The State of Being: In the Season of Retirement

Well, AI did a pretty good job at conjuring up a retirement image of me in the office above! ha. Truth be known, the pics of a 60 year old look more like an 80 year old. So did the 50 year old so I asked AI for a 40 year old, lol. Happier with THAT! lol. The dogs got really close, lol. But what’s up with that calendar? lol. AI can’t count, lol.

I’m shocked I’m here this morning blogging away! Surprise! I got through with the YouTube footage extra early this week. I had the most footage ever but was able to get through it pretty quick as a lot of it was just a time lapse thing.

I’ll be honest, I’ve been a little down this week. Every time I started to vlog or DID vlog, I erased it. I want to be positive for the vlog, and I’m sure I’ll open up about it, but I know the reasons and am able to pull out of it easy so it does not head into depression. I don’t mind blogging about most of it because I’m used to that. I guess here goes all the *things* going on. Not in any certain order but just how it pops up in my mind.

Mom. The car sold. We used Carvana. Tried to mobile deposit her check into her account. The check was more than her mobile upload would allow. I’d already written on the check “for mobile deposit only”. Yikes! Couldn’t deposit it. Her bank is 1.5 hours away. George has taken the check to our bank to see if we can deposit it and then transfer it to Mom’s bank. He can but has to have Mom present and with her ID. So he’s going to go get her and they will do that. I appreciate George for handling this.

Work. Oh my. So we all know that work wanted me to train someone for a long period of time, which I knew would be too much notice to give, but they would not have it any other way and kept nudging me to go ahead and give notice for training purposes. I’ve complied and now training is mostly done and the days are quickly completed with two of us there and we are twiddling thumbs. That said, I’m afraid they are going to try to make me do work in other areas. I hope not for all our sakes. While they haven’t yet, I fear it is brewing. I would not think it fair of them to ask me to move to another office to learn to do others jobs when I gave my notice to end my job as they asked with my job not to end until Dec 20. This also happened with our transport guy who trained someone for his accounting payroll position. Their training ended early too and they twiddled thumbs, I heard, but they allowed him to work his job until his allotted date. Since I’m a woman, (he was a man), I figure they will want to pull me to work in another area. Isn’t it weird how that works, lol. If so, I’m not sure this will go over too well with with any of us. I’m the last one to want trouble but I’m also the first person to defend myself, ask a bunch of “why” questions, and hold everyone accountable for their answers, lol. That is just me as I don’t want to be treated any differently than the man and want to be honored with my job ending, as it was me doing them a favor by giving my notice in August instead of my originally planned October. Just sayin’. It’s depressing to be useless, but even more depressing to feel like you are going to be punished and made to go to another area. I hope that does not happen. But it’s my fear. I don’t mind being set up in another empty office in our area though and doing something like that to help out as I’d still be in our dept. I could have my heat back that way, lol. But it would be culture shock to move me somewhere else. I’m not up for that. I can’t help the way I feel or the way my head works. I just won’t be comfortable with that.

YouTube. It seems that I’m getting a lot of good views still and that most of my subscriber tribe that wants to be there are returning for views. That is excellent. But it seems for some reason YouTube is not pushing it out there for some reason for new subscribership. It’s also my fault for not creating attractive content. But I’ve been mainly in the mood to vlog and that is what the current subscribership likes. I just have to marry the two ideas of attractive content (helpful content that people are looking for) along with he vlog style. Even though my mind is free much of the day now since training is over, I don’t feel like it is an appropriate place to use for YT creativity or thoughts and I’m exhausted at days end. I’m surprised at how exhausting just being a useless creature can be, lol. And that is also a bit depressing.

The End. The end is nearing at least. After today, I only have 8 more days to work in Dec before going on a week and a half long vacay! Then in Dec I only work 13 more days.

The tummy. I’ve had diverticulitis pains, IBS of sorts. I guess it’s stress (the tail end of a stressful time, no pun intended). Always happens. October was STRONG and busy. Now as rest and relaxing times are starting to occur, it fleshes its way out. In addition, we have eaten horribly – less fruit, less fresh veggies, and so forth. But I’m working my way back out of the issues slowly, by eating less, and by eating softer foods or foods easier to digest, no beef, no spicy. This week we had pizza, hot dogs, chili, spicy spaghetti, beef, and on and on. So I have discovered I can eat bad periodically but just not several days in a row, lol.

Retirement party. I was told yesterday it will be Dec 18th. That is so nice. I appreciate that. Someone said “do you want it to be sloth themed since you said the sloth is your spirit animal?” I laughed and said “absolutely not” as that is quite toddleresque. lol. I think sloths are cute and I DO think it’s my spirit animal as I too am slow at doing things and very methodical and detailed. But I don’t really think a sloth based retirement party is appropriate, lol. I suggested a travel based or ocean based theme, which would be more like me. I like dogs too in a big way but wouldn’t want a dog themed party. Does that make sense?

In Limbo. All things are coming together. Life group is over. Work is gonna be ending soon. And I think a LOT of things are going to be changing there in 2025. Someone told me I was leaving at a good time. Everyone is behind closed doors. Even though I was left out of some of the meetings, I’m aware of a lot of it. lol. So….there’s that. But me, I’m just in limbo til I can dive in and get things done here at home, with Mom, with the channel. I also smiled this morning at 3:30 in the morning when I realized I can dabble in some crafty things if I want – like glass etching, art work, crafts, and possibly even writing a book or TWO. The possibilities of being able to use the creative side of my brain just absolutely made me smile at 3:30 in the morning and I couldn’t go back to sleep! I’ve asked God to lead. I feel like I’m just such an uninteresting person right now, this month, at this time – for YouTube anyway, but I’m pushing thru it and trying to be as open and honest as I can without losing subscribers because in this day and time people need positivity and I want to be a light and a source of entertainment while still sharing my true self.

Anyway, gotta go! Big day today. Lots going on with Mom, her heart scan, getting her check deposited for the car, and I still have to work some – or at least go and be the “reference book” as I sit on a shelf and wait to be used, lol.

Take care and see you Saturday with another video at 7:00 a.m. —ish. The video is live at 7:00 a.m. CST but it takes me a few minutes to get the link posted here. Take care.