Supporting a Good Cause and Seeing Friends from the Past
Thursday night, as tired as I was, we went to the Pregnancy Care Center Banquet. We have supported this cause primarily because we have supported the Cathcart family in their mission work – when they were in Scotland and again when Lisa C took on this project of opening the center in Old Hickory, TN near us. The Pregnancy Care center serves those who are going through a “crises” pregnancy to hold their hands through the entire process, equip them to become parents, help with material supplies, pray with them and do devotionals. The work is marvelous. The hand of God is seen there. The goal of course is to choose life and to see the beauty of it. The relationship remains even after the baby is born. It’s not only for mothers but for fathers too. They also do pregnancy tests and very importantly, have begun to do ultrasounds so the baby can be seen and hear the heartbeat. They also do counseling and therapy and even with those who have had an abortion. We were surprised and elated to hear that another center will be established in Lebanon, TN, also near us.
We were privileged to be at the table with the Cathcarts and also my friend (Lisa’s Mom) Joni. We went to church together in Gallatin, TN and sat in the same section of worship, went to the same ladies class, worked together on projects, prayed together, did potlucks and fellowships and supported one another in our weekly walks. It was a very sweet time of my life. And some of the deepest Bible study I have every had and a very powerful prayer group that we were part of. Looking back, I miss those days and have not since had anything like this group of women. I will always hold this time period in my heart.
Life changes and evolves and when you are late 50’s you see it so clearly as you look back. Some of the changes are slow it seems – a person leaves here, enters here, jobs change, geographical locations change, and before long life looks completely different. So to go back and sit at the table with these strong influences of our past was something I enjoyed very much. I am never my best at the end of a long day at which I got up at 4:20 a.m. Not very talkative, and quite honestly, not very friendly – just wanting to go to my quiet spot and head to bed. But I did the best I could and enjoy supporting this effort, and seeing our friends.
Drama at the Dinner Table
So as if life wasn’t already busy and stressful, we had a bit of drama at the dinner table one night this week, over the attendance of a football game Friday night in which my nephew and his school would be playing our christian team here, where Katy graduated. (Pic above shows the parking lot and the long walk to the football stadium which you can hardly see through the trees.) We were all pretty adamant about what we wanted and how we wanted to do it.
Mom wanted to go to Kadon’s game as did George and go to Sonic beforehand. I’m not a football fan nor a sports fan but of course would love to see Kadon play and would always go with George if he wanted to go to a game. So I was “game” so to speak. But knowing Mom’s preferences and abilities at this point in her life, I just couldn’t see how she would be up to it. It was her decision but I didn’t want her to be miserable, didn’t want her to fall, didn’t want her to be in the crowds – as you know the dreaded virus is going to be there somewhere and it was their Homecoming. So I simply made her aware that the walk would be long and I did not know how the bleachers would be but of course there are no soft seats and certainly no recliners and often big steps are needed to ascend bleachers and her balance is not the greatest ever. So I told her these things.
She said “Oh we just have to stay only a few minutes”. To which George says “Oh I’m staying the whole game, but you all can take two cars”. To which I said “No I don’t want to drive in that ball game traffic”. I don’t like big crowds and I have a fear of parking in congested areas. (I’d be better if my car was smaller but in this car it’s harder for me to fit it in the spot.). To which Mom said “Forget it I’m not going!”.
I could tell she was irritated. I’m not sure what she expected. But as George said “everyone got what they wanted so don’t worry about it”. She made the decision not to go (if she wanted to go she could have changed her mind). George got to stay for the entire game. And I didn’t have to drive in traffic. So he’s right.
But for some reason, Mom was thinking we were taking her for a hamburger anyway. I don’t know how she got this impression because George said we wouldn’t have time to go eat before hand, but would have to eat at the game. I was on my challenge so I just heated up a bowl of chili leftovers for me and he heated up gumbo. Mom said “what are ya’ll eating”. I said leftovers and she said “oh I wanted a hamburger”. I hated it but unless we hire someone and create a movie called “Driving Miss Billie”, or a miracle happened, Mom would NOT be getting her burger on this particular evening. She would have had to eat on her own two nights in a row as we were gone to the mission banquet – which I invited her to months ago when making reservations and she had no interest in going.
So while eating my chili I heard her loudly rustling around in the freezer trying to figure out what to eat. It wondered if she was angry as it sounded like she was throwing things around in there, but maybe that was my imagination. I hated it if we pissed her off in any way. But in my recollections of time across my life, I think that is fairly easy to do. And I have of course, just thrown my hands up in the air because I feel like I can never please anyone to their satisfaction as hard as I try so ultimately just have to go on and live my life and try to make hers as comfortable as I can in what ever misery she is going through. Which I know is a lot. She loves her independence, as we all do. She misses her home I’m sure and the new one she probably can’t wait for and she is probably worried about how long she will get to live there, as I am. But we don’t talk about these things. It’s just gonna be what it is. I can never anticipate quick enough what her needs are and all I can do is the best I can do while working full time, trying with great anticipation to go spend time with my grandson, and great disappointment of not being able to see much of him in his first year. I’m thankful for my daughter’s face time and her love for us and understanding of how much we miss them and want to be with them but are having to deal with responsibility here. I’m not sure that anyone ever thinks about what all WE go through trying to pull off what we have this year. It’s been a lot and it’s not over yet.
There’s a lot to look forward to though. I’m excited for Mom and I am willing to help her regardless of how ever angry we make her by just existing here in our own home. I’m sure there are many things she doesn’t like about temporarily staying with us. lol And we may have a few things of our own that we miss as far as rituals go. But it’s all good. Soon we’ll be back into our normal zones and rhythms.
Watching my Nephews Football Game and Seeing My Sister Again
So we went to the game without Mom. And I am glad because if the 1/2 mile walk had not worn her out, she never would have made it up all those bleacher stairs. So it was a good call. I appreciate her wanting to see Kadon play and I know it hurt her feelings she didn’t go – even though it WAS her choice, and I know she wanted a hamburger.
Kadon is #75! Columbia Academy.
We didn’t get to see Kadon in person but I did get a couple of pics and his parents will let him know we were there.
So surprise here- we sat ourselves down and I got a text from my sister that said “we are on the top row” so we turned around and she motioned for us to come up. So we went and sat with them. My sister and George and I and my niece Ella talked a long while. I am gracious that my sister was so nice to me. I have missed that. She seemed more like we were before when we were younger. I was happy to see that. Although there is a gaping hole of disappointment to be left alone on the island of “caring for Mom”, I am glad that I can swallow it down, in order to have and maintain a relationship with my sister. So that was good of me to be able to sort of separate the two, even though we were able to have conversations about Mom without controversy. So this was a big thing that happened last night – especially with my anger having been peaked again just days/hours before seeing her.
I understand the final scene that caused the issues to begin with and I get my sister having drawn a boundary – and she told me where she felt she went wrong was not setting boundaries ahead of time, but I think we both have been afraid of our Mom and her very strong persona. We have walked on egg shells for years. She said that I had drawn barriers earlier on. So we touched on some things and she was open and honest with me not judging of me and not the person in the text messages that I had received for so many years. She was more herself. This was good to see. This was a good start. I went to bed and slept very good having had that time with my sister and her family. It was heart warming.
And although the buildings have all changed, we believe we found “the rock” that Cody and Katy began going stead on, and then again later when he proposed. Katy is this the one?
So how was the first day of challenge? Pretty successful on 4 of 5 fronts. The hardest will be the eating!
Movement: I did my 80 movements all throughout the day – half of them before bed. My push up? Oh I’m so glad that wasn’t on video! My arms are not strong enough to support me without having to do a very weird arms spread out wide like an eagle kind of push up. I just flat can’t do one. But I’m going to keep trying every day to do ONE push up. START SMALL, START NOW. I’m so excited to find this KYD55 program b/c it’s encouraging. Instead of diving in whole hog, just make tiny achievable improvements for 55 days. Anyone can do the 80 movements. It’s defined by YOU! Mine is mainly leg lifts, neck rolls, air punches, side bends, toe touches, windmills. YOU CAN DO THIS!
Water: Goal was 94 oz. I hit 90. I could have hit 94 but I was purposely saving the 4 oz for overnight. I chose to give myself a break there. I did have it gone before day break but technically the day was over at midnight, so I’ll be honest. I was 4 short. I will get to include those 4 oz in today’s total but I have to draw the line somewhere. Since I normally have had trouble getting 70 oz in – I will claim yesterday as success.
Reading: I did my 5 pages and then some – Bible reading, pleasure audio book, and pleasure reading before bed. I’m so glad that pleasure reading is one of my goals – because it makes me happy and being happier is a goal. I also have been reading my crab fisherman’s book for waaaaaay too long and it’s a goal to get it off my plate.
Service: I’m purposely trying to reach out to family/friends – mindfully as set by this challenge – to be a more loving, caring person and more attune to my family and friends. I want to be a better friend. And it’s not that I wasn’t before but I get caught up in the dailies of life and it becomes my world and shrinks and I’m just inside it. I want to go beyond and be there and be more connected. So I checked with friends Kathy P and Lisa I, b/c I love you girls sooooo much. You mean the world to me and I can’t tell you that enough. I want to be there for you as you have for me. And you know what. Thank you for reading this blog b/c that means so much. I know you both do when you can and I thank you both for being such a good friend to me for so many years. I treasure you both and I’m sorry I’ve not been there for you more. Both of you are examples of Christian women that I want to be like.
Nutrition. I had greens yesterday, fruit, fish and ate whole all day. Until the guy gave me a free hamburger after the game to take home. YES, we got two and I took one home to Mom and she got her burger! I ate mine in celebration of having a nice chat with my sister and for doors being opened there. So I wasn’t perfect but that’s ok. I am embracing a mindset of wanting to eat more nutritious food. I realize I am the ONLY one that can make these decisions for myself that others will sabotage it – maybe not on purpose. I failed at the end of the day – a bit of emotional eating and having a thing for burgers and for “free food” being offered. It just seemed right – it was probably wrong but I don’t regret it. But this category will be my hardest part. It was a grilled hamburger like homemade. lol. I’m human people and I’m trying.
Weekend Ahead
Today I’m working on laundry, the house, and some goals here. We meet friends nearby at 3 this afternoon. So I will be drinking a beer today. And that is ok. My goal is one. I’m ok with two on the weekends if stretched apart, but have a requirement of one glass of water in between. At least if I’m going to set habits, I’d like to do it that way. Tomorrow I’m hoping to go to the store, might take Mom for lunch or something, and work on my To Do Lists. It’s always a game to get things done and I’m usually ok come Monday, but woah, if I don’t get some things done, I will be having another bad week this week ahead.
I’m about to go walk my 20 minute walk though! Ya’ll have a good day! What you got going on this weekend and let me know if you made it to the end. That was a lot of activity in the last two days and remember I worked a FT job in addition and started a new challenge!
It makes my day when I hear from you…