Wow, when do I ever post twice in one day? Today!
So, I feel like I need to follow up on the previous post after all the comments I got today. I really felt bad. I’m ok really. The post this morning was mainly to say that God is helping me and a bit of grace and gratitude along with Him was going to be the answer.
It was kinda sideswiped though by my mention of various things that I have been through or had on my mind and that is what you all stuck on. So it’s my fault for focusing on all that too much.
Yes, I’ve been up and down into somewhat of a depression, and as you know just trying to figure out how to adjust our lives a bit to get everything done that everyone needs to have done. I’ve vented, moaned and groaned over all of it this year. I’ve truly learned a lot about others, relationships, narcissism, and as mentioned have really spent some quality time trying to understand the dynamics of my world – what has been and what is to be. Most days I am content enough. And yes the past year has been rough.
So the things mentioned in previous post were not new things – but things on my mind for the past year or so. I wasn’t just having a bad day all of a sudden, although I probably should say that by Wednesday I’m pretty tired and maybe I shouldn’t even do a blog post during the work week, but I love to blab so I did. And I mentioned the video thing b/c it was a recent disappointment that really made me take a dive. It’s ok though, it’s happened before and it’s a learning curve like anything else. Everyone starting out with a YouTube channel goes through it I hear.
Your comments overwhelmed me – and I thank you for being concerned but felt bad that I had you all worried.
I do have a plan for my life in the immediate time frame and it is the following:
- Quarter End is important and the month is half over and I’ll have to work extra hours the next two weeks which may impact some blog entries, but maybe not. I can schedule some ahead of time on topics that I’ve stashed away and can do that some.
- I’m not giving up on the video channel, but I do have some changes in the works. The channel is very behind in time – like I was doing it, and I have a strategy to catch up to current time. And then the future of the channel will end up taking a different approach from the past. Bottom line is that it will end up being more topic based and less time based. It will still include scenes from our lives thrown in but will contain more meaning and more intentionally filmed segments.
- The time crunch is better, so we will focus on the things that are urgent and make progress on less urgent things as time pass.
I’m ok. I really am. I don’t want anyone’s sympathy. I am not wanting to create drama. But I have been sad, very sad. I am also very very resilient. And have a wonderful God. I also have some good family and friends that support. And while times have been tough lately, I’ve been harder on myself than usual and in my head so much I am confusing myself. Oh gosh I would love to have a therapist but honestly there is nothing they can do for me but confuse me more. There are some things I’m just not going to have answers for. There are some things that are just set in stone that I refuse and will not change, so as always I’ll adjust my sails. And that is ok as the main thing is – it’s my decision and as long as it’s my decision I’m good with that.
I’m learning to find joy, seek God, and self-parent myself. lol So it’s all good. Yes, I had beat myself up lately, and I have a problem on fixating on the negative things in my life, as I want them to be all good. I know that about myself and admit it, so we are all a work in progress.
I hope that my blog has been something that has been helpful for others as they see what I go through. When I come out of the other side of something, I usually post about it. I feel like I’m coming out of this winter and spring’s funk. Sometimes I come out and then go back into it. Rainy days and lack of sleep and not eating right make it worse. That is always a struggle.
Truly I’m all good and I love the fact that we have a community here of support. It’s two ways you know. Let me know if you need my help on anything as you all have helped and supported me.
I also don’t expect ya’ll to watch the videos, lol. So don’t feel like you failed me. Those that read blogs for pleasure usually are not going to be the ones to stop and watch and watch a YouTube video. Sadly. And Tik Tok seems to be the going thing for entertainment. lol. It’s quick. I’ve not found my niche yet because it’s hard to connect to the people that I’m really wanting to watch. Women like me who are entertained by watching other women in their lifestyle – people who are 50 to 70 ish who just want to be entertained by another’s life, and “time out has new meaning” was/is my theme for “whatever we’ve been up to”. But it’s ok. I like the challenge of figuring it out.
As far as people making fun of me and talking about me – well that is what I fear or imagine. I don’t really know if they are or not. It’s the story we tell ourselves, the negative thoughts, the fear of the unknown.
But I’m ok really and I REALLY REALLY appreciate every one of you.
So I will be back when I can. I have to focus on quarter end, get through these bad storms on the way ::sigh::, and get our Easter meal done. I’m happy, excited, and it’s gonna be ok. George and I have an outing Friday. Then next week I’ll focus hard on quarter end so that the last week of the month is not so stressful. So I may be here less, or may have some “fill in” fun material for you.
Stay postponed. Love you guys. Who says you can’t have friends on cyber space? My previous post made things sound worse than they are and I apologize for that. It’s all good.