Healing, and a Little Impatience

Good morning. Just a mid-week check in here. My goal this week, aside from getting well, was to get payroll done so my boss doesn’t have to. It was tough I will admit. Monday was longer of a day than I needed to be there. And then back at it on Tuesday. I had the offer to work from home Wednesday but honestly it was going to be much extra work for me and others to pull that off. So it’s easier just work shorter days and get some extra rest in, now that payroll is over.

The hard part is not being able to lay down/lay back when I need to. But both Monday and Tuesday I came home and napped or rested for the evening. Monday I was very mentally exhausted Tuesday, so much so I could hardly speak as I rushed through 3 days of missed work and tried to get payroll ready for processing Tuesday.

Tuesday after payroll I came home and crashed but my mind/brain was in a better space. Tuesday morning at work I felt less mobile at times. But then I noticed while instinctively picking up something off the floor that I had dropped, that I was able to do it with ease. Getting up and down is easier from sitting to standing. Things hurt less. So it’s been a barely noticeable change from day to day but significant if you compare it to two days ago, if that makes sense.

I’m still sleeping on the sofa recliner and that has been great. I’m able to get 7 to 8 hours in it, sleeping 4 hours at a time pretty much and only waking once. It’s been very comfortable. The REST is what is so healing for the body and the mind.

I’ve had to battle some impatience, and discouragement. I want to be better on a more immediate timeline and it is not going to be so. Life goes on around me and I can’t do the rhythm I’m used to, so I’m having to just join in when I can and back off when I can’t. Nothing I can really do about that. And in those moments, reading takes my mind off it, or stupid scrolling through Reels on any platform watching pets do amazing things, watching people do weird things, and experiencing some laughter – which moves the belly around by default and makes it stronger, lol.

I can see improvement day to day though. I’m looking forward to eating more normal things now and I’m grateful for that. But I DO realize that I DO have diverticula pockets so it IS possible to still have diverticulitis although I suspect that this year’s problems were the result of this organ’s flare ups. But I believe I can get rid of my suspect food list now and put things like salad, tomatoes, popcorn, pizza, back on the list. I’m being slow about it because if some strange reason I had diverticulitis again while healing it would really do me in. But I’m fairly certain that this has been the pain I’ve been experiencing and we couldn’t identify it.

Looking forward to spaghetti again soon and hopefully some spicy foods. But for now bland is good. Lots of soups and stews, a bit of rice, eggs, potatoes, greens. Just playing it safe.

Well, I need to get showered and ready for work. But I’m alive, all going well. Working some resting some.

I talked with Mom last night. She’s fidgety. We didn’t take her to church Sunday because I was recovering. So now the comments are starting about how she is left to stare at the 4 walls and getting tired of it. I suppose in an effort to try to make me feel guilty. I’ve noticed this trend in the past numerous times. Soon there will be an outburst of some sort. I predict it by month’s end. She has a long month to go as we are going to be out of the picture some, but we’ll see she has her needs. (I’m sure she will come up with a few extra as she has an ongoing list at any time of all the things she says she wants and needs – new door, fireplace, planters of flowers, blinds/shades, things for the porch, etc.)

I don’t feel guilty though. I have to do what I have to do to take care of me to get me well from this surgery. George took her groceries. But I’m sure she is steaming because I’ve gone to work, but haven’t taken her anywhere. I just can’t do both right now. We were supposed to get our nails done but I can’t be gone for that long of a day. I’m trying to work and get the main backbone of my job done. She has what she needs. We’ve seen to that. Other than a little patience, I suppose. We could both use that.

I’m already pushing myself to get payroll done, but nails can wait. The day I was released I came home and took care of her bills. This week I’ve got her tax documents off in the mail. So I’m not accepting the guilt card. It is what it is. Lucky to be alive at this point and not have had an appendix burst and it be worse. Thankful for that, but let’s not push things.

This month will be long for her as we’ll also be in Texas for a week and half most likely – very soon. (I can’t go to Texas though until after my release/follow up with the surgeon on the 15th.) So hopefully baby holds out until the induced schedule date.

So for Mom, to be impatient already this month is just really going to make for a long month for her. But like I said, it is what it is. If she could improve relations with other family and go back in time and fix what was broke, she’d have two of us taking care of her, but I can’t be there 100% for her and there is no one to pick up the slack when we can’t be there. I can’t even be there 100% for myself, lol. So I guess just pray for her as I have other family members to see to as well. I want to see my new grandson and help my daughter when he is born.

My life is so aggravating at times like these, but I try to just smirk at it and go on and find something happy. I don’t accept guilt cards anymore – not from work, not from Mom, not from anyone. I’ll not be played in that way ever again. 🙂 I’m onto it. lol. My goal is to do what I can, try to meet responsibilities, do God’s will. Anything other than that is cream on the cake.