A Different Kind of Change

Good morning! Not really a lot to hop on and tell in the last day or two. Yesterday was my annual wellness physical. I had discussed with the doc office regarding the safety of this visit. I was told they were not seeing sick patients. (This office has a walk in center adjacent to it, so perhaps the sick ones go there?) I didn’t ask and kinda didn’t want to even think about it. But the lady I talked with said she had MS and a pacemaker and was in the office every day. I said if you do that (working/risking her health) for us, then I’m coming in. She laughed. She said there were only 4 of us that would be in the building when I was there. It was more like 10 of us. But I think she meant patients.

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My appointment was at 6:20 a.m. It was only me and another person in the lobby. We both wore our masks. I used my own pen to check in. I was called. And weighed in. My weight was up. I would love to blame COVID – but truth be known it all began with George’s birthday extravaganza about a year ago. A turning back of sorts to many things I’d missed. And drinking fewer shakes, doing less cleanses, having diverticulitis issues, which further defined my eating categories to fewer items, my fight back from it and declaring to my body that I would eat pizza again, and pasta and bread – a daring of sorts for the gastronomic issues to take that away from me. And oh, my body is winning. It’s taken on the bread, the pasta, the mayo, the dips, the crackers. Oh too well.

My appetite was weird, I knew I’d be hungry but I couldn’t crave any particular food. I’m not sure how to explain it. I had no desire for anything really. So I began just eating all my favorites. I even wondered if I’d had COVID and had lost my sense of taste and smell and just didn’t realize it and viewed it more as a loss of appetite, but then that is not right either as I definitely eat. So I ate, and ate good food as all the lock down and post lock down occurred. We have had fattening casseroles and cookies after dinner. If the world was going crazy and we are going through an apocalypse, we might as well eat what we wanted. And drink what we wanted with fancy cocktails and appetizers and hor d’oeuvres. And seconds at dinner because it was there and it was good.

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It’s a wonder we aren’t whales. Maybe we are relative to some. So the scale tipped a bit over what I’d have liked. Ok a lot over what I’d have liked. So before I ever sat in the little office to wait for the doctor, my head was already reeling in thinking of the things that needed to change immediately. I do it after EVERY doc appointment. I create the list. What am I gonna do better? It’s like a New Year in July. What rules are you gonna set that you will slide off from two months from now? Rolls eyes. I know myself too well. But there’s something to say about trying. I was able to lose 30 lbs once. Yeah it was gained back. It has to be the “lifestyle” I’ve said before. And shakes every morning does not cut it for me. I like the shakes but not every morning. The cleanses helped though, but they became burdensome and dreaded over time. But they did help.

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Then come the questions. Why does dessert that tastes good have to be bad for you? Why do the things that are good for you not taste as good as dessert?

But what if we didnt have these annual wake up calls – a call to reckoning? What if you made it fun to eat right and exercise and fit in the size clothes you wanted to fit in. What would that feel like? It’s kind of a religious revival of sorts. A “coming to fess up party” and a change to get on the right path again. A repenting and turning about!

So yeah, it’s time to reign it in a bit and go in a different direction. I’m an hour away from finishing Michael Pollan’s “In Defense of Food”. In the book he says “eat like the French, eat like the Italians, eat a Mediterranean diet, eat like…..and he goes on and on listing other countries and then says “Just don’t eat like a westerner”. Ahhhh it’s so hard. But I just have to keep on trying. I have to go in the other direction. We can no longer go back to eating what the heck we want. I kinda got over the hamburger addition and pretty much the pasta addiction. I had to give up nuts though and gained crackers, and began adding back the bread. I like to have a munchy in b/w meals. But need to find a good snack to fit this hole in my morning and afternoon. I have since gone back to nuts this week but have had increased pain in my abdomen and some issues there. So backing off again in fear. Was it nuts or those sesame seeds on the side of my sushi, darn it? They sneak in seeds on you everywhere.

I have replaced the crunch with carrots for this next week. A few months ago though, my system could not even digest a carrot and it was recommended to eat all the things I was trying to avoid.

I just wish it was not constant turmoil over what to eat. And that is exactly why I gave up the turmoil saying I’m freaking over this. And Covid happened and we just ate what we wanted.

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I’m pouring my heart out here including my frustrations. But overall I’m not frustrated so much anymore. I’ve tried to accept it as part of life, much like this COVID snarfle (that’s my replacement word for the shidoodle I really want to call it) that we have going on right now.

It’s really just a desire to survive, live, not get a disease, have a heart attack or stroke and be able to enjoy grandchildren. And the only way to survive is to try and do better.

The nurse came in and took my BP – 20 points high. Oh dear. I feared the uppage of the BP meds, or a change in meds which scares the potittle out of me because it usually means issues with your heart, issues breathing, and fluids in places they ought not be. That was the last experiences with trying various BP meds.

But the doc came in himself and took it and it was 120 over 80. Oh yeah. Was it luck or a fluke? Bottom line, no change in meds. All good on the BP front. Bloodwork and urine samples given and those results come in later and will be the real tell all. Is cholesterol high, sugar high? Of course it will be. I’ve been consuming the classic Westerner’s diet, minus a few burgers and fries as I’m past that addiction. I’m not expecting improvement. How could one expect it?

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Do you want to know something? I never even looked at the numbers last time? I couldn’t bare it. I didn’t even peek at it. I was going through the eating issues and I knew it wouldn’t matter anyway, as I was having to eat whatever my body could digest at the time. And things just went sideways from there. Eating changes and diversions just end up causing other issues too it seemed. Remembering “don’t eat white foods” because your sugar is too high. Then having to go back to it b/c I had diverticulitis and nothing could be digested but mac and cheese and potatoes and rice….and broth. Doh! What to do? lol.

It’s a see saw of trial and error. But I have to get back on the see saw. I have to figure out how to level it out. I have to want to do this. I have to want to feel better. Have to want to wear a lower size. And oh I do. I have to image being smaller in my head so that I go toward that. So that I move in the right direction. And see the future and not just satisfy the moment.

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The good news is, I’ve learned to love some healthy things. So while I may sound negative and barking at the trying – after all there is that side of things, I do realize it can be fun to try and do the right things again. To find joy in the journey again. To realize how good you feel again. I can do this again. Maybe not in the exact same way, but in a way that is enjoyable and stickable. I may do a cleanse day and I may not. If it is a dread – I’d say that is dangerous because forcing myself to do a dreaded day only makes me never want to do that again. But when I enjoyed it, I longed for it again.

So. I think it is all about the mindset. I think that is the biggest tangle aside from what your body will allow and tolerate…..and digest. I mean for some reason, I can’t even tolerate ketchup anymore. It burns my esophagus. I can eat it on something like a burger if it is a small amount. Or if it’s mixed in something, but just to dip a fry in it burns my insides. So odd.

Anyway, yeah, the mindset. I will try again and I’ll have a good mindset about it. I’ll focus again. We’ll keep working at it. And try to make it fun. And I’ll share my experience.

And so…so far all is ok – no changes in meds. And I will review both this doc visits numbers and will also pull last times numbers as it will be in my records on line. I will look at the data and not let it alarm me. I will just knowingly try to do better. Research shows eating like most any other country will give less of a chance of diabetes, cancer, and heart disease. So how broad is that?

Let’s explore our options out there? Let’s learn a cultural change of how we eat? And of how we think about eating. It has to be a different kind of change. Who’s with me?

That said, it’s the weekend now and we have some plans. I’ll see you either later in the weekend or on Monday morning. What you guys doing this weekend? Be safe. We will be too!

8 thoughts on “A Different Kind of Change

  1. Sybil

    Hi Sonya, how I laughed at all your food ideas…when I think back to when you started the iso whatever kind of diet ( you know what I mean, I can’t remember it’s name!,). I was quite envious and when I saw you look so much better and loosing weight I was very sad that I coudnt join you. Because I had problems seeing your blog every day for a while I missed the bit when you decided to stop it, that surprised me but at the same time it didn’t as I’m sure I said to you that although it was good would you be able to live with taking all the vitamins, drinks etc for ever and ever ? A good DIET is a BAD diet you have to have a GOOD eating HABIT ….I should talk ! LOL. I have never succeeded in any diet so now I just accept me as I am. So long as I feel ok that’s fine by me. I think being happy and contented is the best diet we can be on…..so go on love. Continue as you are enjoy what you like but take care to only eat enough to fill you up try not to have the extra helping…just cause it’s there. I love you Sis just as you are…

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    1. Oh I still do my ch of the system – it’s the stuff I eat in addition or instead of. I love the shakes but not every day. Still do vitamins and drinks and supplements- tired of the snacks though!

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      1. I find cheez-its & coke settle my stomach. That’s my go to remedy.
        I’m glad you got the camera you wanted. I know it takes time & experience to figure it all out.
        There’s so much more but for now I just need to SCREAM! 😷

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Good luck! It is a life long battle for me, but I sure don’t want to give up! Our health is so very important! Good for you for seeing your doctor. That’s an important step you took! Enjoy the weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Cocosmom

    Several years ago I was pressing to a larger jean size. Pushing to a 22W. No way. I started changing my eating habit but enjoying what I liked. I just put my fork on the plate between each bit and chewed the bite very well. This allowed my brain to let my stomach know when I had eaten enough. It took a number of months to lose any weight, but it begin to drop slowly This has been over the years It felt so great when I just dropped the W on the jean size. After a period of this practice of the fork on the plate after each bite, I cut all burgers in half, etc. I am hugery but i have found the trigger to set the gland in the brain off that tells me I am full. I eat the food I like, the arbs, etc. Never limiting them. When My bain clicks in that I am full, I can have a bite in my mouth chewing it and it does not want me to swallow. This has taken several years to loss but I am down another size this last year in jeans. I almost feel skinny.

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