MyThoughts: I Think I Need to BLUR the LINES a Bit

Good morning.

Lots of thoughts going on through my head this morning. At first it was negative thoughts because I looked at my analytics on YouTube and it seems that I’ve lost about 8 subscribers in the past month. I think I was up to almost 5270 at one point but over time it dwindled down to (I’m looking now)….(Oh great I lost another one in the last hour)…it’s down to 5254 at this moment.

I will do a video and maybe it will do better than the others due to SEO (Search Engine Optimization) and I will catch a few subscribers who came to see me declutter or organizing something (for example), but then they will realize I’m a retirement video person, or not exactly what they want to see from a week to week basis.

It’s so very hard to get the attention of those that truly want to see a vlogger, or a weekly show so to speak. You have to do the SEO optimized videos and then hope to catch a few that like true vlogs. So the last twenty new subscribers of any month usually goes away. It’s very annoying to make progress in the numbers and then have it slip back.

I will go so long just not worrying over the few that I lose, knowing that over time it DOES increase long term. It reminds of the stock market and investments, lol.

But over all the stewing over this, DOES make me think and want to improve and/or change the videos that I do. Sometimes I’m like “no I’m just gonna do my thing” other times I’m like “yeah I can still do my thing but with a few improvements”. I’ve always found the YouTube to be like a puzzle, a “thing” you had to figure out. But in the early days I rarely lost subscribers. But then no one was finding it either. The rare subscriber was hard to come by.

I have to remember I do the same thing. I find people in my home feed that YouTube suggests, I click on it if it looks interesting and if I watch it, sometimes I will subscribe until I can check out the channel more closely. There’s just certain vlogs or shows we want to see, and some are not our cup of tea and you have to appreciate and understand that because it’s true. It’s the same way in real life. We have some we connect with and others -we don’t.

I also think some things are holding back my channel and some of these things are my fault partly or wholly.

*I don’t allow sponsorships. I feel in my heart if YT sees I am not allowing sponsorships then I’m not in the mindset to make money and therefore they probably think I’m not wanting to be successful and I kinda feel like they will be more supportive of those that are wanting to earn money because that is also what YT is trying to do. I don’t think they ignore those of us who want to be hobbyists but I think people like me who vlog on a whim and we’ve all heard that is one of the hardest niches to grow in, so I think sometimes the algorithm does not favor those who don’t allow sponsorships or whose vlog isn’t growing or growing slowly.

*I don’t do a lot of research weekly – usually NONE at all because I truly just want to do my own thing. And I’m stubborn in that way. I don’t necessarily want to go with the grain.

*I’ve not put it as a priority to even do much research on growing your vlog or channel – only a bit here and there but certainly not on a regular basis.

*I kinda wanted to see what I could do on my own. I do watch other vlogs and get some ideas from them but that is by default

*I’ve also not had the creative time – or not made the creative time to try to improve my channel. While I have had a lot of extra hours in the 50 hours a week I got back in my schedule, it’s certainly not been enough time for what all I’d planned to do in retirement.

So I’m trying not to worry over the channel too much. I know there’s a LOT of room for improvement. And I also know that 5,000 people subscribing to your channel or supporting your channel is A LOT of people if you put them all in a room. And of that many, up to 1500 to 2200 watch every week depending on the title or interest. And put all those in a room to screen one of your videos, is a lot of people. So I’m grateful for that. And that keeps me going.

I’m just a business mindset at times and I look at the numbers and you never want to see it go down, but I have to remember what’s really happening and that occasionally the right subscriber sticks. After all, I’m not a young chicken anymore and if anyone watches I should be grateful for that one.

But I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. Sometimes I even think I don’t have the ability to think anymore. But I do. I think I just fill my mind with “the next task” and I’m trying so hard to “do all the things” that I don’t have time to think on my own anymore.

Also, it’s the time of year where we think about fall and also naturally my mind gravitates to 2026 and my thoughts are starting to form as to my theme and projects for next year. I can tell you that my thinking is along the lines of “creativity”, “relaxing”, “blurring the lines”. When I say “blurring the lines”, I’m thinking of less rigidity in my to do list. I want to enjoy the day, still work on goals but maybe in the order I want to do it. I’ve been trying to meet responsibility first in my TO DO’s, ignoring my own desires, many days of the week. I still want to be responsible, take care of Mom’s needs, our needs, keep our house moderately clean, be organized, keep my YT commitments, but I miss my creative time in the mornings. By the time I get to 4 pm I’m just a robot. I don’t have as much of a creative mindset. But give me my mornings and I’m all over it.

I’ve kinda fussed with myself over my To Do List in the last year. The TO DO LIST is necessary in many cases. Because I’ve put so much in it and it’s so easy to overlook something. And as I age I become more forgetful. But I am also becoming too attached to it and it’s Lording over me. So I don’t want to get rid of the to do list, and the iPhone Reminder list is wonderful and a nearly perfect app for me. And it’s easy to rollover what you don’t get done. But I think I might refer to it as an “idea could-do list” instead of a “must do list”. As I get so frustrated by days end that I’ve not gotten to things I really wanted to do.

I always manage to get the videos done, Mom’s needs met, and most of the times the housecleaning is met. So my guess is that something will have to go and be less rigid. What would it be? Probably the housework, lol. What else? So what if I only clean the trash can once a month instead of every two weeks. Or what if there is no timeline at all – just when the need strikes?

I’ve taken great pains to put every household chore on the list so that it gets done in a certain time frame so that I don’t shirk my responsibilities by doing creative time and forgetting about it —- but what I’ve done is eliminate most of my creative time. And that was the thing I was looking forward to most about retirement.

I wanted to do all the things in retirement and we have succeeded in doing most of the things we have planned but I’ve put my creative time last – aside from the basic YouTube videoing, editing, and uploads – the weekly requirements to get a video UP.

So I’m going to enjoy making some changes. I like being organized and accomplished but I’m just prioritizing my creative time last. And I think we need to blur the lines a bit in our day. I mean seriously I spend 30 minutes a day or more just putting my tasks in order by responsibility and the timing for what needs to be done first and I’m overwhelmed by days end if I’m not on schedule with it. That’s crazy. I need to let go and let it be. Why do I feel the need to be so organized? I guess I’m trying to be a good person and get all the things done. I feel like God would want me to do that, but then I’m losing me in the process. Does that make sense?

Today’s to do list is pretty light compared to recent days. By 4 p.m it definitely becomes an idea list because there is usually no more day to do things in. Everything always takes longer to do and there’s never any mystery in my day. I just follow the list. Sometimes I think I need to talk to a therapist about why I am the way that I am.

I’ve even contemplated giving up the channel entirely to just have more free time but I think I would miss it and be upset with myself if I gave it up. I’ve also thought about doing sponsorships and turning on the “button” to allow that but it would be a lot of extra work and become more of a job. So I’m not sure I’m up for that, but I’m open to some of it to help offset insurance costs during retirement. It has been my plan all along to possibly make an LLC of the channel and learn the legal ramifications all that but I would need George’s help. I would set up a PO Box and all that. I’m going to be doing some research on it anyway this fall quarter. I just wanted to get a handle on retirement first and I’m not sure I have a handle on it yet, lol.

Here’s today’s list for example and I’ve got to go, I’m running late doing what I wanted to do for a change. Don’t pay any attention to the “times on here”. I drag it around in order but ignore the actual time. But the time sets it to “morning”, “afternoon” and “evening” and then I drag it around from there. We are gone today most of the day so I’ve not taken much time to organize anything here today. But here’s what showed up on the list for today. I did 5 screenshots to capture it. LOL. And while it doesn’t seem like much, you should see the other days. I didn’t put much on here today because I knew we’d be gone.

Anyway, all that’s to say, here’s what all is on my brain today and many days for that matter. And as always, I’m having to get through here quickly so we can be on the go for an excursion today. WE have a pretty long day planned. Most of the above won’t get done. And it’ll be rolled over. And tomorrow’s busy too.

Take care! But I enjoyed doing this blog today and doing a brain dump! Thanks for listening.