I believe this was the last picture I took of Roger, unless I just missed it in my phone. I did not want to wait til tomorrow to tell you all that after I blogged this morning, I fixed us all a little breakfast of sausage balls and boiled eggs, and during that time Roger was still having some issues – getting stuck in corners and under things and moaning and howling. George couldn’t console him, walked around in the yard with him, and came back in and said “it’s time to go to the vet”. I took a shower real quick. And we went down the street to the one that had taken care of his foot a few weeks ago.
I drove and George held him. He was finally asleep and he seemed lifeless. I pulled into the vet parking lot, tears streaming. George said “let’s sit here and hold him a while before we go in”. While he was in my arms, he seemed lifeless and like he weighed nothing. I told George I thought he was in the process of dying. We waited a few minutes more. I told George we needed to just go in.
I knew George would not be able to speak, so we went in and I told the front desk “we think he’s dying”. And they whisked us back to a room immediately and immediately got the vet. They did bloodwork. It took a while. We put him down and he woke up, wobbled, and went under our legs and under the bench we sat on, finally came out, put his nose into a corner under a ledge and sat down very slowly and went to sleep.
The vet came in and said he thought his kidneys were failing him but there was nothing significant going on in his blood. While he said he likely is not going to get better, he can’t cure his old age or his dementia but he could give him some anxiety meds or meds to suppress him some and make him comfortable and the vet said or you could decide he had lived a good life and choose to let him go but that is up to you. George strongly considered the meds. He asked my opinion. I told him I was worried about when we were not there and I was worried he would hurt himself in odd ways and I hate to put Mom in that position to be having to watch him and she won’t be able to bend over and get him out of his situations while we are at work. And that with George not getting sleep (up 7 or 8 times last night) and we can’t console his howling, no quality really of life with us anymore. It’s really only delaying things to wait. He asked the vet if he said we would let him go would he be saying “you made the right decision” b/c he knew the vet would not recommend we put him down. He said “yes in this case I think you would be making a right decision”. So George said “let’s go ahead then”. Of course it was hard, we cried.
They came in with a soft sedative at first and left the room while we spent the next 2 or 3 minutes as he closed his eyes. Then he came in with the final injection. Roger fought it a little. He took some quick deep breaths and lasted longer than he should have. But finally his breathing shallowed and eventually stopped. We held him a lot during those last few hours and talked with him and told him to tell Maisy and Tugie hello. We told him what a special dog he had been and a unique one. We told him he would be leaping and playing soon. We rubbed his head, his nose, his ears, held his paws, rubbed and pulled on his tail like we always would do. He even had his little tongue out and I ran my fingers over his mouth and touched his tongue. I just felt like I needed to, that tongue that always hung out!
They put him in a box and we brought him home. George dug the grave and we buried him. I texted Katy to tell her as she didn’t answer the phone. We told close friends and neighbors. Our neighbor David came over. It was good to have someone to talk to to make us laugh a bit and bring our spirits up. David and another neighbor came over when we buried Maisy too.
Afterward George had some errands to run – to pick up an amplifier and go to the grocery. I wanted to find some clothes so I went shopping. It wasn’t as joyful of course, but I did feel “free” such a moment of freedom to get to go and do my own thing. It has been sooooo long it seems. So I had some good finds – pants and blouses. I totally forgot to go to the shoe store! I can’t believe it. But I probably did enough damage in one day. So I’ll go to the shoe store on another day.
The crowds out there were very thick today and the lines to pay were as long as Christmas. Just crazy. Dressing rooms were open! I was so happy. I took a bit of video today. But not like I really wanted to. There was a lot of people. I am uncomfortable videoing others.
Anyway just a sad day. It’s harder for George. I loved him too and I’ve cried but there is going to be a hole in his heart for some time. The two bonded and loved each other so much. He had been aloof for a while though but until the last few days, always wanted his Daddy. But George had been unable to console him.
He loved his monkeys! He would loved for George to throw it in his younger years. And he would go retrieve it. He was a special little man. I just loved how he took up with George so immediately. They were the two men of the house. They bonded so well. They hung out always. He loved to sleep with us. He loved Maisy. He went down after Maisy left us. He went down pretty immediately after that. He was never able to rest much, like he was always looking for her. He began his love affair with “water” about that time. He would panic if he could not be near his water. But we had many years with him. He traveled with us wherever we went. He went to Tybee and Savanah. Went to Texas and the ranch. He always got to go to his Nana’s. And Lisa let him hang out at their house. And Katy let him come to the ranch.
He was in diapers the last seven months or so. I guess in the last year or year and a half he got to where he couldn’t jump up to or from the sofa. Then in the last few months did NOT want to be on the sofa at all because he had to be near his water.
I am so tired right now that it’s hard to think straight. I’m trying to recall all the memories. I’m mainly remembering the travels and nights we all snuggled around watching TV. There was the time or two he snuck out the door and someone luckily noticed. He loved to bark at the deer. He did not like to be in cages (that’s how he lost his teeth we think before he came to us).
Little did we all know that when he went to visit Katy in the old college neighborhood, that when he came to them looking for food, and some attention, that he would be coming to live with us the rest of his life. He was not taken care of, no one was missing him, and Katy brought him home to take to the vet and get him checked out until we could find a home. She named him Pumpkin. He was only supposed to spend the weekend. We fell in love with him over that weekend and kept him. We tried to guess his real name one night and we all tossed out dog names then Bible names and then people names. Someone said “Roger” and his head popped up. “Roger” again and it popped up again. I kinda think that his name was really Dodger after baseball. But Roger sounded like it. We went with Roger. Such a cool dog name, huh? So…baseball games would come on and be loud and he would leave the room. I think something must have happened to make him nervous before he came to us as when sports would come on he would leave the room and sneak away. He also did not like the vacuum.
Anyway, we are going to miss our little buddy.
As for me tonight I need to try to do a few chores – laundry mainly. I will work more on the house tomorrow.
I am sad. Tired. But it’s George that will feel the biggest hurts. I loved him too, but he loved that dog more than just about any of us! And that’s a fact! It will be sad and lonely for a long while for both of us. We will come home and he won’t be there waiting.