The Daily Struggle With Myself, Meeting Mom’s Needs, and Conquering my Work Agenda

I noticed yesterday morning that frost had developed on the windows in the sun room. It was pretty with the sun shining through. The phone did a pretty good job of capturing it. I think one day I’d like to have the lens that lets you get really close with my camera- but I’m not pressing that one. I am hoping to enjoy my camera more upon retirement, as I’m sure not getting to enjoy it otherwise. When I say “enjoy” I mean 1) learning how to use it other than the automatic settings 2) taking specific trips out to take photos, aka “photo excursions”. 3) Using it in the blog and vlogs. One day. At least there is hope.

What we do without hope? I am having to have a lot of hope these days. And trust. Every conversation I have leads to time doesn’t it? And the lack of it. I’m obsessed with it because I have to face cramming so much into one day. Or as the case may be, not being able to. So I am facing my frustrations daily. How can one not be obsessed and protect of one’s self?

Photo by Ylanite Koppens on

I’ll admit, I woke up this morning a little miffed because I realized now that I’m home on this off day, but I have to work. I also have to laundry, go to the store, get ready for another work week which is the last week of the quarter end / year end and there is so much to do. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel ONLY because of the calendar, but not in the work load. I am miffed because I can’t do what I really want to do today. I can’t enjoy a weekend to do things I need to do and want to do- not this weekend and not next. I am stuck. Stuck in this situation called my life. But I’m trying to be positive. Yet life keep happening to try and suck all my time away. I’m trying to be positive but I am also trying to be true to self. So as I go through this time period I’ve labeled “impossible”, forgive me as I have periods of moodiness. If one does not get self time, one is not delightful to be around.

So that I can get it out of my system. If I were off today, what would I do? I would clean the house and organize, take down the Christmas tree, finish the Roger tribute video, cancel my Isagenix auto ship, use my audible credit, add family birthday’s to my iPhone calendar, restock BP meds and vitamins (I’ll have to do that anyway), restock for work (food and needs which I’ll also do anyway), clean the kitchen, work in my office some, put up the Christmas dishes and the rest of Christmas, finish putting up Nic nacs in the house, and look at my projects and goals, read, watch a show, and rest. I really just miss having “piddle time” (lol). Time to randomly do whatever I want. I think that is it. I just don’t have time to putter about. We work so hard to have a “nest” and yet we are gone all the time. Ok I’m done. I’m ok. I just had to have my daily lament of being too busy to pee and piddle. So instead of Less Hustle, More Coffee (which rarely seems to occur) should I just rename the blog “Too Busy to Pee and Piddle”? Sounds good to me.

Photo by George Milton on

I’m trying to turn the day around. Be happy, check off boxes, get work done, get personal things done and some how have a blend of the two. That is the only way I can sanely get through the next week.

So let’s start over, have a little faith that God got us through the month so far and He’s gonna get us through this week and beyond. It’s insane to think that I cannot do a mix of both personal and work today. I own the slate of time, I can do what I want. I DO want to finish QE/YE on time and I hope that I do and I will give it my best. But I do have to get a few things done here. I’ve given my last three days to work, Mom, family. So I’ll have to do a mix of things today. Or I will be nothing but negative energy next week. I may still be anyway. It’s a daily struggle when you have such urges to conquer your agenda but have to throw it over your shoulder and say “another day”. Christmas tree will come down in February. All goals, creative time, mani’s, pedi’s, household projects, 2022 projects- anything over 20 minutes in length will have to wait til February. We’ve known that all along, so why the set back today? I think it’s just that I’m used to having a day in each weekend to get a certain line up of things done and I don’t have that blank slate of a day this weekend.

All that said, at least Mom is happy. The heart doc done, eye injection done, curtains hung, boxes moved around in garage so she can get to the next few, new tennis shoes bought to help her walk better, and the first round of furniture shopping done, another round of grocerying done, mail picked up, taken for a burger, and mirror anchored to the dresser after George found the right bolt.

Lots of things have come together in her house. We are down to pictures and unpacking of and getting rid of boxes, good will items, and so forth. Mom is unpacking boxes as she has time and when I ask to help she says “no I’ll get it”. I snapped some pics yesterday of what is put together so far.

Mom’s bedroom is the white, pink, green quilt and the pink bedspread room is the guest bedroom. The bathroom is the guest bathroom all pretty in blue. There is a little room that can be used for an office or sitting room. Of course I’d have it as an office if it were me, lol. But Mom has it as a sitting room with her Victorian “living room” furniture. The room Mom is sitting in is her “open concept” room extending from the kitchen and dining. The area is not very big for furniture – so she is looking at new furniture to try and make it fit where at least 4 people can sit. So George hung all the green curtains you see there. Now there is no glare on the TV screen. We watched back to back Leave it to Beaver for hours, lol.

Here is Mom in her investigative mode with the sales guy. I found this love seat set up and suggested that she buy two of these for the room. All seats recline, cup holders, and a console for her stuff. She really liked it. It was comfortable and even had a pillow setting to puff up or down. I loved this too. Very nice. We have to measure though and make sure it would fit so we didn’t buy. Ashley Furniture wanted $249 for delivery and set up. No sir – deal breaker right there. Mom suggested George rent a truck for $29.99 —I stopped her in her tracks. George is not moving anything. Says me. He has already worn himself out with two household moves and still has to help move her boxes back and forth and be a handy man of sorts and also has to move things around our house as well. We’ll have to have furniture delivered and we may have to find a company who will charge less to do it. George is not a spring chicken that can be moved around with a flip of a switch. He’s already been over utilized – I mean two moves of one person in a year is a lot. We are not asking him to move anything else. The tribe has spoken. lol

So at 1:30 Kevin came to get George and they went to the Titans playoff. Titans lost. My SIL was with fever and not able to come. So Mom and I left after they did. She wanted a burger and so we went to Sonic. We went to get shoes at Academy Sports as they have a big selection. Mom found two pair that slip on (no tying) and was happy with those. She needs more socks thought so we’ll have to order those on line. We went to Ashley Furniture and honestly I think the guy that waited on us was high as his eyes were so watery – glassed over. He had that look but who knows. He was still nice. But we’ve had better. lol Then we went to Kroger in Providence. I’m not fond of that one, but we kinda had to go there as Mom needed things Publix and Aldi didn’t have. So we slowly mazed our way through that huge large store with Mom pushing the buggy using it as a walker. She did pretty good. But she depends on me being her leader of where to find things and being able to see them. She can do pretty good if she is right in front of the thing she wants. She is fine with us getting the groceries but she likes to go out and get them some too because when you do you see things you want that you forget about, so I’m glad she can still get out and pick up some things. When we get her groceries she also enjoys us buying some surprises that we think she will like. It’s fun for her when we get home and bring stuff out of the bags.

We put up her groceries and the sun set on our day with Mom. I headed home. The guys were still at the game and I had time to myself for a couple of hours. It was not productive time. I had been awake since 3:15 a.m. yesterday and jumped up and began laundry before going to Mom’s and so was just exhausted. All I wanted was a glass of oaky chardonnay, my recliner, cat, warm blanket, and to watch the polar bear girl on YouTube (Celia from Svalbard, near the North Pole). I love watching their way of life and seeing their dog Grim. I fell asleep briefly and had to rewind.

Sook George and Kevin made their way from the game and picked me up for Longhorn. I thought it was my birthday dinner as I’d been told it was, but George said “naw, we’ll do birthday celebrations when Susan is present too” and he said (rightfully so) that we would buy Kevin’s dinner instead for him taking him to the game. So that seemed fair. It’s no big deal for the birthday thing – it’s just an excuse for us all to get together and enjoy life and catch up and no worry over gifts – just getting to enjoy a nice place out. So that sounds good to me. We can catch up on our birthday dinners (Kevin’s birthday is today, lol, mine was Jan 3rd). So we have all year til August when is George’s. And perhaps maybe we can all find time someday. They have been so busy – as have we since they have moved twice this past year also and Kevin starting a new job.

On the way to our seat in Longhorn, I saw some lady with Sangria and new immediately that I wanted one too. It was huge! I had to take both hands to hold it. It was like drinking out of a fish bowl. It had a lot of ice though. The steak was good. I got a 6 oz renegade I think as it was the cheapest one, loaded potato (so hot and so good on a cold winter night) and salad with balsamic vinaigrette. I’ve had too much bread lately! So vinegar seems to help with digesting after poorly. lol

Once home, we unloaded Kevin’s trunk and he left us with Christmas gifts and we loaded it back up with our own gifts to them. I’m sad that we couldn’t have had our Christmas together. But a quick check with my SIL proved that she’d made the right decision to stay home and lay around as she’d not felt so good.

Sleep was so good last night. It was 10:00 or so going to bed. And I woke up at 4, this morning but went back to sleep as I was short on sleep. I made coffee, rebooted laundry, and George said “it’s Christmas morning again, wanna open gifts?” I said “Sure thing, let me find my glasses and take my blood pressure meds because I totally forgot to take them yesterday”.

Santa was good to us again! 😉 Here’s mine plus both our gift cards to us together. They over did it! George has his own stack of gifts. SIL knows what I like. I have more prayer journaling notebooks, a wrap, candle, and books.

In my prayer journal, I daily Thank God for what he did the day before for me. He gets credit for all good things that happened – even the deer. He provides me with nature, sunsets, and all sorts of things each day. He answers my prayers in ways He sees fit. I write about that before I begin asking for help. I pray for others and I pray for all things that I am anxious or worried about. I try to park them there. But as you see I don’t always. I come here and vent, fret, wish, long for, and just hash out things I’m working through. It’s a process daily to try to overcome your human nature, your desires, your worldly longings, and try to realign with what God’s purpose is for you. It’s a fight daily.

So there you have my Saturday in a nut shell. The blog entry here today has set me back quite a bit in time. So I guess I cannot complain about time huh? But it’s so important sometimes to just be able to vent, communicate, and park your feelings somewhere. Now I will try to get our groceries done and laundry finished, bpmeds and vitamins set up, and then I’ll get a shower and get some work done. It may not all be in that order. I’ll just have to do what I can do.

Little Roo and Katy and Cody have been a little ill also but everyone is starting to feel better. Little Roo has thrown up a few times in the last day so pray for him. He seems to want to eat and gets made when he doesn’t. So far he has kept breakfast down. I don’t think he has a fever.

OK off to conquer Sunday and I’m so delighted I don’t have a meeting off site anymore tomorrow so that gives me half a day back into my Monday to work. That was a blessing from God right there. He and I had talked about it. It was just unnecessary and a waste of everyone’s time. So I’m so delighted. Only I had packed the suitcase full of work for two days and then some lol. It’s all good. I’ll get this all figured out. There is only about another week to January. Then I can see February and start whittling away at things I long to do and love to do. One can only HOPE. Another entry of accepting what is and embracing it and forging and finding my way forward. Gotta get that slogan on my board in my office but….even that takes time I don’t have. LOL

9 responses to “The Daily Struggle With Myself, Meeting Mom’s Needs, and Conquering my Work Agenda”

  1. Your mom’s place is looking good. My mom would have loved her sitting room. Very Victorian. Her curtains look nice & I like her choice of colors. $249 for delivery? Forgetaboutit! Ridiculous cost. Hopefully they will do better.
    I know working today sucks but at least your home? Maybe not. I’m confused.
    You shouldn’t be this stressed over your job. Maybe it’s only once a year but you dread it for months. Can you talk to your boss about making this a smoother process? It’s not healthy.
    It’s also the Accounting process. I get that.
    How long were you sick at Christmas. You just mentioned it briefly. I hope River & mom & dad get well soon.

    • I got to go to Walmart and that made me happy to have groceries I liked -favorites for home and work for a month or so. Used my company $25 Walmart card I got at thanksgiving finally. It was good for the soul! Yes I’m grateful to be home but it’s 1:00 and we’ve been so busy doing laundry and grocerying and cleaning to get to a reasonable amount I can live with. I’ve not cracked the laptop yet! ::sigh:: Soon!

      Sick for a week – but kept pressing on as required and needed. I have no idea if it was flu, sinus, the virus, or what. I only worked if I felt like it. Fever was mostly on Christmas Day and weekend. I passed our work test of no fever and no one sent the payroll lady(me) home while sneezing or coughing lol! My backup was on vacation. Yeah I’ll make it. Will either exceed against the impossible or not!

  2. Sounds like a productive weekend. You got a lot done plus presents and a nice dinner.
    I haven’t been to Longhorn for years! My sil has a birthday coming up and we haven’t celebrated our daughters yet so that is an idea for us to go there.
    With all the stress from the pandemic, we celebrate Birthdays more. Got to look forward to the good times.
    I am sorry to hear your family in Texas is sick. Tell them to drink orange juice, My dad always told me to push the vitamin C when sick and it does seem to help.
    Your Mom’s place is coming along well. She’s got everything she needs. And I know you rest better knowing she is close by. All this has made me think of what I will do if something happens to my husband. I don’t want to move but this big yard and the house is a lot to keep up. It would be like starting over again.
    I am proud of you for stepping up and helping your Mom. I know it hasn’t been easy.
    You are a good daughter.
    Your work needs to get someone to pitch in and help this time of year. There is no sense in them putting that kind of stress on you.
    I know how it is though.
    I don’t blame you for not letting George move anything or anyone else. My stepdad hurt his back and had to have surgery. He was out of work and had to be waited on hand and foot. You are right to look out for him. My husband and I have told everyone the same thing. We have helped or moved numerous family and friends over the years.
    And both of us have arthritis and worn-out joints. That ship has sailed.
    Take care and hope next week goes by fast for you.

    • I laughed at “that ship has sailed” – I may use that a lot. I usually say the train has left the station!

      Thank you for the kind encouraging words. Katy said River was eating again today and it stayed down. I think I really want to get rid of stuff so it won’t be hard on whoever moves us or me or him or what is left. Simple is better sometimes. We spend so much time building up and accumulating- only to store it and get rid of it. Have a great week. And yes. It’s just really too much work at year end but I feel like I can’t say anything having 3 vacation days and lots of Mom’s doc appts. But the end is near. I’ll either make it or not!

  3. I love posts with pics like these, because I enjoy seeing how other people from different parts of the world live their lives. Makes for great accompaniments to your writing. Thanks for sharing!

  4. Good for you…. George has moved enough for a while (maybe for good). Take it from someone that has lifted too many boxes in her lifetime and now paying for it. I moved my mother several times after my dad died and I am truly paying for it now. Rarely do I have a day that my back doesn’t hurt in some way. I consider it a good day if it is a brief ‘hurt’ and I move on. I did something over Christmas to my upper back and now I am back at physical therapy for at least six weeks. This time I lost feeling in my hands due to the pinched nerve in my shoulder blades.

    I will say a prayer that all your year-end work is done on time and your week is very productive.

    Hope River, Katy, and Cody are feeling better soon.

    Take care. Have a good week. Love you!!!!

    • I will pray for you and your back. I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. Congrats to Nina on her job awards! I worked only 4 hours today as we had to buy groceries, do laundry, and I rebooted dishwasher, and needed to clean a bit. It is what it is. lol. Will really work hard to knock it out next week and next weekend.

  5. The intricate ice patterns on your windows are mesmerizing. Beautiful for sure. I know what you mean about not having time for yourself. It’s been a brutal dec/jan for me health and otherwise, so far. so i’m trying to make .room some me time. i must tell you i spit out my tea laughing over the piddle and pee blog. stay safe in snow. take care

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