The difference in the past week and all the other weeks of late, has just been a little bit crazy. The week before a full moon – everyone gets restless, stirs the pot, and things shift sideways for whatever reason. So it’s not good when all that happens at month end/quarter end. Usually means someone has to wait for something. There is a lot to do, the phone rings off the wall, and everything goes sideways and upside down. Some full moons are worse than others. But with a Pandemic going on and all that – would you expect anything else than a full ON Full Moon? Bless its heart. Bless OUR hearts.
The full moon not only brings on restlessness it seems, but the horror of things to go wrong or “sideways” as I mention it. The moons gravitational pull shifts things around – that is my explanation of it. So this past week has been no exception. It’s been so big, bad, and busy lately. People upset everywhere, stirring the pot everywhere. So I decided to look at the calendar. Must be a full moon I said to myself. Sure enough. There she sits. By the time the 5th gets here it should be calmed down. It seems to be the 5 to 7days before it where things go awry.
So yesterday, true to the spirit of the Full Moon scenario, I realized I had erased part of our payroll program. I would call it a mistake. I would say it was my fault. But I was following the directions in the instructions that were given to me to a T so as to not make any mistakes. Yet I was the one that pushed the button, so I’m sure my namesake is mud and dirt at this point, creating a lot of work for other people.
I felt sooooooooo bad. I wanted to dig a hole. I wanted to just cry. I did go to the bathroom and have a small cry. That is how I release stress and emotion. Writing and crying. I mean don’t anyone call 911 or anything. It’ll be ok. But – I mean who wants to create work for others when it is already crazy enough.
The same instructions that I followed this year is why that part of the program didn’t exist last year when I moved into the position. The previous person also had done the same thing and the check history register was not there for the previous year. However, I don’t think anyone really needed it. But this year they do. Go figure. Lucky me. Lucky us.
So I talked to God about it and while I feel bad, He set me straight. His whispers back to me…. Look, you followed the instructions and the PR system should have controls in place where things like this cannot happen. Don’t beat yourself up for following, what was not verbal, but written instructions. It was not anything for you to apologize for as you had not intentionally set about to do this but intentionally set out to follow instructions as written so as NOT to mess up.
I think my exasperation over this was b/c I had followed the instructions. I felt as if I can’t win for losing. I try hard to do everything JUST right, and I want to make those around me proud of what I do, and easier for them. And so trying as hard as I do, it was just blew my mind. The kind of blowing your mind where you just want to throw your hands up in the air b/c you realize it doesn’t matter how hard you try things will still go awry.
So I didn’t apologize. I sent out the instructions to all concerned and said here you go, if the instructions need to change then yeah, we need to change them. So the instructions are changing, yes. lol
And I was really upset for about 2 hours, and then decided to have a mourning period over it. Yes you can choose to flip a switch and be happy but it’s kind of like going to a funeral you know — ok not as bad, but you get the idea. When others are suffering it’s not the time to show your joy. So I mourned for about 2 hours. I was not going to be happy if others were having to fix a problem from a button I pushed, even though I was following directions.
Then I put in my headphones and got lost in the music. And became happier within. After all the week is moving on, I do love my job. I do like my coworkers. Life is good, even with coronaviruses and world tension. I can’t really help what others think of me anyway – that’s up to them. I can’t live up to the angelic images of other people’s favorites – all I can do is be me. And if that is not good enough then that is not my issue.
oh and sidebar…putting on the headphones (well, now ear buds as we say) are people magnets. I can be alone for 4 hours but the very minute I put in the ear buds, people come from everywhere! lol lol
No one has blamed me or been ugly to me in anyway. I cause my own anxiety because I hate it happened. And I’m dismayed with the feeling of “can’t win for losing”. But I am smart enough to realize that it’s not me this time. We have some faulty directions and a system that likely needs more parameters and backups. It’s not a true payroll system as far as like ADP, Ceredian, and so forth – but an internal one. It does pretty good for what it does. But hit a button wrong or enter a date wrong, or simply following directions can sometime cause severe pains.
Anyway, today is my Friday. I’ll not let this consume me. I hate it happened. But the fact that it did will bring improvement on all parts. Because we don’t want that to happen again.
And there are 3 days to the weekend, hopefully enough to recover! Anyway, I do have a LOT to do today. Not sure how much of it will get done. But I’ll do the most important things first and go from there.
I worked on my To Do List when I got home.
Thanks for enduring the photos from professional others via Pexels today as it makes the blog a little more interesting from the standpoint of simply making a point. And I didn’t have any of my own. It’s good to have a visual. The Pexel photos are free stock photos for Word Press website users to use. So just playing around with them today. I like to have my own photos but I’m not going to sit around at work and take various pics of me all day long. Although I have seen that some do! lol
I think George and I are going out to eat tonight at a place that has an outside porch – if it’s full or too hot or rainy we’ll have to eat in and then hope for the best. And then on to run an errand or two and then to the store for our weekend purchases. Then I guess we are in for the weekend.
What are you doing for the 4th? I think we are going to sit and watch fireworks on TV and try to keep Maisy calm!
And off to get my Friday going and one can only HOPE for an upside.