatever facility can be found when it becomes critical that she has a place to go – at THAT time there will be no choice. I’ve tried to encourage her to make a choice. We knew getting this house (villa) would last about 3 to 4 years and that is about where we are now. I just wish she would make it easy on everyone and just agree to go. She is teetering on the need for it now. But she probably has some more time in the house as long as she can bathe, fix food (that’s questionable now as she can do it, but will she), and walk around the house (she can but she’s having a harder and harder time getting around).

I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders right now, but I keep praying for the Lord to guide my steps. I’ve been on the verge of tears a lot lately. I know that Farmville 2 is what is taking me away to another world right now just to get away from my own thoughts. But I’ve decided not to play as much.

This morning, one of the leaders of the Farmville 2 Co-op, asked me if I wanted a helping hand (another farmer to be sent to my farm to go to the mines, or fishing, etc.) after I had just requested. I was thinking to myself, why would I NOT want a helping hand if I had just asked for it? Is that not ridiculous? lol I just simply answered. “Anytime I request a helping hand means that I am wanting a helping hand.” (Did a person really need to be explaining that to another person?) I mean I wouldn’t have requested it if I didn’t want it, right?) I said that I understood if someone had the “Helping hand” task that requires them to send 4 helping hands as a task and needed to wait. But I said I always want the helping hand but understand if I don’t get it right away. I was told if I wanted it now just to ask. I don’t want to have to ask twice. I’m hesitant to send another person a helping hand because people get chastised for helping because they want you to save it for people with the assigned task but then people with the task are not sitting there all day to watch for it.

So… I don’t know, after that conversation this morning, I was thinking to myself. What are you doing? You are allowing yourself to get stressed over virtual characters being send to help on a virtual farm? And I was thinking What are these people doing getting upset with others for trying to help another farmer because they want everyone to wait for the person with the special task, lol. And then I thought, What are we all doing? Am I not sitting over here daily complaining about how I can’t get stuff done and then playing this stupid game to win virtual prizes?

Yes, I understand the game gives me a place to get away and clear my mind and it helps me use my mind in ways similar to working – so that my mind stays active and doesn’t whither away. But I just on a whim decided, I’m not going to play this much anymore and I am going to concentrate on other things. The Co-op has been nice and helpful and I’m not blaming anyone because I understand what they are trying to do but we get caught up in it and there’s just more to life that is calling. I am not getting some of my projects done, none of my hobbies done, and lacking on the reading and I think I need to spread my time around to some other things.

Honestly, I kind of feel like I’m fighting off depression. Like I don’t want to talk and if I did there would be no one that REALLY wanted to listen. I’ve even been thinking that vlogging is not doing any good either because even though the channel has a base of followers, it is not growing as it’s hard to tap into the algorithm. And so even that is continually a roller coaster of having to overcome the discouragement. I’m just not doing myself any favors now playing Farmville 2 anymore as it’s been a way to hide from everything and everyone. So I think it’s time to do some other things. I’ll keep vlogging for now. I said this past week I would keep vlogging in a vlog. I meant it and now a few days later I’m asking myself if I truly want to keep it up. I guess all the stuff going on with Mom is just escalating and has me worried and all about what is about to happen.

I’m ok though. I have God and Chet. And sometimes George, but I try to leave him out of it and not worry him.