A Broken Week

Well, I cannot believe it is Friday. Another week bites the dust. Wow. Time is really scootin’ by. As I sit here this morning sipping coffee, it becomes a daunting task to try and recall, recap, and summarize what all the week has been about. Hmmmm. I guess the best way is to just bullet list. That will also keep me from embellishing, adding my feelings, and thoughts, and speculations -which is probably best, lol.

As I stare at this pic above my computer, I see my “one day at a time” poster (a torn off calendar picture), and next to it I see the list of year end reports/returns/w-2 reporting on the white board. The two contradict each other in their sentiments. One says you can only do one day and one thing at a time. The other says “hurry up and get me done”.  Neither really get their way. I’m somewhere in limbo just being a feather in the wind, despite my ability to plan, navigate, and steer my life.

 In times like these one always just says this. “It is what it is”. Maybe that should have been my phrase of the year. lol. Because certainly it is going to be what it is going to be. 

I’ve not hardly had any time to work on any of said whiteboard activity this week. I’ll just bullet point from here for my safety and security.

This Week’s Happenings

• It’s Month End, so there’s that. I worked on that some Monday and that is all the time I’ve had to work on any kind of END. Except for maybe needing to show ONE when others have not complied this week or caused me to have issues.
• One of our plants was NOT ready for me to close payroll on Tuesday. While I’m ready to do the actual process of payroll, they are turning in PTO forms and making changes after I’ve run part of the process, and wanting me to wait so they can enter their forgotten raises like it was any other day of the week but payroll closing day. We had how many days to get these done since the last payroll day SIX, that’s right. But what are you gonna do? Just not pay all those people right? Next time I’m drawing the line, if turned in on Tuesday – sorry bud you are out of luck. But I did not want to have to do extra manual checks during the week. I wouldn’t have had the time anyway. Easy to say, hard to do as you want everyone to be paid right.
• So I closed another plant’s payroll first since said plant was having issues and I’m not used to doing that plant first and so I entered the wrong code. Darn it. And this is my fault but I entered a 1 code (the wrong plant) where I should have entered a 4 code and that wrecked the payroll and we had to call the programmer and it took two of us to finish the payroll to get the “now married” plants for the plant 1 and plant 4 done together. (You know we have an old – gosh, do I dare call it a DOS based system? It looks like that anyway. It’s an in-house thing and it’s not forgiving if you make an error. Which is probably why I can’t sleep on Monday nights, before a Tuesday payroll run lol. I feel sorry for the person replacing me. It was kinda of a process to learn as it was. And today’s new hires are not wanting to do that much work I don’t think when things elsewhere are more automated.)
• Umm, so much for hurrying up and finishing payroll so I can work on the Year End, Month End processing. 
• This left me 1/2 of a day behind b/c of the one plant not being ready for payroll and then me entering the wrong code because I’m having to do things back-ACK-Wards from how I normally do it. Yes it was ME that entered the wrong code but if I’d done the payrolls in order like I usually do it wouldn’t have happened so you can’t ignore the root cause of something. I’m a creature of habit, don’t make me change anything unless I initiate it. The patterns are hard to break. Something else will break instead. And it did. First payroll, then ME. 
• These events made me sad, then mad. Or maybe it was mad and sad in that order. I had to listen to music to try and recoil, reframe, and rethink my mind. I couldn’t sleep that night either going over everything in my mind. Questioning myself, wrangling with God over if I’d done anything wrong or was just a victim of circumstance trying to protect my sanity.
• In the mean time, the rest of the world was NEEDY. Calling wanting this, wanting me to do that, needing a copy of this, wanting w-2’s, could I pull this report, could I send this over, would it be too much trouble if I ___________. Yes, yes it would. For like 7 work days straight, there has been NEEDINESS that is endless. I’m not sure why it’s suddenly all gone to pot. My office was once quiet and work could actually be done. I don’t mind getting the data but my gosh when it comes all at once during a crisis, something has to give.
• It is what it is.
• You can only deal with it the best you can. One person at a time. 
• Until the 33rd request, and you are trying not to combust and say “For the love of God and everyone else, could you just let me get the payroll done”. Instead you grit your teeth, and give solid and direct answers through gritted teeth. And then people wonder why you have gritted teeth, lol. Here let me tell you. Here’s why. 
• No one wants to be a bear. No one wants to be unkind. No one wants to come unraveled. But one can only handle so much at a time. And can only handle the person in front of them. 
• I’m sure I came across as rude. I was told I was anyway. I apologized, tried to explain. I wasn’t trying to be rude. If rude is telling someone “no I am sorry I can’t do your work for you today, but here’s what I can do for you”. Then I guess that is rude. I am trying to forgive others for their part in making my day go wrong. I’ll try to forgive myself for not smiling more and coming across as rude. I was displaying the ridiculousness of my day in my voice and persona. The energy transfers and I try to contain it but I’m one that shows their feelings on my shoulders and if I’m mad, sad, happy, you are gonna see it, you are gonna feel it. There’s some of that I can mask, some of it is just hard to do. It’s just flat simple, if I’m having a bad day, you are gonna see it and it might make you have one too despite my efforts to keep from it.
• No, I’ve not had time to work on ANY Month End, Year Ends. Just payroll related activities, giving people what they NEED, paying weekly taxes, federal taxes but no extra time due to this week’s delayed schedule and neediness to be able to work on said reports.
• Then it’s Thursday and I would normally have time to work on such ENDS and make ENDS meet, but NO, it’s Mom’s doc appt day for her to go in and do a follow up with the doctor and get blood work done. 
• It is what it is.
• So today’s Friday and I hope I can get something done today toward the ENDS before it is the END of me. 
• There is some small grin of hope emerging from my lips and a glow coming from my heart when I think of the fact that I’m not going to go through this again next year, if I can at all help it.
• The Lord had whispered that with Mom and Work, it would be a tough year this year. I’ve taken her out twice after work this week – once for our nails and once for doctor. 
• I still managed to get TWO videos edited and uploaded this week. TWO videos posted. And at this point have 373 subscribers. The fastest growth so far.
• The Journey to 300 video did not do as well as I’d hoped. But it’s ok. Nothing is going to happen until God deems it “time”. I can’t handle too much growth at once anyway. I don’t want to hit 1,000 until I’m retired. I mean I do, but I kinda don’t have time to deal with it all right now. There’s a lot to do and consider between 300 and 1,000 for monetization, legal, and it kinda becomes a business at that point.

OK so yeah, that’s my bullet pointed week. I’m so glad it is Friday. I’ve decided to do a “Spend the Day with Me: Saturday at Home” vlog all day tomorrow. I love the fact that I can vlog what I want to and not have a niche. It DOES make the vlog grow smaller, but that is the appeal of slow growth, you can do as you please. I take to that sentiment really well. ;-)

So yeah, it’s been a blur of a whirlwind of a week. It’s not been much of any fun. There’s not been much of any joy. I’ve not had much down time at night either. But I can tonight and tomorrow night and spend some time with George. My brain is fried and frazzled. And I’ve tried to explain it the best way I can. Most of my weeks are fairly pleasant all holed up in my payroll office. It’s just so odd that this one has gone so awry. It’s just a lot going on at once and life trying to happen all at once – when in reality it can’t all go through a small hole at once. It didn’t work did it? All it did was crack the process and there is some small part of me that is now cracked. I hope we can pick up the pieces. I really do. I’m a little confused, dazed, and put out. But I’m trying. And I do realize that it doesn’t matter what anyone says or thinks, I’m only one person and can do so much at one time. I’m putting a cork in the hole, lol. I need to stop and get a few things done.