Yesterday was easier. Certainly not a tear free day by any means, and neither is today, but the acceptance is setting in. My Maisy’s death has certainly ripped a big hole in my heart with only emptiness to fill the void. Really all I can do is try to stay on task. Work is pretty easy but at home I don’t want to do anything but curl up into a ball and be. This is kinda putting a pinch on my Christmas wrapping and Christmas excitement. I’m just kinda numb right now to life. I didn’t realize how much my Maisy and I were intertwined at the heart. She brought me such joy. And my joy is now missing. I will find joy again. But it’s ok to acknowledge how much it hurts right now. Matter of fact I know it is healthy to do that. I am happy that I have the blog and good friends.
I snapped a pic of the sunrise coming over our neighborhood yesterday on the way to work. Was a pretty little sunrise. Most of the drive the sun is to my back but it was comforting in a way – a smile from God yesterday morning. A reminder that the Vitamin D is important this time of year especially. Leave for work when it’s dark and come home and it’s dark.
At lunch, it was in the high 50’s at that time and since I had a sandwich and not a meal that required a microwave, I drove to a cute little shady area of our complex. I watched a YouTube video and ate. It was a nice little much needed break. The sunshine of yesterday meant a lot too.
At least there are odd things here and there distracting me. Such odd things happen at our office complex. I mean for goodness sake, there was that BobCat that came and sat in my window at work not long ago. It’s a magnet of a place for odd things to show up. Right now there are these thousands of birds that show up at 4 p.m. every day, as if waiting for a refilm of Albert Hitchcock’s “The Birds”. But here’s a story for ya:
Last week, I walked to the UPS box to drop off an overnight packet. I heard a voice say “Help me, Help me”. It was distant. I looked around and I didn’t see anyone that needed help. I dropped my packet off in the box and turned to walk back to the office and the voice said “No, don’t go!”
I kept walking. Matter of fact I picked up the pace. It sounded like it was coming from a near RV lot. I thought I hoped someone had not gotten locked inside one and couldn’t get out. I finally settled on the fact that it was probably someone messing with me from a nearby hotel room. The voice didn’t sound urgent after all but had a more playful tone. I decided I was NOT going to investigate. I didn’t want to be a missing person mentioned on the news. Would I qualify for a Silver Alert? lol Probably not yet.
I knew it was not God. I mean after all, if God was yelling for help we are all in trouble.
I also decided that I would not tell my coworkers about it. I realize that I’m an odd, weird, eccentric, creative type and different from most. I am not going into my building and telling my coworkers I’ve just heard voices, LOL LOL LOL! Those clucking, waggin’ tongues and “sure ok’s” would have been running on overdrive.
But yesterday again to the UPS box and dropping off my overnight pack, I hear the voice again. Oh my Gosh I’m thinking – is there someone trapped somewhere? Surely if they had been trapped without food and water somewhere, they would be dead now as it’s been a week since I heard them last time. I was determined to see where this came from. No hotel window was open anywhere, no office window, no one peeking out of an RV window, no one from the nearby tree line that I could see. It sounded like it was coming from up high. I looked up. OH MY GOSH. There was a man on the cell phone tower. I saw him!!! Once I saw him, he quit talking. And he disappeared.
Now this was REALLY getting interesting. Had someone climbed up there and gotten stuck? Was it a worker or someone that was supposed to be up there? Had they been up there for a week? Was someone living up there? I know I saw him. I saw movement and reflections and the shape of a human.
Back at the office I decided to tell a couple of people. One person said “I heard the voice too”. lol. Upon further investigation with a coworker getting in the car and going by there – it was a worker and they were putting in new lines. Later I saw him repel down. The above pic is from my office window zoomed as far in as my iphone would zoom. Here’s a pic for reference.
What a crazy crazy thing. lol Very amusing.
So Last night, Roger became unsettled about 2 a.m. George got up about 3 times with him. He wanted out of bed, wanted water, wanted to go out, then I guess just wanted to roam. At 4 I finally got up, not able to sleep with all that. He actually jumped off the bed by himself and was ok one of the times. I told George I’d get up and fix coffee and he could roam the house. George is catching up right now on a bit of sleep he missed. I’m glad that he does not have to drive into work today. Now Roger is sleeping too at the bed here in my office (home office).
Oh and I meant to say that Roger greeted me when I got home yesterday. I was not expecting that and that warmed my heart. He was happy to see me. He actually followed me around a bit like Maisy did. I wonder if he is missing her too. George has been home with him since he’s working from home so he hasn’t been by himself much since she has been gone. I think he will really miss her too especially when we are out.
Today is my work Friday. I’m so glad. Taking a PTO day tomorrow. I had planned on going out and getting a few things done tomorrow but I think it’s going to be more productive if I start the day early. by wrapping. I am too tired to fool with it by day’s end. I’ve kinda always been that way about wrapping but it’s especially hard since Maisy is gone. I don’t want to do anything at the end of the day but put on jammies and be under my warm blanket. So I will be home tomorrow with the door closed and iTunes playing and get George’s things wrapped so I can see what things are left I need to get. I think it’s stocking stuffers. I will have two other days or after work next week to make the kamikaze shopping trips if needed to finish up. But maybe I can finish it up this weekend with quick trips out. Mainly at the grocery or wine store. I just need a good day at home wrapping more than anything and will figure out the rest. Maybe my spirits will lift by then too so I’ll be better able to do well with my selections.
We have not decided about the Saturday party. Well I’ve kinda decided but not sure George has. I just don’t think it’s safe and wise right now to be going to a gathering. He doesn’t want to make the final decision until Saturday……well ok. I want and need to see our beloved friends but I think it’s just not a good time for it. Every day we have record high numbers. More and more coming down with it having been exposed being around people. It keeps on coming closer and closer. I don’t want Christmas ruined further. (Thinking of how pitiful Thanksgiving was and how my Maisy girl quit eating and is now gone.) But it’s 2020, I know better than to think that Plan A will remain a plan. I gave up trying to plan much. God wins in the end. I know that. But there is nothing I can do to stop all the crazy things going on in our world and impacting our lives until then. In some ways I’m just so far over it I could scream. In others I’m like – yay, let’s just stay home and read and play games, eat, drink, watch Netflix and YouTube, and make videos of us cleaning the house. lol
OK over and out for more coffee. I’m OK guys! Just need to do some devos, and spend time with God and be grateful for what we do have. The grateful wagon is pretty overshadowed by Maisy’s death. But I’m trying. Or trying to try. I’m trying to care about other things in life. But it’s a little hard right now. I am thankful for the little things in each day that have big meaning. And tomorrow’s off day is big right now. I just need it. Losing a dog and having to do life as if nothing happened is not easy. So I’ll get through today and will get to be here and just knock out the wrapping in my PJ’s. If I wanna cry I will. If I wanna smile I will. If I wanna pout I will. I just need a day – or two or three- in jammies! lol.