Less Hustle More Coffee

We went to church Sunday and ate with friends and then went by the build site for Mom’s house. The concrete slab has been placed. We were very surprised that the houses next to it were already framed and on their way! How exciting is that? Watching it become real! I think it was important for all of us to see after all the hard work we’ve done getting Mom out of the house and into our own, as we await and watch the progress. How exciting!

As for the church visit? Well Mom said that churches of Christ with the name that has “Hills” in it was code word for being “liberal”. I had never heard that. She fears getting into a church that “allows anything and everything” and allows “certain types of sinners to attend”, which obviously led to discussions about how not everyone in any church is going to be perfect and that we all sin and those with sin obviously need Jesus the most. So a little drama before and after as we held these discussions. Mom has a tendency to raise her voice and get visibly angry when explaining her views, which is not really necessary, but I allowed her to say what she needed to say about it, and then I did as well in a much calmer voice.

If a conversation gets too loud or ugly I boundary it with people, not caring who you are. I don’t like to be yelled at and I will table a conversation if someone starts yelling no matter who you are- whether you are my Mom or an executive. Anger scares me but most of all I don’t want to be talked to that way, and I refuse to be. Luckily with Mom on Sunday – no yells -just raised voices and a “tone” over it.

Unless I get angry too and one will know that I am and I am not quiet either at that point. You don’t want to go there or provoke me b/c I can unleash it. When I get angry will expel everything about you that has bothered me in the past 5 years that I have kept quiet about and it comes out fast and its unarguable! And I will win the conversation. I really don’t like that side of me and I don’t want it to come out. So I will walk on eggshells around people to avoid both them and me getting angry. It’s just not the way to solve things. I have really had to work on that all my life as we have a tendency to react like our role models that we had. It is hard to tame oneself of these tendencies. But now these types of tendencies are perceived as bullying, gaslighting, etc. So we all need to be calm and carry on! lol lol lol

Mom said she didn’t see anything unscriptural taking place but was not particularly happy about the Sunday school discussion which I will refrain from going into as I don’t necessarily see scripture the way my mother does. I DO feel that God’s word is for all sinners and not just a few. I Do feel his word should be open to all. But I do agree that none of us should let our sins be a foothold and I do not feel that God wants us to freely continue in that sin but to continually shed the sin. We agree on that point. But to me, it’s not about agreeing with my Mom. My Mom is not going to judge me in the end —oh wait, what am I saying, Mom’s judges me and others all the time – lol – let me rephrase that – My God’s judgement of me is the one that matters. Like I say I worship Him everyday not just on Sunday. So as far as “the church going” goes, I have given her the church going card to hold her in hand. I really don’t care what she does with the card. It would be nice to be able to go to the church we were used to when we went and where there are so many people we know already but that would too easy right? And that would be what I would prefer to do. It’s never about me though, lol. It’s what Momma wants. I don’t have to take her but I have given her the church going card. That means I’ve promised to take her where she wants to go. I will sacrifice my time and effort to take her where she wants. I want to keep that promise. So like I said, if she wants to worship a corn stalk, I’ll take her. lol lol But I don’t hold any expectations that she will like our church. She had preconceived opinions about it before ever trying it and really already had her mind made up and told me no, until finally she agreed to try it after I told her the person she didn’t like wasn’t going there anymore. Since then she has found another couple that she was told “gave up the Lord” for attending there. Lord, help us all.

I don’t make this stuff up ya’ll. This is my life. This has been my life. It’s a wonder my eyeballs have not stuck permanently as they roll back into my head sometimes at some of the conversations. Most of them ONE WAY until as an adult I realize I have a voice and I’m allowed to have and form my own opinions and I do not have to agree with another person if I don’t want to. That said I want to keep my promises. As long as it is healthy to do so. If it becomes a unhealthy thing, I will boundary it. That is not being rude but that is protecting oneself and keeping oneself safe.

So I put a fun little July 4 decor on the table. I didn’t have a lot of red to choose from. This seemed to be an American kind of centerpiece. Children, worth fighting for, worth having Indepence for. A little Red Wagon is iconic also!

To lighten up the mood from the “church going” tension (isn’t it a shame that has to be the source of tension?) I ordered a puzzle for us to start on the 4th weekend coming up as we have an extra day.

I ended up with this one. How perfect! It’s a larger piece puzzle and a Ravenburger I think if I’m spelling it right. I thought the larger pieces would help Mom to see them. The picture is just so cozy. I look forward to working it.