Purging of the Old, Before Beginning Anew!

When you see Mom’s back porch, you can understand why it was important she have a back patio. Her new one is less than half this size. I took the pic yesterday for my memories before it all gets dismantled.

But let me back up. Mom was very sick and tired on Thursday night when I picked her up. None of us really know why but I suspected it was nerves from pushing herself and also the day it “got real” when the house sign went up in the yard and the photographer/videographer came to get the pics and take video.

She rested some at our house and George got her to the Low Voltage meeting Friday. She was able to tell them where she wanted her internet/cable, extra plugs, and look at the security system and bought it. She was happy with the pricing and came out “a happy woman” as George texted me (while I worked Friday).

After work, I came home and they were on the front porch hanging out. Mom loves the outside and is growing fond of the front porch. Mental note to pay some extra attention at making it nice out there for her. And George is also going to have a railing put up to help her get up and down the steps in the front.

I must say that my Mom has courage to face this. And if anyone can. It is she. I know that she is feeling that she needs our help and I also think that she is seeking somewhere deep within for my Dad’s approval to leave this house. I think it is weighing on her heart as she keeps saying how much Dad loved the house.

She asked me if Dad was alive do I think he would have made the move. I had to be honest and tell her “no I don’t think he would”. Our family dynamic would be different if he were still alive. I think Dad would have been persistent about the peace in our family and that other family members would be active and present in the situation, leaving them to escape the need for such a move.

But in reality, Dad is gone, and much is water under the bridge with family relations. Water rarely flows backwards. Words and actions can’t be undone. So Mom does not have local care from family there any longer. All that is left is continual bouts of forgiveness. And while Mom has her own wrestling with her feelings and forgiveness, which is her own and not mine to share. I do have my own.

Forgiveness can be a very complex and arduous task at times. It is a cluster of varying emotions which leaves me angry, sorrowed, lost, confused, but yet somehow very peaceful and loving as God works through the mysterious angles of my heart that I can’t seem to control on my own, nor see, nor understand.

I can only pray that someday, somehow, someway, that all of the hurts can be worked through and put to rest. But the more time passes, the harder the reconciliation would be as people’s feelings become cemented in protection of their own hearts, facts become twisted, reality becomes a blur, and pride is always an issue instead of humility.

For me I wrestle in my heart because of my need to understand before I can truly forgive and the only way I can overcome this is to give it all to God and just let Him handle it. And I think that is where I am and likely where Mom is. I just physically and mentally, have no words, other than what I can write here. I simply have lack of understanding as to the complexity and magnitude of the situation. It is much grander than I. And so God has to take it.

And in my own opinion, I think Mom’s Friday night illness was a case of nerves wrapped up in a ball of physical wretching, a letting go of all that she needed to purge and let go of as she closed one big long chapter of her life, and stepped in the next. It’s as if the climax of the novel has emerged, with the hammering of the sign into the front yard. The decisions had already been made in recent weeks, with each signing of the contracts to buy the new and sell the existing, but the stake driven into the ground on Friday, drove a final stake through her heart.

But Dad IS coming with her. His love will surround her across death – because that is what God’s love does with the believer. His gift of eternal life shines through to Dad. Dad is eternal and in different form. His love is his spirit now and not contained within a body. The house is just a house. It’s where Dad enjoyed as a respite at the end of the day in his earthly body. His spirit is about love now and he can be with Mom wherever she is. He can be with my sister. And he can be with me.

A house is a dwelling place, a rest for our weary heads, a shelter from the storm, a place we park our favorite things, a place to eat our favorite meals, and a place to welcome family and friends. Many memories were encased in this shell of a house.

But all in all, it is the shape of the heart that matters most.Mom will have her memories and Dad is no longer physically there anyway, and George and I, who both work FT can’t be down there much in our off time. And Mom needs family. She needs happy!

The next few weeks will be incredibly hard, as this house closes down before the next one is even visible. But Mom can hold her hopes open as her new dream house comes alive in Lebanon, TN and only 15 minutes away from us. Where NEW and loving memories can be made! And a renewed hope that family reconciliation can one day be made before it is too late……. Before the rooster crows, the third time.

So it’s been a heck of a spring so far in the year of “Project Move Momma”. The calendar has turned and May somehow arrived. Quarter end was finished Friday and much was accomplished so far in the move. We are only a few bites in to the elephant but when you consider what progress has been made so far it is a LOT! A house to buy and a house to sell and contracts signed for each – is no small task. We are 5 car loads into the moving from Mom’s house to ours. A trip to the dump has been made by Mom. A trip to Good will she will take this week. And I believe we’ve tossed about 6 or 7 bags of trash of items no longer of value or decayed. Guest bedroom drawers and closets have been emptied, precious photos lovingly packed and secured!

It is a big week ahead! The house listing goes live on Wednesday. Mom’s Design Studio is this week where she gets to pick her colors and her fixtures. I get to go with her for that! We plan to eat lunch after! I’m taking a VACAY day!

We are unsure about being able to pack and move things once the house is listed as people will be wanting to tour the house, but once a contract is signed we can continue the move process. George wants to get a cargo van and get a lot of the bigger items in it and we’ll make several trips to the storage unit. So once we get the contract going on Mom’s house – we hear it’ll only be about two weeks – we will then be able to rent the storage unit and begin the cargo van moves. Then only the really big furniture will be left for the U-Haul. A lot of work ahead. Then we will watch as Mom’s house is being built, we will transform our house to make her comfortable here as she awaits the dream home and the closing on the new place. Then move #2 will happen.

One bite of the elephant at a time, but we are about to move around another notch of the curve here!

I have more to share, but honestly think I’ve shared enough for today. I’ll be back in the morning and post some more! My plan is to post MONDAY and then it may be THURS before I’ll get a chance to post again. If I’m not here then, it’s because I had to get to work early Thurs morning. So could be Friday. Busy busy week ahead!

I have much to do today in this blessed day of being home. The usual, laundry, ironing and cleaning and ordering and prep for the week ahead. The shower gift is wrapped for an after work shower this week. Two trips to Columbia happening this week too. I also will be making my plans for how to move things around here at the house in anticipation of Mom being here for a few months and making it more comfortable for her and moving some things about so she has room for her things in bedroom and bathroom and kitchen. She would like for her toaster oven to be in the kitchen. At first I said “no” and realized I was being selfish. I will make it happen! So need to focus on a few plans for the house. So when I have spare time I can be focused and get that done. If there is a list, it has a chance of being accomplished! Just a chance! You know how long my lists are which is why I have to categorize them!

And in honor of Dad, along with this post on Mom’s move, I’m listing this writing I ran across this week from a funeral brochure that came across my desk.

Have a great week! See you in the morning!

10 responses to “Purging of the Old, Before Beginning Anew!”

  1. This is a lovely, heart-filled post. Here at Gulf State Park, there is a memorial bench with “Miss Me, but Let Me Go” inscribed on it. That is a loving and comforting sentiment. I also liked your phrase “blessed day of being home.” Your mom’s house looks very nice; I bet it will sell fast. Whenever I moved, I felt so sad at the old place. But as soon as I got to the new place, I felt happy. Enjoy the design day. That day should be really fun. Good luck with “Project Move MaMa!”

  2. Families and forgiveness is a tough subject! I have a sister who has actually said “cross me once you’ve done!”, regarding others and me at times. I’ve been put on hold a couple of times and currently for ? Something I didn’t say, or do …. but I really am not defined by her, I’m ok and forgive. I call her, for me it’s point blank she’s my sister, we had a tough childhood, I’m sure not perfect and I forgive. I just say “I’m sorry you see it that way, feel that way, let’s move on, I apologize for anything I’ve done to hurt you”. I just turn the other cheek, it’s really not too painful ha! I laugh about her toaster oven!! Of course she could have it out. In the next few months don’t sweat the little things.

    • I made room for the toaster today. There was a hole there. LOL, so I filled with a recipe book and holder. I just wanted to “mark the spot” so it could slide right in. I’m very particular about my counters and space. Of course if it’s too big I’ll have to rearrange the whole dang kitchen, LOL!

  3. My heart goes out to your Mom. I know she is feeling torn leaving her house she shared with your Dad. It is a very nice place with a big yard. It should sell fast. It would be perfect for a young couple starting out with kids to play in the big yard.
    Your Mom will be happier once she picks out the colors and such for the new place. And once it sells. Selling and buying a new house is very stressful. But it will be worth it in the long run. I hope there are some other senior ladies for your mom to make friends with at the new place. Just a pal to have iced tea with on her patio or to chat with would be fun.
    And the smaller place will be much easier to clean and keep up. We are all getting older. I can relate.

    • Yes, I’ll be praying she does find a good patio friend! That is a great thing to pray for! Yeah she gets excited when she thinks of the new place!

      • Your mom’s house looks very nice & well kept. Did you grow up in that house? Wow. Lots of memories there.
        She will be happy in her new house. Much less upkeep aka worry. I know this can’t happen soon enough.
        I’m awarding you “daughter of the year”. Oh…& “son-in-law of the year “.
        This is a memorable post here.
        Have a great week 🙂

  4. Hi Sonya, very late today getting my comment made, actually I’m in bed and was about to go to sleep but decided to have a quick look at the mail having realised I hadn’t had time to check in. It is a big move for Mum and as I said I had the same problem with Mum I know she felt she was leaving Dad behind as he was buried in the local cemetry…..she felt she was leaving him behind. My two sisters and I persuaded her that Dad was her husband and she could never leave him behind….She was only down in Bath a few weeks when one day she said to me that she was so glad she had moved it was the. Best thing she had ever done. I know your mum will say that to you in a few months……In some ways it’s going to be harder for you and George quite an upheaval in your way of working etc etc …but the sooner she can settle the easier it will be for her……well love it’s well past my bed time so I’m going to say night night. God Bless. Xx

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