Less Hustle More Coffee

Just had an amazing walk outside with Dexter – well after I healed from when he nearly ripped my arm off about four times. I was sure that he was going to run off in the woods chasing the deer with the leash and my arm bobbling along behind him and that I’d have to go around the neighborhood looking for the whole LOT of him and my detached arm, lol.

Got a few good pics. I went outside for some B Roll and got some good video. I went for this shot below and got great up close shots and video of the deer as the sun was going down. Thank you Lord for your beauty and your nature, and for letting me see and experience it in my own back yard, because Lord knows we aren’t going anywhere – yet anyway.

They are getting more brave – these deer. Even the dog got up close until finally it hissed and ran away and that is when I thought my left arm had gone skipping with the dog through the woods. I was prepared to hold the leash tight as I knew it was gonna happen but he is so strong. I had to use both arms and he tried running with all of his might 4 times.

So on the photo shoot, he was with George, lol.

I don’t have a LOT to share. But I’ll blog whatever comes to mind. I’ve been sitting down in my office a bit every day to either blog or work on video editing. I’m almost through with the next one that will go up about my excitement for fall and what all I do when fall gets here. It should go live Saturday morning at 7, Lord willing and there are no surprises.

I have a lot of office work to do in my office to organize a few things.

• I need to swap over to my new calendar book as it has part of Oct, and NOV and Dec already in it. It’ll fit in my purse too. It’s the new planner!
• I want to use the dry-erase “to do list” for all things related to blog and vlog. It has two sides and I’ll use one for blog and the other for the vlog. This is where I can park all the things I want to research, fix, do, investigate, change, or learn, lol.
• I also want to take all my index cards of notes on Final Cut Pro, photo notes, and all the other notes on YouTube or video channel info – all in a notebook I have for reference. I can’t just keep a whole bulletin board of notes on “how to’s”. I probably need to have a loose leaf notebook with sections to be honest. I get too detailed with things, lol.
• I have a big mound of loose scrap sheets of papers with ideas and thoughts and to do’s that need to get incorporated to where they need to be. I have a folder of video ideas and blog ideas to file it into.
• Then I have a Christmas bill to pay that George can’t see.
• I have all my items for the drivers license REAL ID thing. Now that I have all the papers gathered, I don’t have time to go. This month is not good. November is kinda tight with other appointments already plus we’ll be gone a week on vacation and December is not good either. January is a horrible month. So I guess February? Unless somehow I can work it in, but there’s just too much other stuff fighting for my attention so I think I will file it away until I can get this done. I knew this would happen but I’m thinking we have until spring or so.

I just don’t feel good when my desk is messy.

I have a funny for ya.

The other day after I spent two hours on Saturday getting Mom’s groceries and then another hour at the store Sunday, getting her chili mix that Kroger left out of the bag but charged us for, as well as our own groceries because I sure as hades was not going back for a third time. Several hours of grocery time in the weekend – both days.

On the way home Sunday, I told George, “whaddya want a bet that Mom texts me a list of items she needs before bedtime after spending two days at the store”.

That night. You guessed it. About 7 or 8 p.m. I get the text that lists off about four or five ingredients to “pick up at the store the next time we go”. She wants them as soon as possible b/c she doesn’t want the items to be gone as it’s for Thanksgiving.

I told her to keep her items on a list and I’d get her list from her the next time we got her groceries. I keep thinking of the bacon scenario. I know she loves her bacon and after just getting her groceries recently she said “oh I forgot my bacon”. She said next time you go to the store, get it and bring it. Which translates to me, “I can’t wait til the next grocery run”. If she could have, she would have right? But she knows if she texts me before then she might get it sooner. (Because my time means nothing right?) You see when you have known your Mom for so long you know her every thought and the reason behind it. Maybe I’m wrong, but my point is that she didn’t wait she texted it that very night, as predicted.

So in the bacon scenario, I got the bacon and it bobbled in my head for two days “momma needs bacon” and I stressed over when to take an hour and a half to run to the store and run over there (traffic there, traffic back, and time while there, which would turn into a 2.5 ordeal and probably dinner out so like 3 hours). I took it to work with me and kept it in a cooler in the car and got it to her on her doc appt day because I refused to spend an entire evening delivering bacon ruining some other plans we already had. I was so tired of worrying about that darn bacon. This is stupid me, being a child. I should have said “pluck it and wait til next week!” But no, I try to please and that has to stop.

Result….Boundary needed. So unless she is ill or dying, there’s not going to be items I’m making extra trips for between weekly store runs. Again, I don’t even do that for myself.

So yeah, I called it a “funny” because I’m trying to laugh. It really is a bit humorous, for story telling and such, but if I am being honest here, it really made me mad. And I think even more so because I had predicted it as I know her so well.

I was So mad that I even asked her why she would ask me after being at the groceries stores all weekend the last two days. Would it have been less rude to wait at least 48 hours? I think so. Of course she is the victim, I’m being unreasonable, lol. Then she talked about eating alone and playing the guilt card on me. Which doesn’t work anymore. It’s not my fault Dad died, it’s not my fault that she is getting older, it’s not my fault she had a falling out with my sister who doesn’t help her, and it’s not my fault I have family in Texas and a grandson we never see and I’m going over Thanksgiving because that is what works best. I.feel.no.guilt because I’ve not done anything wrong. The only thing I’ve done wrong is try too hard to please everyone around me.

George then, gets really mad at me when I let her or anyone for that matter, get to me. So I wondered if I need to actually considering going to a therapist to help me cope with a few things. But that takes even more time I don’t have. I’m thankful for my friends who let me vent and for this vlog to vent to – with what I can. I never want to hurt anyone’s feelings by venting, but I do have a few feelings of my own. I’m an actual human but sometimes feel mistook for a robot I think.

I’ve done lots of studies on narcissism and how to deal with that too in the event that any of that has any impact on me from any component of all the people I deal with on a regular basis. I’m not calling anyone narcissist here but I’ll just say that I try to learn as much as I can for anyone in my life that meets that definition. lol.

Anyway, back to Mom.

Maybe she meant well, but I could not imagine anyone else even thinking about asking us to go to the store after being there for them two days in a row. She must just think we are the Jetson’s and can just just groovy on over in our hover mobile and have it done. It’s really hard to get everything done in a week as it is. And honestly every time I go to that darn Kroger I just want to cry before I can get through it with Mom’s precise list. I don’t fault her at all for wanting specific brands and things. We all do that. But I am fit to be tied by the time I pick all those things out and find them, haul them to the car, haul them in the house, have to call for lost items, and such. I’m just exhausted by days end. I’m not a young chicster any more.

Yes, Yes, I know, you all say to do the car pick up thing. Maybe one day. I just think it would be equally as frustrating trying to buy things on line with my phone and looking up 45 items or so and dealing with Mom on substitutions. Would it not be less hassle to just go do it yourself? I just don’t see that online order, working well for her. She will complain and fuss about any substitutions and will look for reasons why it won’t work, and I’m not sure it will be an easy process for us to do this over the phone before we go and deal with what is wrong when we get back. I think we’d be pulling each other’s hair out. But I guess we should try it at least once.

Bottom line. I’m tired before the week begins and trying to cope with life. It’ll be ok. I love the way bed feels at night when I hit the pillow. I love the way the keyboard feels and my office feels when I get my little hour and half each day – even if interrupted five times during each session. I’ve counted and each hobby time has at least that many interruptions in some format daily. It’s all good. I’m dealing. I’m trying to stay sane as this busy season ramps up.

Sometimes I dream of just sitting and watching the trees move around from the breeze and sip a glass of wine – and when the sun goes down read a good book, and when the sun comes up drink some coffee slowly while sitting out in nature, thanking God and contemplating how wonderful life is. And then fixing breakfast and going for a walk for at least an entire half hour, lol. One day. It might be in heaven after I’m dead and gone. But one day either here or there, I will sit with a glass of wine and watch the trees move.

It’ll be ok. It will. I’m pretty darn resilient with all the things I’ve put up with in my days. And I’m looking forward to Saturday and I dare anyone to try to set foot into it.