Making a Change, Starting Today

Good morning, my blogger buds.

So a kind soul chatted with me yesterday about my to do list function after reading my blog. I guess before I go too far in how I’m changing, I should reinvent for you what has happened – in case there is anyone new here. Or for a review at the least, for those who have been here and know me.

I have always been a fan of productivity. I’ve always prioritized my work – for the most part. I’ve always stressed over getting things done. I’ve always been a little scatterbrained in the moment but love to plan and know what’s coming in the future. I’ve also been afraid of not having time to do things and I have always been upset at impromptu things that throw my plans off.

Scatterbrained. That is a perfect word because my brain is trying to process so much in my head, and I’ve always been somewhat of a dreamer, thinker, etc, soooooo….you put all that together and it kindof makes sense that if I wanted to keep track of something, anything, that I needed to write it down because so much gets lost in the shuffle of my head.

I always made a list of my homework. I always took great notes in school. And when someone introduced me to the DayTimer, in my 20’s – I had to have it. Although I really didn’t use it as much as I thought I would, but I loved being able to write down tasks that I needed to do on certain days in the future. But I eventually realized my life wasn’t busy enough to warrant the cost of the DayTimer system. I didn’t really need it for my personal life nor my little retail personnel job. I had checklists at work but I kept it pinned on my bulletin board and just glanced at it. It never changed, lol.

Then I started working in my professional career in HR. Oh my. I was then introduced to — I think it was called the Franklin Life Planner. There was a sales person at the envelope plant that used it and what sold me was the Floating To Do List Page. lol. Can’t you just see me going nutzoid over a new system that was going to save my world? lol. I bought the notebook and filled it with customized formats that worked for me and it was 8.5 x 11. I made notes and created a true notebook with subject matters relating to all of the aspects of my job. It really helped me. Before that I did use some of the shorter planners and such that were just too small. I used this Franklin Planner for a long time. But then the notebook thingy got cumbersome and it was really more sophisticated for what I needed. I got bogged down with all the notes, and really just didn’t have time to go back and read them or tend to them or even care that they were there. It just began not to work as well. Then I began using various on line tools like excel to make my lists and notes, and also used more simple 8.5 x 11 planners, that my company would actually pay for -for appointments and deadlines.

My husband showed me the Eisenhower Matrix – which is how I organize my annual tasks or tasks that don’t really have a date to it. (I could not get AI on WordPress to spell anything correctly so the sketch above is what you get. I know how to spell “Sometime” and it wasn’t me that mis-spelled it, lol. That’s how smart AI is on this program anyway.) So this matrix still works for me in many ways. George used a legal pad, so that meant writing it over – week to week, and then I did the same thing on excel which was easier, and eventually found an app that worked for me to keep track of “eventual things” I wanted to tackle. Since, Ive ditched the app and have it on Notion, lol. Notion is mainly used as a tracker app and a list app of specifics, like “Ideas for YouTube”, “Annual Goals”, weight loss tracking, etc.

Personally, through the years though, I just used cheaper planners that had room for both appointments and critical to do’s that needed to be done. And I had my Eisenhower matrix to refer to, to look at, and would try to plan some off that matrix each weekend. Weekends were my off times when I might have a chance to do some stuff. That system worked really well when I worked.

Having to care for Mom sent my to do list into overdrive similarly as it did when I had a child’s schedule (soccer, schools, birthdays) only it was now doc appointments, house building meetings, coordinating moving details (two moves), shopping, nails, church, groceries, paying her bills, arranging power of attorney, etc.) and a lot of my personal time once again went bye-bye. I was a little frustrated with the adjustment as it was very long adjustment period, after being an empty nester for so long, but my to do list kept me on track. Matter of fact that period of time is kinda when I began to be overly involved with my To Do List.

I had to be intentional about what it was I wanted to get done. And it usually did get done so it was somewhat successful. I did a little bit of time blocking as well. I had every minute staged and every minute packed. I also had to schedule reading time, YouTube time, and just about everything except going potty, to be able to fit everything in. I had to preplan the week to make sure I was focusing on the right things.

I then discovered that the iPhone Reminder app was the perfect way to keep up with things day to day and I could roll things over and reschedule them easily. It was like a digital DayTimer only with more perks. I also realized I got more housework done if I scheduled that and paced it over time so it wasn’t overwhelming having to do it in one day. I began to put everything on there and then you can scoot it around and schedule the order in which to do them, which I loved. How exciting! Most things fell in Morning, Afternoon, or Evening, and when I worked that usually translated morning to “things to do at lunch”, afternoon was “things to do after work” and night was “things to do after dinner”. It worked perfectly. I was quite fond of this little Apple delight!

THEN I RETIRED.

And I thought it was fun to get to DO ALL THE THINGS. And ALL THE THINGS, I did. Well, many of the things, anyway. I was so used to using the lists and it worked so well using the iPhone Reminder app but now I could plan my day each morning over coffee and really be productive doing more things I wanted to do, rather than just the things I had to do.

My goals for the year were to be an excellent person doing all the things well across my life. I wanted to do God things first, get our housework done, get Mom’s things taken care of, do my YouTube channel, spend time with George doing things, cooking more, including exercise, having more creative time, writing more, vlogging more, planning more, reading more, puzzling more, watching more shows on TV, meeting ALL MY GOALS and enjoying life. How fun!

So I arranged all those things into my iPhone Reminder app so that I could do those things EVERY DAY. But I wanted to be a responsible person so.…I decided I better arrange my day in order so I do the most important things first because if I don’t I will do what I want to do instead of what I should do.

So I DID everything in order. I spent 30 to 45 min a day just putting my day in order because “ALL THE THINGS” were on the list!!!!!

Over time I began to get a little bitter (for the lack of a better word) against my list. It was as if it was the enemy, this beast of a thing was trying to lord over my life. Yeah I tried to tell myself that I was really the MASTER of this list and I determined what I did and didn’t do. But it felt like I had a job again in a big way. I was doing my prayers, devo, World Bible school, exercising, and housework and laundry for the day, then I’d find myself still in Jammies at Noon. George would have to take the dogs out b/c I’d still be in my jammies and not wanting to go outside. Sometimes it was as late as 2 p.m. when I’d get my shower because of this routine. Not wanting to take a shower til all the work was done because why shower and then get sweaty or go exercise?

Will I ever get the part of the day where I’m doing more of what I want to do when I want to do it? Ok well maybe tomorrow. But tomorrow never comes in that way!

So ….Then I’d shower at 2 in the afternoon and put on my robe, lol and work on YouTube stuff like editing because the day was moving on…..but I’d get all involved and it might be 4 p.m before I’d get dressed so I’d just put on another set of jammies sometimes or just get dressed for a few hours. For a while I’ve been a little upset with this schedule.

I thought retirement meant that everyday would be like Saturday but Saturday’s always felt so carefree though, why do I feel like I’m working so hard every day? Why do I not feel satisfied in my productivity? And what can I change because I truly do want to do ALL THE THINGS. What is wrong with me? Why is it that I STILL DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO DO ALL THE THINGS? WHY AM I NOT HAPPY?

For a while I’ve considered this. Why were Saturday’s so delightful? Before, my Brain would just decide what to do. I had a list but I didn’t look at it as much, it was just a guide. But I reasoned and negotiated with myself….but you are older now, you need a reminder now. George kept saying – you need to not schedule so much, you need to quit letting your list construct your day. I think he meant that I could use a list but just use it as a guidepost, not a ruler of my day. But I argued and believed I could not do without it if I wanted to get things done.

And also a blog/vlog buddy has coached me some and let me talk about my issues at hand. Just letting me vent as to why I do this and how I could possibly change. I appreciate the extra effort they gave me to help me after reading my blog yesterday. They helped me walk through some points and see how I might be able to duck away from worshipping this darn list of mine that I have come so dependent on.

So I got up this morning and allowed myself to look at my to do list. And I sort of acted like AI in way – you know how it gives you an overview of something? Like Amazon reviews, lol. So I did an overview of my to do list. I made a mental note of the things that were highly important. (Like the top 3 that you hear people say to keep in mind every day) – and that was paying Mom’s bills, getting my Bible study done, and taking my meds and supplements. That was really the only PRESSING thing on my list today. Oh sure! There are 51 other things on my list that I would like to do today. Picking the restaurant for anniversary, vlogging my haul from our thrifting yesterday, dusting, refreshing the bathroom, checking on family members, checking the weather, editing videos, showering (I tried to do everything in order remember so I had to figure out when to plug that in on my list), exercising, Facebook birthdays, prayers, laundry, ironing some shirts that are linen, rescheduling Mom’s appointment for assisted living that she fouled up yesterday, depositing my $ from sale of my camera into my YT account, cleaning the kitchen, dusting, making some changes on YT, straightening up the house a bit, taking my afternoon supplements, nightly supplements, and noon time supplements, reading, working a puzzle, picking my recipe for next week and working on the grocery list for Sunday, and working on my photo project.

But you know what? I’m NOT putting my list in order today. That alone gave me 30 to 45 minutes back in my day, so I’m blogging! And that makes me so happy and the day just begun! I’m just going to putter and do what I want. If I get things done, fine, if not – it’s not going catch on fire if I don’t do it. I do not have a boss that is gonna yell at me.

And if I don’t get certain things done, quite well they will just fall to fate or take care of themselves or just whatever happens – just happens, ya know? For example assisted living for Mom. If she bothered to schedule Lowe’s to come on the same day that I had her assisted living scheduled (she called me the day before to see when the assisted living was scheduled for and then called me the next day to tell me Lowes was coming at that same time to cancel the assisted living appt- go figure). So if she doesn’t think it’s important, then just let fate happen. I try to be informed and plan ahead but if people are going to offset when I try to help them then ok, there you go.

Why spend your life on a hamster wheel huh? Live and let live, I guess. I’m all up for just letting the chips fall where they may as I keep getting so much resistance in trying to plan and make things work out. It just get nixed what I try to do, so let the chips fall where they may! It’s very freeing! ;-).

So if things happen and I remember to do them, great. If not, then it’ll just be what it will. It’s time for me to relax, enjoy retirement to a differing degree and let my brain decide at the moment what I want to do. I will still be mindful of appointments (I hope) and the top three things of a day. Other people may have to start keeping up with things if I don’t. I may forget some things, but I’ll do my best. I’m not tossing out the To Do List completely. Our brains can remember three things easily. I’ll set things about the house as a tag of sorts to remind me. But I’m going to enjoy the mystery of the day instead of the script of the day. There’s no need to try to be so perfect. After all I need to start looking out for myself or I won’t be there for anyone else. Because something needed to change. And today’s the day.

So welcome to Day 1 of Sonya ditching her To Do List as her primary lord and allowing her real LORD to help her do the most important things. And if something doesn’t get done, then….OOPS oh well.

It feels so free. This pic is me today. I may not look like her on the outside but I feel like her on the inside, LOL. Yay!

And the Tribe (me, myself, and I)……well…..WE HAVE SPOKEN. lol. Have a good day.