Less Hustle More Coffee

I picked this photo out of all the other choices because it looks like me. It’s not, but I had to do a second take. I’d love to have a fluffy grey cat like that! But this is so me, getting out of the shower, contemplating life, loving on a pet, and wondering “what’s next?”.

That is kinda what 60 feels like. I have more questions than I do answers about the future, but I have more answers than questions about what and who I am, what I want out of life, where I have been, and what really matters.

What Does it Feel Like?

• I’m more worried over the finances lately because I want to retire early and I’m worried about the insurance and the economy.
• It feels like conversations should be had about – if I go first and if you go first. We have a will, but if George goes will I know what is going on with the finances and such. Yes, most of it, but things like passcodes, passwords, and such. He has great financial files on his PC. I’d want to be able to pick that up. I’d want him to have my passwords etc.
• I question if I have many years left. I may or I may not. Grandparents made it to 80’s for the most part. But I ate more cheeseburgers and fries! 🙂 I feel like I need to really start getting things more “in order”. Getting rid of things so others don’t have to and making life a bit more simple for whoever comes and cleans our space and things.
• Some days I feel like I could go on forever and some days I feel like I could go tonight in my sleep.
• Some days I feel young still and I think of retiring and getting a luxury van (of course I still have that dream and I’ll always keep my daydream) to go to see the places I really want to go see that I’ve not seen yet. The west coast, redwood trees, the Grand Canyon, Colorado, Montana, and the east coast – Vermont in the fall, revisit Maine, visit a very southern beach at Christmas time, and visit my family whenever I want to, see the Keys. I’d still like to take a cruise. Most days are like this still. Mind clear as a bell and I know what I want and feel like going for it.
• Some days I feel old though and I think – there’s no way I could do that now. Some days the muscles won’t work, the mind won’t work, and I just feel overtaken. I’ll admit there are more days like that than there used to be. The more I have on my plate, the more forgetful I become because if it is not on my list, or there’s not a reminder – it doesn’t get done.
• That all makes me want to eat better and live longer and think more sharply so I have a lot of goals this year toward this cause.
• I think more about doing the Lord’s work and the purpose of my life as a whole and if I am doing what HE wants. I think HE wants me more involved and so that is a goal I have this year too.
• Yes, I definitely think and long for early retirement. I honestly don’t think I can wait until 67. Sixty-two and a half it is. I’m tired. I have things to do. I’ve worked since age 15. I’ve worked hard. I’m ready for rest and I’d like to be able to enjoy a few years before I’m too (fill in the blank: old, tired, sick, etc) ______ to walk, get around, and enjoy a few years etc.
• Reduce stress. I feel like I’ve been able to reduce a lot of stress in my life in the last few years. Some have come and gone and some have been added. I think it’s important to laugh more and keep the stress and negativity at bay to protect myself as much as possible. I also believe in prayer and I believe my life is in God’s hands. He helps me daily in my walk as I enter the 60’s decade.
• I have days where I wonder if I should give up on some of my goals? Are they too far reaching? Would it be a new level of stress I don’t need? There are some things I’m unsure of still at 60, but I think I’m starting to see some of my answers become clearer and my happiness level is the steering wheel. At any moment something is no longer fun – things have to change.
• Sometimes “time” doesn’t seem like it has gone by so fast, but it most certainly does fly by. I too, wonder where it has all gone. How did my two year old girl get to be 30? And it speeds by faster every year.
• Sadly, friends of my age have been going the last few years. Some of them I was really close to for periods of time in my life.

Do I Have Regrets?

Oh yes, I do have regrets. There are things I should have done that I didn’t do. There things I did I shouldn’t have done. There are things I didn’t know that I wish I did. I was young, naive, sheltered, vulnerable, and emotional. I was scared of life, and scared of being alone in life, and that scared the crap out of me. I had no idea how to go about taking care of myself or what life would throw at me after college and I was afraid of so many things that I went with what I knew. I might should have opted for opportunity in the early days instead. But even those days were bitter sweet. The one thing I knew how to do was work hard, focus on my career, and make enough money to support myself. The secondary part of that was finding a mate that had the same mindset, loved me, and could make me feel safe in the world, and be a good companion. I could write a book on all that. At some point I overcame my fear of life and began to want to see more of it and at that point life began to bloom more. A mix of curiosity, discovery, and adventure took root in my mind and heart – in various avenues of blogging, reading, meeting people, and one thing has always led to another. Always.

Would I do it ALL again?

Well, there would be a few things I’d go back and make different decisions on both big and small, but overall I don’t think I’d like to rewrite history all together. It’s been a fairly good life and I’m happy with most of the people in it. And can’t see myself without my family.

What I Wish I’d Done More or Less Of?

Hmmm. I wish I’d been less of an emotional mess in my twenties. But at least I understand where a lot of it came from and I understand where I made mistakes and why. The thirties brought some uncertainties at times that allowed the defensiveness and emotional triggers to rain down on me again. But I made it through somehow. All decisions were made by me. But I had some pretty tough reasons for making the choices I did, even some I think were temporarily God ordained because He was looking out for the bigger picture.

What I Wish I’d Known Earlier

• How fast time would go
• That marriage is not a fairy tale and love is not a knight on a white horse but takes work and a decision and commitment and you better enjoy hobbies together or at least talking because it’ll be a long road when the initial romance (honey moon) is over.
• There was so many types of religions and that people would always be trying to twist God’s word into what they think it ought to be because they heard it explained that way. Read it for yourself thoroughly and let GOD tell YOU what spirituality should be. Not someone else. When you read the Bible from cover to cover, you get it! When you piece meal it out – you miss a lot and reorder what God’s intention is. And that is not our place.
• I wish I had not waited til my fifties to understand how to set boundaries, how to unhook from stressful situations, and to learn about narcissistic behavior. And while I do think the term is tossed around a bit much these days (everyone calling everyone ONE, lol) I think people are found to be on a spectrum of this – maybe all of us at times – but learning about manipulation and narcissistic behaviors has been eye opening for me. I wish I had understood this much much earlier in my life.
• That work/careers would change over time. HR evolved into a lot more than what I wanted a career out of. Helping people with training, time cards, and hiring the best people for the best jobs – turned into touching nearly every thing in the company. I grew with it and did what I could until I wasn’t capable of doing it with the help I had asked for. And when you can’t change a situation, you can change what you can and I gladly went back into a payroll role and love it.
• That point above has let me know that I have resolve and can manage to seek to meet my needs with the help of God. I’ve never looked back. I never want to be in HR again. I wish I knew how much it would harden me, make me not trust people, and how the negativity impacted me for so many years of dealing with trying people. Both above you and below you, and even in between. Yeah, I have never looked back except for times like these when I say “yay, I’m not doing that anymore”.
• I wish I knew earlier about Revelations. What I know now makes me very sad, but it is the state of our existence and it is going to happen. Read it to be blessed so you will know what to expect and it really makes me want to do more to save people who are lost. It’s going to be bad. But those in Him will be spared.
• That things you normally trusted, couldn’t be – like the news, institutions, leaders, important figures. You better know who you are putting your faith in now, so you are not deceived.

What Now?

Well, I think if we knew that life would be boring. But the way I see it, I can only prepare for the things I know to be coming, make decisions that support our goals and retirement. We should try to make decisions that make us healthier to live longer, we can clean up and figure out what is next. We still have a lot to figure out about retirement. I’m not really sure why George doesn’t want to talk about it much. Like where we gonna go, what we gonna do, where to live, what trips we will take. I like to dream because it keeps me living. I guess he’s afraid I’ll hold him to everything. lol. I’m still waiting for that Alaskan cruise. I doubt I’ll see it.

Anyway, all we can be is the best we can be, at whatever age we are. I still have a lot I’d like to do. I’m disappointed in the world. But I think that might be a good thing. The World is very deceiving. And receipt -that will be its demise.

Life Update:

IF you read to the end of that, then thank you. Sometimes I write some long ones. I wrote a chunk of these bullet points earlier in the month but just now getting to expand on it. It took being sick to get it to you.

Bottom line: George is better every day. I had one day of feeling great, two days of the sinus/congestion letting loose – which is never fun, fever has gone by the wayside for both of us. If I had anything it was low-grade. Friday night was horrible – no sleep for me, while George slung z’s mightily into the air. I had too much congestion too fast. But last night I was met with very happy and “prayed over” sleep. Sweet sleep, sweet dreams, as if God and His angels were in the room to make sure.I was awake for a couple of hours in the middle and dealt with nose blowing, coughing, water drinking, Tylenol taking, and then finally sleep again. I slept in this morning. We cancelled on Mom for church and groceries and George is going to get her things after work tomorrow as he passes her place on the way home. (Thank the Lord for him. And thank the Lord that Mom was understanding, although she let us know a couple of times she really wished she was getting them today, of course as she was out of eggs and coffee). Yesterday I felt like doing nothing and could not even think appropriately. Today much better and was productive since I could sleep in: sheet changing, several loads of laundry, kitchen cleaned, etc. My nose is less congested now, my throat is not as sore as it was, so far it’s not going deep into my chest. I’ve been able to cough it away and keep propped or sleep on my sides. I am a little concerned about the left glad being swollen and sore but it’s not mump size yet. I might have a little situation going with my ears so I’ll have to keep watch and may have to seek antibiotics for that. But today was a big turnaround for me. Dexter and I even had popcorn.

As for work tomorrow? I can’t really tell. I can only go with how I feel and make decisions day by day. No I won’t work if I don’t feel like it. But if I don’t have a fever ad feel like it, I will. I can always leave and come home if I begin to feel bad. One never knows. Thanks guys for checking on me. Some reached out on Facebook and Insta, and a few here too. I appreciate all of your concerns for our health. Thanks and see you soon.

Off to start the next video and see what we have. Then for the first time ever – I have NOTHING. I’ve not felt like filming anything. And that is ok. I’ll not worry about it. Life is so full and I can only do what I can do. But soon I’ll be fast at trying to get things done with the goals for this year and hopefully we will be on the mend with our health.