Christmas Decor, Mom’s Health, and My Spirit Animal

Bye bye, fall decor. Hello Christmas. I was very surprised at how smoothly the weekend went in transitioning over to Christmas. It was a quiet weekend, overshadowed by the bafflement day to day with Mom’s foot. One moment it is so much better and the other moment she is lazy boy ridden and unable to function and needing to be cared for, fed, waiting on, foot soakings, and taking trash out for her. George threw away some science projects in the fridge while I got her foot soaker machine going.

Today is the day we are to go to the walk-in clinic after work for foot x-ray but last night after talking with her she says foot is so much better than soaking it did the trick and now it’s her knee that is hurting and “let’s see if it doesn’t improve”. I’m so baffled and confused. And I am wondering if it is much better since we have been talking about assisted living.

With Mom I can never tell what is the underlying thing. Or can I? I may be better at it than I realize. I can’t take anything at face value. There is something left unsaid, or words are construed to meet the moments needs or moods. It seems to be worse if she doesn’t want to go somewhere and better if it’s time to go to the doctor or talk about assisted living.

The state of her being will determine the actions in the next few weeks. If she is able to do for herself, fix meals, bathe and get up out of the chair she can stay there. I cannot let her stay there if she can’t do those things. I won’t be able to be over there 24/7. Not even when I retire.

Anyway, I’m tired of this subject. But I will say the walker is in and I started putting it together last night and George finished it up. I’m not very good with assembly. I can never understand the directions. My mind and coordination is not built for that. I can analyze words all day long and do research and compile an article but let me have to follow instructions and use a diagram – I’ll have the wheels sticking out the top. George is dropping off her walker to her this morning on the way to work.

So I guess no doctor today and we’ll see how she is doing. But if not improvement she will have to go. This is ridiculous to keep putting off an x-ray and how it is good one day and not the next. Then let’s see you get up out of the chair if it’s better! I’m probably going to have to just make her go. But I don’t how I can physically do that. I’m just exhausted of dealing with this issue. I really am. To me it is simple. Go to the doc or you’ve lost your right to fuss about how it’s hurting!!! Is that not a simple thing?

This situation has truly been one of the hardest things in my life. I know I have had work situations that were not good, relationships that were complicated, and honestly this is up there with those situations. God never promised us a rose garden. Well he provided us with one and we screwed it up. But these struggles and confusion and bafflement just hang over my day like a lurking shadow coming after with me a pitchfork in the dark. I eventually just have to pray and say “God take this and figure it out. I don’t know what to do and when and the timing.”

So despite all this mess overshadowing the holiday and not know what is really happening, we finally found some joy and got the tree decorated. And the house decorated a bit. I still have to put out the manger scene. I was going to do that yesterday but I had to put the walker together and edit a video.

Here is an iPhone wallpaper for you. If you want it. I caught Dexter giving George a kiss after stealing his sock. Maddie was playing with her monkey.

So, well, I’m ok just having two very busy days at work. Payroll is today. I also need to work on month end taxes this week for Nov. It’s a 4 day week for me. I have a PTO day (although not a free day as we have an appointment). George and I are going to see our financial advisor Friday. And then we are going out to eat afterward. It’s in Hendersonville, not too far from our old town of Gallatin where we used to live. It’s about 45 min to an hour away depending on traffic.

My stomach is aching this morning. It’s not diverticulitis though this time. It’s just cramping and unsettled. SMH. I just want to go get back under the covers and forget life, lol. But no I will do the best to meet my responsibilities.

I also need to call and set up cleaning for Mom and/or some kind of home health care. And also check on meals on wheels. But these calls take huge chunks of time and I’ve not had that during the day. I actually have to work when I’m at work, lol. And when I have a shorter week (doing 5 days in 3 – last week) and doing 5 days in 4 for most of December, it shortens the time I have and doesn’t allow for wiggle room.

But I will do my best to get everything done for everyone. All I can do is my best. I’m only one person last time I checked with only so many waking hours of the day. And all those places likely are only open certain hours of the day in which I’m already busy. Someone is always having to wait on me in some arena of my life.

I walked out of work yesterday to my car thinking about how many areas of my life I try to get things done in. I’m spread so thin. I was thinking what grade I would give myself in doing each of those roles. If you look at effort, I get an A with doing my best in each function. If it’s results based, it’s a C. And for some individual tasks it’s just an F. Because I can’t do things fast enough.

So what did I decide to do? I decided to embrace the sloth as my spirit animal. It made George laugh out loud when I said it. I think he thought it was a perfect spirit animal for me. Slow and steady. I know where I’m going most of the time (I may not be able to control others, but I know where I’m going) and I’m slow and steady to get there. I hang on, and don’t let go (most of the time, unless I’m changing routes). I may want to be in a hurry but there IS NO hurrying me. I can’t help it. It’s just my nature to be slow, methodical, analytical, and one thing at a time. One inch at a time.

George’s last day of work is Thursday! He has a group taking him out to eat for his retirement. I’m so happy for him. He is almost done! Three more days. He’s in a really good mood this week. I on the other hand am sitting here with a tummy ache, and bellyaching about what to do with/for Mom, fussing about time and embracing a sloth as a spirit animal. So….yeah. That perfectly describes US. And that is why they say opposites attract. lol

So we bought a Christmas ornament of a sloth for our tree! They are ugly but also cute. I can be like that too. So I’m happy to embrace the sloth as my spirit animal. It’s perfect. My cartoon spirit animal is Eyeore. lol. In case you wondered. Oh bother!

OK over and out. Hope you are having a great week, but here’s what is going on in mine!